I’ve always been led to believe my ancestors were priests descending in an unbroken line from AronAaron, the brother of Moses in 1300 B.C. My friend Trey Rusk told me that sounded like a bunch of bullshit and suggested I try one of those ancestry websites.
So I found an ancestry website I liked and shelled out $99 for a DNA testing kit. About three weeks after I returned the DNA testing kit, I learned who my ancestors really were. Trey was right, I did not descent from a line of priests.
I was somewhat shocked to learn that my ancestors were bonobos, chimpanzee-like apeas found in the African country of Congo. My original name was not Katz, but Kuhrrauhrrtuhrrzuhrr.
Bonobo is pissed off because photographer interrupted him while he was having sex
The DNA revealed that I was 93.7 percent bonobo. The other 6.3 percent of descent could not be determined..
Shit! If I have to be descended from apes, I would rather they be orangutans because they are smarter and can spit further than bonobos. And orangutans live in Borneo, not Africa.
Orangutan
My ancestors were bonobos? I guess that explains my craving for bananas. And now I know why all the time I want to fuck women. It is said that bonobos spend all their time having sex.
Well at least I did not descend from Hutus or Tutsis. From what I know, they are not as smart as bonobos. (Oops, Trey just told me that my comparison of Hutus and Tutsis to apes shows that I am a racist.)
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