IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

For those who live in hurricane-prone areas, it is important to know how storms are categorized

From Trey Rusk

Hurricane Barry has come and gone. Alright. It's time for the annual hurricane season safety brief, since everyone freaks out over everything.

Tropical Depression: This is basically a storm that feels self conscious, might upgrade later.

Tropical Storm: The storm has overcame it's depression, and is capable of pissing people off by mildly inconveniencing people such as cutting of power while you watch Stranger Things, knocking over lawn chairs, or ripping one shingle off and flying away with a middle finger out. Tropical storm don't need no man in its life.

Cat 1: +10 Charisma, -10 Diplomacy. This storm is a berserk tropical storm. Hunker down and eat your emergency food, because you've got to do it before your kids do.

Cat 2: Genuine swirly boy who has 2 purposes: potentially get you out of work and raise your awareness to it's bigger sibling, the cat 3. Is the 17 year old of Hurricanes. It can't buy cigarettes, but asks it's uncle anyway. Steals your beer at night.

Cat 3: The sketchy neighbor that moves in and might be planning world domination or selling drugs, you don't know, but it's best not to find out. You peek through your blinds and see him picking up the newspaper in a thong. He's quite odd. You can either hunker down or leave town until he overdoses on Preparation H.

Cat 4: Only has 2 purposes: to make gas prices soar, and to make your premium go up. Don't stick around for this guy, it's like the dude who goes to conventions and doesn't wear deodorant. He's like Karen asking to speak to the manager, except the manager is your insurance adjuster. Pack, leave, and make preparations for a nasty awakening.

Cat 5: Remember the three little pigs? Your house is the straw house, and he's coming with a leaf blower that rivals time and space. And should you get in his way, he'll factory reset your house and life in the worst ways possible. Leave before he starts doing yard work.