MOTHER OF ALL SURPRISES

EXCLUSIVE: Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei attended the Jerusalem opening of the relocated U.S. embassy. Former U.S. President Barack Obama also showed up

By Adolf der Schweinehund

JERUSALEM – The ceremonies Monday for the opening in Jerusalem of the relocated U.S. embassy turned out to be the mother of all surprises. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei .

Among the American officials were Ivanka Trump and husband Jared Kushner who were warmly embraced by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu. “Bibi,” she said, “my father regrets that he could not attend this glorious occasion, he’s very occupied with planning for the meeting with Kim Jong-Un in Singapore.”

Netanyahu also embraced “my longtime friend” Abbas who made a surprise appearance despite violent demonstrations against the embassy opening by thousands of Palestinians in the Gaza strip and on the West Bank. “My friend Bibi,” Abbas said, “I’ve come to realize that recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel was the right thing to do. Shalom!” Turning to Ivanka, Abbas said “Your father is a wise man. I believe this will restart the peace process between Palestine and Israel.”

Khamenei was protected by a contingent of Israeli troops. He had been secretly whisked to Jerusalem by an Israeli air force plane. The supreme ayatollah also embraced Netanyahu. “We’ve been enemies far too long,” he told Netanyahu. “It is time for Iran to make peace with and to recognize the Zionist entity. May the blessings of Allah be upon you.”

Former President Obama and wife Michelle arrived on George Soro’s private Boing 737. They were warmly hugged by Netanyahu. “My very dear friend Barack,” said Netanyahu, “I am so happy to see you again.” To which Obama replied, “It’s great seeing you too, Bibi my old buddy. We sure had everyone fooled into believing we hated each other.”

With the exception of Hungary, Czech Republic, Austria and Romania, there were no representatives from any European state in attendance. Most European states refuse to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Neither does the UN which has long been hostile toward the Jewish state. Most notably, the leaders of Britain, France and Germany, have loudly condemned Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. Netanyahu was overheard to say, “Fuck the British, French and Germans!”

Guatemala, Honduras, the Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Nauru, Palau and Togo are the nations that have supported Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

At the close of the ceremony, with a grinning Obama standing to their left, Abbas, Netanyahu and Khamenei stood side-by-side with their hands raised high and clasped together. Each of them shouted “Shalom!” to the thousands of cheering Israelis who had come to see the opening of the U.S. embassy in Jerusalem.

Robert Jeffress, pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, had been chosen by President Trump to deliver the prayer at the new embassy inaugural. Rev. Jeffress ended his 8-minute closing prayer thusly: “O Lord, we ask that you get Prime Minister Netanyahu, Ayatollah Khamenei, President Abbas, Mr. Kushner and the thousands of Jews gathered here this day to accept Jesus Christ as their savior, for if they don’t, they will surely all go to Hell. Through Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Of course this did not happen. It’s just my joke. But what is true, is the absence at the embassy ceremony of the British, French, Germans, most of the other Europeans, as well as representatives of the UN. To that I say, fuck them all!