Friday, December 30, 2011

WHY ADOLF DER SCHWEINEHUND TOOK A HOMELESS MAN HOME

By Ima Schmuck / The Schalotte / December 30, 2011

Our chief investigative reporter Adolf der Schweinehund was walking down the street on Christmas afternoon when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

Adolf took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" Adolf asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens' fees at a golf course instead of food?" Adolf asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Adolf asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said Adolf, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific Christmas dinner my wife is cooking."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

Adolf replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

EDITOR’S NOTE: Adolf’s wife excused herself from the dinner table, saying she had a [marriage] splitting headache. And Adolf ended up spending the night together with his newfound homeless friend, but it was under a bridge rather than at the Schweinehund home.

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