By Adolf der Schweinehund / The Schalotte / December 6, 2011
According to Monday’s issue of Vanguard, one of Nigeria’s leading newspapers, prominent Islamic cleric Malam Abdulkadir Apaokagi preached a sermon Sunday on the position of Islam on gay men and lesbians in which he condemned same-sex marriage and called for the killing of homosexuals and the desecration of their corpses.
Malam Abdulkadir Apaokagi said gays were worse than murderers, and deserve stiffer penalty than those accused of killing fellow human beings. “Homosexuality and lesbianism are just too dirty in the sight of Allah, those who engage in them deserve more than capital punishment. When they are killed, their corpses should also be mistreated.”
This reporter sought out and interviewed several well-known politicians and other newsmakers to get their reaction to Malam Abdulkadir Apaokagi’s sermon.
Rick Perry said he was surprised because, “I thought they only wanted to kill all the Jews.” The governor added, “Hmm, I think I’ll have my friends at Mossad [Israel’s CIA] grab ole Malam-what’s-his-face and bring that piece of filth over here so we can show him justice Texas style. I’m sure we can squeeze him into Polunsky [the prison where death row inmates are held] to await his maker. And since he's all for mistreating corpses, we can wrap his body in bacon.”
Congressman Barney Frank strongly condemned the cleric’s sermon and said, “I guess I better not ever visit Nigeria.” When reminded that the cleric said this was the position of Islam, Frank said, “Oh, then I just better not visit any Muslim country and I better stay out of Detroit too.”
Pastor Steve Anderson from the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Arizona says that “Sodomy is the abominable sin in all faiths and by urging his congregants to kill the queers, that Muslim preacher is just carrying out the will of the Lord, Hallelujah!”
Rocky Suhayda, head of the American Nazi Party, said, “Our party is in complete agreement with this great Nigerian. Our only request is that he also call for the killing of all Jews. Oh, by the way … if you get in touch with him, would you ask him to preach for the Nigerians and all other Africans to stay out of this white Christian country of ours!”
Herman Cain thought the sermon was despicable. As for gay marriages, Cain said, “My marriage hasn’t been very gay the last few days, what with Ginger [White] telling everyone that I shacked up with her. The way Gloria [his wife] reacted … well … our marriage is anything but gay right now.”
Sarah Palin condemned the sermon and asked, “Did I hear you mention that Nigeria is a country? No kidding … and here I’ve always thought that Nigerian was the term for an African-American scam artist. Oh, and by the way, where is Nigeria?”
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “Diplomatically speaking, I am sure that President Obama will reach out to Malam Abdulkadir Apaokagi and suggest that it would be nice if he were to tone down some of his more controversial statements.”
Ron Paul said, “As a Libertarian I believe that we should not be sticking our noses into the affairs of others. And, of course, as a physician I am strongly opposed to the mistreatment of corpses.”
Mitt Romney said that right now he condemns the sermon. As for gay marriages, Romney said, “When I was governor of Massachusetts, I was in favor of gay marriages. Now that I am seeking the presidential nomination of the Republican Party, I am opposed to gay marriages.”
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