Wednesday, August 24, 2016

A FRIENDLY SUGGESTION FOR DONALD TRUMP

By Bob Walsh

Dear Mr. Trump,

Calling my home 2-3 times EVERY FUCKING DAY with a recorded message telling me how wonderful you are and how horrible Hillary is does not help your position, at least with me. You have clogged up my answering machine and woke my ass up when I wanted to sleep.

YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!

Please knock it off. Once or twice a week is more than adequate to impress me with how fucking wonderful you are in compassion to Hillary. My lady-friend’s Collie would be a better president than Hillary so that is a pretty low bar, but still…

Please cool it with the phone calls. You are just making me angry.

Thanks.

Bob Walsh

207 TEXAS TEACHERS BUSTED FOR ENGAGING IN SEX WITH STUDENTS IN LAST 11 MONTHS

Channel 2 Investigates reviewed dozens of cases of teacher misconduct and found inappropriate teacher-student relationships in Texas at an all-time high

By Lauren Sweeney and Jace Larson | Click 2 Houston | August 21, 2016

HOUSTON -- The stories grab headlines and attention, whether it's the middle school teacher who gave a lap dance to a 15-year-old or the teacher at that same middle school who a few years later was impregnated by one of her students.

But the problem is not isolated to one campus or one district. It is a statewide concern, according to the Texas Education Agency.

State investigations into inappropriate teacher-student relationships are at an all-time high, with 207 cases opened in just the last 11 months. That number is way up from the 188 cases in all of the last school year.

The agency's director of investigations believes the actual number of relationships going on could be much higher.

"We believe there are unreported teacher-student relationships," said Doug Phillips, a former police officer who now oversees all teacher investigations at the agency.

According to Phillips, schools can make secret deals with teachers to keep the information out of the press.

"We know it's occurred where they have agreed not to report to us, if (the teachers) resign," he said.

The records kept by the state of where the incidents are happening are not broken down by district, campus or even type of school.

Phillips explained the agency only tracks by the educator, since that is who gets sanctions.

"We also think it could have a chilling effect, a more chilling effect, on school districts reporting these things," he said.

The investigations unit typically hears of cases in one of two ways: either an educator is arrested and the agency's database is notified when that teacher is fingerprinted, or a superintendent files what's known as a 249 report after an arrest or termination/resignation that resulted from misconduct.

Channel 2 Investigates reviewed dozens of 249 reports to provide a summary of where some of these incidents are happening.

Data obtained by Channel 2 investigates shows the teacher's name, status of investigation, date the investigation was opened and date closed and the case code for the type of misconduct.

Since 2011, this data shows more than 1,200 investigations into inappropriate relationships with students or minors. Only 144 teachers' licenses are listed as having been revoked.

According to the Texas Education Agency, many teachers agree to a temporary suspension, in what amounts to a plea bargain.

"It depends on the severity and nature of that relationship. Was it a sexual relationship? That's revoked, no question about it," Phillips said. "Was it a matter of texting but we can't prove there was any sort of relationship? It's very common for an educator to deny and for the victim to deny that anything happened, and it is not uncommon for parents to not cooperate at all."

A Houston-based educator is an example of how the second-chance system may go wrong. According to agency data and records, Brannon Watson was fired from the Houston Independent School District for inappropriately touching and making comments of a sexual nature in front of students. When the district fired him, the school found out that he'd been accused of something similar at his prior place of employment.

The agency suspended his license until 2014. In 2015, he was hired at CORE Academy, a Houston-based charter school. Halfway through that school year, the school fired him amid new allegations of sexual harassment.

An administrator for CORE Academy said in an email that the school had not been aware of Mr. Watson's past before hiring him, even though the agency claims those records are posted online.

Even if Watson had his license revoked, CORE Academy could have hired him because charter schools are not required to hire teachers with valid certificates.

According to Philips, it’s a loophole he hopes to see the Legislature close in the next session.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Shit, in my day the women teachers were all stuffy and none of us boys ever got lucky.

DEAD CRIMINALS CAN BE VERY VALUABLE

By Bob Walsh

The formerly great state of California just settled a wrongful death suit in federal court over the demise of Joseph Duran, 35.

Duran became a guest of the state in August of 2013 at Mule Creek State Prison. He died in custody a month later. He had mental health issues and assaulted a correctional officer his first day in custody. He regularly refused to take meds for fear of being poisoned. He breathed thru a stoma in his throat.

One day he decided to hold the food port hostage. That is a move inmates do to be a pain in the ass. They shove their arm thru the port and refuse to remove it, making it impossible to secure the food port and creating a security hazard for anybody who needs to pass by. When Duran refused to play nice he got blasted with OC spray. He subsequently died.

For some reason or other officials were unable to get in touch with his next of kin so his body was cremated and his ashes scattered. They did not know of his death until they were contacted by a Sacramento BEE reporter about his death about four months later. Allegedly it took the BEE reporter less than ten minutes to locate them in an internet search.

Allegedly the custody staff refused to allow medical staff to decontaminate Duran after exposure despite numerous requests to do so. A staff shrink was fired after the incident for leaking info to the BEE about the case. He is suing to get his job back under the whistleblower protection act.

In any event the state settled early in the legal proceedings for $750,000. A large part of Duran’s issues were mental health, allegedly caused in large part by his parents heavy drug use. Also some changes were made in procedure for dealing with OC spray and mentally ill inmates. They are also making changes in how they search for next-of-kin for death notifications. The family says that is what they really wanted, but they are of course very happy to take the money.

This is one of those instances where a lot of people were wrong (including the dead guy) and the taxpayers are footing the bill for it.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

FEDERAL JUDGE BLOCKS BARRY’S BATHROOM DECREE

By Bob Walsh

A federal judge in the great state of Texas has block the administrative order of the God-King, Emperor Barack I, to compel school districts to comply with his personal idea of fairness in who gets to use which shitter in public schools.

The temporary injunction was signed on Sunday by U. S. District Court Judge Reed O’Connor. The basis of his ruling was the fact that federal law, known as Title IX is completely unambiguous and defines sex as “the biological and anatomical differences between male and female students as determined at their birth.”

The order, which applies nationwide, does not say anything about the policy regardingtransgender students per se. It merely but effectively addresses the feds not following their own rules when they change the rules.

The great state of Texas and 12 others sued the feds over the order.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Obama can take his LGBT bathroom directive and stick it up his ass! As I’ve said before, them with dicks use the boys’ restrooms, them without dicks use the girls’ restrooms. As for adults, here in Texas, them that has dicks are liable to get shot if they enter a women’s restroom.

‘NAIR’ FOR A SCHNAUZER

My wife Andrea found out that our pet Schnauzer could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.

He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear just fine. The vet proceeded to tell Andrea that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, then don’t have any sexual intercourse for at least four days.”

DEAR STONER

Stoner will answer any question a pothead may have

By Herbert Fuego

Houston Press
August 19, 2016

Dear Stoner: I just got some pot brownies, and I’m not planning to ingest them for two weeks. Do you think the potency will still be the same, and if they’ll be okay to eat? Can I heat them up if they go hard?
Tasnim

Dear Tasnim: We’ve talked to multiple cannabis bakeries and kitchens about the shelf life of edibles, and all of them have said that edibles are pretty hard to tarnish in terms of potency, so two weeks definitely wouldn’t be long enough to harm your brownies. The “normal” ingredients in them are what you need to worry about, because they’ll decay much faster on your kitchen counter than THC would. Throw the brownies in the freezer if you’re scared of spoilage, but that’s just to fend off mold, not THC degradation. Freezing definitely beats food poisoning — and what a waste of pot that would be!

Take care when heating up frozen edibles — which usually have the texture of cold turds — as THC will slowly start to fade at temperatures over 200 degrees Fahrenheit (and die altogether at 392 degrees Fahrenheit). But most microwaves don’t take food above 212 degrees, so there shouldn’t be any noticeable difference in potency after the short 15 seconds it takes to warm your brownie. Throw a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top or wash it down with a fatty glass of whole milk to increase the effects.

Dear Stoner: I saw a home brewer make his own herbal tincture with sage and vodka, and it looked pretty easy. Is making marijuana tinctures pretty much the same thing?
Lazlo

Dear Lazlo: Pretty much! Submerge your ground herb in a jar full of vodka or some other grain alcohol and put it in a cool, dark space for a couple of months, and the alcohol will suck in the flavors and cannabinoids of the plant. When the time comes, strain out the plant matter, and your pot tincture will be ready to go. But don’t expect it to taste like the sweetened stuff you find in dispensaries, which is usually made from flavored vegetable glycerin and is intended for application under the tongue. Marijuana tincture made with alcohol is supposed to be added to hot beverages for drinking, because its THC requires heat to activate the psychoactive effects. It will also scorch your tongue’s undercarriage worse than any cheap bourbon ever could.

Dear Stoner: I hate dry pot. My roommate says he puts his on the bathroom counter, turns the shower on hot and lets the steam bring it back to life. Thoughts?
Monte

Dear Monte: Few things are worse than pinching a bud and seeing it crumble to dust — as so many of your dreams have. But cheer up: We’re here to help. First, dump whoever is selling you withered pot. If you need to resuscitate some dying nugs, though, don’t use the shower method. It’s not a bad idea in theory, but I’ve heard stories of mold appearing after this procedure. Besides, there are other options that use much less water.

Skin your favorite citrus and put a few of the peels in a jar (no bags) with the dry herb for a day, shaking the jar every few hours and burping it for fresh air. Or substitute slices of bread, lettuce leaves or tortillas for the citrus; they’ll do the same trick and won’t add a fruity flavor. You should only need a little of whatever you’re using; check the buds frequently to make sure they’re not getting too wet. My favorite method is to throw one or two fresh, damp buds in with the dry ones and let them spread the moisture.

Keep trying until you find a system that works for you.

Dear Stoner: What are some ways to puff during the day without making my room smell like a ganja bomb? The A/C is on, and I don’t want to open the windows until it cools down outside. P.S.: I swear I’m not at my mom’s.
Dre

Dear Dre: Anyone who has seen Next Friday has probably tried blowing smoke into a vacuum for shits and gigs. As much as I’d like to say it works, it doesn’t. Most tokers know that the classic way to sneak a hit or two in closed quarters is with the smoke buddy: a toilet paper roll with a dryer sheet wrapped around the end. It won’t cover the smell enough to go unnoticed in a room with zero ventilation, but you won’t need a window open much longer than it takes to blow the smoke out — unless wind is blowing the air inside, in which case you’re fucked.

Vaporizing herb, dabbing and hitting vape pens are all ways to consume that smell much less potent or create smells that stick around for a shorter time than smoking. So you could try one of those, or just buck up and deal with the heat.

Have a question for our Stoner? E-mail marijuana@westword.com or call the potline at 303-293-2222.