by Adolf der Schweinehund / August 20, 2011
Following a massive flea attack Tuesday on Connecticut firefighters, Reginald Farnsworth, foreign correspondent for London’s Daily Bugle, cornered Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to inquire about the Waterbury flea infestation.
Napolitano admitted that Ahmed Muhammad Mustafa al Ibaba is believed to have stored this latest biological weapon of mass destruction in an abandoned Waterbury house. The fleas weapon is believed to be much more virulent than last year’s bed bugs weapons that struck New York, Philadelphia, Detroit and Denver. The Pakistani native and suspected al Qaeda operative is being sought by the FBI. When asked if al Ibaba had been planning to unleash the fleas in New York, the head of Homeland Security would only say, "No comment."
While conducting a routine safety inspection of an abandoned house, a team of Waterbury firefighters emerged from the building only to discover they were covered from head to toe by thousands of fleas. “Itching like mad,” four firefighters rushed themselves to the nearest hospital.
To keep from bringing the pests into the hospital, they were made to strip naked in a back parking lot. Once inside, doctors examined them, finding they were absolutely covered in bites. They were scrubbed down and tested for a number of potential illnesses including bubonic plague. Fire Chief David Martin said all of the team members had been released from the hospital and are back at work.
The fire truck had to be taken out of service so it could be fumigated, and the firefighter's clothing was washed at ultra-high temperatures to kill off any remaining fleas.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg and police commissioner Raymond Kelly said they were much relived that this biological weapon of mass destruction had been discovered before al Ibaba was able to unleash it in New York City. Bloomberg said that the city was still suffering from a decline in tourism because of last year’s massive bed bugs infestation attack.
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