ALOHA SNACKBAR

by Bob Walsh

A man apparently drove several blocks down a bike path on Manhattan in the mid-afternoon today, running people down. He then collided with a school bus, jumped out armed with a paintball gun and a BB gun and was shot and wounded by police.

Witnessed report that the man was shouting Allah Akbar prior to being shot. CNN reports that the driver is "in all probability" a Trump supporter, a close personal friend of George W. Bush and a member of both the Tea Party and the NRA. They assert that he was actually shouting ALOHA SNACKBAR and was pissed because his favorite falafel cart was closed down.by the health department.

The truck was a rented vehicle from Home Depot, of a type used by people to bring home building supplies that they had purchased. Clearly we now need greater rental truck control.

At least eight people are known dead and at least 15 people are known injured at this time. The final total could be much higher as the incident happened less than 2 hours prior to me writing this.

UPDATE: UZBEKI GOAT-FUCKER IDENTIFIED AS NYC TERROR SUSPECT

A goat-fucker from Uzbekistan, here on what the media is calling a "diversity visa" since 2010, has been identified as the driver of the truck used in the attack on the NYC bike path yesterday.

Sayfullo Sapio, 29, formerly a resident of Florida and New Jersey, is under arrest in a hospital with a non-life threatening bullet wound to the hip. He has been allegedly living a quiet life, fucking goats and driving for an unnamed ride share operation, until he wasn't any more..