WARNING: KEEP YOUR COTTON-PICKING HANDS OFF YOUR DOG’S ASS!

Animal Breeder Group Opposes Bill Outlawing Animal Rape

By Craig Malisow | Houston Press | April 27, 2017

An animal breeders advocacy group wants changes made to a state House bill criminalizing beastiality, fearing that pet owners who innocently fondle Fido's junk might be thrown in the pen.

That's right: In one of the most tone-deaf, self-sabotaging, and just plain ol' crazy campaigns in recent memory, the Responsible Pet Owners Alliance believes that a bill outlawing animal rape might really be some Orwellian conspiracy targeting dog-show judges and pet owners who want to "cuddle" with their furry friends.

Texas is one of only eight states without beastiality on the books. House Bill 1087 would make it a state jail felony, which carries a penalty range of six months to two years.

But one portion of the bill sent shivers up the spines of the Alliance folk — the bit that would outlaw fondling or touching "the anus or genitals of an animal, including through clothing." Apparently, the Alliance's first reaction to this was, "Wait a minute — sometimes I fondle my dog's anus!"

In an April 25 email from the Alliance's San Antonio Mothership to its dedicated members stated the following:

"It was recently called to our attention that every [American Kennel Club] and [United Kennel Club] dog show judge could be committing a felony in Texas, because they must feel male dogs' genitals to confirm that they are intact. Bathing pets, grooming, clipping and sanitary cleaning around genitals (male and female) are conducted at every dog show and could be considered 'fondling and touching.' Pet owners would be in violation when checking pets for parasites, bathing, grooming or simply cuddling with pets lying across your lap, chest or stomach."

It should be noted that the bill provides exceptions for "generally accepted and otherwise lawful animal husbandry or veterinary practice."

If you're thinking there might be something more going on here than meets the eye, you'd probably be right. The beastiality bill was initiated by the Alliance's sworn enemy — the Humane Society of the United States, which the Alliance considers to be somewhere between ISIS and that Sham Wow guy on the fundamental extremist spectrum. (We reached out to the Alliance, but have yet to hear back).

The group's site includes a page called "HSUS Unmasked," which doesn't really unmask anything, and they have taken issue with other humane society-backed legislation in the past, including a bill regulating commercial animal breeders. In that case, the Alliance believed that the bill was really the first step in a plot to outlaw "pet ownership."

This seems to be nothing more than a disingenuous attempt to stick a thorn in the side of an organization that the Alliance has a philosophical disagreement with. No one is encroaching on Alliance members' rights to spoon with their dogs, whether it be their own pets, or the four-legged merchandise they breed "responsibly." And no one wants to curtail a member's right to inspect his pet's anus, assuming he can get his head out of his own.