EXCLUSIVE: US ATTORNEY ORDERS FBI TO INVESTIGATE ITC FIRES

Far-right group ‘Texans for Texas Values’ reportedly set ITC fire to sicken liberals in Austin

by Ima Schmuck

The Unconventional Gazette has learned that Ryan Patrick, US Attorney for the Southern District of Texas, has ordered the Houston office of the FBI to investigate the ITC fires in the Houston enclave of Deer Park.

Federal authorities say they heard that the far-right group “Texans for Texas Values” had set the fires at the chemical storage plant in order to sicken all those liberals at the University of Texas and elsewhere in the city of Austin. Members of the group reportedly checked with KPRC’s chief meteorologist Frank Billingsley to ascertain when the weather conditions would most likely carry the smoke from the fires over to Austin.

Perrye K. Turner, Special Agent in Charge of the Houston FBI office, referred all questions to the US Attorney’s office.

When contacted, Patrick said he could not comment on the alleged investigation.

Billingsley acknowledged that a Robert Brown inquired about the wind currents from Houston to Austin because he claimed to suffer from asthma and did not want to go to Austin when the air there might be polluted.

Robert Brownstone, head of Texans for Texas Values, denied that his group had anything to do with the fires. He did say though that those responsible for the fire deserve to be commended because Texas needs to get rid of those fucking liberals in Austin.

As of Thursday, it was unknown how the smoke has affected the Austin area. However, the whole city of Deer Park was ordered to shelter-in-place and schools in Houston, Pasadena and other nearby towns were forced to cancel all classes because high levels of benzene were detected in the air.