NO HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Chief Long Nose, president of the ILO, demands return of lands stolen from Indians

by Ima Schmuck

GILA BEND, ARIZONA -- At a hastily called press conference, Chief Harry Long Nose of the Tohono O’odham Nation demanded that the paleface Americans return all the land stolen from the Indians.

Long Nose, who is also president of the Indian Liberation Organization (ILO), said:

America’s Indians do not celebrate the Fourth of July. For us there will be no Independence Day celebration until the paleface Americans return all the land stolen from us. There can be only one nation – from the [Atlantic] ocean to the [Pacific] ocean – and that is an Indian nation.

All this nonsense over the name of the Washington Redskins is just a lot of diversionary crap designed to make us feel that the palefaces have our interests at heart. We don’t give a hoot about the Redskin name, we just want our lands back.

Speaking from his headquartwes in Ramallah, West Bank, Palestine Liberation Authority (PLO) President Mahmoud Abbas, said “We are one and the same with our Indian brethren. The PLO fully supports the demands of the ILO.”

To show their solidarity with the Indians, the PLO's U.S. Ambassador Maen Rashid Areikat stood beside Long Nose during the press conference.

When asked how many Indians belong to the ILO, Long Nose replied, “That’s none of your fucking business.”