By Ima Schmuck / The Schalotte / December 30, 2011
Our chief investigative reporter Adolf der Schweinehund was walking down the street on Christmas afternoon when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
Adolf took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" Adolf asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens' fees at a golf course instead of food?" Adolf asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Adolf asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Adolf, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific Christmas dinner my wife is cooking."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
Adolf replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
EDITOR’S NOTE: Adolf’s wife excused herself from the dinner table, saying she had a [marriage] splitting headache. And Adolf ended up spending the night together with his newfound homeless friend, but it was under a bridge rather than at the Schweinehund home.
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