NORTH KOREAN LEADER DIES HOLDING BREATH WHILE WAITING FOR OBAMA TO KEEP HIS PROMISE

Ambassador says Obama killed Kim Jong il

By Ima Schmuck / The Schalotte / December 19, 2011

North Korean leader Kim Jong il has died, reportedly of a heart attack while riding on a train.

In a June 2007 debate in South Carolina, presidential candidate Barack Obama pledged that, as president, he would willingly meet with the leaders of such rogue nations as Iran and North Korea without preconditions during his first term in office. Today, Obama said that now he won’t be able to keep his promise because Kim Jong il had done gone and died on him.

The Schalotte contacted So’ Se-p’yo’ng [So Se Pyong], the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s ambassador to the United Nations, to ask him about the circumstances surrounding the death of North Korea’s “Supreme Leader.”

Q: Mr. Ambassador, thank you for giving us your time. Your country waited several days after Kim Jong il died before announcing his death. Why is that?

A: The top generals of the Korean People’s Army delayed the announcement to to make sure they would be able to put the best face on the Supreme Leader’s tragic death.

Q: You say ‘tragic death.’ What do you mean by that?

A: Well Miss Schmuck, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but here is what happened. Back in 2007, when he campaigned for the American presidency, Barack Obama promised to meet with the Supreme Leader during his first term in office. Ever since Obama took office, the Supreme Leader has been holding his breath waiting for the promised meeting. He lapsed into unconsciousness several times every day but was revived each time by his personal physicians. Only this time they could not revive him. That’s how he died, holding his breath waiting for Obama to show up for the promised meeting.

Q: The other day Obama denied Republican claims that his foreign policy was one of appeasement, pointing out that he had had Osama bin Laden killed. In light of Kim Jong il holding his breath, would you go so far as to say that President Obama was responsible for the Supreme Leader’s death?

A: Yes, I will say that President Obama is responsible for the death of the Supreme Leader. I would go even further and say that in effect Obama killed Kim Jong il, but please don’t quote me on that.

Q: Thank you Mr. Ambassador. While I can’t promise that The Schalotte will not quote you, we do appreciate your forthrightness.