By Adolf der Schweinehund / The Schalotte / November 13, 2011
Now that Governor Jerry ‘Moonbeam’ Brown has ordered a ‘realignment’ of California’s prison inmates from the state prisons to county jails, The Schalotte obtained permission from the warden of San Quentin prison to interview some of the inmates.
This reporter selected fie inmates at random and asked each one the following questions: (1) How do you feel about being transferred to a county jail? (2) What are you doing time for? (3) Are you guilty of committing that crime?
Tom ‘Snake’ McGuirk:
(1) County jail? Get off that fucking shit! I don’t want to go there. I’ve been there a lot of fucking times. You never know who your other three cellies are. The food is like crap. There ain’t no recreational facilities. Ain’t even got no pool tables. They stink like piss and shit. The bulls treat you like shit ‘cause they all want to be on the streets as patrol deputies.
(2) Burglary.
(3) Fuck no you shit! I got railroaded by my no fucking good lawyer. I was charged with 17 burglaries. He made me take a plea deal where they knocked it down to two. Then the judge turned around and threw the book at me. I think the fucking judge was paid off.
Andrew ‘College Boy’ Underwood:
(1) As long as it’s LA County jail, that’s fine with me. I hear they release you pretty quick because of the overcrowding thing. Just look at Paris Hilton and, oh yeah, Lindsay Lohan. Besides that, I don’t like the gorillas in here.
(2) Hot checks.
(3) Well yeah, sort of. I graduated from UCLA with a degree in English but I couldn’t get a job. I owed $43,000 in student loans. How else was I going to pay that back? So I wrote a couple hundred bum checks. I figured the most I would get was probation. Man, was I ever wrong.
Muhammud ‘Cockroach’ Jackson:
(1) It don’t make no difference to me motherfucker. Fucking prison, county jail, it’s all the fucking same to me.
(2) Dealing a couple rocks, you know, crack.
(3) The only fucking reason me and the other bros here be locked up is because of a fucking white racist system. Me and my homies get fucked over by the motherfucking man all the fucking time. They don’t be locking up any motherfucking white motherfuckers for dealing dope. Just us niggers and them motherfucking Mexican mothefuckers.
Jesus Margarito ‘El Cuervo’ Delgado:
(1) Man, if I gotta do time I want to do it here at Q. Doing time here is easier than doing time in them county lockups.
(2) Transporting marijuana.
(3) Man, I’m innocent. I got bum-wrapped. I was driving an 18-wheeler rig hauling what I thought was an empty trailer. The cops pulled me over for no reason. They opened the trailer and pulled out a bunch of bales. They say it was over two tons of pot. I don’t know how that shit got in there. The cops must have planted it!
Herman 'The German' Schicklgruber:
(1) I don’t want to go to no county jail. Here I can participate in our Aryan Brotherhood group. The AB ain’t organized at the county level like we are here at Q. There ain’t no way we can protect ourselves from the niggers when were locked up in a county jail.
(2) Manufacture of meth.
(3) Hell no, I didn’t do it. My house trailer blew up and the cops claimed I was using it as a meth lab. That’s a bunch of fucking shit. My propane tank must have exploded. That meth lab shit is bogus. One of the cops was a fucking Jew bastard. He must have framed me.
Three of the five definitely did not want to be transferred to a county jail and ‘College Boy’ was the only one that admitted guilt, ‘sort of.’
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