Only notable downside appears to be the men losing their jobs
by Pamela Putz / The Schalotte / November 29, 2011
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL -- Dr. Moishe Schlemiel, founder and director of Meshuggener Laboratories, gave this reporter the names of 20 Israeli couples that have been using ORGASMAXIMAL, Meshuggener’s breakthrough anti-impotence drug. Five couples from that list were selected at random and each of the 10 individuals were asked the following two questions: (1) In your own words, can you describe your ORGASMAXIMAL experience? (2) Is there any downside to having ORGASMAXIMAL sex?
Mark Rosen:
(1) All I can say is wow! What a change it’s made in my sex life. It used to be wham, bam, thank you mam. Now I can have sex for hours at a time. And my thingie has gotten much larger than it used to be. Muriel, my wife, is absolutely besides herself. She used to claim she had a headache or some other reason to avoid sex, but now she is ready to go whenever I drop my pants. And she has multiple orgasms now. That ORGASMAXIMAL really works, no doubt about it.
(2) The only downside is that I lost my job. Because I had sex with ORGASMAXIMAL, I would get to work late or not even show up because I was still having sex. But that’s OK because Israel has a generous unemployment compensation package.
Muriel Rosen:
(1) Whew, I’m really exhausted, we just finished have sex a couple of hours ago. Did it all night long. Before Mark started using ORGASMAXIMAL he was such a dud. He was only good for a couple of minutes. He couldn’t satisfy me and I no longer wanted to have sex with him. I turned to using a dildo and I even considered cheating on him. Now we have the greatest sex. I never imagined it could be so good. And Mark’s penis is so much bigger too.
(2) Well, Mark leaves me completely exhausted. It takes me a couple of days before I can get back to normal. I don’t get any housework done until I’ve recovered. And my privates are a kind of sore. Other than that I can’t think of anything.
Gerald Brownlee:
(1) I’m from San Francisco and came over here when I heard of ORGASMAXIMAL. My sex life was pretty awful, premature ejaculations, that is if I could get an erection to begin with. I tried Viagra and Cialis, but they didn’t do much for me. I couldn’t keep any girlfriends. It was the pits. Now I’m in seventh heaven. With ORGASMAXIMAL I can fuck for hours at a time. I now have an Israeli girlfriend, Rachael, and she won’t let me return to San Francisco.
(2) Except for getting exhausted, I really can’t think of a downside.
Rachael Wasserman:
(1) I met Jerry at a sidewalk café here in Tel Aviv. He told me why he came to Israel. I was curious about ORGASMAXIMAL so I decided to have sex with him that night. Lady, let me tell you something … you should find a guy that uses ORGASMAXIMAL and let him take you to bed … you haven’t lived until you’ve been laid by a guy who uses that amazing drug. Jerry and I have sex for hours at a time and he gives me multiple orgasms, I mean multiple orgasms! Even though he’s not Jewish, I’ve had him move in with me. Our sex is so phenomenal that I’m gladly supporting him until he gets a job here and I’m not about to let him go back to San Francisco.
(2) Other than getting completely exhausted and being somewhat sore you know where, I don’t have any complaints.
Vadim Polanski:
(1) Lady, I can tell you this … before I started using ORGASMAXIMAL I was using Viagra. There’s no comparison, believe me. Viagra was OK, but with ORGASMAXIMAL I’m able to perform all night long and way into the next morning. And my peter is so much bigger too. My wife screams every time she has an orgasm, and she has anywhere from 20 to 30 during the time we are having sex. The neighbors are complaining about the noise. Fuck the neighbors!
(2) Downside? Well, I got fired from my job. I was getting to work late or not even going to work because I was still having sex in the morning. When I did go to work, I would fall asleep at my desk. That’s the only downside to ORGASMAXIMAL
Anna Polanski:
(1) I’m almost too embarrassed to talk about it, but Oy Vey, once Vadim started using ORGASMAXIMAL he became a different man … God, what a different man! … Now he is superman in bed. Goes with me all night long, sometimes until noon. He has me screaming my lungs out … the neighbors are complaining … and I come, God knows how many times. And his dingy is so much bigger now, Oy Vey! To be honest with you, before ORGASMAXIMAL Vadim really didn’t satisfy me, but now Oy Vey!
(2) Other than leaving me completely exhausted and kind of sore after we have sex, I can’t think of anything. Oh yes, there is one more thing. Vadim got fired because he wasn’t showing up on time and four or five times he didn’t go in to work. Befor ORGASMAXIMAL he never missed a day and he was always on time.
Nigel Worthington:
(1) Back in London, I had a very lousy sex life. Got divorced three times because I couldn’t satisfy my wives. When I heard about ORGASMAXIMAL I came to Israel to give it a try. I went to a disco where I met my girlfriend, Sonia. I told her why I came to Israel … She agreed to have sex with me but she told me it would be a onetime only thing because I was not Jewish … she just wanted to see what sex with ORGASMAXIMAL would be like. We had sex in my hotel room. Well, let me tell you … Sonia threw her boyfriend out of the apartment they shared and had me move in with her. We’ve been together now for seven months and she doesn’t want me to go back to England … She takes care of me and treats me like a king … I’m going to stay put … Maybe I’ll convert to Judaism and marry Sonia.
(2) Well, I lost my job back home and Sonia’s ex-boyfriend gave me a good thrashing. Other than that I’ve got no complaints.
Sonia Kravitz:
(1) I thought Rafael, my former boyfriend, was great in bed … but that was before Nigel. That first night in the hotel was unbelievable. He went on and on and on, and I had so many orgasms I thought I would die. Nigel had me groaning, moaning and screaming in utter delight. I had told him that we were only going to do it one night … I didn’t want a relationship with a gentile. But that was before we fucked. I told him he was going to have to move in with me just as soon as I threw Rafael out of the apartment. We’ve been together for half-a-year and we have sex whenever I have seven or eight hours to spare. Oh God of Israel, thank you, thank you for ORGASMAXIMAL. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure Nigel stays with me in Israel.
(2) The only bad part of our sex life is that after we’re through I am completely worn out. And my privates are pretty sore. His thing is so big, you know. I would say that the only downside is that where Rafael used to share his income with me, I’m now the sole wage earner … But we’ll get by.
Rabbi Abraham Moses:
(1) Before I started using ORGASMAXIMAL, Ruth, my dear wife, and I were having sex only once a month, and then it was quick and over with. I had a hard time getting an erection and before you know it … pooph … it was gone. And many times when I wanted to have sex, Ruth would have a headache. Since I started using ORGASMAXIMAL I’m a changed man and Ruth is a changed woman. Now when we do it in bed, I can go for hours at a time and Ruth screams her head off every time she has an orgasm, and believe me she has dozens of them. Oh yes, and my penis is almost twice as big as before and now I can barely get inside Ruth … sometimes it really hurts her, but she keeps begging me to keep on. ORGASMAXIMAL is truly a miracle drug!
(2) The only problem is that now I am a rabbi without a congregation. I spent so much time in bed with Ruth, and afterwards I’d be so exhausted, that I was unable to keep up with my rabbinical responsibilities. After a couple of months, the congregation decided to kick me out. Oy Vey!
Ruth Moses:
(1) I shouldn’t tell you this young lady, but if you would have told me six months ago that sex would be so wonderful, I would have called you a lunatic. Before ORGASMAXIMAL I had sex with Abe only because I felt it was my wifely duty. I really didn’t enjoy it. But all that has changed. Abe is so great in bed now and he does it with his enlarged … you know what … for hours on end. Oh God, oh God, I didn’t know I could have so many orgasms. His big noodle really hurts going in … Oh God, does it ever! … but I want him to go on no matter how much it hurts. I wonder what would happen if I took some ORGASMAXIMAL? God, I’m tempted.
(2) After hours of uninterrupted sex, I’m just completely worn out. It takes me a couple of days to recover. Of course, until then I don’t do any of my housework. The only other thing is that my privates are so sore it’s hard for me to move around. But I’m not complaining, mind you. I just hate it that the congregation kicked out my darling Abe.
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