Saturday, January 31, 2015


Whenever Aaron Hernandez and Otis Lloyd got together, they smoked pot together

BarkGrowlBite | January 31, 2015

You don’t have to be a football fan to know that former New England Patriot’s star tight end Aaron Hernandez is on trial for the murder of Otis Lloyd.

Shaneah Jenkins had been Lloyd’s girlfriend for 18 months when he was shot multiple times. Shaneah also happens to be the older sister of Hernandez’s fiancée, Shayanna Jenkins.

Shaneah testified Friday in a Fall River, Massachusetts courtroom that whenever the couple got together, Hernandez and Lloyd would go into the football star’s ‘man cave’, as his basement was called, and smoke pot together.

And they keep saying smoking pot is harmless. Yeah, right. And pigs can fly.


In August 2013, the Little Rock school district mandated a new dress code which, among other clothing items, required women teachers to wear panties and bras every single day

BarkGrowlBite | January 31, 2015

On August 29, 2013, the Superintendent of the Little Rock, Arkansas school district sent a letter to all district employees mandating a new dress code.

Here are the dress requirements for female teachers:

Teachers shall wear panties and bras every single day. Foundational garments shall be worn and not visible with respect to color, style, and/or fabric. No see-through or sheer clothing shall be allowed, and no skin shall be visible between trousers, skirts, and blouses at any time. T-shirts, patches and other clothing containing slogans for beer, alcohol, drugs, gangs or sex will also be prohibited. No cut-off jeans with ragged edges, cut-out dresses and spaghetti-straps if teachers aren’t wearing at least two layers. No flip-flops. Tattoos must be covered if at all possible. No jogging suits, except for gym and dance teachers in the performing of their duties. No spandex.

I don’t know whether that draconian dress code is still in effect. I rather doubt it.

Now let’s pretend that I am a senior in a high school with such a teacher dress code in effect. Here are my reactions as a 17-year- old student:

Teachers shall wear panties. Fuck!

Teachers shall wear bras. Fuck, no more nipples poking through!

No see-through or sheer clothing. Shit!

No cut-off jeans with ragged edges. Damn it!

I want my parents to move to California ASAP! I hear that women teachers there are allowed to wear suggestive clothing with no panties, and best of all, a lot of them are fucking their students.

Seriously though, it’s hard for me to fathom such a draconian dress code in these days and times. Of course, that’s Arkansas! And then again, those are not Bill Clinton’s idea of dress codes. If the former President and Governor of Arkansas had his way, teachers would not be wearing panties and bras, but they would be wearing see-through and sheer clothing and those hot cut-off jeans with ragged edges.

It should be noted that on Wednesday (January 28) the Arkansas State Board of Education voted to take over the Little Rock district and dissolve the local school board. But that had nothing to do with that dress code. It had everything to do with the fact that six schools in the district were not academically up to snuff.

Friday, January 30, 2015



A 625 pound slob claimed his weight made him a prisoner in his home, but attempt to avoid prison came to a screeching halt when he was stopped by cops while driving a car with a broken taillight

BarkGrowlBite | January 30, 2015

In 2012, Jeffery Klein of Jackson, Michigan pleaded guilty to calling in a bomb threat, a felony. In order to avoid a prison sentence, Klein claimed that his weight of 625 pounds made him a virtual prisoner in his home. The judge in his case has been seriously thinking about sentencing the fat slob to a term of home-based confinement.

Ah, but Klein sort of fucked up. On New Year’s Day, he decided to go for a little drive. He either failed to notice or disregarded a slight problem - his car had a broken tail light. But some cops noticed it and they didn’t disregard it. They pulled him over and – poof – Klein was no longer a prisoner in his home.

Klein has been roosting in jail since the cops pulled him over on New Year's Day. During his time in jail, Klein shed 65 pounds. Either he didn’t like what his jailers fed him or Weightwatchers must have prepared those meals.

When Klein appeared in court on Friday, his little joyride led the judge to sentence the ‘no longer a prisoner in his home’ to 18 months in the slammer.

Jeffery Klein has just been nominated for the prestigious ‘Stupid Fat Slob of the Year’ award.

Holy shit, just think that if Klein continues to lose 65 pounds a month, he will simply vanish before the end of the year.

Thursday, January 29, 2015


Florida teacher Christine Black is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for flinging her shoe in hubby Larry’s face when she catches him in their bed with another woman

BarkGrowlBite | January 29, 2015

Volusia County sheriff’s deputies turned Florida justice into a farce when they charged Christine Black, 46, with a felonious assault. The Florida teacher and mother of two, arrived at her Ormond Beach home Monday to find her loving hubby Larry, 48, in their bed with another woman.

Apparently Chris is not the swinger type. She seems to have gotten rather pissed off because she tossed one of her shoes right into Larry’s philandering face. Her lovey-dovey hubby sustained a small cut to the top of his noggin.

The sheriff’s deputies must have had a bad hair day because they busted Chris and hauled her unhappy ass off to the Volusia County Branch Jail where see was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a felony. She was being held without bond.

What kind of fucking justice is this? It’s farcical! Chris didn’t cut her cheating hubby’s wandering dick off, which she should have. Larry told the deputies that she was suicidal. If anything, the deputies could have taken Chris to a hospital, but locking her up for a felony … that’s incredulous!

What if those sheriff’s deputies handling this case had been women? Instead of busting Chris, they probably would have shot Larry.


20-year-old Venancio Soberanis Pantoja was tortured to death before his body was disposed of by throwing it to crocodiles

BarkGrowlBite | January 29, 2015

Borderland Beat reports that some tourists and residents in the Mexican town of Lazaro Cardenas were standing on the bridge that crosses the Barra Santa Anna, a crocodile preserve, when they noticed a croc feasting on a human body. They notified the local authorities who with some soldiers took a rope and fashioned a noose with which they managed to snatch the body, minus one of its legs, from the croc’s grasp.

The body was later identifies as 20-year-old Venancio Soberanis Pantoja. Injuries to his head not believed to be inflicted by crocs, indicated that the youth had been tortured to death before being dumped into the preserve.

Lazaro Cardenas is located in the Mexican state of Michoacan, home to the Knights Templar drug cartel. The cartel has been known to throw its victims into the Barra Santa Anna. Feeding them to the crocs is a clever way of evidence disposal and sure beats having to dig graves.

In this case, some nosy tourists had to spoil a croc’s gourmet meal.


Mexico will not extradite Sinaloa drug cartel leader Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman to the U.S., at least not for several hundred years

BarkGrowlBite | January 29, 2015

Mexican Attorney General Jesus Murillo Karam told the Associated Press that he expects to get a formal extradition request from the United States, but that the U.S. will have to wait until Sinaloa drug cartel leader Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman has finished serving his time for all the crimes he is charged with.

Murillo Karam expects that the sentences El Chapo receives may add up to 300 or 400 years. After that Washington is welcome to him.

It looks like El Chapo will enjoy a luxurious life style in a Mexican prison. He may even bribe his way out to freedom.

I herewith urge President Obama and Attorney General Holder to hold their collective breaths until Mexico extradites El Chapo.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015


Pearls Before Swine

Click on the image to enlarge it.


The land that the Iranians and Palestinians want to obliterate and Europe loves to hate.


Health experts and dieticians say that drinking milk makes you stronger.

Drink 5 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. Can’t?

Now drink 5 glasses of wine.

After 5 glasses of wine, the wall moves all by itself!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


Obama denied bowing down to King Abdullah, the White House saying he merely bent over because the monarch was shorter

BarkGrowlBite | January 27, 2015

President Obama received a shitstorm of criticism for bowing down to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia during the 2009 G20 Summit in London. At the time, the White House vehemently denied that Obama had bowed down to Abdullah, even though video and still pictures clearly showed our President bowing to the Saudi monarch like one of the king’s subjects.

Obama denied having bowed down to the king and the White House trumpeted the line that the President merely bent over because Abdullah was shorter.

Obama has just made a trip to India where he met with Narendra Modi, that nation’s prime minister. Video and still pictures show the President shaking hands with and embracing Modi, but none showed him bending over while greeting the prime minister.

Take a look at these vital statistics: Obama is 6’1” tall. Abdullah was 5’11”. Modi is 5’7” in height.

Whoa! Something doesn’t compute here. Obama had to bend over because Abdullah was two inches shorter, yet he stood straight as a ramrod when Modi was six inches shorter.

Let’s get real. What we have here is one more example of many, proving that Obama is our Liar-in-Chief.

Monday, January 26, 2015


The Onion | January 23, 2015

MUNCIE, IN—Saying that the experimental procedure was a complete success, doctors at Muncie’s Ball Memorial Hospital confirmed Friday that a recent medical breakthrough has provided 89-year-old Anna Goldman with an additional two years of inconveniencing her family.

“We’re pleased to report that Ms. Goldman’s operation went well, allowing her to continue saddling loved ones with $40,000 in hospice bills over each of the next two years,” said Dr. Jordan Burnet, adding that, thanks to the hard work of a dedicated team of physicians, Goldman should have no trouble burdening family members with not only the obligation to visit her on weekends and holidays, but also to deal with and compensate for her steadily declining mental faculties. “The risks associated with such a new surgery were high, but Ms. Goldman pulled through, and can now look forward to spending at least the next 24 months with her increasingly fatigued and exasperated children as they shuttle her around endlessly from one medical checkup to another. This truly has given her a new, and terribly high-maintenance, lease on life.”

When reached for comment, family members said they were overjoyed the surgery had slightly delayed the headache of arranging Goldman’s funeral.


The Boston Patriot’s coach claims that atmospheric conditions deflated his team’s footballs

BarkGrowlBite | January 26, 2015

Boston Patriots coach Bill Belichick says the deflation of the footballs is explained by science. When ‘Bill the Science Guy’ claims atmospheric conditions deflated his team’s footballs, he is blowing a cloud full of hot air at us. He must believe we’re all dumb asses to fall for his horse shit about atmospheric conditions deflating the team’s balls between the time they were inspected and game time.

Belichick defies logic. How can he explain that the balls used by the Indianapolis Colts were not deflated? Were the atmospheric conditions on the other side of the field so much different from those on his side of the field as to keep the Colts’ balls properly inflated? Was the elevation of his side of the field 1,000 feet lower than the elevation of the Colts sideline? Was the temperature on his side of the field 100 degrees different from the temperature on the other side?

I’m not the Science Guy, but my knowledge of science tells me that, while atmospheric conditions could alter the air pressure inside a football to some extent, the psi inside the balls that have been inspected will be the same on each side of the football field.

There can be only one logical explanation for Deflate-Gate: Someone in the Patriots organization deliberately deflated 11 out of the team’s 12 game balls.

Come to think of it though, Belichick has a good reason to believe we’re all dumb asses. Time after time voters across the country have approved the building of extravagant football stadiums and basketball arenas for billionaire team owners at taxpayer expense. And here’s why those voters are dumb asses: 95 percent of those who voted for the building of these sports facilities cannot afford to attend more than one or two games a season, and then only if they buy the cheapest seats way up in the nosebleed section. No wonder ‘Bill the Science Guy’ thinks he can get away with his atmospheric condition crap.


The far-left creep uses Jesus to justify his unjustifiable comment about military snipers

BarkGrowlBite | January 26, 2015

Michael Moore doesn’t seem to know when enough is enough. He couldn’t leave well enough alone after first tweeting that snipers are cowards who will shoot you in the back.

In a subsequent series of tweets, Moore uses Jesus to justify his unjustifiable comment on Twitter. Here are three of the far-left creep’s subsequent tweets:

Tomorrow’s Sunday School (1) What Would Jesus Do? Oh, I know what he’d do – hide on top of a roof and shoot people in the back!

Sunday School (2) But What Would Jesus Do if he could be a sniper & and save soldiers lives by shooting “savages” in the back? ANSWER…

Sunday School (3) ANSWER: Jesus wouldn’t put any soldiers lives in harm’s way in the first place because he wouldn’t have sent them 2 Iraq

Does anyone have any idea of how to shut this fat slob up short of causing him any physical harm?

Sunday, January 25, 2015


When Obama was running for reelection in 2012, I stopped by the Ford Dealership for a look at the new F 150 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman, a black man wearing an Obama "Change" lapel pin, sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.

The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.

I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership. That black guy had no sense of humor.


Add ‘racial racketeer’ to ‘race pimp’ and ‘disgusting pig’ as appropriate descriptions of racial rabble rouser Al Sharpton

BarkGrowlBite | January 25, 2015

A month ago, actor James Woods referred to Al Sharpton as a ‘racist pimp’ and a ‘disgusting pig.’ His descriptions of Sharpton received considerable public attention. Around the same time, Louis Anemone, the former third-highest ranking official in the NYPD, had a descriptive term for Sharpton that received hardly any public notice.

“Heartbreak in Brooklyn” is an article by Anemone about 18 NYPD officers that have been murdered by black men because of, as he believes, the inflammatory anti-police rhetoric spouted forth by ‘community leaders’ and politicians. Anemone also referred to 1995’s Freddie Fashion Mart massacre, in which Roland Smith, a black man, murdered seven white store customers after becoming incensed by the “inflammatory rhetoric of a well-known racial racketeer” against a white store owner in Harlem.

Who was that ‘racial racketeer’? None other than Al Sharpton.

It seems to me that the terms racial racketeer, race pimp, and disgusting pig are much more accurate descriptions of Sharpton, than ‘civil rights activist’ and ‘trusted advisor’ to President Obama and to NY Mayor Bill de Blasio.


President Obama couldn’t be bothered to attend a rally in Paris to honor 17 ordinary folks killed by Islamists, but he is going to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia so he can pay homage to his monarch, the late King Abdullah

BarkGrowlBite | January 25, 2015

You may or may not recall that President Obama bowed down to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia during the 2009 G20 Summit in London. But I am sure you are aware that Obama snubbed the massive unity rally attended by more than 40 world leaders in Paris on January 11. The rally was held to honor the 17 people killed during three days of deadly attacks by three Islamists.

President Obama couldn’t be bothered to attend the rally in Paris where 17 ordinary folks died at the hands of Islamists,, but he is cutting short his trip to India by one day for an unscheduled visit to Saudi Arabia so he can pay homage to his monarch, King Abdullah who died early Friday.

President Obama is not only our ‘Liar-in-Chief,’ but he is also our ‘Phony-in-Chief.’

EDITOR'S NOTE: Check out today's headline from Mail Online:

Snubbed for Saudi: Obama and First Lady arrive in India but cut special visit to Taj Mahal and waste efforts of hundreds of $5-a-day workers - so they can woo the new king of Saudi Arabia instead

Saturday, January 24, 2015


No matter what kind of work you do, always think safety first

By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA 4Corrections blog | January 23, 2015

Donnello Knowles, 21, of Stockton, found out the hard way that workplace safety is serious business and can have significant down-stream importance.

Knowles has a fairly common job in the Stockton area. He is an armed robber. He is believed to have committed three armed robberies in less than three hours in Stockton. At about 10:00 pm Wednesday night he had a significant workplace accident which will make him unable to work for some time.

It seems that while Mr. Knowles was in the process of robbing someone he accidentally shot himself with his shotgun. He ran away but not very far or very well. The cops found him, still with the stolen money in his possession. They also found the shotgun with a fired shell in the chamber.

Knowles is now under arrest and under guard at a local hospital. This tragedy will certainly impact his ability to earn a living at his chosen trade. And this workplace accident will also add significant costs to local government.


Kaiser Permanente repeatedly denied treatment that would have saved a 92-year-old man’s dick

BarkGrowlBite | January 24, 2015

Rupert Collins, 92, is seeking general, special and treble damages for loss of his dick in a lawsuit against health provider Kaiser Permanente. The health insurer denied repeated requests by nurses for treatments that could have prevented his dick from splitting in two and then completely eroding.

It looks like Kaiser Permanente really screwed up this 92-year-old geezer’s sex life.

Rupert Collins is suing Kaiser Foundation Health Plan for general, special and treble damages for his loss

By James Nye

Mail Online
January 23, 2015

A 92-year-old California man is suing his health care provider after he claims his penis completely split in half and eroded as a result of neglect.

Rupert Collins filed a lawsuit against Kaiser Foundation Health Plan, Inc. for elder abuse, negligence and unfair business practice stating a septic catheter caused the problem.

He alleges that despite repeated requests to remove the catheter over a period of almost two weeks, his penis became cut and swollen to the point it could not be saved.

Collins was a patient on July 21, 2013 at Napa Valley Care Center, which is not included in the lawsuit, when the problem first developed.

A nurse at the facility sent a fax to Kaiser, according to the complaint.

The fax said, 'that Rupert's penis was red and swollen with what was described as a cut. Rupert had a Foley catheter inserted into his penis.

'May we have a trial of no Foley to give the area a rest.'

According to the lawsuit Kaiser denied the request and there is no documentation that doctors or nurses from the insurer checked on Collin's penis.

The lawsuit states, 'As a direct result of this reckless neglect by Kaiser, the Foley was left in Rupert's red and swollen and cut penis, and his penis began to erode further and further each day.'

On July 23, 2013, there was a medical board care conference about Collins' care, however, the lawsuit states that no representative from Kaiser attended.

'As a direct result of Kaiser's failure to participate, there was no meaningful communication or ongoing assessment and the dire need to remove the catheter from Rupert's eroding penis continued to be ignored,' the complaint states according to the Courthouse News Service.

Another nurse sent another fax to Kaiser on July 30 asking to remove the catheter, but this was again denied, claims the lawsuit.

Then, the next day, Collins' daughter looked at her father's penis herself.

'When Diana examined Rupert's penis, she was horrified at what she saw. Rupert's penis was split completely in half from the tip of his penis all the way down to the scrotum sac,' the complaint states.

She got a third nurse to contact Kaiser, but they allegedly said, 'The penis erosion is normal and will heal on its own.'

However, she pushed for a urologist to see her father who stated, 'that if Rupert had been treated earlier, the penis could have been saved but that the penile erosion was now complete, Rupert's penis would never heal and that reconstructive surgery was not a viable option,' the complaint states.

'Rupert's penis and urethra is permanently eroded away and Rupert has suffered permanent genital mutilation,' it continues.'

Collins is currently seeking general, special and treble damages for his loss.

Friday, January 23, 2015


Colorado College gives its students a wonderful opportunity to waste their time and their parents’ money

BarkGrowlBite | January 23, 2015

I have said on several occasions that American higher education has become the laughing stock of the world.

American universities offer such worthless majors as Women’s Studies; Gender Studies; Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Studies; African-American Studies, etc. There are courses entitled “Queer Marriage, Hate Crimes, and Will and Grace: Contemporary Issues in LGBT Studies” (at Dartmouth), “Race, Gender, and Ethnicity in Martin Scorsese and Spike Lee” (at Harvard), “Politicizing Beyoncé” (at Rutgers) and "The Sociology of Miley Cyrus: Race, Class, Gender and Media" (at Skidmore College in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.).

Arizona State University is offering extra credit to women enrolled in a gender studies course for not shaving their legs and armpits for 10 weeks and male students for shaving all their hair from the neck down, also for 10 weeks.

Now Colorado College in Colorado Springs is offering a course entitled “Queen Bees, WannaBees and Mean Girls" in its Comparative Literature Department. The course is taught by Professor Lisa Hughes and focuses among other things on Tina Fey’s hit 2004 movie “Mean Girls” starring Lindsay Lohan. Prof. Hughes designed the course to explore the “motives behind why women seek authority and the actions they are willing to take in order to hold onto it,” according to a course description.

Completion of that mean girls course is sure to help students land a really great job upon graduation from Colorado College ... Right?

The Chinese must be laughing their heads off that America’s colleges and universities are offering such worthless degree programs and courses. But parents will hardly be laughing when they realize they’ve been wasting their hard-earned money by paying for such worthless nonsense.


An outraged Kid Rock blasts Michael Moore and Seth Rogen for their criticism of American Sniper

BarkGrowlBite | January 23, 2015

Kid Rock, the singer-songwriter, rapper, multi-instrumentalist, producer, and actor, became incensed when he learned that far-left filmmaker Michael Moore and actor Seth Rogen had criticized American Sniper, the Clint Eastwood film about Chris Kyle, the late Navy SEAL hero.

If you recall, Moore had said his uncle was killed by a sniper and that "We were taught snipers were cowards. Will shoot u in the back. Snipers aren't heroes."

Here is how Kid Rock responded on his website to the criticism of American Sniper by Moore and Rogen:

"Fuck you Michael Moore, you’re a piece of shit and your uncle would be ashamed of you. Seth Rogen, your uncle probably molested you. I hope both of you catch a fist to the face soon. God bless you Chris Kyle, Thank you for your service."

All I will say is Amen and God Bless Kid Rock!

Thursday, January 22, 2015


A paramedic responded to an emergency childbirth call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!'


Weekend box office totals show that American Sniper wiped out highly touted Selma

BarkGrowlBite | January 22, 2015

Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper grossed $93 million over the three day weekend while Oprah Winfrey’s Selma took in only $8.3 million. That humongous gap is somewhat surprising because the three day weekend included the Martin Luther King holiday.

It looks as if racial rabble rouser Al Sharpton, who threw an apoplectic fit because no black actors were nominated for this year’s Oscars, failed to turn out the troops at the theaters which showed the civil rights movie. Betcha more blacks went to see American Sniper on MLK day than went to see Selma.

On the other hand, anti-military, anti-gun and anti-capitalist filmmaker Michael Moore probably helped propel the attendance at American Sniper with his untoward blast at the film. Apparently Americans didn’t cotton up to the armchair sniper’s comments that military snipers are cowards who will shoot you in the back and that snipers aren’t heroes.

I think it’s fair to say that the reason Selma did so poorly is because a lot of people who went to see American Sniper would have gone to see Oprah’s film if Eastwood’s film had not been playing. Hence, American Sniper killed Selma.

Sharpton and Moore are licking their wounds as moviegoers continue to fill the theaters showing American Sniper. The Eastwood movie is breaking box office records while Oprah's Selma is playing to half-empty houses. Score a big one for the good guys. Fuck Al Sharpton and Michael Moore!


BarkGrowlBite | January 22, 2015

A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card.

No exchange of words -- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology..
(This scenario actually happened to me at a local restaurant - Falls Terrace - between the waitress and the front desk cashier.)

Verdict Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.

Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, “assuming” that it has to be theirs.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015


After getting busted and being warned about bringing any drugs or drug paraphernalia inside the jail, Christina Searcy tried to extract a meth pipe from her vagina, but it was stuck

BarkGrowlBite | January 21, 2015

On Friday, Christina Searcy and three companions were traveling on U.S.59 in Montgomery County (north of Houston) when they were pulled over by deputy constables investigating a hot check case. As soon as the constables approached the car they got a strong whiff of pot. When Kevin Hales, the driver, opened the door – Oops - a joint fell out of the car. When they searched the car, the deputies also found several baggies of cocaine.

Before taking the four to the slammer, the deputies warned them that they would face additional charges if they carried any drugs or drug paraphernalia into the jail. Kimberly Kinn immediately pulled a meth pipe from her bra and handed it to the deputies. Poor ‘ole Christina had no such luck. She had stashed her meth pipe inside her vagina and it was stuck. She was taken by ambulance to the Kingwood Hospital emergency room where the meth pipe was extracted.

Christina was taken to the Montgomery County jail sans any contraband. Court records show she had prior meth convictions in 2007, 2010 and 2011.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Two old geezers were sitting on a park bench talking about aging. One turns to the other and asks:

“At our age, what would you rather have, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?”

The other guy replies:

“Parkinson’s! Better to spill half an ounce of Jack Daniels than to forget where you keep the bottle.”


Now that pot is legal in Colorado, marijuana aficionados are blowing up their homes cooking up batches of hash oil

BarkGrowlBite | January 20, 2015

While houses all over the country are exploding during the extraction of potent pot drops with flammable chemicals, usually butane, to produce hash oil, the problem seems to be most notable in Colorado since that state legalized pot two years ago. Those marijuana aficionados aren’t satisfied with just smoking a joint, they’ve got to have their more potent hash oil. And one mistake during the cooking process – poof – thee goes the house.

The cooking process involves butane fuel pumped through a tube packed with raw pot plants. That draws out the tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), thereby producing a gold-colored highly potent concentrate of hash oil. Because the process often fills a room with butane vapors, an accidental spark can set off an explosion. There were 32 such explosions in Colorado last year, up from 12 the year before.

Colorado authorities want a law passed prohibiting the manufacture of hash oil, but lawyers say not so fast. Because the new law made it legal to grow, process, sell, and smoke pot, lawyers insist that the manufacture of homemade hash oil cannot be considered a crime.

Welcome to the legalization of pot. The taxes collected by the state have not met expectations and are a mere drop in the bucket of Colorado's multibillion dollar annual budgets. The black market in pot has flourished because the pot heads do not want to pay those taxes. There has been a significant increase in the use of marijuana by adults. But there has also been a marked increase in its use by kids. And - oh the joy of it all - now houses are exploding too.


West Covina teachers Melody Lippert and Michelle Chirell get busted for showing some lucky boys a really good time

BarkGrowlBite | January 20, 2015

Melody Lippert, 38, and Michelle Chirelli, 30, both teachers – now ex-teachers - at South Hills High School in West Covina, California, sure know how to show some lucky boys a really good time.

Last November, Melody – what a sweet sounding name – got together at San Clemente State Beach with a group of boys from her school. The boys were doing the overnight camping trip thing. Melody gave the boys some alcohol and then had sex with one of them. She made plans with the students for a future encore performance.

Several weeks later, some of the same boys set up another camp at the beach. This time Melody brought along Michelle. Two boys in the group lucked out when they were chosen by their dedicated teachers for a demonstration of some hands-on sex education. Each fucked their chosen student and Michelle added a blow job to the demonstration.

Unfortunately for Melody and Michelle, this story did not have a happy ending. Some of the boys must have bragged about what a great time they had because the West Covina police notified the Orange County Sheriff’s Department about the sex education demonstration at the beach - San Clemente State Beach is under their jurisdiction. Alas, Melody and Michelle got busted Saturday.

Melody was jailed on $20,000 bond for conspiracy, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Michelle was jailed on $50,000 bond for oral copulation and unlawful sex with a minor. Both babes posted bail and are to appear in court for arraignment on Wednesday.

The camping trips were not school sponsored. Melody and Michelle have flushed their teaching careers down the toilet and are facing some serious slammer time.

Most of you will say the moral of this story is for teachers not to have sex with students. However, I say the moral of this story is: Boys keep your damn mouths shut!

Monday, January 19, 2015


What a great way to establish trust with the community, but while they're playing chess on this New York street, people are getting mugged less than a block away.


A sniffer dog at Ohio’s Hamilton County jail hit on a heroin-laced bible mailed by a woman to an inmate

BarkGrowlBite | January 19, 2015

Ohio’s Hamilton County Justice Center uses a sniffer dog to detect drugs that may have been smuggled to the jail’s inmates. Last month the dog detected a heroin-laced bible that had been mailed to inmate Timothy King by a woman, Tehani Teepe.

The heroin was disguised as a half-dollar sized coffee stain on the ‘Book of Daniel’ title page (p. 420) of the bible. Lab tests revealed that the stain contained between 30 and 40 hits of heroin. If King had taken all of it at once, he probably would have croaked.

Teepe and King have been charged with illegal conveyance of contraband into a correction facility, a third-degree felony punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine up to $10,000.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


While strapped down on the Oklahoma execution chamber gurney, Charles Warner screamed “My body is on fire … it feels like acid” before any of the lethal drugs were even administered

BarkGrowlBite | January 18, 2015

If they were to hand out Oscars for Best Actor in an execution chamber, Charles Warner would win the award hands down.

On January 15 the State of Oklahoma executed Charles Frederick Warner for the 1997 rape and murder of an 11-month-old girl. In his last minute appeal, the U.S. Supreme Court rejected the argument that the botched execution of Clayton Lockett on April 29, 2014 proved that Oklahoma’s three-drug lethal cocktail would subject Warner to agonizing pain, thereby violating his constitutional protection against cruel and unusual punishment. The four liberal Justices voted to stop the execution.

After Warner had been strapped down on the death chamber gurney, the execution began with a saline drip through the IV line. At that point Warner screamed “My body is on fire … it feels like acid.” His theatrics occurred before any of the lethal drugs were even administered.

When the injection of the first drug – midazolam – began, Warner repeated “My body is on fire” before dozing off. He was pronounced dead 18 minutes after the execution began.

It is believed that Warner’s theatrics were designed to help the appeals of those remaining on Oklahoma’s death row. Rex Duncan, an Oklahoma prosecutor, said, “I think what you witnessed is predictable, especially if it could be helpful to the guys behind him.”

On the same day, the State of Florida executed Johnny Shane Kormondy, 42, for the 1993 murder of a man during a home invasion robbery. Florida uses the same three-drug lethal cocktail as Oklahoma. That execution went off without a hitch and with no theatrics by Kormondy.

As for the Oscar winning Warner, it seems to me that for raping and murdering an 11-month-old baby girl, a dose of acid to make his body feel on fire would have been a befitting end to that worthless piece of shit.

Saturday, January 17, 2015


Steals cop car and drives it 10 miles with hands cuffed behind her back, attaining a speed of 120 mph

BarkGrowlBite | January 17, 2015

This is one for the books. Roxanne Rimer, 27, got caught shoplifting Wednesday at a Kohl’s store in Center Township, Pennsylvania. She shoved a store security guard and escaped to the parking lot where her grandfather and mother were parked. She got into a fight with her mother and grandfather because he refused to drive away. She managed to get into the front seat and hit the gas pedal. That caused the car to travel a short distance over a hill. The cops arrived and busted Roxanne, placing her into the back of a Center Township cop car.

Now this is where the story gets really good. While the cops were outside the car interviewing witnesses, Roxanne, her hands cuffed behind her back, somehow managed to break through the plexiglass shield and get into the front of the cop car. (It is believed the shield was not latched.) Then she was able to put the car in gear … and off she went. She hit another Center Township cop car and also her grandfather’ car. Then she went on her merry way through several Pittsburgh suburbs, steering the car with her body and at times going over 120 mph with the cops in hot pursuit.

Roxanne managed to ditch the pursuing police. At one point she stopped, got out of the cops car and asked a pedestrian to drive the stolen patrol car for her. When he refused, she got back in and took off again until she wrecked the car more than ten miles from where she stole it. She then managed to hitch a ride with some guy, her hands still cuffed behind her back. Roxanne was either pushed or jumped out of the car in West Aliquippa. She then started to run with her hands still cuffed behind her back, but was caught by cops who spotted her. When the arresting cops searched Roxanne, they found some hypodermic needles in her possession.

Roxanne is facing numerous charges. After her arrest in West Aliquippa, she told reporters that she did not remember anything after being placed in the back of the patrol car.

For driving a car at 120 mph while steering it with her body, Roxanne is awarded the title of ‘Best Woman Driver of the Decade.’ When she gets out of jail, NASCAR might want to sign her up.


The racial rabble rousing reverend is bringing his wrath down on the Oscars for snubbing black actors

BarkGrowlBite | January 17, 2015

Hail to the Oscars! They’ve achieved the near impossible. The Academy Awards have given Al Sharpton something besides police brutality to scream about. Hellfire and damnation, not a single black actor got nominated for an Oscar.

Sharpton had an apoplectic fit. All of a sudden he had something other than police brutality to get his poopie in an uproar. Here are some of the statements the racial rabble rouser made about the Oscar nominations:

“The movie industry is like the Rocky Mountains, the higher you get, the whiter it gets.”

"In the time of Staten Island and Ferguson, to have one of the most shutout Oscar nights in recent memory is something that is incongruous."

“The lack of diversity in today’s Oscar nominations is appalling and while it is good that Selma was nominated for ‘Best Picture,’ it’s ironic that they nominated a story about the racial shutout around voting while there is a racial shutout around the Oscar nominations. With all of the talent in Selma and other Black movies this year, it is hard to believe that we have less diversity in the nominations today than in recent history.”

“I have called an emergency meeting early next week in Hollywood with the task force to discuss possible action around the Academy Awards.”

Possible action around the awards? That can mean only one thing. Race pimp Sharpton is planning to lead protest demonstrations during the award ceremonies February 22. He better hope that no white cop shoots an unarmed black man around that time because the disgusting pig, as James Woods calls Sharpton, cannot be in two places at the same time.

As an afterthought it occurred to me that Sharpton’s threats could actually be a devious scheme to intimidate the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences into selecting Selma as the Best Picture.

Friday, January 16, 2015


Police in the Florida city of North Miami Beach have been using mug shots of blacks as targets for the department’s firearms training

BarkGrowlBite | January 16, 2015

The Florida city of North Miami Beach has been using the nearby Medley Police Firearms Training Center for its cops. The NMBPD brings along its own targets. Those targets happen to be six mugshots of black teenagers and adults. That firing range is also used by other police agencies and by the National Guard.

When a National Guard unit came to the range, they found a discarded target made up of six mugshots of black teenagers and men, with bullet holes in some of the heads. If that wasn’t bad enough, it turned out that one of the mug shots on the discarded target happened to be the brother of a woman soldier in the NG unit. The mugshot was taken when her brother was a teenager.

I suspect those targets were probably started out as the joke of some smart-ass cop. Adopting those mug shot targets was a terrible idea, especially since none of the mug shots were of white men.

NMB Police Chief J. Scott Dennis defends the indefensible, saying it is common for targets like that to be used for facial recognition by police snipers. But none of the other police agencies that use the Medley range have ever used such targets. Not only is that type of target a terrible idea, but some stupid dipshit from the NMBPD left one of the shot up targets behind for anyone to find. And that was no joke!

Thursday, January 15, 2015


I get irritated when people come down on our police officers here in Texas, saying that they don't care about, or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are callous and disrespectful.

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas, who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the Pedernales River near the state Highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an 'I Love Obama' t-shirt.

The police removed and burned the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

So there, Texas cops really do care.


A teacher at an exclusive all-boys boarding school in Pennsylvania got caught having an affair with a 16-year-old student when she left a love letter to him on the school’s office printer

BarkGrowlBite | January 15, 2015

Church Farm School is an exclusive all-boys boarding school in Exton, Pennsylvania that charges an annual tuition of $35,000. Sarah O’Neill taught English at the prestigious school from September 2007 to June 2014. Guess why she no longer teaches there.

It appears that teaching English was not the only thing that occupied Sarah’s time. As a matter of act she spent an awfully lot of time fucking and communicating with a 16-year-old student from January to November of last year. And how did she get caught? Well - this is a good one - she left a love letter to the young man on the school’s office printer.

Other members of the school staff found the following letter to the lucky boy on the printer:

“The thought that I could love so deeply and so wrongly pervaded before you and I even officially began. It was quite a long winter break before my lips even attempted yours and I wondered if you were as affected as I.”

After they showed the letter to the school administration, Sarah was asked resign in June 2014, which she did. A police investigation revealed that she had been having an affair with the boy for almost a year, an affair that continued even after she resigned.

Sarah allegedly exchanged 509 phone calls and 319 texts with the boy for a total of 106 hours. They also exchanged lots of emails. Wow, that was one busy teacher.

The boy told police they first kissed at a Motel 6 – you know the one where they leave the light on – in King of Prussia. The boy said they returned to the motel several times for blow jobs. They also had sex at an Extended Stay America in Exton. They would also have sex in her car and in a park.

A school custodian told the police that she caught the pair three times in a locked classroom with the lights turned off. On one of those occasions, Sarah told her – now this is a really good one – she was helping the boy with extra credit. What a lucky kid!

The cops charged Sarah with four counts of corrupting minors. She is currently out of jail on bail and is scheduled to appear in court for a preliminary hearing on February 2.

By leaving a love letter to the boy on the school’s office printer, Sarah is now one of the favorites in the running for the Educated Idiot Teacher of the Year award.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015


What a wonderful commercial and what a great way for KLM to return those smart phones to passengers who left them behind when they got off the plane.


A 15-year-old boy farted and ended up in a hospital getting eight staples to close a gash on his head

BarkGrowlBite | January 13, 2015

South Richmond High School in Staten Island, New York caters to special needs students. A 15-year-old male student learned the hard way that farts can become mighty painful. On January 5, the boy blew a fart in the direction of Joquasha Rosado, a 17-year old student. Apparently the young lady took offense because she up and thumped the boy over the head with a metal stool and then promptly proceeded to punch him in the face 10-15 times with her closed fists.

The boy ended up in the hospital getting eight staples to close a gash on his head. Joquasha was arrested and charged with second-degree assault, a felony, and possession of a weapon. The NY cops threw in a charge of harassment for good measure. They are not sure of whether the beating occurred inside or outside the school.

This is not the first case of a fart leading to unpleasant circumstances. According to Mail Online, last September a 46-year-old British man was arrested for deliberately farting into the face of a police officer and for calling him a 'terrorist'. And last August, Jessica Cerney, from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, punched 64-year-old Darrell McKnight after he apparently farted in her face.

Deliberately farted into the face of a cop? Now if the cop had shot the bastard, he should have been awarded a medal for shooting him during the commission of a terrorist attack.

As for Joquasha, rumor has it that the McMahon family wants to sign her up for their World Wrestling Entertainment business. They were especially impressed with how Joquasha used a metal stool to smack down on the boy’s head.

Seriously though, the moral of this story is that if you are around other people, pucker up and don’t fart!


Unfortunately, the sign on the front door of a Philadelphia home apparently malfunctioned

BarkGrowlBite | January 13, 2015

Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

Thus read a sign on the front door of a home in the Holmesburg section of Philadelphia.

Just before 11:30 p.m. Saturday, a man’s girlfriend entered the home in the 4600 block of Vista Street and found three men shot to death. One man was lying in the kitchen and the other two were in the living room. All three had been shot in the head. Two of the victims were in their 30s and the other victim was in his 40s.

Unfortunately for the three gunshot victims, the front door sign apparently malfunctioned.

Monday, January 12, 2015


Netanyahu and Abbas clash during massive Paris unity march and rally

By Ima Schmuck

The massive 1.3 million strong Paris unity march and rally that was held Sunday in the wake of the Islamist terrorist attacks on the offices of Charlie Hebdo magazine and the Hyper Cacher kosher grocery store, was attended by more than 40 heads of state from all over the world. Notably absent was President Obama. And none of Obama’s top officials, like Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State John Kerry, were there either. Two leaders in attendance were Israeli Prime Minister Binjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas.

Netanyahu and Abbas looked like they were trying to avoid each other, but at one point they accidentally bumped into each other. A heated exchange followed with Netanyahu speaking in Hebrew and Abbas in Arabic. A bystander was able to film the clash with a camcorder and he made the video available to the Unconventional Gazette. Our interpreters were able to translate what was being said. Here is a transcript of that heated exchange:

Warning: This transcript contains graphic language which may not be suitable for all readers.

ABBAS: Watch out where your fat ass is going.

NETANYAHU: You watch out where your fat Fatah ass is going.

A: Fuck you and your hooknosed Jews.

N. Fuck you and your rag-top Palestinians.

A: Fuck you and your Jew pigs.

N: Fuck you and your Palestinian swine.

A: Fuck you, you terrorist.

N: No, fuck you, you terrorist.

A: You fucking terrorist, I’m going to charge your Jew ass with war crimes before the International Criminal Court.

N: Oh yeah, well two can play at that game and you’ll be dancing with 72 virgins in paradise before your sorry fat ass ever sees one shekel of the taxes we collect for you.

A: That did it, you son of a pig (taking up a fighting stance).

N: Good, bring it on, you son of swine.

At this point French President François Hollande had come over and stepped in between the two.

HOLLANDE: Now boys, cut that out! This is not the place and time for this sort of thing. Now shake hands and make up.

A: Fuck you, you French pig.

N: Yeah, fuck you.

On that note of agreement, Abbas and Netanyahu turned around and, with one final 'fuck you' bellowed at each other, parted company. One might ask: John Kerry where were you when they needed you? It should have been Obama’s peacemaker stepping in between Abbas and Netanyahu instead of the frog.


As many as 20 shoppers were killed and many more were wounded

BarkGrowlBite | January 12, 2015

A suicide bomber walked into a crowded market Saturday in the northern Nigerian city of Maiduguri and – boom – up to 20 people were dead with many more wounded.

Since Maiduguri is at the center of the Boko Haram insurgency, there is nothing unusual about a suicide bomber blowing him or herself up. Ah, but not so fast. This suicide bombing was different.

The suicide bomber turned out to be a little girl believed to be about 10-years old. Yes, I said 10-years old! The little girl had concealed a powerful explosive device under her Muslim veil. Allahu Akbar!


After crashing into a utility pole in suburban Dayton, Ohio, the critically injured driver was not discovered until six hours after his wrecked vehicle had been towed away from the crash site

BarkGrowlBite | January 12, 2015

During the early hours of New Year’s Day, a driver crashed into and broke off a utility pole in Harrison Township, a suburb of Dayton Ohio. When first responders arrived, they found electric wires strewn across the car and the pavement. When they got the mess cleared up, the wrecked vehicle was hauled off on a flatbed tow truck.

For some reason, the car was left sitting on top of the tow truck for some six hours. When a worker finally started to remove the wreck from the truck, he heard screams coming from inside the vehicle.

It would appear that Montgomery County sheriff's deputies – oops, very big oops - forgot to look inside the wrecked car while investigating the accident, and neither did the tow truck driver.

The critically injured driver, whose identity has not been released, is now hospitalized in stable condition. The Montgomery County Sheriff’s Department is trying to figure out how and why its deputies fucked up.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


George Zimmerman is arrested for the third time since he was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin

BarkGrowlBite | January 11, 2015

George Zimmerman is either a complete jerk or half-baked. To me it appears to be both. He has been arrested three times since he was acquitted of murder for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin in a July 2013 jury trial. While I believe the acquittal was clearly justified, this guy is dangerous and should be locked up!

His latest arrest came on Friday when Florida’s Seminole County Sheriff’s Department deputies busted Zimmerman, 31, in Lake Mary for tossing a wine bottle at his girlfriend. He was charged with aggravated assault and is roosting in the John E. Polk Correctional Facility.

During a court hearing Saturday morning, bail was set at $5,000, which in my opinion is way too low for such a dangerous ding-a-ling. As a matter of caution, Judge John Galluzzo ordered Zimmerman to surrender all weapons he owned. He was also ordered to avoid any contact with the alleged victim and to stay out of Volusia County where she lives. His next court hearing is scheduled for February 17.

Here is a list of Zimmerman’s other brushes with the law since he was acquitted of murder:

In September 2013 he was arrested after his estranged wife reported that Zimmerman had attacked her father and pointed a gun at her. The case was dismissed when she declined to press any charges.

In November 2013, Zimmerman was busted for beating up his girlfriend. She also claimed he pointed a gun at her. That case was dismissed because she also dropped the charges.

In September 2014, the jerk was investigated for telling a truck driver “I’ll fucking kill you” during a road rage incident. Zimmerman was not arrested because the truck driver did not wish to file any charges.

Let me reiterate that I believe Zimmerman’s acquittal in the Trayvon Martin shooting was clearly justified. But this half-baked jerk is too dangerous to be running loose on the streets. He should be prosecuted even if his latest victim declines to press the aggravated assault charge. Zimmerman should be kept locked up!


DAs say that when a victim refuses to cooperate, there will not be enough evidence for a successful prosecution. But is that why, in his previous arrests, Zimmerman was not prosecuted? I seriously doubt it.

Even when a victim declines to press charges, the prosecution can still go ahead and try the perpetrator. In those Zimmerman cases, I believe the prosecutors did not have the political courage to face a predictable firestorm of criticism from the right for going after Zimmerman only because he beat the Trayvon Martin wrap.

A friend was dismissive of the latest incident because Zimmerman threw an empty wine bottle at his girlfriend and missed. But what if he had hit her? She could have been seriously injured. His dismissiveness of this incident is the same as blowing off an attempt to kill someone because the shooter missed.


Joseph Gibbons, who lectured at MIT from 2002-2010, gets busted for the New Year’s Eve robbery of a Manhattan bank while he was wanted for the November robbery of a bank in Providence, Rhode Island

BarkGrowlBite | January 11, 2015

A former MIT professor who lectured in the prestigious university’s Art, Culture and Technology program from 2002-2010, was arrested Friday for the $1,000 New Year’s Eve robbery of a Capital One bank in Manhattan. Joseph Gibbons, 61, now a filmmaker, used a camcorder to film the robbery. He was already wanted for the November robbery of a bank in Providence, Rhode Island.

According to court records, he handed a teller at the Capital One bank a note asking for a donation to be made to his church. In the Rhode Island robbery, he took $3,000 and told the Citizens Bank teller, “Thank you, this is for the church.”

While waiting in court to be arraigned, Gibbons told another prisoner that he committed the robberies as research for a film he planned to make. Kaylan Sherrard, the other prisoner, told authorities, “He was doing research for a film. It’s not a crime, it’s artwork. He’s an intellectual.”

A bio from MIT stated that Gibbons's work has been exhibited at the Museum of Modern Art and Whitney Museum in New York, the Centre Pompidou in Paris and the Reina Sofia in Madrid. It also noted that his 2002 film 'Confessions of a Sociopath' was judged to be among the Best Films of the Year by Artforum magazine.

Gibbons once told Big Red and Shiny art magazine that, as research for some of his short films, he tried to cultivate a drug habit. “I was involved in all this research. The romantic idea of the artist getting involved in these kinds of activities as a kind of research, gaining experience.”

This nutty professor either failed to take the Robbery 101 course, or if he did, the intellectual idiot must have flunked out.


Four black men were shot to death inside a stolen car in San Francisco’s trendy Hayes Valley district

BarkGrowlBite | January 11, 2015

Around 10 p.m. Friday, residents of San Francisco’s trendy Happy Valley district called police to report they heard at least 15 shots fired. Responding officers found four black men shot to death inside a car that was believed to be stolen.

Some rounds struck nearby homes with one bullet ending embedded in a refrigerator.

The shooting took place in the 200 block of Page Street, near Laguna Street. The police have few clues to go on and believe the shooting may have been gang related.

Participants in the ‘Black Lives Matter’ protests are probably convinced that white cops must have done it.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015


A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him.

"I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."


Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea...

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated.. of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.’

Tuesday, January 6, 2015


Abdul al Shabazz Washington, a UC Berkeley graduate in African-American studies, gets thumbs up for his two-pronged plan after meeting with President Obama and Attorney General Holder

By Adolf der Schweinehund

Abdul al Shabazz Washington, 27, a UC Berkeley graduate in African-American studies, is a young man with a plan to keep cops from killing black men. After a White House meeting Monday with President Obama, Attorney General Holder, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson and Al Sharpton, Washington called a news conference Tuesday in front of the Oakland, California police headquarters to reveal his two-pronged plan to keep cops from killing black men.

The first prong of Washington’s plan requires a different approach to firearms training for all law enforcement officers. It calls for the elimination of all center-mass targets. Instead, new targets will only depict an arm and hand holding a weapon. Trainees will be instructed to shoot at and hit the weapon or the hand holding it.

Under Washington’s plan, officers will be prohibited from aiming at the center-mass of any gunman they are confronting on the street. “If John Wayne and Clint Eastwood can shoot a weapon out of an adversary’s hand,” said Washington, “then so should a well-trained police officer.”

The other prong in Washington’s plan would alter the way in which the criminal justice systems now works in police shootings. Grand juries will no longer hear police shooting cases. Instead, any cop who shoots a citizen, whether armed or not, will be charge and tried for using excessive force. It will be up to a cop to prove to a jury of his peers that the shooting was justified.

“I guarantee you,” said Washington, “my plan will all but eliminate the killing of black men by police officers of any color. I hereby call on the Oakland Police Department and all law enforcement agencies in the United States to take immediate steps in order to put my plan into effect.”

The UG contacted Josh Earnest, President Obama’s press secretary. Earnest confirmed that Washington did indeed have a meeting Monday in the East Room of the White House with the president, along with Holder, Johnson and Sharpton. Earnest said:

“As you know, the president has been deeply troubled by the extraordinary number of black men getting killed by the police and especially since almost all of those black men were shot by white cops.

The president was shown Mr. Washington’s plan while he was vacationing in Hawaii. He was so impressed with this young man’s plan that he made it his first order of business upon returning from his vacation to meet with Abdul in the White House. The president instructed the Attorney General and the Homeland Security Secretary to be present, and he invited his trusted adviser, the Reverend Al Sharpton, to attend the meeting.

At the conclusion of the meeting, the President instructed General Holder to order all federal law enforcement agencies to put the new firearms training into effect. He instructed Secretary Johnson to contact all state and local law enforcement agencies to request they do the same.

The president admits that Washington’s plan is revolutionary but he agrees with this brilliant young man that the plan will reduce, if not eliminate, the killing of black men by the police. And the president also believes that by taking the grand juries out of the process, the black community will come to feel that blacks will finally achieve some measure of equal justice.”

The UG contacted Sharpton to get his thoughts on Washington’s plan:

“This young man has come up with a plan that should actually work. Why didn’t I think of it? Why this is even better than body cameras. All I will say at this time is that I am for any plan that will keep white killer cops from shooting down black men in the streets like dogs.”

The UG contacted New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and he said:

“This is a brilliant plan. I am going to call Bill Bratton within the hour and instruct him to put Mr. Washington’s firearms training into effect ASAP. Come to think of it, if this plan had been in effect all along, I would never have had to literally train my dear son Dante to beware of white cops.”

Finally the UG contacted Sean Whent, Oakland’s chief of police:

“I am about as liberal and progressive as any police administrator in the country. All I can say is, this is crazy!”

Monday, January 5, 2015


Busted demonstrators accuse cops of discriminating against them for being black

By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA Corrections blog | January 4, 2015

‘Black Lives Matter’ protesters are now petitioning the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) board of directors to drop the charges against the 14 “activists” (disruptive assholes) who blocked service at the West Oakland BART station the day after Thanksgiving, disrupting the lives of thousand of people.

The disruptive assholes have been charged with misdemeanor trespassing on a railroad. If found guilty they could collectively be on the business end of a $70,000 restitution claim. The spokes asshole for the disruptive assholes claims it is racial discrimination as the group of “peaceful demonstrators” was all black.

So far the BART board is showing some spine and refusing to back down. So far.

Sunday, January 4, 2015


Get a small or medium frame .38 Special revolver

By Bob Walsh

I am a gun person. I am a well-trained, knowledgeable and experienced gun person.

For starters, there is almost nothing so useless and even dangerous as a firearm, especially a handgun, in the possession of an inexperienced, untrained individual. If you are not willing to get training from someone who knows what they are doing, and are not willing to spend a little time and money in the process, you are much better off without one.

When someone asks me about what sort of gun they should buy and carry I almost always recommend a small or medium frame .38 Special revolver.

A lot of my reasoning is because the revolver, as opposed to the semi-auto, is operationally simple. They are fewer things to do wrong. There is only one way to load it. If you pull the trigger it will almost certainly fire. If it doesn’t pulling the trigger again will almost certainly fix it.

I have seen people load ammunition backwards into semi-auto magazines. I have seen people jam magazines backwards into weapons so hard they had to be pounded out of the gun with a hammer.

The .38 Special has adequate power for self-defense, especially with a proper bullet and loading. It is almost certainly capable of more accuracy than the person using it is. Ammunition is easy to get and relatively cheap (though not nearly as cheap as it used to be). The guns are available new and used in good shape in a variety of sizes and, with the proper grips, will fit almost anybody well. They can be had small enough to conceal well.

.38 Special revolvers are a decent all-around choice for the newbie.

Saturday, January 3, 2015


To you who may be looking forward to Retirement...!!!

This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counseling. (I'll meet you there.)

There are 4 questions. Don't miss one.

Giraffe Test

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

Elephant Test

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Lion Test

3. The Lion King is hosting an Animal Conference. All the animals attend ...except one. Which animal does not attend?

Crocodile Test

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

(Answers at end.)

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Retirees they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most Retirees do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

1. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

4. Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Haven’t you been lis-ten-ing? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


After the end pf the Rose Bowl game, Oregon football players taunted Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, who has been accused of rape, by chanting ‘No Means No’

BarkGrowlBite | January 3, 2015

In 2012 a woman accused Jameis Winston, Florida State’s star quarterback, of raping her. Winston, the 2013 Heisman Trophy winner, was never criminally charged because the state’s attorney claimed there was not enough evidence to prosecute him. And Winston was recently cleared of violating the university’s student code of conduct.

Winston is not only a star football player, but he is also a multimillion dollar commodity to the university and to the business community in Tallahassee. I suspect the state’s attorney worked just as hard, if not harder, to find a way out of having to prosecute Winston as he did to prosecute the alleged rapist. And the same holds true for the university administration’s investigation of the student conduct violation.

In Thursday’s Rose Bowl game, The University of Oregon thoroughly thumped Florida State University by a lopsided score of 59-20, thereby winning the right to play Ohio State University for the college football championship.

At the end of the game a number of Oregon players celebrated by taunting Winston with chants of “No Means No’ to the tune of the ‘Warchant’ used by Florida State fans. That infuriated Winston’s supporters. In response to the outrage, Oregon’s coach released this statement Thursday night:

"We are aware of the inappropriate behavior in the postgame. This is not what our program stands for, and the student-athletes will be disciplined internally."

Now let me think about a proper discipline for the ‘No Means No’ chanting players. Hmm ….. hmm. Eureka! I’ve got it. Coach, make them take one extra lap sprinting around the practice field.


The Idaho Court of Appeals overturned the conviction of a black man in a sexual abuse case because the prosecutor quoted lyrics from ‘Dixie’, thereby playing to the racial biases jurors may have held

BarkGrowlBite | January 3, 2015

In April 2013, James D. Kirk, then 45, a black man, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for the sexual abuse of two white girls. Kirk was found guilty of lewd conduct against a 17-year-old girl and sexual battery of a 13-year-old girl.

In rebuttal to the defense’s closing arguments that the state had no physical evidence to back up the stories of the two victims, Canyon County Deputy Prosecutor Erica Kallin quoted lyrics from ‘Dixie’, the anthem of the Confederacy:

“I always think of this one song. Some people know it. It's the Dixie song. Right? 'Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton. Good times not forgotten. Look away. Look away. Look away. And isn't that really what you've kind of been asked to do? Look away from the two eyewitnesses. Look away from the two victims. Look away from the nurse and her medical opinion. Look away. Look away. Look away.”

On December 19, a three-judge panel of the Idaho Court of Appeals overturned Kirk's conviction, ruling unanimously that quoting from Dixie had inadvertently introduced ‘pernicious racism’ into the trial:

“This prosecutor may not have intended to appeal to racial bias, but a prosecutor's mental state, however innocent, does not determine the message received by the jurors or their individual responses to it.

An invocation of race by a prosecutor, even if subtle and oblique, may be violative of due process or equal protection.

Nothing in the record suggests that the jurors harbored any racial prejudice or that they were actually influenced by the prosecutor's recitation of 'Dixie,' but the risk of prejudice to a defendant is magnified where the case is as sensitive as this one, involving alleged sexual molestation of minors.”

In my opinion, the three judges took leave of their senses. Nothing in that song suggests any racism. Furthermore, unlike the Confederate flag, which is recognized as a symbol of racism, I’ll bet that most of the jurors, if not all of them, don’t even know that ‘Dixie’ was the anthem of the Confederacy. And that ain’t whistling Dixie.

Friday, January 2, 2015


A pipe and a ‘thing’ to hit it with is the latest ‘tool’ for California correctional officers

January 2, 2015

On Thursday’s PACOVILLA Correctional blog, Dr. Richard Krupp, a former executive with the California corrections department, identified four persons to watch in the coming year. One was Jeff Beard, who was appointed by Gov. Jerry Brown to head California's prison system. Dr. Krupp quoted Beard as saying:

“The one big thing that we did is we installed what’s called a Guard One system in all of our segregation units, and this is a system where the officer has a (tool), like a pipe, that they walk around and they hit a thing on each door. And so it actually ensures that somebody is making regular rounds in the housing unit.”

To that retired correctional officer Dave Freeman says:

“Banging doors with a pipe every half hour does not insure that the officer actually looks inside each cell and takes the time to view ‘live, breathing flesh.’ It merely means the officer walked the unit knocking on doors and, most assuredly pissing off everyone housed therein. This is a training and supervision issue which does not really require this sort of advanced technology.

So now there are at least two new issues for prisoner rights groups to pursue this year. Officers walking around ‘intimidating inmates with pipes’, and officers using those pipes to disrupt inmates trying to sleep.”

Jeff ‘Paco’ Doyle responds to Dave:

“EXACTLY! These hilarious check-in stations are seen as some kind of hi-tech, 21st century marvel. This new-fangled Guard 1 contraption documents that someone who had the electronic ‘pipe’ at the time touched it to the ‘thing.’ DOH!”

And Dr. Krupp also responds to Dave:

“Maybe to prove the officer looked inside the cell they could have another ‘thing’ to hit on the door. They could call them Thing One and Thing Two. Dr Seuess would be proud.”

Folks, that’s why I call it Kookfornia!


A burglar with a knowledge of fine wines made off with 76 bottles from Napa Valley’s celebrated The French Laundry restaurant, including Domaine de la Romanée-Conti, a French Burgundy that sells for more than $10,000 a bottle

BarkGrowlBite | January 2, 2015

The French Laundry is an upscale Napa Valley restaurant that has been awarded the coveted three-Michelin-star rating. Employees are usually at the restaurant 24/7, but Christmas Day was different. A burglar, who had to be a connoisseur of fine wines, took advantage of the unoccupied eatery by pilfering 76 bottles of wine with an estimated value of $300,000. The burglar or burglars broke through the French Laundry’s wine cellar door sometime after 2 p.m. on Christmas Day.

The burglar passed up moderately priced bottles, taking only the most prized wines, including Domaine de la Romanée-Conti, a French Burgundy that sells for more than $10,000 a bottle. The thief also took bottles of Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon, the finest wine produced in the Napa Valley.

The crook or crooks will have a hard time disposing of their loot. Each bottle of Domaine de la Romanée-Conti has a serial number that can be traced back to The French Laundry. Since that wine is so rare, selling it in bulk would immediately arouse suspicions. The best bet is to sell it one bottle at a time spread out over a period of many months. And to avoid tracing of the serial numbers, it would almost certainly have to be sold to Europeans.

As for the burglary, it should be noted that no one set the alarm for the restaurant’s wine cellar. One would immediately conclude, aha, it’s an inside job. But since employees are almost always there 24/7, it is easy to understand that no one would think about setting the alarm.

The investigation is being conducted by the Napa County Sheriff’s Department.

For now at least, some crooked wine connoisseur is having a very, very Happy and Prosperous New Year.


By Bob Walsh
PACOVILLA Corrections blog
January 1, 2015

It happens several times a year around the country.

According to KFBK radio one Stanley Michael Lewis, 24, is under arrest in Sacramento for accidentally shooting his lady friend while engaging in “celebratory gunfire” last night. The unnamed 20-year old woman is in the hospital and is unlikely to survive.

Anybody stupid enough to actually do something like this, especially in a built-up area, deserves all the bad things that are likely to happen to them. Morons should not have guns.

kl2008a says: “Maybe she was holding an empty beer can on her head so her boyfriend could show off his marksmanship, but since he’s the one who emptied the can(s) his aim was a little low. He missed his target by that much!”

Thursday, January 1, 2015


Pistol packing pastor shoot and wounds maintenance man who shot at him after being told he was fired

BarkGrowlBite | January 1, 2015

Hot diggity dog, it’s a shootout at the OK Corral - oops - it’s not the corral, it’s a church in Kissimmee, Florida.

Terry L. Howell, 61, pastor at the Living Water Fellowship church, told maintenance man Benjamin Parangan, 47, Tuesday morning that he was fired. Apparently Benny wasn’t too happy about getting canned, so he drew a gun and opened fire on Rev. Howell. The pistol packing pastor then drew his own gun and shot and wounded bad shot Benny.

The former maintenance man is recovering in a hospital and, when released, will be jailed on a charge of aggravated assault with intent to kill.

Sheriff’s officers believe this is a case of self defense, but the investigation is continuing. Both men had concealed-carry licenses.

If Benny wasn’t any better as a maintenance man than he was as a shooter, I can see why he got fired.