Saturday, November 30, 2013


By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA Corrections blog
November 30, 2013

The city of Oakland, CA. has a program called Highway To Work. It is run by the city and by Alameda County and provides, at least in theory, a work program for “young criminal offenders.”

The city is pulling out of the program and will reevaluate it after Christian Leonard, 19, was busted on the program with a gun (for protection) and some coke for sale (his “regular” job is a street pharmaceutical salesman). Leonard was in the program as a weed abatement worker for the Public Works Agency.

Christian had a semi-auto with the serial numbers filed off and 17 twists of coke on him when he was arrested. His most recent prior beef was carrying a gun. I guess selling drugs pays better, and is more emotionally rewarding, than $10 an hour weedwacking.


Irony 1

We are told not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics.

Then on the other hand, we are also expected to judge all Gun Owners by the actions of a few lunatics.

Irony 2

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever ... to 47.5 million people, according to the most recent figures released in April 2013.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is because "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."

Irony 3

Actor Paul Walker and co-star Vin Diesel starred in six Fast and Furious movies and have been working on a seventh one. In the films they were driving different makes of cars at breakneck speeds and survived spectacular crashes with nary a scratch.

In real life, Paul Walker died about 3:30 p.m. today as a passenger in a 2005 Porsche Carrera GT that was speeding in Valencia, California when it crashed into a light pole and tree and burst into flames. Death for both occupants was fast and furious.

Thus ends today's lessons in irony.

Thursday, November 28, 2013


During a Sunday morning church service, the Baptist preacher asked if anyone in the congregation would like to bear witness for answered prayers.

Maureen Oglethorpe stood and walked to the pulpit. She said, "I can bear witness. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if surgery would succeed in restoring the crushed scrotum."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced with his crushed balls.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him unbearable pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom's balls.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thanks to the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely. Praise the Lord, our prayers were answered."

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The preacher rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the pulpit.

He said, "I'm Tom Oglethorpe."

The entire congregation held its collective breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex; a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!


The Onion | November 25, 2013

NATANZ, IRAN—Standing in the dim subterranean facility in which he had spent the better part of his peak work years, deeply frustrated Iranian scientist Ali Khatami told reporters today that the recent Iran-U.S. nuclear accords have forced him to shutter the project he has wasted 12 years of his life—12 goddamned years—developing.

“Perfect! Let’s just flush a decade of my life down the drain, then, shall we?” Khatami said as he angrily typed a code into a nearby computer to power down over 8,000 P-2 centrifuges he reportedly squandered countless nights diligently overseeing. “Do those assholes even know how hard it is to enrich uranium? How much I sacrificed? I never married, I’m prematurely gray, and now guess what? The prime of my life is gone forever. Unbelievable. This country’s going to fucking hell, man.”

The nuclear physicist then paused, sighed, and wondered if he might realistically find work in Yemen.

Saturday, November 23, 2013


John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast.

However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate. He questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get 'em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg. He asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up, the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret. I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town, and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car!"

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!"

Friday, November 22, 2013


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

Thursday, November 21, 2013


Bob and Diane were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed, and as Diane walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that Bob was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Honey, do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes sweetheart, I do remember that jewelry store."

He replied, "Well, I’m having a couple of beers in the bar next door.”

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Researchers say having cancer is “bad,” and that people should, if possible, not get it

The Onion | November 18, 2013

PHILADELPHIA—Calling the contraction of the disease “not good,” and saying that not having the illness is highly preferable to having it, oncologists representing the American Association for Cancer Research urged the U.S. populace Monday not to get cancer.

The panel, which consisted of medical experts at the top of their respective fields in cancer research, education, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, addressed the media for 45 minutes, saying that people’s best hope in terms of living a long, cancer-free life is to never develop cancerous cells in any part of the body, ever.

“After years of closely studying this illness and learning about how it grows and arbitrarily attacks vital organs throughout the body at an uncontrollable rate until one eventually dies, we have concluded that not having cancer is the best way to go,” said Dr. Robert Bertino, who specializes in molecular biology at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. “If you are going to contract a harmful illness, get diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, meningitis, or even Type 2 diabetes. Anything but cancer. Cancer is just the worst.”

“A lot of people die from it,” he added. “It’s bad.”

According to specialists, people should not contract colon cancer, breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, stage IV lung cancer, esophageal cancer, liver cancer, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, or any one of the roughly 200 other known forms of cancer. In addition, researchers confirmed that if it comes down to having terminal vs. non-terminal cancer, both are undesirable, but non-terminal is recommended.

However, oncologists said that even less threatening forms of the illness, such as non-melanoma skin cancer, should be steered clear of, with Bertino explaining that, “You have the surgery, you think it’s gone, it comes back for some reason, God knows why, and then it spreads to your lymph nodes, and that’s that.”

AACR officials went on to recommend that individuals should avoid having a family history of cancer, and that if people must grow tumors, they should make sure to only develop benign ones.

“When a patient comes in to visit me because they have malignant tissue in their breast or under their arm, the first thing I say is, ‘It would be much better if this hadn’t happened,’” said Dr. Sydney Drysdale, head of oncology at Johns Hopkins Medical Center. “I tell them I have studied this illness for decades, I’m the foremost expert when it comes to the spread of cancer, and then I look them in the eye and say cancer is literally the last thing I’d want in my body. I tell them it’s not a death sentence, but that it certainly could be. It’s cancer. You shouldn’t get it.”

“Sometimes patients will ask about clinical trials and I’ll say clinical trials wouldn’t even be an issue if you hadn’t gotten cancer in the first place,” Drysdale continued. “My best advice: Don’t have abnormal cells that uncontrollably divide and invade other tissues.”

Top cancer researchers throughout the country urged individuals to think of the benefits of not having cancer, such as being alive for a much longer period of time, feeling healthy, not putting your family through what will easily be the most difficult period of their entire lives, never feeling like you’re at the mercy of near impossible and hopeless science, and being able to die of natural causes and not cancer.

Moreover, while 10 out of 10 oncologists recommended never having cancer, 100 percent of people who do not currently have cancer reportedly said they are much happier because of it.

“If I could do it all over again, I would not have gotten cancer,” said 46-year-old Kevin Glanville, who is currently battling chronic myeloid leukemia. “Getting chemotherapy two times per week and constantly feeling weak and nauseous when there is a good chance the treatment won’t even work is much less attractive to me than, say, not dealing with those circumstances.”

“My doctor contacted some colleagues of his who work in the cancer research lab at the Mayo Clinic,” he continued, “and they said that, for the foreseeable future, if there is any way I cannot have cancer anymore I should do that.”

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Friday, November 15, 2013


An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days.

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police officers arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,

Sunday, November 10, 2013


Unless you’ve been living under a rock, by now you should know that Toronto’s mayor, Rob Ford, has been under withering fire for admittedly smoking crack cocaine and for going on explosive drunken rants. Even though a majority of Toronto residents are calling for his resignation, Ford’s approval rating actually went up.

Jay Leno had some fun tying together Obamacare, the movie ‘Gravity’ and the poll numbers on President Obama and Mayor Ford. Here is what Jay Leno had to say on Wednesday’s NBC Tonight Show:

“And President Obama saw gravity today – not the film, his poll numbers. Not good. Latest polls show President Obama’s approval rating down to 39 percent. And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s approval rating went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He’s better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare – would have been up 10 points.”


New Mexico cops and doctors subjected a minor traffic violator to two digital anal exams, three enemas and a colonoscopy, all because he clenched his butt when he was stopped

BarkGrowlBite | November 10, 2013

I’ll bet the lawsuit is going to cost the authorities, doctors and hospital a ton of money. What in the hell were those idiots thinking? They better avoid a trial and get out of Dodge while they can by settling this fiasco out of court.

This 4 On Your Side investigation looks into the actions of police officers and doctors in Southern New Mexico

By Chris Ramirez

KOB Eyewitness News 4
November 5, 2013

A review of medical records, police reports and a federal lawsuit show deputies with the Hidalgo County Sheriff's Office, police officers with the City of Deming and medical professionals at the Gila Regional Medical Center made some questionable decisions.

The incident began January 2, 2013 after David Eckert finished shopping at the Wal-Mart in Deming. According to a federal lawsuit, Eckert didn't make a complete stop at a stop sign coming out of the parking lot and was immediately stopped by law enforcement.

Eckert's attorney, Shannon Kennedy, said in an interview with KOB that after law enforcement asked him to step out of the vehicle, he appeared to be clenching his buttocks. Law enforcement thought that was probable cause to suspect that Eckert was hiding narcotics in his anal cavity. While officers detained Eckert, they secured a search warrant from a judge that allowed for an anal cavity search.

The lawsuit claims that Deming Police tried taking Eckert to an emergency room in Deming, but a doctor there refused to perform the anal cavity search citing it was "unethical."

But physicians at the Gila Regional Medical Center in Silver City agreed to perform the procedure and a few hours later, Eckert was admitted.

What Happened

While there, Eckert was subjected to repeated and humiliating forced medical procedures. A review of Eckert's medical records, which he released to KOB, and details in the lawsuit show the following happened:

1. Eckert's abdominal area was x-rayed; no narcotics were found.

2. Doctors then performed an exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found.

3. Doctors performed a second exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found.

4. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.

5. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a second time. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.

6. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a third time. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.

7. Doctors then x-rayed Eckert again; no narcotics were found.

8. Doctors prepared Eckert for surgery, sedated him, and then performed a colonoscopy where a scope with a camera was inserted into Eckert's anus, rectum, colon, and large intestines. No narcotics were found.

Throughout this ordeal, Eckert protested and never gave doctors at the Gila Regional Medical Center consent to perform any of these medical procedures.

"If the officers in Hidalgo County and the City of Deming are seeking warrants for anal cavity searches based on how they're standing and the warrant allows doctors at the Gila Hospital of Horrors to go in and do enemas and colonoscopies without consent, then anyone can be seized and that's why the public needs to know about this," Kennedy said.

Search Warrant Concerns

There are major concerns about the way the search warrant was carried out. Kennedy argues that the search warrant was overly broad and lacked probable cause. But beyond that, the warrant was only valid in Luna County, where Deming is located. The Gila Regional Medical Center is in Grant County. That means all of the medical procedures were performed illegally and the doctors who performed the procedures did so with no legal basis and no consent from the patient.

In addition, even if the search warrant was executed in the correct New Mexico county, the warrant expired at 10 p.m. Medical records show the prepping for the colonoscopy started at 1 a.m. the following day, three hours after the warrant expired.

"This is like something out of a science fiction film, anal probing by government officials and public employees," Kennedy said.

No Comment

KOB reached out to the attorneys representing the defendants in the lawsuit and all declined to comment on the situation. The attorneys said it's their personal policy not comment on pending litigation.

4 On Your Side Investigative Reporter Chris Ramirez cornered Deming Police Chief Brandon Gigante.

"As the police chief what reassurances could you give people when they come through your town that they won't be violated or abused by your police officers?" Ramirez asked Chief Gigante.

"We follow the law in every aspect and we follow policies and protocols that we have in place," Chief Gigante replied.

"Do you think those officers in this particular case did that?" Ramirez asked.

Gigante didn't answer, instead he referred Ramirez to his attorney.

The Lawsuit

David Eckert is suing The City of Deming and Deming Police Officers Bobby Orosco, Robert Chavez and Officer Hernandez.

Eckert is also suing Hidalgo County Hidalgo County Deputies David Arredondo, Robert Rodriguez and Patrick Green.

Eckert is also suing Deputy District Attorney Daniel Dougherty and the Gila Regional Medical Center including Robert Wilcox, M.D and Okay Odocha, M.D.

Friday, November 8, 2013


A long-time foursome was playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says, "Well my wife is at home admiring her new Mercedes, reading the driver’s manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the foursome who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense just to play golf this morning. When I got up, I slapped my wife on the ass and said, "Well Babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf. And she said, "Take a sweater."

Thursday, November 7, 2013


The Onion | November 6, 2013

WASHINGTON—Despite Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s recent controversial admission to having smoked crack cocaine, Americans across the country confirmed Wednesday that, Rob Ford or no Rob Ford, there’s just no way they’re about to start giving a shit about Canadian politics—no way in hell.

“Yeah, sorry, not happening,” said 37-year-old Harrisburg, PA resident Daniel Cooke, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who told reporters they will continue happily ignoring any and all stories about the Canadian government, the politics of Canada, or scandals involving Canadian politicians. “Frankly, that guy could have been having sex with an underage boy in the middle of a parliament meeting or whatever the hell they have over there and I still wouldn’t give a shit. I don’t know or care to know who he is, where he’s from, or what he did. What I do know is that if you think I’m going to start paying attention to what’s going on with politics in Toronto or Nova Scotia or Ontario City or wherever the fuck then you’re going to be very disappointed.”

The U.S. populace went on to confirm that, unless Martin Short were to somehow be elected prime minister, their interest level in Canadian politics would remain at this level indefinitely.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


From the Smothers Brothers:

I looked up the word politics. It comes from the Greek word poly, meaning many, and tics, meaning bloodsucking parasites.

Friday, November 1, 2013


BarkGrowlBite | November 1, 2013

Joshua Allen Goverman, 29, is a thief. But Josh is not just any thief … he's a candidate for the Unluckiest Thief of the Year Award. He has been arrested by the Glendale, Arizona police and charged with suspicion of theft because, like many criminals, he left something behind at the scene of the crime.

On October 7, an air conditioning company employee discovered that someone had tried to steal copper wire from his truck. The victim also discovered a personal item the thief accidentally dropped in the truck.

Now, Josh did not lose his wallet or leave his driver's license at the scene. The hapless thief severed a finger while he was plying his trade. The Glendale cops retrieved the finger and used the severed digit to identify the unlucky thief and put him in the slammer.