THE DEER HUNTER

The Unconventional Gazette / October 27, 2012

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid Texas hunter, woke up before daybreak, raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, although he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, get the fuck away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the fuck away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a state game warden with his hands high in the air.

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your fucking deer, just let me get my saddle off of it!"