The Onion / July 20, 2012
LOS ANGELES—According to sources, some soulless fucking piece of shit at Warner Bros. is wondering how last night's tragic shooting of 12 people at a screening of Dark Knight Rises will affect ticket sales for the blockbuster film.
"God, I hope this doesn't ruin our shot at the opening weekend box office record,” said the unimaginable asshole, noting that the cold-blooded murder of a dozen innocent people could deter moviegoers from seeing the film with friends throughout the weekend. "At least the international numbers will still be very strong. We can take comfort in that.”
At press time, the oily, subhuman son of a bitch was reassuring coworkers the movie would definitely still finish number one in North American box office receipts for 2012.
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