The Onion | June 23, 2015
British voters will decide Thursday whether the U.K. should remain a member of the European Union. Here are the leading arguments for and against the U.K. leaving the E.U.:
FOR
First step in returning Britain to its pre-1970s glory as an economically languishing failed colonial empire
In the face of a resurgent Russia and increased threats from ISIS, leaving E.U. would be the best strategy for letting someone else deal with that shit
Britons could once again refocus their hatred on internal class divisions
One less goddamn flag everyone has to hang up
Won’t have to take part in awkward process of denying Bosnia and Herzegovina’s E.U. membership request
Throughout its history, Britain has always been a valiant defender of the right of smaller territories to separate from larger, oppressive governments
Pretty airtight way for citizens to mask racism as concern for national autonomy
AGAINST
Could lead to a chain reaction in which other member states consider leaving and then realize their economy would collapse if they did so
Abandonment of E.U. would significantly delay transition to single totalitarian world government
Could possibly make things awkward when bumping into Denmark or Malta at United Nations summits
The windswept Swiss Alps! The stunning Sagrada Familia! The radiant vineyards of Tuscany!
Never a good idea to find yourself on Luxembourg’s bad side
Free trade agreements keep price of imported wiener würstchen low
Fewer people for David Cameron to order around
EDITOR’S NOTE: At press time the results of the BREXIT votes had not come in.
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