THE GIRLS ON FOX NEWS

Lyrics by Austin Cunningham

Well I used to be a Democrat, Liberal no doubt
I didn’t think Conservatives knew what life’s about
Then I started leaving the Fox News channel on.
If that’s the face of the right, I’ll tell the left so long.

Oh, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News
Everyone is beautiful, anyone you choose
Whoever does the hiring knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News.

There’s Gretchen, Meagan and Martha, Harris and Patti Ann
Janice, Jen and Julie, Maria, Anna and Alison
Dana, Ainsley, Andrea, Uma, Shannon, Molly and Heather

Hey, is there even a Heather?
Yeah.
There’s two?
Yeah two

There’s Mollys too?
Yeah.
Perfect.

Well they make the bad news on TV look a whole lot better!

Now please don’t call me shallow, a pervert, or insane.
Because who the heck does not love beauty with brains.
I bet you that Bill Clinton, when Hillary walks in
Quickly switches back from Fox to MSBNN!

Bet Bill wants a girl like the girls on Fox News
Everyone is beautiful, anyone you choose!
Whoever does the hiring, knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News!

Now to Doocy, Kilmeade, and Bolling, Bret, Shep and Sean
And all them other hairy-legged Geraldos you put on
I ask you all one question, who would you rather watch
Cavuto or Courtney Friel interview Ed Koch.

‘Cause honey sure beats vinegar to wash down the news we need
No one else comes close, well except for maybe Robin Meade.
They got your blondes and brunettes, even redheads, too
Which proves that they’re the only ones with fair and balanced news!

Oh I want a girl, like the girls on Fox News
I’d settle for an hour there in Billy Hemmer’s shoes
Can’t help if other network girls’ egos get bruised
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News.

More cowbell!

And I like Michelle Malkin, she never makes my reds stay blue
And if my wife would let me, hey I’d marry Michelle, too.
Save some love for Greta, she’s the smartest y’all
Bet when she’s off the record, she’s the wildest of them all!

Now I’m a Fox News junkie, I watch it all I can
My Liberal days are over, hope Bob Beckel understands.
And I believe in everything O’Reilly has to say
Especially when he has Kimberly Guilfoyle on that day.

Oh I want a girl like the girls on Fox News!
Everyone is beautiful, anyone you choose.
Whoever does the hiring knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News.
Hey, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News!

No, honey, I love you!
I mean if I wasn’t married to you, I’d love them
I mean they’re awesome
But you’re the most awesomest, really!
I swear, honey.