Saturday, January 9, 2016
TRUCK DRIVER: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THUD?
If you found that funny, wait till you watch the following video.
ELVIS TOOK A REGRETFUL LEAK
Elvis González Valencia, financial boss of Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG), stopped to take a leak by the side of the road, and it got him shot and busted
BarkGrowlBite | January 9, 2016
Borderland Beat reports that recently Elvis González Valencia, aka “El Elvis” was travelling in an SUV near the town of San Miguel de Alto in Jalisco state when he felt the urge to take a leak. The SUV stopped by the side of the road. He got out, whipped out his dick for anyone to see, and proceeded to pee. A pickup truck, which apparently had been following El Elvis, stopped and its occupants opened fire.
Fortunately for El Elvis, the sicarios were poor shots because he was hit only twice in an arm. His compadres rushed him to a hospital.
Unfortunately for El Elvis, hospital officials became suspicious of his fake ID and reported him to the authorities. The Mexican feds then swooped into the hospital and busted the hapless cartel boss.
That’ll teach El Elvis to take a leak in public. His assailants were either Mexicans offended by the bravado exposure of his person, or they were sicarios from a rival cartel faction.
NOTE: El Elvis, financial boss of Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG), is small pickings compared to El Chapo, who until yesterday was the world’s most wanted criminal. Numero uno of the Sinaloa Cartel, El Chapo was recaptured in Los Mochis by Mexican marines after a fierce firefight with his body guards. He had embarrassed the Mexican government by escaping from Mexico’s most secure prison, exiting through an elaborate tunnel six month ago. El Chapo has been returned to the sane prison from which he escaped.
Also captured with El Chapo was Orso Iván Gastélum Cruz, his top aide. Cruz is better known as ‘El Cholo Iván.’
BarkGrowlBite | January 9, 2016
Borderland Beat reports that recently Elvis González Valencia, aka “El Elvis” was travelling in an SUV near the town of San Miguel de Alto in Jalisco state when he felt the urge to take a leak. The SUV stopped by the side of the road. He got out, whipped out his dick for anyone to see, and proceeded to pee. A pickup truck, which apparently had been following El Elvis, stopped and its occupants opened fire.
Fortunately for El Elvis, the sicarios were poor shots because he was hit only twice in an arm. His compadres rushed him to a hospital.
Unfortunately for El Elvis, hospital officials became suspicious of his fake ID and reported him to the authorities. The Mexican feds then swooped into the hospital and busted the hapless cartel boss.
That’ll teach El Elvis to take a leak in public. His assailants were either Mexicans offended by the bravado exposure of his person, or they were sicarios from a rival cartel faction.
NOTE: El Elvis, financial boss of Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG), is small pickings compared to El Chapo, who until yesterday was the world’s most wanted criminal. Numero uno of the Sinaloa Cartel, El Chapo was recaptured in Los Mochis by Mexican marines after a fierce firefight with his body guards. He had embarrassed the Mexican government by escaping from Mexico’s most secure prison, exiting through an elaborate tunnel six month ago. El Chapo has been returned to the sane prison from which he escaped.
Also captured with El Chapo was Orso Iván Gastélum Cruz, his top aide. Cruz is better known as ‘El Cholo Iván.’
Friday, January 8, 2016
JUDGE RULES THAT A MACAQUE CANNOT PROFIT FROM HIS THIEVERY
According to U. S District Court Judge William Orrick, non-humans cannot hold copyrights
by Bob Walsh | BarkGrowlBite | January 8, 2016
The ruling came yesterday in the case of Naruto, a crested black macaque who is a resident of Indonesia, and PETA. It seems that a while back Naruto snatched a camera that was left unattended in the wild life refuge where he hangs out and took a few selfies that have some artistic interest. The PETA nut-jobs believed that Naruto should be able to personally profit from his artistry and filed the legal action in San Francisco.
The judge was of the opinion that the U S Government could, if it felt the inclination to do so, extend copyright protection to non-humans but that there was no indication in the current law that this was the intent of the law.
by Bob Walsh | BarkGrowlBite | January 8, 2016
The ruling came yesterday in the case of Naruto, a crested black macaque who is a resident of Indonesia, and PETA. It seems that a while back Naruto snatched a camera that was left unattended in the wild life refuge where he hangs out and took a few selfies that have some artistic interest. The PETA nut-jobs believed that Naruto should be able to personally profit from his artistry and filed the legal action in San Francisco.
The judge was of the opinion that the U S Government could, if it felt the inclination to do so, extend copyright protection to non-humans but that there was no indication in the current law that this was the intent of the law.
ALTERNATIVE PUNISHMENT FOR ‘AFFLUENZA KID’
After one year in prison, paroled to live in a run-down, rat-infested slum for four years with only enough funds to sustain himself, and with a police officer as his parole officer
BarkGrowlBite | January 8, 2016
On Tuesday I wrote: Here’s wishing that when he [Ethan Couch] is returned to Texas, a juvenile judge will declare Ethan an adult and remand him to an adult court, where hopefully he will be sentenced to prison for violating his 10-year probation sentence.
I’ve given that some thought and come up with an alternative punishment for the ‘Affluenza Kid.’
Sentence Couch to five years in prison, but parole him after one year to live in a tiny walk-up flat at a run-down, rat-infested slum for four years with not one penny more than enough funds to sustain himself, and with a police officer as his parole officer.
Couch would have to be fitted with a tamper-proof GPS. He would be visited at least once a day by his parole officer, a no-nonsense police officer who, in addition to his regular duties, is especially assigned to supervise him. No sissy social worker parole officer for the Affluenza Kid. He would be given a city job as a sewer worker within the slum. Any pay in excess of what he needs to sustain himself would be held in trust for him until he completes his sentence.
Every time Couch leaves the slum without authorization, he would be jailed in solitary confinement for 30 days and another year would be added to his parole in the slum.
This way Couch can learn one of life’s lessons, one which he could never learn at his affluent home with mom and dad – he will learn what it's like to experience the life of a ‘Destitutenza Kid.’
Would a court rule this to be a cruel and unusual punishment? Probably, but it sure seems appropriate for this sorry-ass spoiled brat.
BarkGrowlBite | January 8, 2016
On Tuesday I wrote: Here’s wishing that when he [Ethan Couch] is returned to Texas, a juvenile judge will declare Ethan an adult and remand him to an adult court, where hopefully he will be sentenced to prison for violating his 10-year probation sentence.
I’ve given that some thought and come up with an alternative punishment for the ‘Affluenza Kid.’
Sentence Couch to five years in prison, but parole him after one year to live in a tiny walk-up flat at a run-down, rat-infested slum for four years with not one penny more than enough funds to sustain himself, and with a police officer as his parole officer.
Couch would have to be fitted with a tamper-proof GPS. He would be visited at least once a day by his parole officer, a no-nonsense police officer who, in addition to his regular duties, is especially assigned to supervise him. No sissy social worker parole officer for the Affluenza Kid. He would be given a city job as a sewer worker within the slum. Any pay in excess of what he needs to sustain himself would be held in trust for him until he completes his sentence.
Every time Couch leaves the slum without authorization, he would be jailed in solitary confinement for 30 days and another year would be added to his parole in the slum.
This way Couch can learn one of life’s lessons, one which he could never learn at his affluent home with mom and dad – he will learn what it's like to experience the life of a ‘Destitutenza Kid.’
Would a court rule this to be a cruel and unusual punishment? Probably, but it sure seems appropriate for this sorry-ass spoiled brat.
MAXINE HAS THE ANSWER
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon on the consequences of indulging in some sins. He placed four worms into four separate glass jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of whiskey.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister showed his congregation the following results:
The first worm in whiskey . . . . . . Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke . . …. Dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup . . . … Dead
The fourth worm in good clean soil . . …. Alive
So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink whiskey, smoke cigarettes and eat chocolate, you won't have any worms!"
The first worm was put into a jar of whiskey.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister showed his congregation the following results:
The first worm in whiskey . . . . . . Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke . . …. Dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup . . . … Dead
The fourth worm in good clean soil . . …. Alive
So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink whiskey, smoke cigarettes and eat chocolate, you won't have any worms!"
LESSON ON CIRCULATION OF BLOOD CLEAR TO LITTLE TIGGER
A third-grade teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the standing position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
Little Tigger shouted, “Cause your feet ain't empty.”
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the standing position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
Little Tigger shouted, “Cause your feet ain't empty.”
Thursday, January 7, 2016
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, TURN ON THE TEARS
With the families of Sandy Hook and other mass shooting victims placed as props behind him, President Obama turned on the tears in trying to sell his executive actions on more gun controls
BarkGrowlBite | January 7, 2016
On Tuesday, President Obama used a live address from the East Room of the White House in an attempt to sell the public on his executive actions for more gun controls. The event was carefully staged with the families of Sandy Hook and other mass shooting victims placed as props behind him. He even had Mark Barden, who lost his son at Sandy Hook, introduce him.
The President expressed his frustration with Congress for its failure to enact tougher gun control laws in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings.
During his address Obama welled up with tears when he said “Every time I think about those kids [the first graders at Sandy Hook Elementary School], it gets me mad. And by the way, it happens on the streets of Chicago every day.”
By using the families of shooting victims as props, Obama, with his tearful performance, is clearly politicizing the tragic deaths of the Sandy Hook children and the lives of others taken in mass shootings.
Whether Obama’s tears were for real or also staged is beside the point. His repeated attempts to get Congress to pass tougher gun control legislation have failed. Obama reminds me of a little kid trying to get his way and turning on the tears when all else has failed.
BarkGrowlBite | January 7, 2016
On Tuesday, President Obama used a live address from the East Room of the White House in an attempt to sell the public on his executive actions for more gun controls. The event was carefully staged with the families of Sandy Hook and other mass shooting victims placed as props behind him. He even had Mark Barden, who lost his son at Sandy Hook, introduce him.
The President expressed his frustration with Congress for its failure to enact tougher gun control laws in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings.
During his address Obama welled up with tears when he said “Every time I think about those kids [the first graders at Sandy Hook Elementary School], it gets me mad. And by the way, it happens on the streets of Chicago every day.”
By using the families of shooting victims as props, Obama, with his tearful performance, is clearly politicizing the tragic deaths of the Sandy Hook children and the lives of others taken in mass shootings.
Whether Obama’s tears were for real or also staged is beside the point. His repeated attempts to get Congress to pass tougher gun control legislation have failed. Obama reminds me of a little kid trying to get his way and turning on the tears when all else has failed.
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