THE GREATEST PRESIDENT SINCE GEORGE WASHINGTON

Many untruths have been told by the Democrats and the media about President Trump.  Because I regret upsetting Dan Man and Bill Daniels by repeating some of those untruths, I want to set the record straight   

By Howie Katz

Big Jolly Times
September 14, 2020
 

Many stories have been written about the life of Donald Trump.  Most of those stories are simply not true.  According to my sources, here is the real truth about Trump.

Trump was not born into wealth.  His parents emigrated from Ireland to America in order too escape the potato famine.  Trump's father barely eked out a living by sweeping the streets of New York.  The Trump family lived in a dilapidated apartment on the lower east side. 

Trump attended the city's public schools.  While in the third grade, he punched a white classmate in the nose because the boy called a black girl in the class a ni--er.

Trump saved his lunch money so he could attend college.  He worked his way through college as a sparring partner for Rocky Graziano and Jake LaMotta.

Graziano gave Trump $1,000 as a graduation gift.  Trump bought a small property with that gift.  He soon sold it at a neat profit.  Trump kept repeating this until he became a real estate mogul.

Always willing to share his business acumen, Trump coauthored "The Art of the Steal", a book that taught people how to come out ahead in any business deal.  The book stayed number 1 on the The New York Times Best Seller list for 13 weeks.  

According to my sources, Trump wanted to fight the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese in the jungles of South Vietnam.  He tried to enlist in the Marine Corps but was turned doe because of some bone spurs in his feet.  Then he tried to enlist in the Army, but he was turned down for the same reason.

My sources sweat that Trump was not a womanizer.  On the contrary, women threw themselves at Trump because he was handsome and rich.  He had two failed marriages because his wives were only after his money.  Finally he met and fell in love with Melania who was not after his money.  As a matter of fact, Melania was about to become a nun when they met.  My sources also swear that Trump never cheated on his wives.

Trump wanted America to have a black president.  He donated a large amount of money to Barack Obama's campaign.  But he became disenchanted with President Obama's domestic and foreign policies.  Trump believed Obama's policies were bad for business and he was upset with Obama's appeasement of our enemies.  That's why he decided to run for president.

Trump has made some mistakes.  He hied Michael Cohen, a crooked lawyer.  Cohen has now written a book full of lies about Trump.  He appointed John Bolton as National Security Adviser.  He fired him when he learned that Bolton was trying to get us into a war with China.  Bolton then wrote a book full of lies about the president.  Trump refused to let Mary Trump, his cray niece, be committed to a hospital for the insane.  Mary also wrote a book full of lies about Trump.

The Democrats and the media have never forgiven Trump for defeating their beloved and crooked Hillary Clinton.  Even before he took office, they began to spread lies about Trump.  Prodded by Houston's Al Green and Sheila Jackson Lee, the Democrats even impeached Trump on trumped-up charges by Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler and Houston's Sylvia Garcia.  And there isn't a day that goes by without Trump being called a racist and accused of fomenting the violence going on in Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, New York and other cities.

And the media is always misrepresenting what Trump says.  For instance, Trump never said that Mexicans who entered this country illegally were murderers and rapists.  What Trump actually said was that "We have to stop illegal immigration even though Mexicans are trying to  flee from the murderers and rapists in their country."  Nor did Trump ever call neo-Nazis and white supremacists "fine people" as the media keeps reporting.

Then there was the time the media twisted Trump's words around to make it look like he said drinking toilet bowl cleaner would prevent or cure coronavirus when he actually only mentioned that some other people had claimed this.  To my embarrassment and regret, they had me believing that crap.    

The Democrats and the media keep accusing Trump of being a divider.  That is a bald-faced lie!  Trump is a uniter.  He has united the white supremacists and neo-Nazis with mainstream Republicans and he has united the mainstream Democrats with communists, anarchists and anti-Semites.

To top it off, The Atlantic magazine published a preposterous story about Trump calling our fallen soldiers "losers" and "suckers".  Jon Bolton, who is now an enemy of Trump, jumped to the defense of the president by declaring that the Atlantic story was completely false. 

The truth is that Trump has been the greatest president since George Washington.  He made America great again with his domestic and foreign policies.  He rebuilt our military which had bean weakened by the Obama-Biden presidency.  His policies resulted in the best economy and lowest unemployment rate this country ever experienced.  That was especially beneficial for African-Americans.  And he told our foreign enemies China and Iran to go pound sand.

And now Trump has been nominated twice for the Nobel Peace Prize for brokering peace agreements between Israel and the UAE and between Serbia and Kosovo.  Compare that to Obama receiving the 2009 prize for delivering an appeasement speech in Egypt.     
 
Sadly, the economy has gone to crap because of the COVID-19 pandemic.  Trump is being blamed for that too.  But according to my sources, China deliberately exported coronavirus to the US in order to help Joe Biden defeat President Trump.

My sources also tell me that if Trump is reelected, he will write "The Art of the Steal" Volume 2, which will show people who want to run for office how to win an election against all odds. 

EXCLUSIVE:  Two new sources have just informed me that back in the summer of 2007, they personally observed Trump walking on water across the lake in Central Park during the middle of the night.  They also saw Bill de Blasio trying to follow Trump, but he had to be rescued by a cop.  I'm trying to find some more people to verify their account, but I have no reason to doubt that Trump walked on water the way my sources described it.

So, Dan Man and Bill Daniels, now you have the whole truth and nothing but the truth about Trump, from poverty to wealth to the greatest president since George Washington.