TRUMP PLANS TO MAKE AMERICA GREATER

EXCLUSIVE: If reelected, the President will annex the Gulf of Mexico and rename it Gulf of the USA

By Pamela Putz

Upon our promise not to ask him any questions about the impeachment proceedings or any of the derogatory things said about him by the mainstream media, President Trump agreed to give TUG an exclusive interview. We met in the Oval Office Study of the White House.

Pamala Putz: Thank you Mr. President, TUG really appreciates your giving us an exclusive interview.

President Trump: You’re very welcome Pan. It’s my pleasure.

P: When we negotiated for this interview, you said you wanted to talk about making America greater.

T: That’s right. When I ran for President, I promised to make America great again. I’ve kept that promise. Our military is once again the strongest military in the world, stronger than the armed forces of China and Russia. And we have a robust economy and the lowest unemployment rate in modern history. And when I am reelected, I promise to make America greater.

P: You told us you had an important announcement to make about making America grater.

T: That’s right. In January 2021, I will annex the Gulf of Mexico. I have drawn a straight line from Key West to Brownsville, Texas. The gulf above that line will be renamed as the Gulf of the USA and it will become American territory.

P: But Mr. President, with all due respect, I don’t think international law will allow you to do that.

T: International law can go to hell! Don’t forget, I’m for America first. Besides that, if China can claim the South China Sea by building islands in it, I sure as hell can claim the Gulf of the USA. If necessary, I’ll build a number of islands along that line from Key West to Brownsville.

P: But where will you get all the sand, rocks and cement needed to build those islands.

T: From China, of course. But if they have that big one [earthquake] next year in California, I’ll use the rubble of LA and San Francisco to build them. … Ha ha Pam, that’s a joke.

P: And how are you going to pay for the building of those island? I’m sure it will cost a lot more than your border wall.

T: Well, I’m not going to raise taxes to pay for them. I’ll seize the assets of Iran and Russia that we hold. And I might do the same with Mexico. … Hmm, I might just do that to pay for the wall.

P: Let me get back to international law.

T: Forget it Pam. What are they going to do … declare war on us? Ha, they know that on the snap of my fingers, I can reduce any country that attacks us to radioactive dust.

P: You mentioned Mexico. Isn’t Mexico going to get extremely angry when you rename the Gulf?

T: So? What are they going to do about it? I’ll tell you what … other than squawking about it, they can’t do squat.

P: Now that you’ve made America great again, what about all those MAGA caps?

T: I’m way ahead of you. I’ve already ordered thousands of small stickers of my picture that can be used to cover the last letter on the MAGA caps. Then my supporters will have a cap that reads MAG with my picture on them. By the way, those stickers will be on sale at my campaign offices at $4.99 per sticker. And my supporters will also be able to purchase the new MAG caps for $19.99.

P: Mr. President, please allow me to ask you one question regarding the Turkish-Kurdish dispute. You praised Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan as a great leader and friend when almost everyone else describes him as a brutal dictator. What about that?

T: I’ve always had trouble with his strange name. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks of him. ... Pam, I’m sorry, but I’ve got an important meeting in about five minutes.

P: Thank you for your time, Mr. President.