OBAMA ON FACE OF EL CAPITAN

AOC wants a sculpture of President Barack Obama chiseled on the face of Yosemite’s El Capitan and wants to pay for it with a tax surcharge imposed on white people

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley, a member of the AOC squad, says that our first black president is the greatest president this nation ever had. She wants to change the sculptures on Mount Rushmore by replacing George Washington with Barack Obama.

Presley, who previously demanded the destruction of the Washington Monument and the renaming of our nation’s capital, says that a slave owner should not be honored in our country. “Washington owned 124 slaves and should be condemned, not honored,” she said. “One of the best ways to make things right is to remove him from Mount Rushmore and replace him with the great Barack Obama.”

AOC squad member Rashida Tlaib said, “Yes, get that motherfucker off of Mount Rushmore! Barack belongs up there, not that slave-owning motherfucker.”

Iljan Omar agreed, saying “Some of those 124 slaves probably came from Somalia, the country of my birth. It makes me sick to think that this country would honor a slave owner.”

AOC said, “Of course I agree with my sisters. Obama belongs on Mount Rushmore, not George Washington.”

When the AOC squad was informed by architectural engineers that it would be impossible to replace Washington with Obama, AOC came up with another plan. She is now proposing that a gigantic sculpture of Obama be chiseled on the face of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. “I think having the face of President Obama covering the face of El Capitan would be an even greater honor than having him on Mount Rushmore,” she said.

Presley said, “While I am disappointed that we cannot remove Washington from Mount Rushmore, I think Alex’s plan is a wonderful proposal.”

“Let’s do both,” Tlaib said. “Let’s get that motherfucker off of Rushmore and let’s put President Obama on El Capitan.”

While architectural engineers said it could be done, they also said that chiseling a sculpture of Obama on the face of El Capitan would be almost cost prohibitive.

AOC said it would not be cost prohibitive because she would impose a surcharge on the income taxes of white Americans. “That surcharge would be a form of reparations for slavery that my sisters and I strongly favor,” she said.

House Democrats Elijah Cummings, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler, as well as senators Al Franken, Richard Durbin and Richard Blumenthal, quickly endorsed AOC’s proposal.

Republicans were quick to ridicule AOC’s proposal. “Both the Rushmore and El Capitan proposals are the craziest crap I’ve heard coming from the Democrats,” said Senator Ted Cruz. And Senator Marco Rubio said, “Talk about crazy, AOC’s proposal just about tops them all.”

President Trump made it clear that Obama does not deserve to be honored in any way. However, he said “After I’ve passed away, I would consider it a great and well-deserved honor to have a sculpture of me on the face of El Capitan. Yes, put me on El Capitan.”

Mitt Romney was quick to blast Trump. “Put Trump on El Capitan?” he said. “No, throw him off of El Capitan.” Romney’s blast came on the heels of Trump having called for his impeachment.

Chelsea Clinton, on a book tour with Hillary, said “If mom had been elected, it would have been great to see sculptures of my mom and dad flanking that of President Obama on El Capitan.”

As expected, preservationists were up in arms over destroying the face of El Capitan. The presidents of the National Park Service, the Advisory Council on Historic Preservation, Preservation Action and the National Trust for Historic Preservation all denounced both Presley’s and AOC’s proposals.

Frank Dean, president of Yosemite Conservancy, said “Defacing El Capitan in any way, shape, or form would be dishonoring the 31 climbers who have died since 1905 while attempting to scale up the 3,000 feet of the granite wall.”

Except for Beto O’Rourke, the Democratic candidates were noncommittal on AOC’s proposal. Joe Biden said, “My focus right now is to make people aware that Trump is a lying, cheating, stealing, womanizing, racist and corrupt person who belongs in jail, not in the White House.”

O’Rourke said: “Since we cannot take Washington off of Mount Rushmore, J would give some of the assault weapons that I would confiscate if elected president and give them to the Park Service. Then I would let anyone who wants to shoot at Washington on Mount Rushmore do so with one of those confiscated guns under the supervision of a park ranger. I would charge $100 for every 10 rounds fired at Washington. That way the slave owner would be defaced, not honored.”

Tlaib thought O’Rourke’s plan was a good one too. “Shoot the motherfucker,” she said. When someone suggested Tlaib’s use of that obscenity was uncalled for, she replied “That’s how my Detroit constituents talk. So, shoot the motherfucking slave owner.”

Former President Obama said "I feel honored by both congresswomen's proposals. Other than that I have nothing further to say."