by Bob Walsh
Eclipse viewers cost American businesses about $700 million in lost productivity yesterday and resulted in some truly EPIC traffic jams due to eclipse viewers trying to ,move from wherever the hell they were to watch the eclipse.
Maybe the Democrats and Republicans should get together and outlaw eclipses.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Rocket scientists say that if they could have captured all the farts emitted by the crowds, they would be able to fire a methane-powered ICBM at North Korea. Building contractors say that if they could have collected all the poop left by the eclipse watchers, they would have enough to build a shitty wall between the U.S. and Mexico.
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