DARING PLAN TO KEEP COPS FROM KILLING BLACKS

Abdul al Shabazz Washington, a UC Berkeley graduate in African-American studies, gets thumbs up for his two-pronged plan after meeting with President Obama and Attorney General Holder

By Adolf der Schweinehund

Abdul al Shabazz Washington, 27, a UC Berkeley graduate in African-American studies, is a young man with a plan to keep cops from killing black men. After a White House meeting Monday with President Obama, Attorney General Holder, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson and Al Sharpton, Washington called a news conference Tuesday in front of the Oakland, California police headquarters to reveal his two-pronged plan to keep cops from killing black men.

The first prong of Washington’s plan requires a different approach to firearms training for all law enforcement officers. It calls for the elimination of all center-mass targets. Instead, new targets will only depict an arm and hand holding a weapon. Trainees will be instructed to shoot at and hit the weapon or the hand holding it.

Under Washington’s plan, officers will be prohibited from aiming at the center-mass of any gunman they are confronting on the street. “If John Wayne and Clint Eastwood can shoot a weapon out of an adversary’s hand,” said Washington, “then so should a well-trained police officer.”

The other prong in Washington’s plan would alter the way in which the criminal justice systems now works in police shootings. Grand juries will no longer hear police shooting cases. Instead, any cop who shoots a citizen, whether armed or not, will be charge and tried for using excessive force. It will be up to a cop to prove to a jury of his peers that the shooting was justified.

“I guarantee you,” said Washington, “my plan will all but eliminate the killing of black men by police officers of any color. I hereby call on the Oakland Police Department and all law enforcement agencies in the United States to take immediate steps in order to put my plan into effect.”

The UG contacted Josh Earnest, President Obama’s press secretary. Earnest confirmed that Washington did indeed have a meeting Monday in the East Room of the White House with the president, along with Holder, Johnson and Sharpton. Earnest said:

“As you know, the president has been deeply troubled by the extraordinary number of black men getting killed by the police and especially since almost all of those black men were shot by white cops.

The president was shown Mr. Washington’s plan while he was vacationing in Hawaii. He was so impressed with this young man’s plan that he made it his first order of business upon returning from his vacation to meet with Abdul in the White House. The president instructed the Attorney General and the Homeland Security Secretary to be present, and he invited his trusted adviser, the Reverend Al Sharpton, to attend the meeting.

At the conclusion of the meeting, the President instructed General Holder to order all federal law enforcement agencies to put the new firearms training into effect. He instructed Secretary Johnson to contact all state and local law enforcement agencies to request they do the same.

The president admits that Washington’s plan is revolutionary but he agrees with this brilliant young man that the plan will reduce, if not eliminate, the killing of black men by the police. And the president also believes that by taking the grand juries out of the process, the black community will come to feel that blacks will finally achieve some measure of equal justice.”

The UG contacted Sharpton to get his thoughts on Washington’s plan:

“This young man has come up with a plan that should actually work. Why didn’t I think of it? Why this is even better than body cameras. All I will say at this time is that I am for any plan that will keep white killer cops from shooting down black men in the streets like dogs.”

The UG contacted New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and he said:

“This is a brilliant plan. I am going to call Bill Bratton within the hour and instruct him to put Mr. Washington’s firearms training into effect ASAP. Come to think of it, if this plan had been in effect all along, I would never have had to literally train my dear son Dante to beware of white cops.”

Finally the UG contacted Sean Whent, Oakland’s chief of police:

“I am about as liberal and progressive as any police administrator in the country. All I can say is, this is crazy!”