President Obama announces that the CIA has uncovered an ISIS plot to spread Ebola throughout the U.S. and Britain
By Ura Schlemiel, White House correspondent
Newsflash: At a hastily called press conference, President Obama, flanked by the heads of the CIA, Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE, announced that the CIA has uncovered a plot by ISIS to spread Ebola throughout this country and Britain. The president said the purpose of this press conference is to warn all Americans of this potential threat and to assure them that their government is doing everything possible to thwart this plot. He said that because they only learned of this plot a few minutes ago, no questions would be allowed.
Obama said, “I am putting this country into a crisis mode and ordering Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE to immediately put in place procedures that will keep ISIS from carrying out this diabolical plot. CIA Director John Brennan will explain.”
Brennan: “Our agents have learned from very reliable sources in Syria that ISIS will recruit Africans in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia that have been in intimate contact with Ebola victims and exposed to their body fluids. They will pay each recruit $1,000 and give them airline tickets to fly to America and Britain with the goal of having them spread the deadly disease throughout the two countries. The Africans will be provided with fake passports and visas, and take surreptitious routes to disguise their points of origin. Since the incubation period usually takes around 21 days, they will be able to fly without showing any Ebola symptoms. Now I’ll turn this over to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.”
Johnson: “I have ordered FBI Director James Comey and acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas S. Winkowski to spare no expense in stopping ISIS operatives from infiltrating the homeland. I am confident that they will be successful in keeping our country Ebola free. Here is Director Comey.”
Comey: “At this moment we are establishing a special task force of 1,000 of our best FBI agents to find, arrest and isolate any of these Ebola-exposed Africans should they slip by ICE and succeed in entering the U.S. These agents will be ordered to shoot to kill any of these individuals should they attempt to avoid arrest. We believe those shooting will not violate and constitutional guarantees because these individuals present a serious and imminent threat to the public. Now I’ll turn this over to Director Winkowski.”
Winkowski: ”All our agents have been put on special alert to catch any African who might possibly have been exposed to Ebola from entering the United States. They are specially trained to detect any fake passports and to ascertain whether or not any Africans began their journey from Guinea, Sierra Leone or Liberia. I am confident that we will succeed, but in the rare event that one of these Ebola-exposed individuals should get by us, the FBI will be our backup. Mr. President, I’ll turn this back over to you.”
Obama: “As I said, we will take no questions. This ends our conference. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.”
TUG contacted civil rights leader Al Sharpton, the President’s go-to-guy on black issues, to get his thoughts on the ISIS plot.
Sharpton: “I don’t for half-a-second believe the CIA. That’s the same group that told us Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This is nothing more than a plot by whites to suppress and kill blacks. I am most upset with President Obama for going along with this farce. He’s supposed to consult with me on any black issues. I can’t believe he didn’t call me on this before he held that press conference. This will energize our Action Network members to stop the FBI and ICE from carrying out their racist measures.”
TUG will keep on top this breaking story for any new developments.
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