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Wednesday, December 31, 2014
SIT NEXT TO A WOMAN? OY VEY, NEVER!
Airlines flying between the U.S. and Israel are having seating assignment problems because ultra-Orthodox Jewish men will not sit next to women who are not close family members
BarkGrowlBite | December 31, 2015
Ultra-Orthodox Jewish men, like those of the Haredi sect, are prohibited from touching any women other than their wives and close relatives. That has created seat assignment problems for airlines flying between the U.S. and Israel. In one instance, a Haredi man, who was assigned a seat next to a woman, got up as soon as the flight departed for Israel and stood in the aisle for the whole flight.
DELTA AIRLINES FLIGHT FROM NEW YORK’S JFK AIRPORT DELAYED AFTER ULTRA-ORTHODOX JEWISH MEN REFUSE TO SIT NEXT TO WOMEN
Delta Airlines Flight 468 was delayed for 30 minutes because Haredi men refused to sit next to women and the women refused to move, claiming discrimination
By Sarah Gordon
Mail Online
December 30, 2014
A Delta Airlines flight from New York's JFK Airport to Israel was delayed by half an hour when a group of ultra-Orthodox Jewish men refused to sit next to female passengers.
Delta Flight 468, bound for Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion Airport, was reportedly held up due to several Haredi passengers refusing to to sit in their assigned seats, which were in between two women.
The delay was prolonged when the two female passengers involved reportedly refused to move to accommodate the men's request, claiming discrimination.
According to Israel Radio, the stand-off was eventually resolved when an American travelling to Israel offered to change seats.
Ultra-Orthodox Jews cannot touch members of the opposite sex unless they are close relatives or a spouse.
It is not the first time an international flight has been delayed due to issues about seat arrangements.
In September, passengers flying with Israeli airline El Al from New York reported a delay when Haredi passengers refused to sit next to women and reportedly went as far as offering them money to move.
Fellow passengers reported men standing in the aisles and refusing to take their seats on the flight to Israel, which was due to land in time for the Jewish New Year.
Amit Ben-Natan, a passenger who was on board the plane, said: 'People stood in the aisles and refused to go forward.'
'Although everyone had tickets with seat numbers that they purchased in advance, they asked us to trade seats with them, and even offered to pay money, since they cannot sit next to a woman. It was obvious that the plane wouldn't take off as long as they keep standing in the aisles.'
Passengers claimed that despite the El Al flight crew informing travellers that they did not have to agree to switch, the plane's captain announced the flight would not be going anywhere until everyone was seated.
Once the flight had departed, one passenger claimed the ultra-Orthodox traveller sat beside her stood in the aisle for the journey rather than return to his assigned seat.
After passengers branded the flight 'an 11 hour-long nightmare', El Al promised to look into the issue and take action if passengers were in breach of safety regulations.
The airline stated: 'The company will examine the complaints and if some passengers are found to have acted out of line the company will examine its future steps.'
Following the flight, female passenger Sharon Shapiro, from Chicago, launched a petition to stop ultra-Orthodox passengers 'bullying, intimidating and discriminating against women'.
BarkGrowlBite | December 31, 2015
Ultra-Orthodox Jewish men, like those of the Haredi sect, are prohibited from touching any women other than their wives and close relatives. That has created seat assignment problems for airlines flying between the U.S. and Israel. In one instance, a Haredi man, who was assigned a seat next to a woman, got up as soon as the flight departed for Israel and stood in the aisle for the whole flight.
DELTA AIRLINES FLIGHT FROM NEW YORK’S JFK AIRPORT DELAYED AFTER ULTRA-ORTHODOX JEWISH MEN REFUSE TO SIT NEXT TO WOMEN
Delta Airlines Flight 468 was delayed for 30 minutes because Haredi men refused to sit next to women and the women refused to move, claiming discrimination
By Sarah Gordon
Mail Online
December 30, 2014
A Delta Airlines flight from New York's JFK Airport to Israel was delayed by half an hour when a group of ultra-Orthodox Jewish men refused to sit next to female passengers.
Delta Flight 468, bound for Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion Airport, was reportedly held up due to several Haredi passengers refusing to to sit in their assigned seats, which were in between two women.
The delay was prolonged when the two female passengers involved reportedly refused to move to accommodate the men's request, claiming discrimination.
According to Israel Radio, the stand-off was eventually resolved when an American travelling to Israel offered to change seats.
Ultra-Orthodox Jews cannot touch members of the opposite sex unless they are close relatives or a spouse.
It is not the first time an international flight has been delayed due to issues about seat arrangements.
In September, passengers flying with Israeli airline El Al from New York reported a delay when Haredi passengers refused to sit next to women and reportedly went as far as offering them money to move.
Fellow passengers reported men standing in the aisles and refusing to take their seats on the flight to Israel, which was due to land in time for the Jewish New Year.
Amit Ben-Natan, a passenger who was on board the plane, said: 'People stood in the aisles and refused to go forward.'
'Although everyone had tickets with seat numbers that they purchased in advance, they asked us to trade seats with them, and even offered to pay money, since they cannot sit next to a woman. It was obvious that the plane wouldn't take off as long as they keep standing in the aisles.'
Passengers claimed that despite the El Al flight crew informing travellers that they did not have to agree to switch, the plane's captain announced the flight would not be going anywhere until everyone was seated.
Once the flight had departed, one passenger claimed the ultra-Orthodox traveller sat beside her stood in the aisle for the journey rather than return to his assigned seat.
After passengers branded the flight 'an 11 hour-long nightmare', El Al promised to look into the issue and take action if passengers were in breach of safety regulations.
The airline stated: 'The company will examine the complaints and if some passengers are found to have acted out of line the company will examine its future steps.'
Following the flight, female passenger Sharon Shapiro, from Chicago, launched a petition to stop ultra-Orthodox passengers 'bullying, intimidating and discriminating against women'.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
COPS ACCORDING TO LEFT-WING CRAZIES
Cops are out of control murderous assholes
BarkGrowlBite | December 30, 2014
The Daily Kos is a far left website. A post entitled “Is Mayor de Blasio going to be safe?” was published by the Daily Kos on December 21. Its author, who used the pseudonym of xxdr zombiexx, had some choice words for America’s law enforcement officers. His view of cops is probably pretty representative of many on the far-left who were probably fed some of that crap in their college classes.
Here are some excerpts from Dr. Zombie’s post:
It would seem the NYPD blames DeBlasio [for the deaths of officers Ramos and Liu] and not their own heinous contempt for other people's lives.
Cops are NOT taking responsibility for their outrageous and totally unacceptable conduct as every day they seem more like death squads and less like the "public servants" they are.
They are out of control, they are resisting efforts to be reined in, they are extremely defensive of what they see as a RIGHT to kill whomever without being so much as quizzed for doing so.
Cops are bringing this [the ambushes] on themselves and blaming others - protesters, Mayor DeBlasio, Lady Gaga, whomever - does nothing but inflame the problem.
Cops are out of control because they never get charged with their crimes. They get away with murder and everybody around the fucking world knows it.
That has to stop, cops need to be arrested and charged and tried and jailed in large numbers to send THE MESSAGE that these days of Rogue Cop, Inc are over.
And cops OWE AMERICANS A MASSIVE MASSIVE apology.
They do NOT need to be turning their backs on Mayor DeBlasio, they need to turn their back on the PIGS who killed Eric Garner.
They NEED to turn their back on that PIG Darren Wilson.
But they are such shitty people about this, one has to ask: IS Mayor DeBlasio and his family actually safe from these killers at this time?
They sure are mad and they sure are not remotely about to take responsibility for their sins against the People.
None of us are safe from these murderous assholes.
They are out of control.
__________
NOTE: I will say this for Dr. Zombie – he did add this special note at the end of his disgusting tirade:
Please do not hurt the police. This will accomplish nothing and interrupt the process needed to get the police to apologize for their unacceptable conduct.
BarkGrowlBite | December 30, 2014
The Daily Kos is a far left website. A post entitled “Is Mayor de Blasio going to be safe?” was published by the Daily Kos on December 21. Its author, who used the pseudonym of xxdr zombiexx, had some choice words for America’s law enforcement officers. His view of cops is probably pretty representative of many on the far-left who were probably fed some of that crap in their college classes.
Here are some excerpts from Dr. Zombie’s post:
It would seem the NYPD blames DeBlasio [for the deaths of officers Ramos and Liu] and not their own heinous contempt for other people's lives.
Cops are NOT taking responsibility for their outrageous and totally unacceptable conduct as every day they seem more like death squads and less like the "public servants" they are.
They are out of control, they are resisting efforts to be reined in, they are extremely defensive of what they see as a RIGHT to kill whomever without being so much as quizzed for doing so.
Cops are bringing this [the ambushes] on themselves and blaming others - protesters, Mayor DeBlasio, Lady Gaga, whomever - does nothing but inflame the problem.
Cops are out of control because they never get charged with their crimes. They get away with murder and everybody around the fucking world knows it.
That has to stop, cops need to be arrested and charged and tried and jailed in large numbers to send THE MESSAGE that these days of Rogue Cop, Inc are over.
And cops OWE AMERICANS A MASSIVE MASSIVE apology.
They do NOT need to be turning their backs on Mayor DeBlasio, they need to turn their back on the PIGS who killed Eric Garner.
They NEED to turn their back on that PIG Darren Wilson.
But they are such shitty people about this, one has to ask: IS Mayor DeBlasio and his family actually safe from these killers at this time?
They sure are mad and they sure are not remotely about to take responsibility for their sins against the People.
None of us are safe from these murderous assholes.
They are out of control.
__________
NOTE: I will say this for Dr. Zombie – he did add this special note at the end of his disgusting tirade:
Please do not hurt the police. This will accomplish nothing and interrupt the process needed to get the police to apologize for their unacceptable conduct.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE
Mail thief Jeremy Webb tried to flee across Washington’s Lake Sammamish in a stolen kayak, but he forgot to take a paddle
BarkGrowlBite | December 28, 2014
Jeremy Webb and his girlfriend Desiree Segar went into the mail theft business Christmas Eve, but the business did not get off to a good start.
When neighbors in Sammamish, Washington spotted the couple stealing from their mailboxes, they gave pursuit and boxed in the couple’s mail collection car. Webb fled on foot, leaving his business partner behind. He found a kayak in a yard and dragged it into Lake Sammamish. He started to flee across the lake and paddled furiously to get away. There was just one slight problem. He had to paddle with his hands because in his haste to get away he forgot to take the kayak’s paddle.
Nolan Conway, a Sammamish resident, grabbed his kayak and paddle and took off after the fleeing thief. Webb’s hands were no match for Conway’s paddle. Webb surrendered to Conway when the good citizen caught up to him.
Desiree tried to flee on foot but she did not get very far before she was arrested. Their car was full of stolen letters and parcels. The car too was stolen.
Jimmy is said to be in his 30s, Desiree in her 20s. The mail theft entrepreneurs were charged with suspicion of vehicle and mail theft.
BarkGrowlBite | December 28, 2014
Jeremy Webb and his girlfriend Desiree Segar went into the mail theft business Christmas Eve, but the business did not get off to a good start.
When neighbors in Sammamish, Washington spotted the couple stealing from their mailboxes, they gave pursuit and boxed in the couple’s mail collection car. Webb fled on foot, leaving his business partner behind. He found a kayak in a yard and dragged it into Lake Sammamish. He started to flee across the lake and paddled furiously to get away. There was just one slight problem. He had to paddle with his hands because in his haste to get away he forgot to take the kayak’s paddle.
Nolan Conway, a Sammamish resident, grabbed his kayak and paddle and took off after the fleeing thief. Webb’s hands were no match for Conway’s paddle. Webb surrendered to Conway when the good citizen caught up to him.
Desiree tried to flee on foot but she did not get very far before she was arrested. Their car was full of stolen letters and parcels. The car too was stolen.
Jimmy is said to be in his 30s, Desiree in her 20s. The mail theft entrepreneurs were charged with suspicion of vehicle and mail theft.
JACK DANIELS, WHO WAS MARRIED BY JUDGE JOHNNY WALKER, NAMES NEWBORN SON JIM BEAM
Louisiana couple Jack Daniels Leathers and Lydia Leathers kept Jack’s family tradition alive by naming their newborn son Jim Beam
BarkGrowlBite | December 28, 2014
A story like this could happen only in America, or rather only in Louisiana. And there are plenty of other boozes they can choose from as names for any future children.
JACK DANIELS AND WIFE SHARE A JIM BEAM
By Aaren Gordon
Houma Today
December 22, 2014
If Jack Daniels and his wife had a child, what would they name it?
One local couple came up with an answer.
Jim Beam Leathers was born Nov. 14 to Jack Daniels Leathers and Lydia Leathers of Gray at Terrebonne General Medical Center.
Jack, 31, and Lydia, 23, said they wanted to continue the whiskey-name tradition Jack's parents started.
“My parents decided they wanted to name their son something to make their parents mad,” Jack said. “And, at the time, my dad was drinking Jack, which he enjoyed. My mom said, 'Why not?' ”
When Jack and Lydia went on their first date, they knew if they ever had children together, they wanted their names to be unique, like Jack's.
“On our first date, we were talking about baby names. We thought Jim Beam would be a good idea,” he said.
The couple wanted to carry on the theme. When they got married, Judge Johnny Walker of Houma officiated the ceremony.
“When Judge Johnny Walker realized that he was marrying Lydia to Jack Daniels, he turned red. We wanted to get in touch with Judge Walker to notify him that Jack Daniels had a son named Jim Beam,” he said.
“I've always tried to do stuff out of the ordinary, to do things differently than other people,” Lydia said. “It's hard to find a name that you like that nobody you know has. It was all Jack's idea. I just went along with it.”
If they have more children, Jack said the tradition won't stop with Jim.
“If we have another child, our second born will be Evan Williams, after the bourbon. If it's a girl, she will be Sherry, like the cooking sherry,” he said.
Growing up with a name like his was an interesting experience for Jack, especially after he enlisted in the Army, he said.
“Nobody believed my name until I showed them my ID,” he said. “When I went into the Army, sergeants would yell, 'How much more American can you get than Jack Daniels?' I went through most of my Army career not hearing my last name because people would call me Jack Daniels.”
Though the couple named their son after a brand of bourbon in good fun, Lydia said they sometimes hear negative comments from people about their choice.
“We get a lot of flack from other people about it,” she said. “At the end of the day, it's our son, and it's what we wanted to do.”
BarkGrowlBite | December 28, 2014
A story like this could happen only in America, or rather only in Louisiana. And there are plenty of other boozes they can choose from as names for any future children.
JACK DANIELS AND WIFE SHARE A JIM BEAM
By Aaren Gordon
Houma Today
December 22, 2014
If Jack Daniels and his wife had a child, what would they name it?
One local couple came up with an answer.
Jim Beam Leathers was born Nov. 14 to Jack Daniels Leathers and Lydia Leathers of Gray at Terrebonne General Medical Center.
Jack, 31, and Lydia, 23, said they wanted to continue the whiskey-name tradition Jack's parents started.
“My parents decided they wanted to name their son something to make their parents mad,” Jack said. “And, at the time, my dad was drinking Jack, which he enjoyed. My mom said, 'Why not?' ”
When Jack and Lydia went on their first date, they knew if they ever had children together, they wanted their names to be unique, like Jack's.
“On our first date, we were talking about baby names. We thought Jim Beam would be a good idea,” he said.
The couple wanted to carry on the theme. When they got married, Judge Johnny Walker of Houma officiated the ceremony.
“When Judge Johnny Walker realized that he was marrying Lydia to Jack Daniels, he turned red. We wanted to get in touch with Judge Walker to notify him that Jack Daniels had a son named Jim Beam,” he said.
“I've always tried to do stuff out of the ordinary, to do things differently than other people,” Lydia said. “It's hard to find a name that you like that nobody you know has. It was all Jack's idea. I just went along with it.”
If they have more children, Jack said the tradition won't stop with Jim.
“If we have another child, our second born will be Evan Williams, after the bourbon. If it's a girl, she will be Sherry, like the cooking sherry,” he said.
Growing up with a name like his was an interesting experience for Jack, especially after he enlisted in the Army, he said.
“Nobody believed my name until I showed them my ID,” he said. “When I went into the Army, sergeants would yell, 'How much more American can you get than Jack Daniels?' I went through most of my Army career not hearing my last name because people would call me Jack Daniels.”
Though the couple named their son after a brand of bourbon in good fun, Lydia said they sometimes hear negative comments from people about their choice.
“We get a lot of flack from other people about it,” she said. “At the end of the day, it's our son, and it's what we wanted to do.”
Saturday, December 27, 2014
INTERSECTION OF HARAKIRI AVE. AND KAMIKAZE BLVD.
Actually, this is a time lapse video of Meskel Square in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
VAG STASH NOT RECOMMENDED FOR GOOD HEALTH
Florida woman croaks after stashing crack pipe and crack rocks inside her vagina
BarkGrowlBite | December 27, 2014
On December 16, cops in Babson Park, Florida arrested April Rollison, 31, along with three others on drug charges. A Polk County Jail body scan showed two foreign objects inside her vagina. She was taken to Bartow Regional Medical Center for removal of the objects that turned out to be a glass crack pipe and a vial containing crack rocks. It is believed that while April was in the hospital, she ingested some of the crack cocaine.
After she had been returned to the jail and while she was being booked, April became extremely ill. She was rushed back to the hospital where she remained in critical condition until Monday, when she croaked. Alas, the poor departed April had tested positive for methamphetamine, amphetamine, cocaine and marijuana.
While back in the hospital, April had been charged with possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia and smuggling contraband into a detention facility.
Family members, who had no contact with April for two years, said she had been using drugs since she was 12-years old.
Let this be a lesson to all. Vag stashes are not recommended for good health. And neither are keister stashes.
BarkGrowlBite | December 27, 2014
On December 16, cops in Babson Park, Florida arrested April Rollison, 31, along with three others on drug charges. A Polk County Jail body scan showed two foreign objects inside her vagina. She was taken to Bartow Regional Medical Center for removal of the objects that turned out to be a glass crack pipe and a vial containing crack rocks. It is believed that while April was in the hospital, she ingested some of the crack cocaine.
After she had been returned to the jail and while she was being booked, April became extremely ill. She was rushed back to the hospital where she remained in critical condition until Monday, when she croaked. Alas, the poor departed April had tested positive for methamphetamine, amphetamine, cocaine and marijuana.
While back in the hospital, April had been charged with possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia and smuggling contraband into a detention facility.
Family members, who had no contact with April for two years, said she had been using drugs since she was 12-years old.
Let this be a lesson to all. Vag stashes are not recommended for good health. And neither are keister stashes.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
DEAD, DEAD MICHAEL BROWN
Parody of Jim Croce’s Bad, Bad Leroy Brown sparks outrage
BarkGrowlBite | December 24, 2014
Some of you may remember the Jim Croce song Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. Now Gary Fishell, a singer, has written a parody – Dead, Dead Michael Brown – which he performed at the Elks lodge in Glendale, California before 30 retired and active cops during a private party thrown by retired LAPD officer Joe Myers.
Here are Fishell’s lyrics of Dead, Dead Michael Brown:
Michael Brown learned a lesson about a messin'
With a badass policeman
And he's bad, bad Michael Brown
Baddest thug in the whole damn town
Badder than old King Kong
Meaner than a junkyard dog
Two men took to fightin'
And Michael punched in through the door
And Michael looked like some old Swiss cheese
His brain was splattered on the floor
And he's dead, dead Michael Brown
Deadest man in the whole damn town
His whole life's long gone
Deader than a roadkill dog
One of the attendees became outraged that the other cops were laughing during the singing of the parody. He videotaped the performance and sent a copy to TMZ. Now that party has sparked a shitstorm of outrage and the Elks lodge is promising to punish Fishell and any of the cops who are members of the lodge.
I agree with those who say the song is in bad taste. But I disagree that the lyrics are racist, as many of those who are outraged now say. And who can blame the cops for laughing after they have been tarred and feathered over the death of an angelized thug (Brown) and the death of Eric Garner. As to why they laughed when the song is filled with gory descriptions … well that’s just part of the tombstone humor common among cops.
Look for a spooked LAPD to try and take some kind of disciplinary action against the active cops who attended that party.
UPDATE (12-24-14): Just as I predicted, Chief Charlie Beck has directed LAPD's Professional Standards Bureau to identify any active officers that attended the party. Beck said, "Like many of you, I find it offensive & absurd. It does not reflect the values of the LAPD."
And now the witch hunt begins. But, I'll bet that most street cops would admit that, although the song may have been tasteless, they found it to be very funny.
BarkGrowlBite | December 24, 2014
Some of you may remember the Jim Croce song Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. Now Gary Fishell, a singer, has written a parody – Dead, Dead Michael Brown – which he performed at the Elks lodge in Glendale, California before 30 retired and active cops during a private party thrown by retired LAPD officer Joe Myers.
Here are Fishell’s lyrics of Dead, Dead Michael Brown:
Michael Brown learned a lesson about a messin'
With a badass policeman
And he's bad, bad Michael Brown
Baddest thug in the whole damn town
Badder than old King Kong
Meaner than a junkyard dog
Two men took to fightin'
And Michael punched in through the door
And Michael looked like some old Swiss cheese
His brain was splattered on the floor
And he's dead, dead Michael Brown
Deadest man in the whole damn town
His whole life's long gone
Deader than a roadkill dog
One of the attendees became outraged that the other cops were laughing during the singing of the parody. He videotaped the performance and sent a copy to TMZ. Now that party has sparked a shitstorm of outrage and the Elks lodge is promising to punish Fishell and any of the cops who are members of the lodge.
I agree with those who say the song is in bad taste. But I disagree that the lyrics are racist, as many of those who are outraged now say. And who can blame the cops for laughing after they have been tarred and feathered over the death of an angelized thug (Brown) and the death of Eric Garner. As to why they laughed when the song is filled with gory descriptions … well that’s just part of the tombstone humor common among cops.
Look for a spooked LAPD to try and take some kind of disciplinary action against the active cops who attended that party.
UPDATE (12-24-14): Just as I predicted, Chief Charlie Beck has directed LAPD's Professional Standards Bureau to identify any active officers that attended the party. Beck said, "Like many of you, I find it offensive & absurd. It does not reflect the values of the LAPD."
And now the witch hunt begins. But, I'll bet that most street cops would admit that, although the song may have been tasteless, they found it to be very funny.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
WHY I DID NOT GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL
When I was young, I thought I wanted to go to Medical School.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters PSIEN and form
the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered ‘spine’ are doctors today, while the rest of us who answered ‘penis’ are sending jokes over the internet.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters PSIEN and form
the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered ‘spine’ are doctors today, while the rest of us who answered ‘penis’ are sending jokes over the internet.
AL SHARPTON THE ‘RACE PINMP’ AND ‘DISGUSTING PIG’
Actor James Woods blames Shapton, Mayor de Blasio and President Obama for the ambush slaying of NYPD officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu
BarkGrowlBite | December 23, 2014
James Woods has been one of my favorite actors ever since he starred in The Onion Field, the 1979 movie based on Joseph Wambaugh’s book about the 1963 kidnapping of LAPD officers Ian Campbell and Karl Hettinger by two parolees and the subsequent killing of Campbell.
James has acted in a variety of roles from good guy to villain, and he has received two Academy Award nominations. Although a registered Democrat, Woods is a rare Hollywood commodity in that he is a staunch conservative a la Charlton Heston, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. In reaction to the ambush slaying of NYPD officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu, Woods slammed Al Sharpton, Mayor Bill de Blasio and President Obama, blaming them for the deaths of the two cops.
Sharpton was especially singled out. Woods called the racial rabble rouser a “Race Pimp” and a “Disgusting Pig”. Here are some of the tweets he posted Sunday:
“This disgusting pig is DIRECTLY responsible for the murder of two good policemen. No discussion.” (Accompanied by a picture of Sharpton)
“’I’m putting wings on pigs today’ – Cop assassin Ismaaiyl Brimsley. Is Race Pimp Sharpton eating caviar this morning?”
“Mission accomplished:” (Accompanied by a picture of Obama with his left hand on Sharpton’s right shoulder, both grinning)
“#Blue Lives Matter #Turn Your Back (Supporting cops for turning their backs on de Blasio) #De Blasio Resign #Race Hucksters #Pig Sharpton”
I don’t know whether Woods was drunk or sober when he posted those tweets, but in either case James is spot on! And he's got Sharpton pegged exactly for what he is. But now he will never be nominated for another award and he’ll be lucky if he is ever offered another acting part again.
BarkGrowlBite | December 23, 2014
James Woods has been one of my favorite actors ever since he starred in The Onion Field, the 1979 movie based on Joseph Wambaugh’s book about the 1963 kidnapping of LAPD officers Ian Campbell and Karl Hettinger by two parolees and the subsequent killing of Campbell.
James has acted in a variety of roles from good guy to villain, and he has received two Academy Award nominations. Although a registered Democrat, Woods is a rare Hollywood commodity in that he is a staunch conservative a la Charlton Heston, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. In reaction to the ambush slaying of NYPD officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu, Woods slammed Al Sharpton, Mayor Bill de Blasio and President Obama, blaming them for the deaths of the two cops.
Sharpton was especially singled out. Woods called the racial rabble rouser a “Race Pimp” and a “Disgusting Pig”. Here are some of the tweets he posted Sunday:
“This disgusting pig is DIRECTLY responsible for the murder of two good policemen. No discussion.” (Accompanied by a picture of Sharpton)
“’I’m putting wings on pigs today’ – Cop assassin Ismaaiyl Brimsley. Is Race Pimp Sharpton eating caviar this morning?”
“Mission accomplished:” (Accompanied by a picture of Obama with his left hand on Sharpton’s right shoulder, both grinning)
“#Blue Lives Matter #Turn Your Back (Supporting cops for turning their backs on de Blasio) #De Blasio Resign #Race Hucksters #Pig Sharpton”
I don’t know whether Woods was drunk or sober when he posted those tweets, but in either case James is spot on! And he's got Sharpton pegged exactly for what he is. But now he will never be nominated for another award and he’ll be lucky if he is ever offered another acting part again.
RAVAGES OF GLOBAL WARMING AKA CLIMATE CHANGE
Secretary of State John Kerry blames tsunami and typhoon disasters on climate change
BarkGrowlBite | December 23, 2014
On the 10 th anniversary of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami that devastated parts of the Asian and African coasts, Secretary of State John Kerry spoke about the tsunami and deadly Typhoon Haiyan which struck parts of the Philippines last year:
"It [the tsunami] sounded a warning. We know that many regions are already suffering historic floods and rising sea levels. And scientists have been saying for years that climate change could mean more frequent and disastrous storms, unless we stop and reverse course. Last year I visited the Philippines and saw the devastation of Typhoon Haiyan. It is incomprehensible that that kind of storm — or worse — could become the norm. The time to act on climate change is now — before it’s too late to heed the warning.”
Here is my list of some other disasters that can only be explained as resulting from global warming - or climate change, as Kerry now calls it:
The birth of Al Gore
The appointment of John Kerry as Secretary of State
The election of Barack Obama
The reelection of Barack Obama
Bill Clinton cheating on Hillary
The great divide among the Republicans
The disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight 370
The shooting of Trayvon Martin
The birth of George Zimmerman
The shooting of Michael Brown
The death of Eric Garner
Grand jury fails to indict Darren Wilson
Grand jury fails to indict Daniel Pantaleo
The birth of Jesse Jackson
The birth of Al Sharpton
The election of Bill de Blasio
Gov. Rick Perry’s memory loss
The botched execution of Clayton Lockett
The recession
I can think of dozens more disasters that have obviously been caused by global warming, but by now you should realize that we’ve got to take drastic action to reverse this phenomenal climate change.
BarkGrowlBite | December 23, 2014
On the 10 th anniversary of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami that devastated parts of the Asian and African coasts, Secretary of State John Kerry spoke about the tsunami and deadly Typhoon Haiyan which struck parts of the Philippines last year:
"It [the tsunami] sounded a warning. We know that many regions are already suffering historic floods and rising sea levels. And scientists have been saying for years that climate change could mean more frequent and disastrous storms, unless we stop and reverse course. Last year I visited the Philippines and saw the devastation of Typhoon Haiyan. It is incomprehensible that that kind of storm — or worse — could become the norm. The time to act on climate change is now — before it’s too late to heed the warning.”
Here is my list of some other disasters that can only be explained as resulting from global warming - or climate change, as Kerry now calls it:
The birth of Al Gore
The appointment of John Kerry as Secretary of State
The election of Barack Obama
The reelection of Barack Obama
Bill Clinton cheating on Hillary
The great divide among the Republicans
The disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight 370
The shooting of Trayvon Martin
The birth of George Zimmerman
The shooting of Michael Brown
The death of Eric Garner
Grand jury fails to indict Darren Wilson
Grand jury fails to indict Daniel Pantaleo
The birth of Jesse Jackson
The birth of Al Sharpton
The election of Bill de Blasio
Gov. Rick Perry’s memory loss
The botched execution of Clayton Lockett
The recession
I can think of dozens more disasters that have obviously been caused by global warming, but by now you should realize that we’ve got to take drastic action to reverse this phenomenal climate change.
Monday, December 22, 2014
HOLIDAY WARNING: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. ... That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. ... That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
FLEEING THE COPS CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH
A fleeing driver often crashes because he has more enthusiasm than driving skills
By Bob Walsh
PACOVILLA Corrections blog
December 15, 2014
Three California fools found out the hard way early Saturday that fleeing the cops, especially in a Kia Soul, is not necessarily a smart thing to do.
The CHP tried to stop the Soul for doing 90 + on the Costa Mesa freeway about 2 a.m. The driver refused to pull over and instead exited onto 17th St. in Tustin at high speed. The driver, utilizing more enthusiasm than driving skills, slammed into a brick column. The four-wheeled box did a couple of tuck-and-rolls and burst into flames.
The cops managed to get one suspect out of the carbeque alive. The others, not so much.
By Bob Walsh
PACOVILLA Corrections blog
December 15, 2014
Three California fools found out the hard way early Saturday that fleeing the cops, especially in a Kia Soul, is not necessarily a smart thing to do.
The CHP tried to stop the Soul for doing 90 + on the Costa Mesa freeway about 2 a.m. The driver refused to pull over and instead exited onto 17th St. in Tustin at high speed. The driver, utilizing more enthusiasm than driving skills, slammed into a brick column. The four-wheeled box did a couple of tuck-and-rolls and burst into flames.
The cops managed to get one suspect out of the carbeque alive. The others, not so much.
Monday, December 15, 2014
NEW POLICE DOGS FOR FERGUSON
The Ferguson Police Department announced this morning that all its German shepherd police dogs will be replaced by coon dogs because the city is not having any problems with Germans.
Warning: If you laughed at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Jeremiah Wright will be comin' over to deal with your racist, cracker ass.
Warning: If you laughed at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Jeremiah Wright will be comin' over to deal with your racist, cracker ass.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
PRIEST GIVES DRUNK A HARD TIME, THEN APOLOGIZES
A drunk man who smelled of booze sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, “My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned.” Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I’m very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, “My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned.” Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I’m very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
ELKS OR KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS?
Two hunters are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aw shit," says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"
"Aw shit," says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
SANTA, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, I WANT ONE!
A company called TRACKING-POINT in Austin is manufacturing the ultimate firearm. They took an average shooter and went one on one against Army snipers. They outshot every sniper the army put up against them every time. The market is originally for the hard core hunter who wants that fantastic one time shot at the super trophy. The Army is looking seriously at their technology and will probably buy.
Believe it or not they have more orders than they can keep up with. The guns are made in many different calibers as you can see form their web site. You’ll need the big bucks. The guns range in price from $7,000 to $27, 000 dollars. The ammo is $8.00 a round. Take a look!
The video has a number of segments, so don't stop it at the end of the first one.
Their website is: www.tracking-point.com
Believe it or not they have more orders than they can keep up with. The guns are made in many different calibers as you can see form their web site. You’ll need the big bucks. The guns range in price from $7,000 to $27, 000 dollars. The ammo is $8.00 a round. Take a look!
The video has a number of segments, so don't stop it at the end of the first one.
Their website is: www.tracking-point.com
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
WHERE TO MEET FOR LUNCH
A group of golfing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the course, the waitresses were young, good looking, showed lots of cleavage and wore short-shorts.
Ten years later, in their 50s, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, in their 60s, the gang again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money.
Ten years later, in their 70s, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, in their 80s, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they didn’t think they had ever been there before.
Ten years later, in their 50s, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, in their 60s, the gang again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money.
Ten years later, in their 70s, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, in their 80s, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they didn’t think they had ever been there before.
RECTAL FEEDING OF AL QAEDA DETAINEE
The torture report released by the Senate reveals that at least five detainees were rectally fed and watered by CIA agents
BarkGrowlBite | December 10, 2014
The torture report revealed that CIA agents rectally fed and watered at least five detainees.
One detainee, Majid Khan, had a pureed lunch of hummus, pasta with sauce and raisins rectally infused while being held at a secret ‘salt pit’ in Kabul, Afghanistan.
Khan, an American, joined al Qaeda after graduating from a high school near Baltimore and admitted he planned to blow up gasoline tanks in the U.S.
The Senate may have made a mistake in accusing the CIA of torturing Khan. I believe I can explain the rectal feeding. The CIA agents interrogating Khan simply failed to tell the difference between his head and his ass.
BarkGrowlBite | December 10, 2014
The torture report revealed that CIA agents rectally fed and watered at least five detainees.
One detainee, Majid Khan, had a pureed lunch of hummus, pasta with sauce and raisins rectally infused while being held at a secret ‘salt pit’ in Kabul, Afghanistan.
Khan, an American, joined al Qaeda after graduating from a high school near Baltimore and admitted he planned to blow up gasoline tanks in the U.S.
The Senate may have made a mistake in accusing the CIA of torturing Khan. I believe I can explain the rectal feeding. The CIA agents interrogating Khan simply failed to tell the difference between his head and his ass.
KNUCKLEHEADS IN BLUE CONFRONT OPEN-CARRY KNUCKLEHEAD
Houston cops and open-carry protester can’t see eye-to-eye and the cops tried to erase his cellphone video recording of the confrontation but were not tech-savvy enough to do it
BarkGrowlBite | December 10, 2014
Recently an open-carry protester carrying an AR-15 and a large poster sign was standing on the corner of Bay Area and Reseda in the Clear Lake subdivision of Houston. He was also carrying a cellphone with a video camera and a copy of the U.S. Constitution. Apparently he scared some people because two Houston police patrol cars rolled up. The protester starts videoing the scene.
A confrontation takes place. One cop throws the poster sign to the ground. The cops tell him he’s scaring people to death and ask for his ID. The protester says he doesn’t have any ID on him but he does tell them his name. The cops say they have no way of knowing if that is his true name or if he is a felon who is prohibited from owning any firearms. They ask him to put the AR-15 down. He replies that he won’t ‘consent’ to that. The cops then take the protester’s gun anyway and inform him that he’s under arrest for failure to identify.
The back and forth banter continued. According to the Houston Press, “The open carry guy then demands to talk to a damned sheriff or sergeant or something, claiming his rights are being violated.” The cops then threaten to erase the video from his cellphone. The video, which keeps on running, briefly shows the cops trying to erase it from the phone. They were obviously not tech-savvy enough because the protester has released the four-minute clip for everyone to see.
I do not know how the case was disposed of. Court rulings allow citizens to videotape cops at work and require the police to obtain a search warrant before accessing a citizen’s cellphone. Texas’s law requires a person to provide their name, residence address and date of birth if lawfully arrested and asked by police, but a detained person – the protester in this case - is not required to provide any identifying information.
All this took place only a few blocks from my home. It looks as though what we have here is a bunch of knuckleheads confronting each other.
BarkGrowlBite | December 10, 2014
Recently an open-carry protester carrying an AR-15 and a large poster sign was standing on the corner of Bay Area and Reseda in the Clear Lake subdivision of Houston. He was also carrying a cellphone with a video camera and a copy of the U.S. Constitution. Apparently he scared some people because two Houston police patrol cars rolled up. The protester starts videoing the scene.
A confrontation takes place. One cop throws the poster sign to the ground. The cops tell him he’s scaring people to death and ask for his ID. The protester says he doesn’t have any ID on him but he does tell them his name. The cops say they have no way of knowing if that is his true name or if he is a felon who is prohibited from owning any firearms. They ask him to put the AR-15 down. He replies that he won’t ‘consent’ to that. The cops then take the protester’s gun anyway and inform him that he’s under arrest for failure to identify.
The back and forth banter continued. According to the Houston Press, “The open carry guy then demands to talk to a damned sheriff or sergeant or something, claiming his rights are being violated.” The cops then threaten to erase the video from his cellphone. The video, which keeps on running, briefly shows the cops trying to erase it from the phone. They were obviously not tech-savvy enough because the protester has released the four-minute clip for everyone to see.
I do not know how the case was disposed of. Court rulings allow citizens to videotape cops at work and require the police to obtain a search warrant before accessing a citizen’s cellphone. Texas’s law requires a person to provide their name, residence address and date of birth if lawfully arrested and asked by police, but a detained person – the protester in this case - is not required to provide any identifying information.
All this took place only a few blocks from my home. It looks as though what we have here is a bunch of knuckleheads confronting each other.
Monday, December 8, 2014
REV. AL SHARPTON, THE MIRACLE WORKER
Letter to the Editor
I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church.
When I heard Al Sharpton was the guest preacher at a black church in the Bronx, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. So I drove from my Long Island suburban home to the church.
I sat down and Sharpton came up to me - I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my head and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on my head again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the service I stepped outside and damned if he wasn’t right. My Lexus had been stolen!
I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church.
When I heard Al Sharpton was the guest preacher at a black church in the Bronx, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. So I drove from my Long Island suburban home to the church.
I sat down and Sharpton came up to me - I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my head and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on my head again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the service I stepped outside and damned if he wasn’t right. My Lexus had been stolen!
BARCELONA ZOO LIONS PLAY CATCH WITH NEO-NAZI NUTCASE
No ‘Sieg Heil’ for neo-Nazi who climbed into lion’s exhibit and had to be rescued by firefighters after lions played with him for 20 minutes
A Spanish neo-Nazi nutcase climbed into the lion’s exhibit at the Barcelona Zoo where the cats played catch with him for 20 minutes. He was covered in scratches and bite marks when rescued by firefighters who used hoses to break up the lions’ game. Sorry, but no ‘sieg heils’ this time.
MAN SERIOUSLY INJURED WHILE BEING MAULED BY THREE LIONS AT BARCELONA ZOO AFTER HE JUMPED INTO THEIR ENCLOSURE
Man entered the lion enclosure at Barcelona Zoo in army dress, positioned himself in front of lioness and was dragged into a tunnel by the animals before being rescued
By Jennifer Smith
Mail Online
December 7, 2014
A man has been left with serious injuries after jumping into a lion enclosure at Barcelona zoo where he was picked mauled by three of the animals.
Dressed in military uniform, the man climbed over railings and began scaling one of the walls in the enclosure before being picked off by one of the animals and thrown into a pit.
The 45-year-old was rescued around 30 minutes later covered in scratches and bite marks. He was taken to the city's Hospital de la Vall D'Hebron where he remains in a serious but not life-threatening condition.
According to Spanish reports, the man climbed over fencing to enter the enclosure as horrified tourists watched on.
Footage of the bizarre incident shows him scaling one of the enclosure's walls before being tossed by the leg into a pit by a lioness.
He emerged some 30 minutes later after fire fighters used hoses to fight the animals off of him.
According to local reports, the man, named by El Pais as Justo Jose MP, is a neo-Nazi demonstrator.
He was arrested last month in the city centre after draping banners emblazoned with Swastikas over the famous Casa Mila building in an anti-abortion protest.
It is not known whether the incident at the zoo was a demonstration, though fire fighters said the man could not have entered the enclosure accidentally.
'The security system makes it impossiblef for a person to fall into the enclosure. It cannot have been by accident, to enter (the enclosure) you have to want to go in,' said chief fire fighter of the Bomberos de Barcelona, Hector Carmona.
While he emerged from the enclosure covered in bite marks and scratches, zoo keepers have insisted the lions were merely trying to play with him, Spanish news outlet 20minutos reports.
'The intention was not to kill him, they were just trying to play with him, Ignasi Armengol, director of Barcelona Municipal Services said.'
A Spanish neo-Nazi nutcase climbed into the lion’s exhibit at the Barcelona Zoo where the cats played catch with him for 20 minutes. He was covered in scratches and bite marks when rescued by firefighters who used hoses to break up the lions’ game. Sorry, but no ‘sieg heils’ this time.
MAN SERIOUSLY INJURED WHILE BEING MAULED BY THREE LIONS AT BARCELONA ZOO AFTER HE JUMPED INTO THEIR ENCLOSURE
Man entered the lion enclosure at Barcelona Zoo in army dress, positioned himself in front of lioness and was dragged into a tunnel by the animals before being rescued
By Jennifer Smith
Mail Online
December 7, 2014
A man has been left with serious injuries after jumping into a lion enclosure at Barcelona zoo where he was picked mauled by three of the animals.
Dressed in military uniform, the man climbed over railings and began scaling one of the walls in the enclosure before being picked off by one of the animals and thrown into a pit.
The 45-year-old was rescued around 30 minutes later covered in scratches and bite marks. He was taken to the city's Hospital de la Vall D'Hebron where he remains in a serious but not life-threatening condition.
According to Spanish reports, the man climbed over fencing to enter the enclosure as horrified tourists watched on.
Footage of the bizarre incident shows him scaling one of the enclosure's walls before being tossed by the leg into a pit by a lioness.
He emerged some 30 minutes later after fire fighters used hoses to fight the animals off of him.
According to local reports, the man, named by El Pais as Justo Jose MP, is a neo-Nazi demonstrator.
He was arrested last month in the city centre after draping banners emblazoned with Swastikas over the famous Casa Mila building in an anti-abortion protest.
It is not known whether the incident at the zoo was a demonstration, though fire fighters said the man could not have entered the enclosure accidentally.
'The security system makes it impossiblef for a person to fall into the enclosure. It cannot have been by accident, to enter (the enclosure) you have to want to go in,' said chief fire fighter of the Bomberos de Barcelona, Hector Carmona.
While he emerged from the enclosure covered in bite marks and scratches, zoo keepers have insisted the lions were merely trying to play with him, Spanish news outlet 20minutos reports.
'The intention was not to kill him, they were just trying to play with him, Ignasi Armengol, director of Barcelona Municipal Services said.'
Sunday, December 7, 2014
TODAY IS PEARL HARBOR DAY
Today few Americans will pay homage to or care about what happened on December 7, 1941
BarkGrowlBite | December 7, 2014
On December 7, 1941, 353 Japanese warplanes launched from six aircraft carriers attacked the U.S. Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, sinking four battleships, seriously damaging four others, sinking or damaging eight other warships, and destroying 188 U.S. warplanes.
2,403 Americans were killed and 1,178 others were wounded in the attack on Pearl Harbor. Nearly half of the casualties occurred on the battleship USS Arizona which blew up and sank after being hit by four Japanese bombs.
Today few Americans will pay homage to the attack on Pearl Harbor. Instead, hundreds of thousands and thousands will pay homage to two African-Americans who died at the hands of the police, one a dope smoking thug and the other a career criminal with a record of 31 arrests. What a downright dirty shame!
BarkGrowlBite | December 7, 2014
On December 7, 1941, 353 Japanese warplanes launched from six aircraft carriers attacked the U.S. Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, sinking four battleships, seriously damaging four others, sinking or damaging eight other warships, and destroying 188 U.S. warplanes.
2,403 Americans were killed and 1,178 others were wounded in the attack on Pearl Harbor. Nearly half of the casualties occurred on the battleship USS Arizona which blew up and sank after being hit by four Japanese bombs.
Today few Americans will pay homage to the attack on Pearl Harbor. Instead, hundreds of thousands and thousands will pay homage to two African-Americans who died at the hands of the police, one a dope smoking thug and the other a career criminal with a record of 31 arrests. What a downright dirty shame!
Saturday, December 6, 2014
HERB’S WINKY
Herb decided to propose to Sandy , but prior to her acceptance Sandy felt she had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much. However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too.
Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married.'
She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky..'
Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another.
As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'
'Yes, it is ... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long.'
He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much. However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too.
Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married.'
She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky..'
Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another.
As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'
'Yes, it is ... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long.'
Thursday, December 4, 2014
NANCY AND HARRY’S LABRADOR RETRIEVER
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2016!"
"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.
"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"
"Yes, we are!" said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Shit no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"
"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.
"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"
"Yes, we are!" said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Shit no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?
This guy brings his best golfing buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.
"My bloody hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren't done. Can't you see I'm still in my fucking pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the fuck did you bring him home unannounced you fucking idiot?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
"My bloody hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren't done. Can't you see I'm still in my fucking pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the fuck did you bring him home unannounced you fucking idiot?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
COSBY LAWYER ASKS WHY ACCUSERS DIDN’T COME FORWARD TO BE SMEARED BY LEGAL TEAM YEARS AGO
The Onion | December 3, 2014
LOS ANGELES—Responding to recent allegations that his client sexually assaulted as many as 20 women over the course of his career, an attorney for comedian Bill Cosby asked Wednesday why none of the alleged victims came forward and allowed themselves to be smeared by the entertainer’s powerful attorneys years ago.
“One has to wonder why all these claims are being made now, when these women very easily could have spoken up 40 years ago and had my client’s legal team ruin them,” said Cosby lawyer Martin Singer, suggesting that if the assertions were indeed true, the purported victims have had more than ample time to let Cosby’s team of high-priced legal advisors assassinate their character and threaten them with countersuits for defamation. “It’s highly suspect that these women didn’t go public decades ago, when Mr. Cosby could have used his considerable influence to sabotage any chance these women had at a career in show business and obliterate their credibility in media outlets that were utterly smitten with him.”
Singer went on to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if other alleged victims surfaced, even though there wasn’t much left that could be done to destroy them.
LOS ANGELES—Responding to recent allegations that his client sexually assaulted as many as 20 women over the course of his career, an attorney for comedian Bill Cosby asked Wednesday why none of the alleged victims came forward and allowed themselves to be smeared by the entertainer’s powerful attorneys years ago.
“One has to wonder why all these claims are being made now, when these women very easily could have spoken up 40 years ago and had my client’s legal team ruin them,” said Cosby lawyer Martin Singer, suggesting that if the assertions were indeed true, the purported victims have had more than ample time to let Cosby’s team of high-priced legal advisors assassinate their character and threaten them with countersuits for defamation. “It’s highly suspect that these women didn’t go public decades ago, when Mr. Cosby could have used his considerable influence to sabotage any chance these women had at a career in show business and obliterate their credibility in media outlets that were utterly smitten with him.”
Singer went on to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if other alleged victims surfaced, even though there wasn’t much left that could be done to destroy them.
Monday, December 1, 2014
CHRIS ROCK WANTS TO INTERVIEW WHITE COPS
He wants to know why white cops never shoot white kids
BarkGrowlBite | December 1, 2014
CBS Sunday Morning had a Q&A segment between Mo Rocca and standup comedian Chris Rock. When Rock said he would like to work on the CBS TV show 60 Minutes, Rocca asked him, “If you did a story on 60 Minutes and you could interview anyone, who would you want to interview?”
Here is Chris Rock’s reply:
I would go to Ferguson right now and I would just interview white people. Whenever they do stories on race, they always interview black people. We know what black people feel about it. I would love to just interview white cops. The question isn’t why they shoot so many black kids, which is horrible. The real question is, how come you never shoot white kids? That’s the question.
Now if I were that cop, I would answer the question this way:
Chirs, we do shoot white kids. The trouble is that you never hear about it because when we do, it only makes the local news. But whenever we shoot a black kid, it sets off a national media frenzy that implies the shooting was racially motivated. No cop wants to shoot anyone – white, black, brown or purple – and especially not any kids, but sometimes our perception of their actions leave us no choice. Put yourself in our shoes. As a cop, what would you do if you feared that some kid was about to take your life?
BarkGrowlBite | December 1, 2014
CBS Sunday Morning had a Q&A segment between Mo Rocca and standup comedian Chris Rock. When Rock said he would like to work on the CBS TV show 60 Minutes, Rocca asked him, “If you did a story on 60 Minutes and you could interview anyone, who would you want to interview?”
Here is Chris Rock’s reply:
I would go to Ferguson right now and I would just interview white people. Whenever they do stories on race, they always interview black people. We know what black people feel about it. I would love to just interview white cops. The question isn’t why they shoot so many black kids, which is horrible. The real question is, how come you never shoot white kids? That’s the question.
Now if I were that cop, I would answer the question this way:
Chirs, we do shoot white kids. The trouble is that you never hear about it because when we do, it only makes the local news. But whenever we shoot a black kid, it sets off a national media frenzy that implies the shooting was racially motivated. No cop wants to shoot anyone – white, black, brown or purple – and especially not any kids, but sometimes our perception of their actions leave us no choice. Put yourself in our shoes. As a cop, what would you do if you feared that some kid was about to take your life?
CLASSLESS AND CLUELESS COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR
Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for a Republican congressman, was classless in her criticism of Malia, 16, and Sasha Obama, 13, and was obviously clueless as to what a faux pas she was committing
BarkGrowlBite | December 1, 2014
Dear Sasha and Malia, I get you’re both in those awful teen years, but you’re a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events.
So wrote Elizabeth Lauten, a former media director for the Republican National Committee and now communications director for Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-Tenn.), on her Facebook page after she saw a picture of the traditional turkey pardoning ceremony at the White House. Lauten obviously took offense at how Malia, 16, and Sasha Obama, 13, were dressed and the faces they made during the ceremony.
After receiving a shit-storm of criticism, Lauten deleted the offensive Facebook page and gave this contrived apology:
When I first posted on Facebook I reacted to an article and I quickly judged the two young ladies in a way that I would never have wanted to be judged myself as a teenager," she wrote. "After many hours of prayer, talking to my parents, and re-reading my words online I can see more clearly just how hurtful my words were.
Sorry, Ms. Lauten, but your apology does not sound genuine. It seems obvious that you hate Obama, which is your right, but taking your hatred out on his teenage daughters is beyond the pale. You are the one that is classless, not the Obama girls. And at the time, you were obviously clueless as to what a faux pas you were committing.
Lauten, a former media director for the Republican National Committee? The communications director for a Republican congressman? With spokespersons like Lauten, it’s no wonder that the Republicans keep losing the presidential elections.
BarkGrowlBite | December 1, 2014
Dear Sasha and Malia, I get you’re both in those awful teen years, but you’re a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events.
So wrote Elizabeth Lauten, a former media director for the Republican National Committee and now communications director for Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-Tenn.), on her Facebook page after she saw a picture of the traditional turkey pardoning ceremony at the White House. Lauten obviously took offense at how Malia, 16, and Sasha Obama, 13, were dressed and the faces they made during the ceremony.
After receiving a shit-storm of criticism, Lauten deleted the offensive Facebook page and gave this contrived apology:
When I first posted on Facebook I reacted to an article and I quickly judged the two young ladies in a way that I would never have wanted to be judged myself as a teenager," she wrote. "After many hours of prayer, talking to my parents, and re-reading my words online I can see more clearly just how hurtful my words were.
Sorry, Ms. Lauten, but your apology does not sound genuine. It seems obvious that you hate Obama, which is your right, but taking your hatred out on his teenage daughters is beyond the pale. You are the one that is classless, not the Obama girls. And at the time, you were obviously clueless as to what a faux pas you were committing.
Lauten, a former media director for the Republican National Committee? The communications director for a Republican congressman? With spokespersons like Lauten, it’s no wonder that the Republicans keep losing the presidential elections.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
LIBERAL PARADISE
By Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Maricopa County, Arizona
“A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns.”
“And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist. It’s called prison.”
Maricopa County, Arizona
“A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns.”
“And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist. It’s called prison.”
THREE CASES OF INFIDELITY
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'
__________
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
__________
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'
__________
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
__________
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
Monday, November 24, 2014
‘READY FOR FERGUSON’
Woman accidentally kills herself with a gun bought to defend herself against violent protestors
BarkGrowlBite | November 24, 2014
Becca Campbell, 26, and her unnamed 33-year-old boyfriend bought a gun to protect themselves from the violent protests they feared would break out if the Ferguson grand Jury fails to indict Darren Wilson.
On Friday night the couple was driving in downtown St. Louis. According to the police, as the boyfriend was driving, Becca playfully waved the gun around while joking “Ready for Ferguson.” When she pointed the gun in his direction, the boyfriend ducked and – oops – struck the rear end of another car. The crash caused – double oops – the gun to discharge, the bullet – triple oops – striking her in the head.
The ‘Ready for Ferguson’ woman was rushed to a hospital where she croaked.
The cops are looking into the possibility that the boyfriend shot Becca.
BarkGrowlBite | November 24, 2014
Becca Campbell, 26, and her unnamed 33-year-old boyfriend bought a gun to protect themselves from the violent protests they feared would break out if the Ferguson grand Jury fails to indict Darren Wilson.
On Friday night the couple was driving in downtown St. Louis. According to the police, as the boyfriend was driving, Becca playfully waved the gun around while joking “Ready for Ferguson.” When she pointed the gun in his direction, the boyfriend ducked and – oops – struck the rear end of another car. The crash caused – double oops – the gun to discharge, the bullet – triple oops – striking her in the head.
The ‘Ready for Ferguson’ woman was rushed to a hospital where she croaked.
The cops are looking into the possibility that the boyfriend shot Becca.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
BILL CLINTON AND THE GENIE
Bill Clinton was driving home when he accidentally ran over his neighbor’s new puppy Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his car and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew his neighbor’s family would go friggin' ballistic.
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this poor dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else you'd like?"
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this woman,” showing the genie a photo of Hillary. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said, "Damn it, let's have another look at the dog!"
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this poor dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else you'd like?"
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this woman,” showing the genie a photo of Hillary. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said, "Damn it, let's have another look at the dog!"
INNER-CITY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION
Darqueeze played football on an inner-city high school team. He was a great running back and pass receiver, but a really poor student.
At graduation, he didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only. The principal was on the stage and told him to come up. The principal had the diploma in his hand and said, "Darqueeze, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." He said he was ready and the principal asked him the question.
"Darqueeze," he said, "How much is three times seven?"
Darqueeze looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question.
The other students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"
Then Darqueeze held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. He said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."
A hush fell over the auditorium and then all the other students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
At graduation, he didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only. The principal was on the stage and told him to come up. The principal had the diploma in his hand and said, "Darqueeze, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." He said he was ready and the principal asked him the question.
"Darqueeze," he said, "How much is three times seven?"
Darqueeze looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question.
The other students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"
Then Darqueeze held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. He said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."
A hush fell over the auditorium and then all the other students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
DOCTORS MAKING PEOPLE LOOK FOR WORK
During an international medical conference, an Italian doctor says: "In Italy, medicine is so advanced that we Cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
A Dutch doctor says: "That's nothing, in Holland we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Canadian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a Man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
An American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. Six years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work !"
A Dutch doctor says: "That's nothing, in Holland we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Canadian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a Man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
An American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. Six years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work !"
Thursday, November 20, 2014
JOSE CANSECO GIVES US THE FINGER
No, Jose is not giving us the birdie
BarkGrowlBite | November 20, 2014
On October 28, former homerun slugger Jose Canseco was cleaning his 45 caliber Remington 1911 at his Las Vegas home when he accidentally shot off the middle finger on his left hand. Canseco told the cops he thought the gun was unloaded. Doctors were able to reattach the severed finger. However, on November 13, as he was playing in the middle of a poker tournament, the reattached finger fell off.
Now Canseco is giving us the finger. No, not the birdie. And it’s not for free. Jose is planning to sell the finger on eBay, together with the pistol which has a chrome mirror finish and custom grips with crystals and gold plating in the grips.
Jose says the eBay ad will read, “slightly used middle finger with 462 home runs could be used as a stirring straw for drinks.”
Unfortunately for Jose - who earned over $45 million in salary plus endorsements, but is now broke - eBay has a policy of not allowing firearms or body parts for sale.
Forget the 462 home runs. I want to know how many female genitals Jose’s finger has explored.
BarkGrowlBite | November 20, 2014
On October 28, former homerun slugger Jose Canseco was cleaning his 45 caliber Remington 1911 at his Las Vegas home when he accidentally shot off the middle finger on his left hand. Canseco told the cops he thought the gun was unloaded. Doctors were able to reattach the severed finger. However, on November 13, as he was playing in the middle of a poker tournament, the reattached finger fell off.
Now Canseco is giving us the finger. No, not the birdie. And it’s not for free. Jose is planning to sell the finger on eBay, together with the pistol which has a chrome mirror finish and custom grips with crystals and gold plating in the grips.
Jose says the eBay ad will read, “slightly used middle finger with 462 home runs could be used as a stirring straw for drinks.”
Unfortunately for Jose - who earned over $45 million in salary plus endorsements, but is now broke - eBay has a policy of not allowing firearms or body parts for sale.
Forget the 462 home runs. I want to know how many female genitals Jose’s finger has explored.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
THE SAD STATE OF EDUCATION
Why we are the laughing stock of the world
These students at Texas Tech, which is one of the premier universities in the Southwest, are most probably representative of college students throughout the U.S. If these students, who know more about the trashy TV show Jersey Shore than about our country, are the future of our nation, God help us all. The Chinese must be licking their chops.
These students at Texas Tech, which is one of the premier universities in the Southwest, are most probably representative of college students throughout the U.S. If these students, who know more about the trashy TV show Jersey Shore than about our country, are the future of our nation, God help us all. The Chinese must be licking their chops.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
NEW DOCTOR MAKES PROFOUND DIAGNOSIS
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been too involved with your church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit on your church activities and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed a man wearing a white collar under the bed.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been too involved with your church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit on your church activities and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed a man wearing a white collar under the bed.
Friday, November 14, 2014
COP KEEPS HIS COOL IN THE FACE OF ANGRY TRAFFIC VIOLATOR’S TIRADE
A motorcycle cop stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by a Stormtrooper!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an ‘AH’ in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the violator for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the ‘AH’ and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The violator has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
The Lawyer questions, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an ‘AH’ underlined."
"And what does the ‘AH’ stand for, Officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an ‘AH’ in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the violator for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the ‘AH’ and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The violator has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
The Lawyer questions, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an ‘AH’ underlined."
"And what does the ‘AH’ stand for, Officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”
REVENGE: HOW SWEET IT IS
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it. The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?' Of course the Madam said 'No'. The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber – That’s the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?' He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
Then the Madam said "Well, that is just sick!" "Yes", said the boy, "but in the morning when Dad is at work, the Mailman will deliver the mail, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and he’s the fucking prick who ran over my frog!'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?' He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
Then the Madam said "Well, that is just sick!" "Yes", said the boy, "but in the morning when Dad is at work, the Mailman will deliver the mail, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and he’s the fucking prick who ran over my frog!'
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
SOS CALL FROM THE PHILIPPINES (EPILOGUE)
Busted for money laundering and put on the No Fly List
BarkGrowlBite | November 11, 2014
The time is at hand for me to fess up. Yes, it’s all been a hoax. I hope all of you enjoyed my spoof. I wanted to have a little fun and see if I could fool any of you into believing my tale of woe.
For any of you who might have believed it, I will say that my tale may not be all that farfetched. The third world is far different from the Western World and something like this could conceivably happen to some poor schmuck. After all, there are assholes like Justin Arschloch around who will take their frustrations out on you and, as the Obama administration has shown, there are government officials who will screw opponents of the President. [‘Arschloch’ is German for ‘asshole’]
Actually I had a great three weeks in the Philippines. The Filipinos are very friendly. The few cops I saw were heavily armed with assault rifles or shotguns, but they seemed to be courteous to everyone.
Traveling on Cebu’s crowded narrow two-lane National Highway is truly a hair-raising adventure. I observed none of the road-rage that is so common in the U.S., even though the highway pavement is shared by pedestrians – yes, I said pedestrians - bicyclists, human powered and motorized pedicabs, cars, minibuses, big buses and 18-wheelers. The operator of a non-motorized pedicab has to get off his bike seat, get behind the vehicle, and push it up a long hill as the traffic piles up behind him.
Bert Degenhardt’s wedding was great. Some of you know that I took four containership cruises several years ago. Bert is from Rostock, a German city on the Baltic Sea coast, and was the Captain of the Libra Santos on which I took three long voyages down and back up the eastern coast of South American. We became close friends. Since he retired, Bert has spent the winters on Cebu. Jingjing, his bride, is a beautiful young Filipino woman.
In closing, let me offer my apologies to Jay Wall, Bob Walsh, Trey, Jeff, Greg, and Dorina for using you good people in this spoof without your permission. I must confess that this old geezer would love to make love to Dorina, that beautiful Australian human rights activist. Well, that’s what old geezers do - dream and fantasize. And eventually our Viagra propped-up dicks will end up in a honey bucket.
Finally, it sure was fun making fun of myself.
BarkGrowlBite | November 11, 2014
The time is at hand for me to fess up. Yes, it’s all been a hoax. I hope all of you enjoyed my spoof. I wanted to have a little fun and see if I could fool any of you into believing my tale of woe.
For any of you who might have believed it, I will say that my tale may not be all that farfetched. The third world is far different from the Western World and something like this could conceivably happen to some poor schmuck. After all, there are assholes like Justin Arschloch around who will take their frustrations out on you and, as the Obama administration has shown, there are government officials who will screw opponents of the President. [‘Arschloch’ is German for ‘asshole’]
Actually I had a great three weeks in the Philippines. The Filipinos are very friendly. The few cops I saw were heavily armed with assault rifles or shotguns, but they seemed to be courteous to everyone.
Traveling on Cebu’s crowded narrow two-lane National Highway is truly a hair-raising adventure. I observed none of the road-rage that is so common in the U.S., even though the highway pavement is shared by pedestrians – yes, I said pedestrians - bicyclists, human powered and motorized pedicabs, cars, minibuses, big buses and 18-wheelers. The operator of a non-motorized pedicab has to get off his bike seat, get behind the vehicle, and push it up a long hill as the traffic piles up behind him.
Bert Degenhardt’s wedding was great. Some of you know that I took four containership cruises several years ago. Bert is from Rostock, a German city on the Baltic Sea coast, and was the Captain of the Libra Santos on which I took three long voyages down and back up the eastern coast of South American. We became close friends. Since he retired, Bert has spent the winters on Cebu. Jingjing, his bride, is a beautiful young Filipino woman.
In closing, let me offer my apologies to Jay Wall, Bob Walsh, Trey, Jeff, Greg, and Dorina for using you good people in this spoof without your permission. I must confess that this old geezer would love to make love to Dorina, that beautiful Australian human rights activist. Well, that’s what old geezers do - dream and fantasize. And eventually our Viagra propped-up dicks will end up in a honey bucket.
Finally, it sure was fun making fun of myself.
Monday, November 10, 2014
SOS CALL FROM THE PHILIPPINES (UPDATE)
Busted for money laundering and put on the No Fly List
BarkGrowlBite | November 10, 2014
[Sent from my lawyer’s office computer]
Mr. Ling, my lawyer, informs me that he received a number of responses to my SOS call for help, none of which were actually helpful.
The first to respond was PACOVILLA reader ‘turds and 10-15s’ who can be counted on to defend all correctional officers, both the good and the bad. ‘turds and 10-15s’ wrote: Ha ha, fuck you Howie! You should have been locked up long ago. I dare you to take your cheap shots at your Filipino COs like you’ve done to California’s COs. Ha ha, I dare you! Yeah, remember when you told me to go soak my head in a tub of turds? Well now, you can soak your head in that honey bucket, ha ha ha ha!
My son wrote: Tough shit, dad!. I warned you not to put that pouch on. I did contact the administrative aides of Senator John Cornyn and Congressman Ted Poe. Both called me back to say DHS refuses to remove you from the No Fly List because you’ve been badmouthing President Obama on your blogs. DHS told them you should contact that Obama hater Binjamin Netanyahu, and maybe he’ll send an Israeli plane to take you to his troublemaking Zionist entity.
My Alzheimer-stricken wife wrote: My husband ran off and left me and the children 20 years ago. Now that you’ve found the bastard, keep him!!!
Jay Wall wrote: Howie is a good friend, but to be honest, his elevator does not run all the way to the top. He’s been tilting at windmills on the marijuana issue. I know for a fact that he watches Reefer Madness every night before he goes to bed. Anyone who thinks Reefer Madness should have won the Academy Award, as Howie does, is to be pitied, not placed on the No Fly List.
Mr. Ling told me that Bob Walsh wrote a letter to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson pleading for him to take me off the No Fly List. Mr. Ling quoted Bob as writing: Please take Howie off the No Fly List so he can come back home. He’s 87 and a WWII veteran who served in the U.S. Army. He is the founder of the Texas Narcotics Officers Association. I’ll stake my life on it, but there is no way Howie is connected to the Sinaloa drug cartel, maybe the Juarez cartel, but not the Sinaloa cartel.
Trey wrote: I called Ross Perot and asked him if he would put together a Black Op team to extract you from the Philippines like he did for some of his employees who were trapped in Iran back in 1978. He said he seemed to recall you from the early TNOA years. Although he would like to help you, he’s sorry, but he’s no longer into that sort of thing. Howie, I wish you had followed my advice not to go to the Philippines. Looks like you’re fucked.
Jeff ‘Paco’ Doyle wrote: Looks like DEA Agent Justin Arschloch solved that problem ‘turds and 10-15s’ called to my attention about your postings causing a severe decline in PACOVILLA readership. Thanks for not following your son’s advice. Here’s wishing that as you remain in the Philippines, the short time you’ve got left on earth will prove to be a positive experience.
Dorina Lisson must have really gotten pissed off because I fantasized that I was making love to her when I had my moment with Leona. Dorina wrote: Making love to a horny transvestite while pretending that the she-man was me … how revolting, how utterly disgusting. That’s a capital offense. Although I’ve dedicated my life to opposing the death penalty, I’d make an exception in this instance. That degenerate old filthy swine … I hope someone puts the malocchio on Howie as he’s giving himself a hand-job so that his Viagra propped-up dick falls off into that honey bucket.
I knew I could count on Greg ‘Gadfly’ Doyle to answer my SOS call for help. Gadfly wrote: Mr. Ling, please tell Howie that when all else seems lost, Jesus still loves him.
So, where do all those emails leave me? I’m stuck in the Philippines because that asshole Arschloch took his frustration out against me over having to do time here on a no fucking good assignment. Mr. Ling is about to max out my credit card and my visa is due to expire. Things are looking bleak and ………. excuse the interruption, but Mr. Ling is telling me my visa expires today and he must take me back to the PNP pen tomorrow. Wait a minute ………. He says he’s fixed me up with a good looking woman for my last night of freedom. Says she’s also a client of his who got out of jail yesterday. Mr. Ling is saying, “As you Americans like to say, she’s hot to trot.” Her name is ….. What’s that again? … Oh holy shit! Her name is Leona.
BarkGrowlBite | November 10, 2014
[Sent from my lawyer’s office computer]
Mr. Ling, my lawyer, informs me that he received a number of responses to my SOS call for help, none of which were actually helpful.
The first to respond was PACOVILLA reader ‘turds and 10-15s’ who can be counted on to defend all correctional officers, both the good and the bad. ‘turds and 10-15s’ wrote: Ha ha, fuck you Howie! You should have been locked up long ago. I dare you to take your cheap shots at your Filipino COs like you’ve done to California’s COs. Ha ha, I dare you! Yeah, remember when you told me to go soak my head in a tub of turds? Well now, you can soak your head in that honey bucket, ha ha ha ha!
My son wrote: Tough shit, dad!. I warned you not to put that pouch on. I did contact the administrative aides of Senator John Cornyn and Congressman Ted Poe. Both called me back to say DHS refuses to remove you from the No Fly List because you’ve been badmouthing President Obama on your blogs. DHS told them you should contact that Obama hater Binjamin Netanyahu, and maybe he’ll send an Israeli plane to take you to his troublemaking Zionist entity.
My Alzheimer-stricken wife wrote: My husband ran off and left me and the children 20 years ago. Now that you’ve found the bastard, keep him!!!
Jay Wall wrote: Howie is a good friend, but to be honest, his elevator does not run all the way to the top. He’s been tilting at windmills on the marijuana issue. I know for a fact that he watches Reefer Madness every night before he goes to bed. Anyone who thinks Reefer Madness should have won the Academy Award, as Howie does, is to be pitied, not placed on the No Fly List.
Mr. Ling told me that Bob Walsh wrote a letter to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson pleading for him to take me off the No Fly List. Mr. Ling quoted Bob as writing: Please take Howie off the No Fly List so he can come back home. He’s 87 and a WWII veteran who served in the U.S. Army. He is the founder of the Texas Narcotics Officers Association. I’ll stake my life on it, but there is no way Howie is connected to the Sinaloa drug cartel, maybe the Juarez cartel, but not the Sinaloa cartel.
Trey wrote: I called Ross Perot and asked him if he would put together a Black Op team to extract you from the Philippines like he did for some of his employees who were trapped in Iran back in 1978. He said he seemed to recall you from the early TNOA years. Although he would like to help you, he’s sorry, but he’s no longer into that sort of thing. Howie, I wish you had followed my advice not to go to the Philippines. Looks like you’re fucked.
Jeff ‘Paco’ Doyle wrote: Looks like DEA Agent Justin Arschloch solved that problem ‘turds and 10-15s’ called to my attention about your postings causing a severe decline in PACOVILLA readership. Thanks for not following your son’s advice. Here’s wishing that as you remain in the Philippines, the short time you’ve got left on earth will prove to be a positive experience.
Dorina Lisson must have really gotten pissed off because I fantasized that I was making love to her when I had my moment with Leona. Dorina wrote: Making love to a horny transvestite while pretending that the she-man was me … how revolting, how utterly disgusting. That’s a capital offense. Although I’ve dedicated my life to opposing the death penalty, I’d make an exception in this instance. That degenerate old filthy swine … I hope someone puts the malocchio on Howie as he’s giving himself a hand-job so that his Viagra propped-up dick falls off into that honey bucket.
I knew I could count on Greg ‘Gadfly’ Doyle to answer my SOS call for help. Gadfly wrote: Mr. Ling, please tell Howie that when all else seems lost, Jesus still loves him.
So, where do all those emails leave me? I’m stuck in the Philippines because that asshole Arschloch took his frustration out against me over having to do time here on a no fucking good assignment. Mr. Ling is about to max out my credit card and my visa is due to expire. Things are looking bleak and ………. excuse the interruption, but Mr. Ling is telling me my visa expires today and he must take me back to the PNP pen tomorrow. Wait a minute ………. He says he’s fixed me up with a good looking woman for my last night of freedom. Says she’s also a client of his who got out of jail yesterday. Mr. Ling is saying, “As you Americans like to say, she’s hot to trot.” Her name is ….. What’s that again? … Oh holy shit! Her name is Leona.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
SOS CALL FROM THE PHILIPPINES
Busted for money laundering and put on the No Fly List
BarkGrowlBite | November 8, 2014
[Sent from my lawyer’s office computer]
What was going to be a great trip to attend a wedding has turned into a nightmare and lefty me up shit creek without a paddle in the Philippines. I’ve spent time in a Cebu prison and can’t return to the U.S. because some DEA asshole has put me on the No Fly List. This is an SOS call for help.
You might say that my troubles began during the early 1990s when a bunch of Italian tourists began scamming banks in third world countries by cashing in their American Express Travelers Checks, then rushing to the nearest telephone to report the checks stolen. American Express then would immediately cancel the checks, leaving the banks holding a pile of worthless paper. And by the next day, the Italian scam artists would have a new batch of checks to replace the ‘stolen’ checks, leaving them free to pull the same stunt at the next bank and so on. That forced me to carry large sums of cash on me whenever I was in South America or Asia because banks there refused to honor any more travelers checks.
Which brings me to my present predicament. I left for the Philippines on October 19 to attend the wedding of a close friend. I hid $1,000 in 20s, 10s, 5s and ones in a special money pouch that you can tie around your waist and conceal under your trousers. My son said, “Dad, you’re making a mistake. The airport security people ager going to pull you out if they notice that bulge under your pants.” I brushed him off, telling him, “Nawh, that’s not going to happen.” In fact, I breezed through the TSA checkpoint at Houston’s George Bush Intercontinental Airport as well as at the security checkpoint in Seoul Korea’s airport.
But when I got to Cebu, disaster struck. As I was passing through the customs and immigration checkpoint, I was pulled aside and taken to a small interrogation room where one of three customs officials touched the bulge on my belly and asked, “You carry cocaine?” I replied, “You gotta be kidding.” He wasn’t kidding because – whack – he slapped me across the face. They made me drop my pants, took the pouch, and after opening it one of them exclaimed, “Ah ha, you laundering money for Sinaloa Drug Cartel. You under arrest!.” Before I could say anything – whack – another slap in the face.
I was handcuffed with my hands behind me. They placed a leash around my neck and one around the handcuffs. Then I was led through the airport in my undershorts, with one officer leading me by the leash around the neck while another officer trailed behind holding onto the leash tied around the cuffs. Everyone in the airport was looking at me. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. They drove me to the Philippine National Police prison in Cebu City. I gagged from the stench as soon as I set foot on the prison grounds. I was thrown in a cell with three other inmates. More about that later.
For three days I was interrogated about my connections to the Sinaloa cartel. My pleas that $1,000 could hardly be considered Sinaloa drug money were ignored. Finally I was allowed to contact the American Consulate in Cebu City. Three days later, Elizabeth Fairweather, a consulate official showed up with some guy she introduced as Justin Arschloch, a DEA agent assigned to the U.S. Embassy in Manila. Man, was I in for a surprise.
Fairweather said it would go a lot easier if I just went ahead and confessed to money laundering and gave up my Sinaloa cartel contacts. I said, “Lady, you’re crazy,” and –whack- Arschloch slapped me across the face. I turned to the lady and said, “Hey did you see that? He hit me.” She said she did not see anything and the DEA asshole said, “Nobody hit you, you’re imagining things … you been smoking dope?” After several hours of trying to convince them that $1,000 could not be considered drug cartel money, Fairweather said she would have a lawyer contact me.
It was back to my cell which made America’s worst prisons look like Club Med by comparison. I would estimate the concrete cell was about 12x20 and had only one common wooden bunk with no mattress or bedding. In one corner there was a bucket for me and my three cellies to pee and shit in. There was no toilet paper.
We got two meals a day, a bowl of rice in the morning and one in the evening which also contained a fish head. Those bulging eyes also made me gag. I gave the fish head to my cellmates. I noticed the rice was infested with weevils. My cellmates said I should look at them as fresh meat. Each day a plastic container was filled with water for us to drink. Rice, fish heads and water seems to be standard prison fare. I was told that as a special Christmas treat, they serve pork in place of the fish heads.
I think the cell temperature easily reached 110 degrees. Where in the hell are Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch? Those two do-gooder organizations have long complained that Texas prisons are inhumane because during the summer months the cell temperatures exceed 85 degrees.
Friday was exercise day. All inmates were taken to the prison yard and forced to participate in calisthenics led by one of the guards. Saturday was shower and laundry day. Everybody showered with their clothes on. Sunday was Blessing Day. Some poor schmuck comes around every Sunday morning to empty the ‘honey bucket.’ Catholic priests show up to bless everyone. The priests also provided us with an additional fish head for the Sunday evening meal.
Now about my three cellmates. Surprisingly one of them was a woman. She was rather good looking and her skintight mini dress accentuated the positive, if you get my drift. The two guys – I don’t now what they’re in for – kept asking me if I could get them a job working for the Sinaloa cartel. The gal – Leona was her name – kept asking me when we were going to make love. “I’m hot for long noses,” she said. (‘Long noses’ is a Filipino term for whites.)
At night, Leona would snuggle up to me on the bunk and nibble on my ear. After a week of that, I finally succumbed to her advances. Throwing caution about STD to the winds, I rolled over and we passionately kissed one another. I began to fantasize that I was making love to my friend Dorina Lisson, the beautiful Australian campaigner against the death penalty. To the applause of the two guys, I spread Leona’s legs apart and reached under that tight fitting dress … what the fuck! It was the wrong plumbing. Leona was not a she. She was a he. Now I know why they put Leona in the same cell with us.
Finally some Chinese guy shows up. He’s the lawyer that bitch Fairweather got hold of for me. He gave me his card. He listed his name as ‘Din Ga Ling, Esquire.’ Underneath it said, “A Totally Honest Lawyer In A Totally Corrupt System.” He asked if I had any money for a lawyer. I told him they took my $1,000 but that I should have $108 in my wallet. He left and returned to tell me I only had $28 in my wallet. He said I was lucky they didn’t take my credit card which he would use to pay for his services.
On October 30, the day of my friend’s wedding, he returned to inform me he would get me out on bail later that day. By the time I got out, the wedding was over and the newlyweds were on their way to Boracay for a honeymoon. As I retrieved my property, I noticed the officer was wearing a watch that looked very similar to the Raymond Weil watch my wife had given me as a gift. I said, “Sir, this is only $28, I had $108 in this wallet when I got arrested.” Whack – another slap. “You only had $28.” Worst of all, when I reached for my watch, I noticed it was a tinny Goer watch, a cheap Chinese brand. Then I saw that it was my watch he was wearing. “Sir, that is my watch you are wearing.” Whack, whack – two slaps this time. I took the Goer watch.
Mr. Din Ga Ling put me up at Hotel Quickie, a hotel that catered to streetwalkers and their johns. He gave me some Philippine pesos so I would be able to eat. A couple of days later he told me I was free to go back to the U.S. He had pled me guilty to money laundering and paid my $5,000 fine. At this point I just wanted to get out of the Philippines. My return flight was scheduled for tonight, so I rushed over to the Korea Air counter for my boarding passes. That’s when I got more bad news, really bad news. The agent told me, “So sorry sir, but this ticket is no longer any good, DEA has put you on No Fly List.
Now, I’m stuck in the Philippines. I’m back in the Quickie. My credit card is about maxed out and my visa is about to expire. I cannot get on a plane because that asshole Arschloch had me put on the No Fly List. SOS, I need help. My lawyer’s email address is dingaling@yahoo.com. Please contact your congressman and your two U.S. senators and ask them to get me off that damn No Fly List.
BarkGrowlBite | November 8, 2014
[Sent from my lawyer’s office computer]
What was going to be a great trip to attend a wedding has turned into a nightmare and lefty me up shit creek without a paddle in the Philippines. I’ve spent time in a Cebu prison and can’t return to the U.S. because some DEA asshole has put me on the No Fly List. This is an SOS call for help.
You might say that my troubles began during the early 1990s when a bunch of Italian tourists began scamming banks in third world countries by cashing in their American Express Travelers Checks, then rushing to the nearest telephone to report the checks stolen. American Express then would immediately cancel the checks, leaving the banks holding a pile of worthless paper. And by the next day, the Italian scam artists would have a new batch of checks to replace the ‘stolen’ checks, leaving them free to pull the same stunt at the next bank and so on. That forced me to carry large sums of cash on me whenever I was in South America or Asia because banks there refused to honor any more travelers checks.
Which brings me to my present predicament. I left for the Philippines on October 19 to attend the wedding of a close friend. I hid $1,000 in 20s, 10s, 5s and ones in a special money pouch that you can tie around your waist and conceal under your trousers. My son said, “Dad, you’re making a mistake. The airport security people ager going to pull you out if they notice that bulge under your pants.” I brushed him off, telling him, “Nawh, that’s not going to happen.” In fact, I breezed through the TSA checkpoint at Houston’s George Bush Intercontinental Airport as well as at the security checkpoint in Seoul Korea’s airport.
But when I got to Cebu, disaster struck. As I was passing through the customs and immigration checkpoint, I was pulled aside and taken to a small interrogation room where one of three customs officials touched the bulge on my belly and asked, “You carry cocaine?” I replied, “You gotta be kidding.” He wasn’t kidding because – whack – he slapped me across the face. They made me drop my pants, took the pouch, and after opening it one of them exclaimed, “Ah ha, you laundering money for Sinaloa Drug Cartel. You under arrest!.” Before I could say anything – whack – another slap in the face.
I was handcuffed with my hands behind me. They placed a leash around my neck and one around the handcuffs. Then I was led through the airport in my undershorts, with one officer leading me by the leash around the neck while another officer trailed behind holding onto the leash tied around the cuffs. Everyone in the airport was looking at me. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. They drove me to the Philippine National Police prison in Cebu City. I gagged from the stench as soon as I set foot on the prison grounds. I was thrown in a cell with three other inmates. More about that later.
For three days I was interrogated about my connections to the Sinaloa cartel. My pleas that $1,000 could hardly be considered Sinaloa drug money were ignored. Finally I was allowed to contact the American Consulate in Cebu City. Three days later, Elizabeth Fairweather, a consulate official showed up with some guy she introduced as Justin Arschloch, a DEA agent assigned to the U.S. Embassy in Manila. Man, was I in for a surprise.
Fairweather said it would go a lot easier if I just went ahead and confessed to money laundering and gave up my Sinaloa cartel contacts. I said, “Lady, you’re crazy,” and –whack- Arschloch slapped me across the face. I turned to the lady and said, “Hey did you see that? He hit me.” She said she did not see anything and the DEA asshole said, “Nobody hit you, you’re imagining things … you been smoking dope?” After several hours of trying to convince them that $1,000 could not be considered drug cartel money, Fairweather said she would have a lawyer contact me.
It was back to my cell which made America’s worst prisons look like Club Med by comparison. I would estimate the concrete cell was about 12x20 and had only one common wooden bunk with no mattress or bedding. In one corner there was a bucket for me and my three cellies to pee and shit in. There was no toilet paper.
We got two meals a day, a bowl of rice in the morning and one in the evening which also contained a fish head. Those bulging eyes also made me gag. I gave the fish head to my cellmates. I noticed the rice was infested with weevils. My cellmates said I should look at them as fresh meat. Each day a plastic container was filled with water for us to drink. Rice, fish heads and water seems to be standard prison fare. I was told that as a special Christmas treat, they serve pork in place of the fish heads.
I think the cell temperature easily reached 110 degrees. Where in the hell are Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch? Those two do-gooder organizations have long complained that Texas prisons are inhumane because during the summer months the cell temperatures exceed 85 degrees.
Friday was exercise day. All inmates were taken to the prison yard and forced to participate in calisthenics led by one of the guards. Saturday was shower and laundry day. Everybody showered with their clothes on. Sunday was Blessing Day. Some poor schmuck comes around every Sunday morning to empty the ‘honey bucket.’ Catholic priests show up to bless everyone. The priests also provided us with an additional fish head for the Sunday evening meal.
Now about my three cellmates. Surprisingly one of them was a woman. She was rather good looking and her skintight mini dress accentuated the positive, if you get my drift. The two guys – I don’t now what they’re in for – kept asking me if I could get them a job working for the Sinaloa cartel. The gal – Leona was her name – kept asking me when we were going to make love. “I’m hot for long noses,” she said. (‘Long noses’ is a Filipino term for whites.)
At night, Leona would snuggle up to me on the bunk and nibble on my ear. After a week of that, I finally succumbed to her advances. Throwing caution about STD to the winds, I rolled over and we passionately kissed one another. I began to fantasize that I was making love to my friend Dorina Lisson, the beautiful Australian campaigner against the death penalty. To the applause of the two guys, I spread Leona’s legs apart and reached under that tight fitting dress … what the fuck! It was the wrong plumbing. Leona was not a she. She was a he. Now I know why they put Leona in the same cell with us.
Finally some Chinese guy shows up. He’s the lawyer that bitch Fairweather got hold of for me. He gave me his card. He listed his name as ‘Din Ga Ling, Esquire.’ Underneath it said, “A Totally Honest Lawyer In A Totally Corrupt System.” He asked if I had any money for a lawyer. I told him they took my $1,000 but that I should have $108 in my wallet. He left and returned to tell me I only had $28 in my wallet. He said I was lucky they didn’t take my credit card which he would use to pay for his services.
On October 30, the day of my friend’s wedding, he returned to inform me he would get me out on bail later that day. By the time I got out, the wedding was over and the newlyweds were on their way to Boracay for a honeymoon. As I retrieved my property, I noticed the officer was wearing a watch that looked very similar to the Raymond Weil watch my wife had given me as a gift. I said, “Sir, this is only $28, I had $108 in this wallet when I got arrested.” Whack – another slap. “You only had $28.” Worst of all, when I reached for my watch, I noticed it was a tinny Goer watch, a cheap Chinese brand. Then I saw that it was my watch he was wearing. “Sir, that is my watch you are wearing.” Whack, whack – two slaps this time. I took the Goer watch.
Mr. Din Ga Ling put me up at Hotel Quickie, a hotel that catered to streetwalkers and their johns. He gave me some Philippine pesos so I would be able to eat. A couple of days later he told me I was free to go back to the U.S. He had pled me guilty to money laundering and paid my $5,000 fine. At this point I just wanted to get out of the Philippines. My return flight was scheduled for tonight, so I rushed over to the Korea Air counter for my boarding passes. That’s when I got more bad news, really bad news. The agent told me, “So sorry sir, but this ticket is no longer any good, DEA has put you on No Fly List.
Now, I’m stuck in the Philippines. I’m back in the Quickie. My credit card is about maxed out and my visa is about to expire. I cannot get on a plane because that asshole Arschloch had me put on the No Fly List. SOS, I need help. My lawyer’s email address is dingaling@yahoo.com. Please contact your congressman and your two U.S. senators and ask them to get me off that damn No Fly List.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
NEW HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
Texas man installs cost-free security system that also provides him with round-the-clock personal protection
Bob resides in the Dallas suburb of Plano. Even though he lives in an upscale gated community, many residents there have suffered from burglaries and home invasions. Bob decided he needed a better home security system.
In order to obtain better security, Bob tore out his ADT alarm system and notified his Neighborhood Watch captain that he no longer wanted them to watch his property.
Bob then purchased two Pakistani flags and one ISIS flag. He raised the three flags in his front Yard, the Pakistani flags at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The Plano police, Collin County sheriff's deputies, Texas DPS, FBI, U.S. Marshals, CIA and other intelligence services are all watching Bob’s house 24/7. Furthermore, Bob has officers from those agencies following him everywhere he goes.
Bob now has a near-perfect security and personal protection system, and he only had to pay for the flags and flag poles. Plus, he no longer has to pay those monthly ADT charges.
Bob never felt safer in his whole life.
Bob resides in the Dallas suburb of Plano. Even though he lives in an upscale gated community, many residents there have suffered from burglaries and home invasions. Bob decided he needed a better home security system.
In order to obtain better security, Bob tore out his ADT alarm system and notified his Neighborhood Watch captain that he no longer wanted them to watch his property.
Bob then purchased two Pakistani flags and one ISIS flag. He raised the three flags in his front Yard, the Pakistani flags at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The Plano police, Collin County sheriff's deputies, Texas DPS, FBI, U.S. Marshals, CIA and other intelligence services are all watching Bob’s house 24/7. Furthermore, Bob has officers from those agencies following him everywhere he goes.
Bob now has a near-perfect security and personal protection system, and he only had to pay for the flags and flag poles. Plus, he no longer has to pay those monthly ADT charges.
Bob never felt safer in his whole life.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
MOTHER, DAUGHTER, YOUNG MAN THREESOME
Bob met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all. Bob found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if he'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?’, he asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As Bob’s mind began to relish the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, 'No, I haven't.'
They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night, Bob.'
They left the bar and went to her place, all the while he was trembling in anticipation. They walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if he'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?’, he asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As Bob’s mind began to relish the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, 'No, I haven't.'
They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night, Bob.'
They left the bar and went to her place, all the while he was trembling in anticipation. They walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
$2.4M TAX DOLLARS SPENT ON ORIGAMI CONDOM DESIGN
The NIH spent millions of dollars on wacky projects like an origami condom design, a study of sex among fruit flies, an online game for Michelle’s anti-obesity campaign, a study of chimpanzee poop-throwing skills, etc., and now complains it did not have any money to develop an Ebola vaccine
BarkGrowlBite | October 15, 2014
Talk about your tax dollars at work, the expenditures by the National Institutes of Health are absolutely mind-boggling.
The NIH spent $2.4 million for a new ‘origami’ condom design. Daniel Resnic, the creator of the origami condom, conned the idiots at NIH into wasting all that money on condoms based on Japanese folding paper. Resnic is now under investigation for fraud, accused of spending some of the money on cosmetic surgery, a Playboy Mansion party and exotic trips..
$939,000 was spent on the sex habits of fruit flies and concluded that the males prefer younger females. In other words, they spent nearly a million dollars to learn that male fruit flies are just like their human counterparts, since men prefer to fuck younger women.
$257,000 was spent to produce “Virtual Sprouts” an online game which is a companion to Michelle Obama’s White House garden and is designed to teach nutrition and to fight obesity.
$592,000 was spent studying the shit slinging skills of Chimpanzees which found that chimps with the best communication skills were also best at flinging poop. Another $117,000 was spent to learn that most chimps are right-handed.
$325,000 was spent studying arguments between husbands and wives. The study found that when wives ‘downgraded’ [calmed down] their anger during an argument, both spouses had a more satisfying marriage over time. Not so, however, when men calmed down.
$666,000 was spent studying the effect on old people of watching reruns of sitcoms like Seinfeld and watching old movies.
$181,000 was spent on a study which found that cocaine use ‘enhanced’ the sex drive of the Japanese quail.
$548,000 was spent on a study that found partygoers in their 30s felt immature after binge drinking while those in their 20s didn’t.
$610,000 was spent on a survey of 120 countries to see how satisfied people are with their lives in those countries.
$484,000 was spent on a study to see if hypnosis can reduce hot flashes in women. Another $294,000 was spent to see if yoga could do the same.
$1.1 million was spent studying how athletes perceive their in-game surroundings. Among other things, the study found that golfers can putt better if they imagine the hole is bigger. [I think that men would enjoy sex better if they imagined the hole was smaller.]
$832,000 was spent to learn if it was possible to get South African tribesmen who had not been circumcised into the habit of washing their dicks off after having sex.
Those expenditures totaled $9.345 million, and that's only a partial list of studies, the expenditures for which would be considered by any reasonable person as wasteful spending. But then, we can all sleep better now knowing that the bigger a golfer imagines the hole to be, the better he can putt.
Providing us with a perfect example of chutzpah, NIH chief Dr. Francis Collins is now complaining that lack of funding prevented his agency from developing an Ebola vaccine.
I believe that Dr. Collins, and every person at NIH who had any part in approving these grants, be made to stand in front of the best communicating Chimpanzees every day for a month and let those chimps pelt them all day long with ape shit. Maybe, just maybe, that would teach them to stop wasting our tax dollars.
Wait a minute, not so fast. Maybe I can get a $500,000 grant from the NIH to conduct a study on the pleasure a man gets from having sex with a woman depending on the size of her hole.
BarkGrowlBite | October 15, 2014
Talk about your tax dollars at work, the expenditures by the National Institutes of Health are absolutely mind-boggling.
The NIH spent $2.4 million for a new ‘origami’ condom design. Daniel Resnic, the creator of the origami condom, conned the idiots at NIH into wasting all that money on condoms based on Japanese folding paper. Resnic is now under investigation for fraud, accused of spending some of the money on cosmetic surgery, a Playboy Mansion party and exotic trips..
$939,000 was spent on the sex habits of fruit flies and concluded that the males prefer younger females. In other words, they spent nearly a million dollars to learn that male fruit flies are just like their human counterparts, since men prefer to fuck younger women.
$257,000 was spent to produce “Virtual Sprouts” an online game which is a companion to Michelle Obama’s White House garden and is designed to teach nutrition and to fight obesity.
$592,000 was spent studying the shit slinging skills of Chimpanzees which found that chimps with the best communication skills were also best at flinging poop. Another $117,000 was spent to learn that most chimps are right-handed.
$325,000 was spent studying arguments between husbands and wives. The study found that when wives ‘downgraded’ [calmed down] their anger during an argument, both spouses had a more satisfying marriage over time. Not so, however, when men calmed down.
$666,000 was spent studying the effect on old people of watching reruns of sitcoms like Seinfeld and watching old movies.
$181,000 was spent on a study which found that cocaine use ‘enhanced’ the sex drive of the Japanese quail.
$548,000 was spent on a study that found partygoers in their 30s felt immature after binge drinking while those in their 20s didn’t.
$610,000 was spent on a survey of 120 countries to see how satisfied people are with their lives in those countries.
$484,000 was spent on a study to see if hypnosis can reduce hot flashes in women. Another $294,000 was spent to see if yoga could do the same.
$1.1 million was spent studying how athletes perceive their in-game surroundings. Among other things, the study found that golfers can putt better if they imagine the hole is bigger. [I think that men would enjoy sex better if they imagined the hole was smaller.]
$832,000 was spent to learn if it was possible to get South African tribesmen who had not been circumcised into the habit of washing their dicks off after having sex.
Those expenditures totaled $9.345 million, and that's only a partial list of studies, the expenditures for which would be considered by any reasonable person as wasteful spending. But then, we can all sleep better now knowing that the bigger a golfer imagines the hole to be, the better he can putt.
Providing us with a perfect example of chutzpah, NIH chief Dr. Francis Collins is now complaining that lack of funding prevented his agency from developing an Ebola vaccine.
I believe that Dr. Collins, and every person at NIH who had any part in approving these grants, be made to stand in front of the best communicating Chimpanzees every day for a month and let those chimps pelt them all day long with ape shit. Maybe, just maybe, that would teach them to stop wasting our tax dollars.
Wait a minute, not so fast. Maybe I can get a $500,000 grant from the NIH to conduct a study on the pleasure a man gets from having sex with a woman depending on the size of her hole.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
AIR FRANCE FLIGHT 447: FAMOUS LAST WORDS FROM THE PILOTS
The voice recorder revealed that just before the Airbus 330 plunged into the Atlantic, one of the pilots shouted “Fuck, we’re dead!”
BarkGrowlBite | October 14, 2014
On May 31, 2009, Air France Flight 447 took off from Rio de Janeiro headed for Paris with 228 people onboard. The flight crew included Captain Marc Dubois, 58, and junior copilots David Robert, 37, and Pierre-Cedric Bonin, 32. Prior to the flight, Capt. Dubois had spent the night on the town with his girlfriend, an off-duty flight attendant and opera singer, who accompanied him on the trip. 4 hours and 15 minutes after taking off from Rio, the Airbus 330 smacked onto the surface of the Atlantic, killing all 228 onboard. After a long search, a French submarine carrying special equipment, found the wreckage. Two years after the crash, the flight recorders and all bodies were finally recovered.
The October issue of Vanity Fair carries an account of the investigation. Sometime after takeoff, Robert retied to the plane’s rest compartment, a small cabin with two berths behind the cockpit, to take a nap. About 15 minutes before the crash, Dubois also retired to the rest compartment, leaving Bonin in control, even though he knew a storm was ahead. If he had delayed his nap for only 15 minutes, he would have been at the controls instead of the inexperienced Bolin.
When the plane hit the bad weather, its airspeed sensors malfunctioned and the Airbus 330 went into a stall. 1 minute 39 seconds later, Dubois and Robert reappeared in the cockpit. But by then Bonin had made a fatal mistake by raising the plane’s nose instead of lowering it as the procedure for coming out of a stall calls for. Raising the plane’s nose just increased the stall.
Here are a few pertinent excerpts from the flight recorder:
Dubois: “I didn’t sleep enough last night. One hour, it’s not enough.”
Robert: “Fuck, we’re going to crash. It’s not true. But what’s happening?”
Robert or Bonin shouted: “Fuck, we’re dead!”
And dead they were, along with all the flight attendants and passengers. Dubois and Robert did not break any rules by leaving the cockpit to take a nap. But Dubois is guilty of using bad judgment twice. First by staying out all night in Rio with his girlfriend and then when he left an inexperience pilot at the controls to take a nap, even though he knew bad weather was ahead.
So now we can add the phrase, “Fuck, we’re dead!” to famous last words.
BarkGrowlBite | October 14, 2014
On May 31, 2009, Air France Flight 447 took off from Rio de Janeiro headed for Paris with 228 people onboard. The flight crew included Captain Marc Dubois, 58, and junior copilots David Robert, 37, and Pierre-Cedric Bonin, 32. Prior to the flight, Capt. Dubois had spent the night on the town with his girlfriend, an off-duty flight attendant and opera singer, who accompanied him on the trip. 4 hours and 15 minutes after taking off from Rio, the Airbus 330 smacked onto the surface of the Atlantic, killing all 228 onboard. After a long search, a French submarine carrying special equipment, found the wreckage. Two years after the crash, the flight recorders and all bodies were finally recovered.
The October issue of Vanity Fair carries an account of the investigation. Sometime after takeoff, Robert retied to the plane’s rest compartment, a small cabin with two berths behind the cockpit, to take a nap. About 15 minutes before the crash, Dubois also retired to the rest compartment, leaving Bonin in control, even though he knew a storm was ahead. If he had delayed his nap for only 15 minutes, he would have been at the controls instead of the inexperienced Bolin.
When the plane hit the bad weather, its airspeed sensors malfunctioned and the Airbus 330 went into a stall. 1 minute 39 seconds later, Dubois and Robert reappeared in the cockpit. But by then Bonin had made a fatal mistake by raising the plane’s nose instead of lowering it as the procedure for coming out of a stall calls for. Raising the plane’s nose just increased the stall.
Here are a few pertinent excerpts from the flight recorder:
Dubois: “I didn’t sleep enough last night. One hour, it’s not enough.”
Robert: “Fuck, we’re going to crash. It’s not true. But what’s happening?”
Robert or Bonin shouted: “Fuck, we’re dead!”
And dead they were, along with all the flight attendants and passengers. Dubois and Robert did not break any rules by leaving the cockpit to take a nap. But Dubois is guilty of using bad judgment twice. First by staying out all night in Rio with his girlfriend and then when he left an inexperience pilot at the controls to take a nap, even though he knew bad weather was ahead.
So now we can add the phrase, “Fuck, we’re dead!” to famous last words.
Monday, October 13, 2014
HILLARY AND BILL ONCE RELIED ON TALMUDIC LAW
The definition of adultery in the Talmud absolved the President of cheating on his wife while he got all those blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky
BarkGrowlBite | October 13, 2014
A new batch of records released by the Clinton Library reveal that Ruby Shamir, Hillary’s domestic policy adviser, gave White House officials and Bill an excuse to claim that the philandering president did not cheat on Hillary when he got all those blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky.
Shamir found a Jewish professor who supplied her with the definition of adultery from the Talmud. Susannah Heschel, a professor of Jewish Studies at Dartmouth, claimed that the Talmud defines adultery as a married man having intercourse with a married woman. And since Monica was not married during the nine different times she gave Bill blow jobs, the President did not commit adultery and did not cheat on the First Lady.
What a crock of supreme shit! The Talmud notwithstanding, any way you look at it, Bill was clearly cheating on poor ole Hillary. Now, if Bill had converted to Judaism, he might possibly have gotten away with that excuse.
Actually, the Talmud defines adultery as sexual intercourse between a married woman and a man other than her husband. If I haven’t misread it, that seems to put the onus all on the woman.
So fellows, those of you that have been cheating on your wives, just convert to Judaism and then, since you will not be committing adultery, you can get over any guilt feelings you may have.
BarkGrowlBite | October 13, 2014
A new batch of records released by the Clinton Library reveal that Ruby Shamir, Hillary’s domestic policy adviser, gave White House officials and Bill an excuse to claim that the philandering president did not cheat on Hillary when he got all those blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky.
Shamir found a Jewish professor who supplied her with the definition of adultery from the Talmud. Susannah Heschel, a professor of Jewish Studies at Dartmouth, claimed that the Talmud defines adultery as a married man having intercourse with a married woman. And since Monica was not married during the nine different times she gave Bill blow jobs, the President did not commit adultery and did not cheat on the First Lady.
What a crock of supreme shit! The Talmud notwithstanding, any way you look at it, Bill was clearly cheating on poor ole Hillary. Now, if Bill had converted to Judaism, he might possibly have gotten away with that excuse.
Actually, the Talmud defines adultery as sexual intercourse between a married woman and a man other than her husband. If I haven’t misread it, that seems to put the onus all on the woman.
So fellows, those of you that have been cheating on your wives, just convert to Judaism and then, since you will not be committing adultery, you can get over any guilt feelings you may have.
SAYREVILLE WAR MEMORIAL HS: HAZING THE ANAL WAY
A New Jersey high school football team initiated new team members by pinning them down, sticking a finger up their bare asses and making them lick those fingers clean
BarkGrowlBite | October 13, 2014
Arrest warrants were issued last week for seven football players on Sayreville War Memorial High School’s football team and the school superintendent has cancelled the rest of the New Jersey team’s football schedule.
Three football players have been charged with aggravated sexual assault involving anal penetration, criminal restraint, hazing and other crimes. The other four have been charged with aggravated criminal sexual contact and other crimes. The assaults took place from September 19 to 29.
An unnamed parent of one of the victims revealed what form the hazing took. Boys new to the football team were assaulted in the locker room. Four team members would pin a freshman down, two would stand guard and the seventh would howl, then turn off the lights and stick his finger up the victim’s bare ass. And for the hazing climax, the victim was then forced to lick his own shit from the assailant’s finger.
If all this sounds revolting, it is! The assaults are beyond comprehension of any sane person. The superintendent was right in canceling the rest of the football season and he should fire the school’s athletic director and all of the school’s football coaches. There’s simply no way they were not aware of what was going on.
Now a lot of parents are upset that the season has been cancelled. They are complaining that players who did not participate in the sexual assault rituals are being punished for what others have done. Their whining doesn’t hold water because, like the coaches, the 'innocent' players had to be aware of what was being done to the new team members. By keeping silent, they must share some of the blame.
A family court will have to decide whether those arrested will be released to their parents or held in a juvenile detention facility. My feeling is that they should be held in an adult jail where they could experience what forcible anal penetration feels like.
BarkGrowlBite | October 13, 2014
Arrest warrants were issued last week for seven football players on Sayreville War Memorial High School’s football team and the school superintendent has cancelled the rest of the New Jersey team’s football schedule.
Three football players have been charged with aggravated sexual assault involving anal penetration, criminal restraint, hazing and other crimes. The other four have been charged with aggravated criminal sexual contact and other crimes. The assaults took place from September 19 to 29.
An unnamed parent of one of the victims revealed what form the hazing took. Boys new to the football team were assaulted in the locker room. Four team members would pin a freshman down, two would stand guard and the seventh would howl, then turn off the lights and stick his finger up the victim’s bare ass. And for the hazing climax, the victim was then forced to lick his own shit from the assailant’s finger.
If all this sounds revolting, it is! The assaults are beyond comprehension of any sane person. The superintendent was right in canceling the rest of the football season and he should fire the school’s athletic director and all of the school’s football coaches. There’s simply no way they were not aware of what was going on.
Now a lot of parents are upset that the season has been cancelled. They are complaining that players who did not participate in the sexual assault rituals are being punished for what others have done. Their whining doesn’t hold water because, like the coaches, the 'innocent' players had to be aware of what was being done to the new team members. By keeping silent, they must share some of the blame.
A family court will have to decide whether those arrested will be released to their parents or held in a juvenile detention facility. My feeling is that they should be held in an adult jail where they could experience what forcible anal penetration feels like.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
MOTHER FROM HELL FORCES DAUGHTER TO EAT USED CAT LITTER
An Avella, Pennsylvania woman has been arrested for committing multiple unspeakable acts of child abuse against her 16-year-old adopted daughter
BarkGrowlBite | October 12, 2014
Rana Cooper, 46, of Avella in Washington County, Pennsylvania, was arrested Monday, accused of:
Forcing her 16-year-old adopted daughter to eat used cat litter
Threatening to gouge her eyes out and slice off her tongue
Attempting to sew her mouth shut with a needle and thread
Choking her until she blacked out on two occasions
Striking her in the face with a belt buckle
Shoving a Q-tip in her ear, causing a hearing loss
Forcing her to run her finger along the rim of the toilet and lick off what was on her finger
Beating her with a hair brush
Spitting on her
Forcing her to eat half a tube of toothpaste
Biting her nose until it bled
Cooper and her husband adopted the victim in 2008 when she was 10 years old. They have six other children.
Washington County child welfare authorities were alerted to the abuses last May as they were investigating an assault at the victim’s school.
The victim told the cops that she was allowed to eat only once a day, and then only when the rest of the family had finished their meals. She said that when Cooper would choke her, her husband told her to stop, but then he just stood by and watched as his wife continued with the choking. She also claimed she was repeatedly bitten by the family’s Dobermans.
Rana Cooper is facing numerous charges including child endangerment, reckless endangerment and assault.
Cooper’s 24-year-old son Ronnie told authorities that all the charges are a pack of lies.
I don’t know whether all the allegations are true or not, but if only half of them are, Rana Cooper is truly a mother from hell.
BarkGrowlBite | October 12, 2014
Rana Cooper, 46, of Avella in Washington County, Pennsylvania, was arrested Monday, accused of:
Forcing her 16-year-old adopted daughter to eat used cat litter
Threatening to gouge her eyes out and slice off her tongue
Attempting to sew her mouth shut with a needle and thread
Choking her until she blacked out on two occasions
Striking her in the face with a belt buckle
Shoving a Q-tip in her ear, causing a hearing loss
Forcing her to run her finger along the rim of the toilet and lick off what was on her finger
Beating her with a hair brush
Spitting on her
Forcing her to eat half a tube of toothpaste
Biting her nose until it bled
Cooper and her husband adopted the victim in 2008 when she was 10 years old. They have six other children.
Washington County child welfare authorities were alerted to the abuses last May as they were investigating an assault at the victim’s school.
The victim told the cops that she was allowed to eat only once a day, and then only when the rest of the family had finished their meals. She said that when Cooper would choke her, her husband told her to stop, but then he just stood by and watched as his wife continued with the choking. She also claimed she was repeatedly bitten by the family’s Dobermans.
Rana Cooper is facing numerous charges including child endangerment, reckless endangerment and assault.
Cooper’s 24-year-old son Ronnie told authorities that all the charges are a pack of lies.
I don’t know whether all the allegations are true or not, but if only half of them are, Rana Cooper is truly a mother from hell.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
MICHELLE OBAMA CAMPAIGNS FOR SLEEZY CANDIDATE
Texas gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis’ husband took out a 10-year student loan for her Harvard law school education and she dumped him as soon as she graduated
BarkGrowlBite | October 11, 2014
“Wendy knows something about the American dream. She was the daughter of a single mother, and by age of 19 she was a mother herself. But Wendy worked hard. She went onto college and Harvard Law School. Wendy Davis knows the power of education."
So speaks Michelle Obama in a radio ad on behalf of the Texas gubernatorial candidate. She was obviously referring to Davis’ sob story that "By the time I was 19, I was a single parent. And I was living in a mobile home in southeast Fort Worth." And she went on to tell about her struggle to pay for her college education and Harvard Law School.
However, the Dallas Morning News exposed Davis’ story as a fraud. She was 21 by the time she was a single mother and she did not live in a trailer park. She received an academic scholarship and a Pell Grant for her first two years at Texas Christian University, and Jeff Davis, her second husband, paid for her final two years at TCU. Furthermore, Jeff cashed in his 401(k) account and took out a 10-year loan to pay for her Harvard law education.
And what did Wendy do as soon as she graduated from Harvard Law School? She dumped Jeff’s ass and filed for divorce, leaving the duped bastard to pay off that 10-year loan. Maybe what she did is acceptable to women, but for men sleezy is the only way to describe Wendy Davis.
Because the Dallas Morning News exposé received a hefty dose of national attention, Michelle Obama had to know that she was helping a sleezy candidate.
BarkGrowlBite | October 11, 2014
“Wendy knows something about the American dream. She was the daughter of a single mother, and by age of 19 she was a mother herself. But Wendy worked hard. She went onto college and Harvard Law School. Wendy Davis knows the power of education."
So speaks Michelle Obama in a radio ad on behalf of the Texas gubernatorial candidate. She was obviously referring to Davis’ sob story that "By the time I was 19, I was a single parent. And I was living in a mobile home in southeast Fort Worth." And she went on to tell about her struggle to pay for her college education and Harvard Law School.
However, the Dallas Morning News exposed Davis’ story as a fraud. She was 21 by the time she was a single mother and she did not live in a trailer park. She received an academic scholarship and a Pell Grant for her first two years at Texas Christian University, and Jeff Davis, her second husband, paid for her final two years at TCU. Furthermore, Jeff cashed in his 401(k) account and took out a 10-year loan to pay for her Harvard law education.
And what did Wendy do as soon as she graduated from Harvard Law School? She dumped Jeff’s ass and filed for divorce, leaving the duped bastard to pay off that 10-year loan. Maybe what she did is acceptable to women, but for men sleezy is the only way to describe Wendy Davis.
Because the Dallas Morning News exposé received a hefty dose of national attention, Michelle Obama had to know that she was helping a sleezy candidate.
Friday, October 10, 2014
NOW THAT EXPLAINS IT
Paddy’s mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife, your daughter, telling her I was coming home today from my golfing trip. I get home... and guess what I found ? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy, I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she never got your E-mail!"
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife, your daughter, telling her I was coming home today from my golfing trip. I get home... and guess what I found ? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy, I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she never got your E-mail!"
LEGLESS LIZARDS STAND IN WAY OF NEW PRISON UNIT
Endangered lizard impedes construction of maximum security building at Australian prison
BarkGrowlBite | October 10, 2014
Some of you may be able to recall the 1973 saga of the endangered snail darter, a tiny fish, that delayed the completion of the Tellico Dam on the Little Tennessee River. Environmentalists obtained an injunction to stop construction of the dam under the Endangered Species act. The case eventually reached the Supreme Court which upheld the injunction. It took a Congressional Act to overturn the SCOTUS decision and allow the dam to be completed in 1979.
At this time Australia is embroiled in its own ‘snail darter’ controversy. Correctional authorities in Victoria want to construct a new maximum security building at Barwon Prison to house Victoria’s most dangerous prison inmates. Environmentalists are trying to stop the construction because the site is the habitat of an endangered species of legless lizards.
Here is the heads up from Dorina Lisson:
A maximum security unit planned to be built at Barwon Prison has been dealt a blow to the Department of Corrections Victoria. The building cannot go ahead due to concerns there could be rare 'legless lizards' in the area.
The proposed maximum security building was to house the state's most dangerous criminals. Although the Department of Corrections expects to proceed with the building, Melbourne Zoo animal experts, including animal and human rights activists, are strongly opposed to the building, due to the possible risk of extinction of the legless lizards.
Now, if you think Dorina is joking, you are wrong. Australia’s station 3AW reports there are two species of legless lizards in Australia and the ones around Barwon Prison are thought to be in danger of extinction.
BarkGrowlBite | October 10, 2014
Some of you may be able to recall the 1973 saga of the endangered snail darter, a tiny fish, that delayed the completion of the Tellico Dam on the Little Tennessee River. Environmentalists obtained an injunction to stop construction of the dam under the Endangered Species act. The case eventually reached the Supreme Court which upheld the injunction. It took a Congressional Act to overturn the SCOTUS decision and allow the dam to be completed in 1979.
At this time Australia is embroiled in its own ‘snail darter’ controversy. Correctional authorities in Victoria want to construct a new maximum security building at Barwon Prison to house Victoria’s most dangerous prison inmates. Environmentalists are trying to stop the construction because the site is the habitat of an endangered species of legless lizards.
Here is the heads up from Dorina Lisson:
A maximum security unit planned to be built at Barwon Prison has been dealt a blow to the Department of Corrections Victoria. The building cannot go ahead due to concerns there could be rare 'legless lizards' in the area.
The proposed maximum security building was to house the state's most dangerous criminals. Although the Department of Corrections expects to proceed with the building, Melbourne Zoo animal experts, including animal and human rights activists, are strongly opposed to the building, due to the possible risk of extinction of the legless lizards.
Now, if you think Dorina is joking, you are wrong. Australia’s station 3AW reports there are two species of legless lizards in Australia and the ones around Barwon Prison are thought to be in danger of extinction.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
PAYBACK FOR THAT TRAFFIC CITATION
A police officer was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, he kept feeling something pulling at his crotch hairs.
Worried that he might have had a second surgery that the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up so he could see what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and genitals were three very wide strips of heavy duty Gorilla Tape, the duct tape that doesn't come off easily... if at all.
Written on the Gorilla Tape in bold black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the red Ford Mustang you pulled over and cited last week."
Worried that he might have had a second surgery that the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up so he could see what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and genitals were three very wide strips of heavy duty Gorilla Tape, the duct tape that doesn't come off easily... if at all.
Written on the Gorilla Tape in bold black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the red Ford Mustang you pulled over and cited last week."
WOMAN STOPS GRIZZLY BEAR ATTACK WITH .25 CALIBER PISTOL
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship. A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well-placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire pistol.
These are her own words.:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my husband in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
I love that pistol. I'll find another husband.
These are her own words.:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my husband in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
I love that pistol. I'll find another husband.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
DOUG BEQUEATHED EVERYTHING TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route.
TSA SPREAD ASHES TO KEEP US SAFE
A mother’s ashes destined to be spread in the Caribbean Sea, were spread instead by TSA agents throughout a suitcase
BarkGrowlBite | October 7, 2014
Shannon Thomas filed a $750,000 federal lawsuit Thursday against the Transportation Security Administration and unnamed TSA agents at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport for dumping his mother’s cremated remains throughout his suitcase.
Nearly two years ago, Thomas booked a flight from Cleveland, Ohio to Puerto Rico in order to fulfill his mother’s wish to have her ashes spread in the Caribbean Sea. He packed his suitcase with a "very heavy and sturdy" urn which had a tightly screwed on top to keep the ashes from getting spilled. He padded the urn with his clothing in order to protect it.
When he arrived in Puerto Rico he discovered that the ashes had been spread throughout the suitcase. The bag contained a TSA inspection notice. He found that the TSA agents did not screw the urn’s top back on properly.
In his lawsuit Thomas says that no one from the TSA or the U.S. government has ever issued an apology or explanation to him and the only notification he got was the inspection notice which was left inside the suitcase.
It appears as though Homeland Security is keeping us safe by hiring a bunch of dumbass TSA agents, many of them having been caught stealing valuables out of the luggage they were supposedly inspecting.
The boners pulled by the TSA are too numerous to list. They include making grandmothers in their 80s remove their shoes. TSA agents failed to recognize former Secretary of State Henri Kissinger - 89 at the time and in a wheelchair - and subjected him to a full pat-down. Children as young as four have also been given the full pat-down treatment along with those 80-smoething grannies.
Now, don’t you all feel safer knowing that Homeland Security has our backs? Oh by the way, Israeli airport security officials do not search children and the elderly unless prior intelligence requires it. For TSA to do so is a ridiculous and worthless practice designed to make the flying public feel safer.
BarkGrowlBite | October 7, 2014
Shannon Thomas filed a $750,000 federal lawsuit Thursday against the Transportation Security Administration and unnamed TSA agents at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport for dumping his mother’s cremated remains throughout his suitcase.
Nearly two years ago, Thomas booked a flight from Cleveland, Ohio to Puerto Rico in order to fulfill his mother’s wish to have her ashes spread in the Caribbean Sea. He packed his suitcase with a "very heavy and sturdy" urn which had a tightly screwed on top to keep the ashes from getting spilled. He padded the urn with his clothing in order to protect it.
When he arrived in Puerto Rico he discovered that the ashes had been spread throughout the suitcase. The bag contained a TSA inspection notice. He found that the TSA agents did not screw the urn’s top back on properly.
In his lawsuit Thomas says that no one from the TSA or the U.S. government has ever issued an apology or explanation to him and the only notification he got was the inspection notice which was left inside the suitcase.
It appears as though Homeland Security is keeping us safe by hiring a bunch of dumbass TSA agents, many of them having been caught stealing valuables out of the luggage they were supposedly inspecting.
The boners pulled by the TSA are too numerous to list. They include making grandmothers in their 80s remove their shoes. TSA agents failed to recognize former Secretary of State Henri Kissinger - 89 at the time and in a wheelchair - and subjected him to a full pat-down. Children as young as four have also been given the full pat-down treatment along with those 80-smoething grannies.
Now, don’t you all feel safer knowing that Homeland Security has our backs? Oh by the way, Israeli airport security officials do not search children and the elderly unless prior intelligence requires it. For TSA to do so is a ridiculous and worthless practice designed to make the flying public feel safer.
Monday, October 6, 2014
CIA WARNS OF DIABOLICAL ISIS EBOLA PLOT
President Obama announces that the CIA has uncovered an ISIS plot to spread Ebola throughout the U.S. and Britain
By Ura Schlemiel, White House correspondent
Newsflash: At a hastily called press conference, President Obama, flanked by the heads of the CIA, Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE, announced that the CIA has uncovered a plot by ISIS to spread Ebola throughout this country and Britain. The president said the purpose of this press conference is to warn all Americans of this potential threat and to assure them that their government is doing everything possible to thwart this plot. He said that because they only learned of this plot a few minutes ago, no questions would be allowed.
Obama said, “I am putting this country into a crisis mode and ordering Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE to immediately put in place procedures that will keep ISIS from carrying out this diabolical plot. CIA Director John Brennan will explain.”
Brennan: “Our agents have learned from very reliable sources in Syria that ISIS will recruit Africans in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia that have been in intimate contact with Ebola victims and exposed to their body fluids. They will pay each recruit $1,000 and give them airline tickets to fly to America and Britain with the goal of having them spread the deadly disease throughout the two countries. The Africans will be provided with fake passports and visas, and take surreptitious routes to disguise their points of origin. Since the incubation period usually takes around 21 days, they will be able to fly without showing any Ebola symptoms. Now I’ll turn this over to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.”
Johnson: “I have ordered FBI Director James Comey and acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas S. Winkowski to spare no expense in stopping ISIS operatives from infiltrating the homeland. I am confident that they will be successful in keeping our country Ebola free. Here is Director Comey.”
Comey: “At this moment we are establishing a special task force of 1,000 of our best FBI agents to find, arrest and isolate any of these Ebola-exposed Africans should they slip by ICE and succeed in entering the U.S. These agents will be ordered to shoot to kill any of these individuals should they attempt to avoid arrest. We believe those shooting will not violate and constitutional guarantees because these individuals present a serious and imminent threat to the public. Now I’ll turn this over to Director Winkowski.”
Winkowski: ”All our agents have been put on special alert to catch any African who might possibly have been exposed to Ebola from entering the United States. They are specially trained to detect any fake passports and to ascertain whether or not any Africans began their journey from Guinea, Sierra Leone or Liberia. I am confident that we will succeed, but in the rare event that one of these Ebola-exposed individuals should get by us, the FBI will be our backup. Mr. President, I’ll turn this back over to you.”
Obama: “As I said, we will take no questions. This ends our conference. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.”
TUG contacted civil rights leader Al Sharpton, the President’s go-to-guy on black issues, to get his thoughts on the ISIS plot.
Sharpton: “I don’t for half-a-second believe the CIA. That’s the same group that told us Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This is nothing more than a plot by whites to suppress and kill blacks. I am most upset with President Obama for going along with this farce. He’s supposed to consult with me on any black issues. I can’t believe he didn’t call me on this before he held that press conference. This will energize our Action Network members to stop the FBI and ICE from carrying out their racist measures.”
TUG will keep on top this breaking story for any new developments.
By Ura Schlemiel, White House correspondent
Newsflash: At a hastily called press conference, President Obama, flanked by the heads of the CIA, Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE, announced that the CIA has uncovered a plot by ISIS to spread Ebola throughout this country and Britain. The president said the purpose of this press conference is to warn all Americans of this potential threat and to assure them that their government is doing everything possible to thwart this plot. He said that because they only learned of this plot a few minutes ago, no questions would be allowed.
Obama said, “I am putting this country into a crisis mode and ordering Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE to immediately put in place procedures that will keep ISIS from carrying out this diabolical plot. CIA Director John Brennan will explain.”
Brennan: “Our agents have learned from very reliable sources in Syria that ISIS will recruit Africans in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia that have been in intimate contact with Ebola victims and exposed to their body fluids. They will pay each recruit $1,000 and give them airline tickets to fly to America and Britain with the goal of having them spread the deadly disease throughout the two countries. The Africans will be provided with fake passports and visas, and take surreptitious routes to disguise their points of origin. Since the incubation period usually takes around 21 days, they will be able to fly without showing any Ebola symptoms. Now I’ll turn this over to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.”
Johnson: “I have ordered FBI Director James Comey and acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas S. Winkowski to spare no expense in stopping ISIS operatives from infiltrating the homeland. I am confident that they will be successful in keeping our country Ebola free. Here is Director Comey.”
Comey: “At this moment we are establishing a special task force of 1,000 of our best FBI agents to find, arrest and isolate any of these Ebola-exposed Africans should they slip by ICE and succeed in entering the U.S. These agents will be ordered to shoot to kill any of these individuals should they attempt to avoid arrest. We believe those shooting will not violate and constitutional guarantees because these individuals present a serious and imminent threat to the public. Now I’ll turn this over to Director Winkowski.”
Winkowski: ”All our agents have been put on special alert to catch any African who might possibly have been exposed to Ebola from entering the United States. They are specially trained to detect any fake passports and to ascertain whether or not any Africans began their journey from Guinea, Sierra Leone or Liberia. I am confident that we will succeed, but in the rare event that one of these Ebola-exposed individuals should get by us, the FBI will be our backup. Mr. President, I’ll turn this back over to you.”
Obama: “As I said, we will take no questions. This ends our conference. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.”
TUG contacted civil rights leader Al Sharpton, the President’s go-to-guy on black issues, to get his thoughts on the ISIS plot.
Sharpton: “I don’t for half-a-second believe the CIA. That’s the same group that told us Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This is nothing more than a plot by whites to suppress and kill blacks. I am most upset with President Obama for going along with this farce. He’s supposed to consult with me on any black issues. I can’t believe he didn’t call me on this before he held that press conference. This will energize our Action Network members to stop the FBI and ICE from carrying out their racist measures.”
TUG will keep on top this breaking story for any new developments.
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