2025: SUPREME COURT RECOGNIZES MARRIAGE BETWEEN HUMANS AND ANIMALS

Farmers and other bestiality practitioners celebrate historic 6-3 decision

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In Snodgrass, et. al. vs. State of California, a 6-3 majority of Justices agreed that in view of the Court’s 2013 decision recognizing gay marriage (by overturning the Defense of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8), they saw no reason why a marriage between humans and animals should not also be recognized.

The majority decision was written by Chief Justice Sonia Sotomayor and concurred in by 92-year-old Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Elena Kagan, Eric Himpton Holder, Jr., Wendy Russell Davis and Cory Anthony Booker. Associate Justices John G. Roberts, Jr., Clarence Thomas and Samuel Anthony Alito, Jr. dissented.

Ginsburg, 92, was appointed by former President Bill Clinton. Sotomayor and Kagan were appointed by former President Barack Obama. Davis (best known for her 11-hour filibuster in the Texas Senate against abortion restrictions), former Attorney General Holder and former New Jersey Senator Booker were appointed by President Hillary Clinton.

Thomas was appointed by President George H. W. Bush. Alito and Roberts were appointed by President George W. Bush.

The longstanding fight by Gary and his Little Lamb has finally been realized. Gary Snodgrass is now free to marry his Little Lamb. And Mary Galloway, who was a co-plaintiff in his suit against the State of California, will now marry her beloved Labrador, Lucky.

Both Snodgrass and Galloway were turned away by the County Clerk at San Francisco city hall when Gary and his Little Lamb and Mary and Lucky attempted to apply for marriage licenses. They were told that the State did not, nor did any other state, recognize such unions. When they appealed to the mayor of San Francisco, he encouraged them to file their lawsuit.

Snodgrass was elated with the Supreme Court’s decision, saying that he and Little Lamb had been romantically involved for many years. Galloway was beside herself. “Finally I get to marry my longtime companion Lucky,” she said. “I’ve had sex with many men, but none of them have come close to satisfying me the way Lucky does. And all Lucky ever wants from me is for me to feed him and love him.”

San Francisco mayor Sam Brownlee said, “I’m happy for Gary and Little Lamb and for Mary and Lucky, and I would be honored to conduct their marriage ceremonies.

Hidalgo County, Texas resident Cirilo Castillo, who has been jailed repeatedly since 2012 for having sex with a horse named Nadia, said he was “muy feliz” with the decision, but then he broke out in tears and rattled off something in Spanish. An interpreter told reporters Castillo was saying that the decision came too late for him and the mare because his beloved Nadia died last year.

Farmers in particular were very pleased with the Supreme Court decision and Democrats generally supported it. Republicans, Christian conservatives, the Catholic Church and most protestant clergymen and Jewish rabbis were outraged by the decision.

Tony Perkins, president of The Family Research Council, blasted the decision. “The FRC will martial its forces to pressure Congress into overturning this ungodly and anti-Christian decision,” said Perkins. “When the court recognized gay marriage, it all but destroyed the sanctity of marriage and this latest decision has put the final nail in its coffin.”