Senators Schumer and Feinstein demand strict hammer controls after killing spree left four dead from blows with a hammer
By Pamela Putz
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of an Illinois killing spree that left four dead with blows from a hammer, Senators Chuck Schumer, D-NY, and Diane Feinstein, D-Calif., demanded the immediate enactment of legislation to place restrictions on the sale and possession of hammers.
The two senators reacted to the conviction of a 34-year-old man for beating four people to death with a hammer in a northwest Illinois apartment in 2008.
According to the Associated Press, jurors decided Thursday that Nicholas Sheley is guilty of murder in the deaths of 29-year-old Brock Branson; 20-year-old Kilynna Blake; her son, 2-year-old Dayan; and 25-year-old Kenneth Ulve in Rock Falls in June 2008.
The killings were part of a series of crimes that authorities say Sheley committed in the summer of 2008. He is already serving life sentences for killing two Illinois men that June. He is due to be tried next in Missouri for the deaths of an Arkansas couple.
Sen. Schumer released the following statement:
Our nation can no longer afford to make hammers so easily available to Americans. Sen. Feinstein and I are introducing ‘The Hammer Control Act’ which will require all hardware stores and other retailers selling hammers to run background checks on all persons wanting to purchase this dangerous tool. Sales would be prohibited to persons under the age of 21, persons that have been convicted of felonies or of misdemeanors involving violence, and persons with a history of mental problems.
Sen. Feinstein added:
‘The Hammer Control Act’ will require Hammer Free school zones. That section of our bill is designed to prevent some maniac from entering a school building and smashing the skulls of our precious school children. Any student caught with a hammer inside a school, on the school grounds, and on any area adjacent to a school shall be arrested forthwith, suspended, and assigned to an alternative school following the suspension. It is imperative for us to take steps to make sure that we do not have a Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre with a hammer instead of a gun.
Never far behind, Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas, contacted Nancy Barnes, editor of the Houston Chronicle, and requested she publish the following statement:
I am 100 percent in support of the Hammer Control Act and will introduce the companion bill in the House. However, I will add one extremely important provision. “Any hammer capable of delivering multiple strikes and painted black is designated an assault hammer, the possession of which is restricted to licensed local and state law enforcement officers, federal law enforcement agents, and members of the Armed Forces of the United States.” There is absolutely no reason why civilians need to have a hammer that can deliver multiple strikes.
A Pew Poll of members of Congress showed most Democrats favoring the Schumer-Feinstein bill with most Republicans opposed.
Barney 'Buck' Blunt, executive director of the American Hammer Hobbyists Association (AHHA), immediately slammed the proposed legislation:
This is just one more example of government overreach. This is nothing more than an attempt by a pack of liberals to take away the rights of Americans to protect themselves with a hammer or who simply want to enjoy the pleasure they get from hammer pounding. Our members will do everything we can to defeat any member of Congress who supports the Schumer-Feinstein bill.
NY Governor Andrew Cuomo, Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy and Illinois Governor Pat Quinn, all Democrats, promised to send similar hammer control bills to their respective state legislatures.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
MAKING LIFE BEHIND BARS ENJOYABLE
You’re about to find why they call prison the pokey
Here are the lyrics to Prison Bitch by Rodney Carrington:
they say our love is taboo
that what were doing is wrong
but i dont care what they say cause my love is so strong
they tell us we should be ashamed
were not husband and wife
but i cherish each moment with you
im so glad your in my life
verse:
your my prison bitch
my prison bitch your not like other men
i’m glad we share a prison cell when lights go out at ten
i cant escape the way i feel now that well be a crime
as long as i am doing you i dont mind doing time
cause your my
prison bitch
my prison bitch
and i have no regrets, i got you for a candy bar and a pack of cigarettes
at first you were resistant but now you are my friend
i knew that i would get you in the end
chorus:
prison bitch
prison bitch
i guess that you were sent from up-above
yeah!
prison bitch
prison bitch
and now you are my prisoner of love
(verse 2:prison bitch)
im your prison bitch
your prison bitch
and your a sex machine
i only had but one request
how bout some vasaline(shut up!!!)
im tired of this prison cell
i need to get away, they sentence me to seven years
not seven times a day
im your prison bitch
your prison bitch
you nympho-maniac(come here!)
i really hate these knockers that you tattoo’d on my back
i fought that i could break away
but now im loosing hope
and god im tired of picking up the soap
bend over prison bitch!!(oo ooh oo)
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
turn out the lights cause i can hardly wait
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
when i get out im ready to go straight!
(verse 3:)
your my prison bitch
my prison bitch
I’ll never say goodbye
your not like all the others
to bad they had to die…
prison bitch:
on second thought i think ill stay if you want me to-ooo
your prison bitch is never leaving you!
outro:
at first you were my cell mate but now your my soul mate
come here come here baby!!come here!
(bitch:)o no not again (rrr)
now i know why they call you a “HARDENED” criminal
hang on you’re about to find why they call this the pokey!!!
oooooooo
Here are the lyrics to Prison Bitch by Rodney Carrington:
they say our love is taboo
that what were doing is wrong
but i dont care what they say cause my love is so strong
they tell us we should be ashamed
were not husband and wife
but i cherish each moment with you
im so glad your in my life
verse:
your my prison bitch
my prison bitch your not like other men
i’m glad we share a prison cell when lights go out at ten
i cant escape the way i feel now that well be a crime
as long as i am doing you i dont mind doing time
cause your my
prison bitch
my prison bitch
and i have no regrets, i got you for a candy bar and a pack of cigarettes
at first you were resistant but now you are my friend
i knew that i would get you in the end
chorus:
prison bitch
prison bitch
i guess that you were sent from up-above
yeah!
prison bitch
prison bitch
and now you are my prisoner of love
(verse 2:prison bitch)
im your prison bitch
your prison bitch
and your a sex machine
i only had but one request
how bout some vasaline(shut up!!!)
im tired of this prison cell
i need to get away, they sentence me to seven years
not seven times a day
im your prison bitch
your prison bitch
you nympho-maniac(come here!)
i really hate these knockers that you tattoo’d on my back
i fought that i could break away
but now im loosing hope
and god im tired of picking up the soap
bend over prison bitch!!(oo ooh oo)
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
turn out the lights cause i can hardly wait
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
prison bitch!(doo ooh oo)
when i get out im ready to go straight!
(verse 3:)
your my prison bitch
my prison bitch
I’ll never say goodbye
your not like all the others
to bad they had to die…
prison bitch:
on second thought i think ill stay if you want me to-ooo
your prison bitch is never leaving you!
outro:
at first you were my cell mate but now your my soul mate
come here come here baby!!come here!
(bitch:)o no not again (rrr)
now i know why they call you a “HARDENED” criminal
hang on you’re about to find why they call this the pokey!!!
oooooooo
LOW-DOWN CEMETARY FLAG THIEF CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Good police work catches culprit who stole flags from 31 veterans’ graves
BarkGrowlBite | May 31, 2014
Placing small flags on the graves of military veterans around Memorial Day is a longtime tradition in this country. That holds just as true for small sections set aside for veterans at local cemeteries as it does for the more than 300,000 graves at Arlington National Cemetery. And every year vandals and thieves either pull up the flags or steal them outright. The culprits, if caught, are usually smartass teenagers.
Several days ago, the parents of a veteran buried in the veterans’ section of the Cold Springs Cemetery in Lockport, NY called news reporters to complain that flags were being damaged in that burial place. Niagara County Sheriff James Voutour sent a deputy to investigate. He learned from the cemetery groundskeeper that 31 flags were missing from the graves of veterans.
The deputy staked out the cemetery and succeeded in catching the low-down flag thief in the act. Did the culprit turn out to be a teenager? Nope. The thief turned out to be a groundhog. The deputy watched in amazement as the little rascal broke the flags with his front paws and scurried off with the poles into his den.
Of course, this is not the first time that groundhogs, also known as woodchucks, have been caught stealing cemetery flags. For the past two years around July 4, flags that were placed on the graves of veterans at the Cedar Park Cemetery in Hudson, NY have been disappearing. Last year the missing flags had been set on the graves of Jewish soldiers and this year they were on the graves of black soldiers. Surveillance cameras set up by the cops revealed that the culprits were groundhogs.
At least the groundhog in Lockport was no bigot. Last year the groundhogs in Hudson were anti-Semitic and this year they were racists. I wonder if the flag thefts in Hudson will be classified as hate crimes.
BarkGrowlBite | May 31, 2014
Placing small flags on the graves of military veterans around Memorial Day is a longtime tradition in this country. That holds just as true for small sections set aside for veterans at local cemeteries as it does for the more than 300,000 graves at Arlington National Cemetery. And every year vandals and thieves either pull up the flags or steal them outright. The culprits, if caught, are usually smartass teenagers.
Several days ago, the parents of a veteran buried in the veterans’ section of the Cold Springs Cemetery in Lockport, NY called news reporters to complain that flags were being damaged in that burial place. Niagara County Sheriff James Voutour sent a deputy to investigate. He learned from the cemetery groundskeeper that 31 flags were missing from the graves of veterans.
The deputy staked out the cemetery and succeeded in catching the low-down flag thief in the act. Did the culprit turn out to be a teenager? Nope. The thief turned out to be a groundhog. The deputy watched in amazement as the little rascal broke the flags with his front paws and scurried off with the poles into his den.
Of course, this is not the first time that groundhogs, also known as woodchucks, have been caught stealing cemetery flags. For the past two years around July 4, flags that were placed on the graves of veterans at the Cedar Park Cemetery in Hudson, NY have been disappearing. Last year the missing flags had been set on the graves of Jewish soldiers and this year they were on the graves of black soldiers. Surveillance cameras set up by the cops revealed that the culprits were groundhogs.
At least the groundhog in Lockport was no bigot. Last year the groundhogs in Hudson were anti-Semitic and this year they were racists. I wonder if the flag thefts in Hudson will be classified as hate crimes.
Monday, May 26, 2014
TACO BELL WARNS EMPLOYEES AGAINST DIRECTLY EXPOSING SKIN TO FOOD
Taco Bell’s new employee safety handbook details numerous preventative measures employees should follow to avoid compromising their health, such as limiting their kitchen shifts to three hours, and it urges workers to take their breaks outdoors in fresh air at least 100 feet away from any Doritos Locos Taco
The Onion | May 23, 2014
IRVINE, CA—In a new handbook distributed Friday to employees at all 6,500 of its locations worldwide, fast food chain Taco Bell has issued an updated set of safety protocols that warns workers against directly exposing their skin to any of its food products.
The company’s revised food-handling directives, which apply to every item on the restaurant’s Tex-Mex–inspired menu, require employees to notify their shift manager immediately if Taco Bell ingredients make even brief surface contact with any part of their body, with the exception of instances when items come in contact with the eyes, in which case all workers are instructed to use the nearest emergency eye wash fountain “without delay.”
“We want our team members to protect themselves from the dangerous complications that result when the skin of one’s hands or face is directly exposed to either a regular menu item or a featured promotional specialty during the food preparation process,” read an excerpt from the 436-page manual, noting that an employee’s first line of defense is to wear chemically impermeable butyl gloves when dispensing the restaurant’s meats, salsa, or three-cheese blends. “The easiest way to ensure safety on the job is to wear an approved Taco Bell long-sleeve work coat and disposable latex shoe covers at all times while in the restaurant’s kitchen, and above all, be mindful when preparing a menu item so that no food or condiment ever touches exposed flesh.”
“However, in the event of epidermal contact with any of our meat fillings, you must immerse the affected area under running water at once and then apply the neutralizing chemical agent found in the wall-mounted dispensers located every five feet above the food preparation counters,” the manual continues.
The new instructional materials detail numerous preventative measures employees should follow to avoid compromising their health, such as limiting their kitchen shifts to three hours in order to prevent prolonged exposure to dollar-menu items or a maximum of 25 minutes if the kitchen’s fume hoods are not functioning. In addition, the handbook urges workers to take their breaks outdoors in fresh air at least 100 feet away from any Doritos Locos Taco.
The guidelines further direct kitchen workers to seal any broken taco shells in specially marked plastic bags and discard the bags in one of the red puncture-resistant waste disposal containers located throughout the kitchen. Employees are also instructed to wear their company-issued safety goggles before entering the burrito assembly area, know the location of the restaurant’s emergency potassium iodide tablets, and submit themselves to periodic testing with a qualified toxicologist.
It is also recommended that any clothing soiled with Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce be disposed of as soon as possible in the industrial furnaces provided at each franchise location for this purpose.
“Under no circumstances should employees remove their lead aprons when in the vicinity of any of our nacho-based menu options,” the manual states. “Furthermore, Taco Bell crew members—especially those who are pregnant or might become pregnant—must always wear aluminized protective coveralls and a military-grade respirator mask in the presence of our refried beans.”
“It is absolutely imperative that the Cheesy Gordita Crunch be assembled behind a pane of protective glass until the moment it is served to customers,” the manual adds. “There can be NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule.”
The instructional booklet goes on to state that if a worker accidentally touches any one of the seven layers in a seven-layer burrito, he or she must quickly take a disinfecting chemical shower, “even if contact occurs during the lunch rush.”
A foreword to the manual written by company CEO Greg Creed assures Taco Bell workers that, as long as they follow the officially delineated standard protocol for food preparation and all internationally accepted guidelines from the National Association of Corrosion Control Engineers, they need not worry about contamination on the job. Creed admitted, however, that accidents have occurred at chain locations from time to time.
“Each Taco Bell location is equipped with sophisticated sensors able to identify and seal off any zone in which airborne concentrations of Border Sauce reach unsafe levels above 12 parts per million,” said Creed, explaining that the system would also react to any guacamole or sour cream spills. “Should the alarm be triggered, decontamination locks will isolate the clean chamber along with all those inside until an appointed Yum! Brands hazmat team arrives from corporate headquarters and is able to ascertain if the scene is salvageable.”
“Of course, our company strives to avoid these sorts of quarantine scenarios whenever possible,” Creed added.
Pressed for comment, Taco Bell representatives noted that during the month of June, customers could upgrade any of their purchases with a delicious, thirst-quenching Mountain Dew Typhoon Freeze for only $1.99.
The Onion | May 23, 2014
IRVINE, CA—In a new handbook distributed Friday to employees at all 6,500 of its locations worldwide, fast food chain Taco Bell has issued an updated set of safety protocols that warns workers against directly exposing their skin to any of its food products.
The company’s revised food-handling directives, which apply to every item on the restaurant’s Tex-Mex–inspired menu, require employees to notify their shift manager immediately if Taco Bell ingredients make even brief surface contact with any part of their body, with the exception of instances when items come in contact with the eyes, in which case all workers are instructed to use the nearest emergency eye wash fountain “without delay.”
“We want our team members to protect themselves from the dangerous complications that result when the skin of one’s hands or face is directly exposed to either a regular menu item or a featured promotional specialty during the food preparation process,” read an excerpt from the 436-page manual, noting that an employee’s first line of defense is to wear chemically impermeable butyl gloves when dispensing the restaurant’s meats, salsa, or three-cheese blends. “The easiest way to ensure safety on the job is to wear an approved Taco Bell long-sleeve work coat and disposable latex shoe covers at all times while in the restaurant’s kitchen, and above all, be mindful when preparing a menu item so that no food or condiment ever touches exposed flesh.”
“However, in the event of epidermal contact with any of our meat fillings, you must immerse the affected area under running water at once and then apply the neutralizing chemical agent found in the wall-mounted dispensers located every five feet above the food preparation counters,” the manual continues.
The new instructional materials detail numerous preventative measures employees should follow to avoid compromising their health, such as limiting their kitchen shifts to three hours in order to prevent prolonged exposure to dollar-menu items or a maximum of 25 minutes if the kitchen’s fume hoods are not functioning. In addition, the handbook urges workers to take their breaks outdoors in fresh air at least 100 feet away from any Doritos Locos Taco.
The guidelines further direct kitchen workers to seal any broken taco shells in specially marked plastic bags and discard the bags in one of the red puncture-resistant waste disposal containers located throughout the kitchen. Employees are also instructed to wear their company-issued safety goggles before entering the burrito assembly area, know the location of the restaurant’s emergency potassium iodide tablets, and submit themselves to periodic testing with a qualified toxicologist.
It is also recommended that any clothing soiled with Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce be disposed of as soon as possible in the industrial furnaces provided at each franchise location for this purpose.
“Under no circumstances should employees remove their lead aprons when in the vicinity of any of our nacho-based menu options,” the manual states. “Furthermore, Taco Bell crew members—especially those who are pregnant or might become pregnant—must always wear aluminized protective coveralls and a military-grade respirator mask in the presence of our refried beans.”
“It is absolutely imperative that the Cheesy Gordita Crunch be assembled behind a pane of protective glass until the moment it is served to customers,” the manual adds. “There can be NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule.”
The instructional booklet goes on to state that if a worker accidentally touches any one of the seven layers in a seven-layer burrito, he or she must quickly take a disinfecting chemical shower, “even if contact occurs during the lunch rush.”
A foreword to the manual written by company CEO Greg Creed assures Taco Bell workers that, as long as they follow the officially delineated standard protocol for food preparation and all internationally accepted guidelines from the National Association of Corrosion Control Engineers, they need not worry about contamination on the job. Creed admitted, however, that accidents have occurred at chain locations from time to time.
“Each Taco Bell location is equipped with sophisticated sensors able to identify and seal off any zone in which airborne concentrations of Border Sauce reach unsafe levels above 12 parts per million,” said Creed, explaining that the system would also react to any guacamole or sour cream spills. “Should the alarm be triggered, decontamination locks will isolate the clean chamber along with all those inside until an appointed Yum! Brands hazmat team arrives from corporate headquarters and is able to ascertain if the scene is salvageable.”
“Of course, our company strives to avoid these sorts of quarantine scenarios whenever possible,” Creed added.
Pressed for comment, Taco Bell representatives noted that during the month of June, customers could upgrade any of their purchases with a delicious, thirst-quenching Mountain Dew Typhoon Freeze for only $1.99.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
EXPERIENCED LEMON PICKER
Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
The 59-year-old woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
“Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers and I voted for Obama.”
The 59-year-old woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
“Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers and I voted for Obama.”
Friday, May 23, 2014
TEXAS NOT QUITE READY FOR PRIME POT TIME
19-year old Jacob Lavoro is in tears because he faces up to life in prison for baking a big batch of pot brownies
Craig Malisow is correct when he indicates that Jake is in for a heap of more troubles if he’s still crying when he arrives at the joint. Think of a red ass for starters.
DUDE FACES LIFE IN SLAMMER FOR HASH BROWNIES
By Craig Malisow | Houston Press Hair Balls | May 23, 2014
Jacob Lavoro, 19, must really hate his neighbor at the Colonial Village Apartments in Round Rock: when she smelled smoke in her apartment bathroom, apparently wafting over from Lavoro's pad, she called the cops, who say they found hash oil, a batch of pot brownies and cookies, and a client list in Lavoro's apartment.
As our cover story this week mentions, political attitudes toward weed may be changing in Texas, but not swift enough for Lavoro, who faces steeper punishment because of the hash oil: He's been charged with felony possession with intent to deliver, and faces between 5-99 years, or life, in prison.
We agree with every sane individual who points out that 99 years for 1.5 lbs. of herb is just a tad excessive. Now, if you want to give him 99 years for just being an all-around dumbass, we're at least open to hearing that argument.
"It's really frightening, it really is," a crying Lavoro told KVUE. "It's putting me in a really scary situation and honestly, I can't stop crying about it." (The incessant waterworks are no doubt bound to go over well in prison).
Lavoro's lawyer says police arrived at the 1.5 lb. figure by measuring the total weight of the brownies, and not just the drugs. But Round Rock Police Commander Alain Babin said that "When you mix items with a drug and it doesn't change its chemical compound, then you weigh the total amount of all the adulterants and diluent."
That argument will have to be hashed (HEY-OH!) out in court; the next hearing is set for June.
Craig Malisow is correct when he indicates that Jake is in for a heap of more troubles if he’s still crying when he arrives at the joint. Think of a red ass for starters.
DUDE FACES LIFE IN SLAMMER FOR HASH BROWNIES
By Craig Malisow | Houston Press Hair Balls | May 23, 2014
Jacob Lavoro, 19, must really hate his neighbor at the Colonial Village Apartments in Round Rock: when she smelled smoke in her apartment bathroom, apparently wafting over from Lavoro's pad, she called the cops, who say they found hash oil, a batch of pot brownies and cookies, and a client list in Lavoro's apartment.
As our cover story this week mentions, political attitudes toward weed may be changing in Texas, but not swift enough for Lavoro, who faces steeper punishment because of the hash oil: He's been charged with felony possession with intent to deliver, and faces between 5-99 years, or life, in prison.
We agree with every sane individual who points out that 99 years for 1.5 lbs. of herb is just a tad excessive. Now, if you want to give him 99 years for just being an all-around dumbass, we're at least open to hearing that argument.
"It's really frightening, it really is," a crying Lavoro told KVUE. "It's putting me in a really scary situation and honestly, I can't stop crying about it." (The incessant waterworks are no doubt bound to go over well in prison).
Lavoro's lawyer says police arrived at the 1.5 lb. figure by measuring the total weight of the brownies, and not just the drugs. But Round Rock Police Commander Alain Babin said that "When you mix items with a drug and it doesn't change its chemical compound, then you weigh the total amount of all the adulterants and diluent."
That argument will have to be hashed (HEY-OH!) out in court; the next hearing is set for June.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
DON’T MESS WITH MOTHER SUPERIOR
Mother Superior and two nuns were attending a Yankees baseball game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area of the ballpark.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.”
Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, “I want to move to Montana. There are only 50 nuns living there.”
Finally the third guy yelled, “I want to go to Idaho. There are only 25 nuns living there.”
The Mother Superior turned around, looked sternly at the men, and in a very calm but firm voice said, “Why don’t you three go to Hell. There aren’t any nuns there.”
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.”
Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, “I want to move to Montana. There are only 50 nuns living there.”
Finally the third guy yelled, “I want to go to Idaho. There are only 25 nuns living there.”
The Mother Superior turned around, looked sternly at the men, and in a very calm but firm voice said, “Why don’t you three go to Hell. There aren’t any nuns there.”
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