The Onion | January 13, 2016
BYRON, IL -- In a rare moment of candidness between verbally and physically abusing his peers, local bully Pete Pachego, 14, shared his concerns with reporters Wednesday that his victims might one day realize he was actually a retarded faggot himself.
“I spend all day telling guys at school that they’re gaywads and queermos, so if they ever found out that I’m actually a stupid cockmuncher, I really don’t know what I’d do,” said Pachego, adding that he often found himself paralyzed with dread that someone would discover that he was simply projecting his own retardedness and love of dicklicking onto the smaller, more vulnerable kids in his class. “Deep down, I guess I realize I’m so mean and hurtful to others because I don’t know how else to deal with the fact that I’m the one who still shits my pants and that I’m easily the fruitiest little fudgepacker of them all. Imagine if everyone knew; it would be devastating.”
Pachego then sighed and told reporters that he was certain at least some of his victims were beginning to suspect, rightly, that his dick looks like a Tic Tac.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
IF DEMOCRATIC LAWMAKERS HAD THEIR WAY, THE WHOLE STATE OF CALIFORNIA WOULD BE A GUN FREE ZONE
Because of the San Bernardino shootings, California’s Democratic lawmakers are going berserk in a frenzy of filing new gun control measures; a bill that would ban rifles with detachable magazines is supported by the state’s Attorney General
BarkGrowlBite | January 16, 2016
NBC 4 Southern California reports that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is supporting legislation that would ban rifles with detachable magazines.
AB1663, a bill introduced Thursday by Democratic Assemblyman David Chiu of San Francisco, would bar the sale or transfer of most semiautomatic rifles with detachable magazines.
According to NBC 4, Harris says AB1663 would close a legal loophole that allows firearms manufacturers to include ``bullet buttons'' that let firearm owners rapidly exchange empty ammunition magazines for ones full of bullets.
Because of the San Bernardino shootings, the Democrats in the state legislature are going berserk in a frenzy of introducing more gun control measures. If Democratic lawmakers had their way, the whole state of California would be a gun free zone.
As for AB1883, Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed similar legislation in 2014. This time may be different though, what with the San Bernardino shootings hovering over the governor’s head.
BarkGrowlBite | January 16, 2016
NBC 4 Southern California reports that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is supporting legislation that would ban rifles with detachable magazines.
AB1663, a bill introduced Thursday by Democratic Assemblyman David Chiu of San Francisco, would bar the sale or transfer of most semiautomatic rifles with detachable magazines.
According to NBC 4, Harris says AB1663 would close a legal loophole that allows firearms manufacturers to include ``bullet buttons'' that let firearm owners rapidly exchange empty ammunition magazines for ones full of bullets.
Because of the San Bernardino shootings, the Democrats in the state legislature are going berserk in a frenzy of introducing more gun control measures. If Democratic lawmakers had their way, the whole state of California would be a gun free zone.
As for AB1883, Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed similar legislation in 2014. This time may be different though, what with the San Bernardino shootings hovering over the governor’s head.
Friday, January 15, 2016
NAKED TERRORIST ATTACKS GEORGIA WAFFLE HOUSE
President Obama can rest at ease because there is no evidence of ISIS involvement and this terrorist did not shout ‘Allah Akbar’
BarkGrowlBite | January 15, 2016
A Waffle House in in Kennesaw, Georgia experienced an attack by a naked terrorist around 10:30 p.m. on January 8 that cannot be attributed to ISIS and the terrorist did not shout “Allah Akbar” during the attack.
From CNN:
According to police, the woman, identified as Jennifer Nicholson, stripped off her clothes, punched a woman in the face and then threw a plate at a window. She also threw several platters at patrons of the restaurant.
A naked Jennifer fought with the cops when they tried to arrest her, but Kennesaw’s heroic police officers were eager to get their hands on this dangerous terrorist in order, of course, to subdue and take her to be safely locked up in the Cobb County jail. She is facing several assault and public indecency charges.
The police reported that the woman who was punched in the face by Jennifer suffered a broken nose.
Some of you will say that this was not a terrorist attack. Don’t tell that to the woman with the broken nose or to the other terrified Waffle House customers who had to duck a barrage of flying plates.
Finally, I am positive that Jennifer is not a radical Muslim, or any other kind of Muslim for that matter. A devout Muslim woman would never have stripped naked in public, Allah forbid! Instead she would have been wearing jilbabs, abayas, hijabs, khimars or other Islamic clothing. No devout Muslim woman, terrorist or not, would ever allow strangers to see any part of her body above the ankles, Allah be praised!
So, President Obama can rest at ease. He doesn’t have to struggle to avoid using the terms ‘radical Muslim’ or ‘Islamic terrorist’ in referring to Jennifer’s attack on the Waffle House.
BarkGrowlBite | January 15, 2016
A Waffle House in in Kennesaw, Georgia experienced an attack by a naked terrorist around 10:30 p.m. on January 8 that cannot be attributed to ISIS and the terrorist did not shout “Allah Akbar” during the attack.
From CNN:
According to police, the woman, identified as Jennifer Nicholson, stripped off her clothes, punched a woman in the face and then threw a plate at a window. She also threw several platters at patrons of the restaurant.
A naked Jennifer fought with the cops when they tried to arrest her, but Kennesaw’s heroic police officers were eager to get their hands on this dangerous terrorist in order, of course, to subdue and take her to be safely locked up in the Cobb County jail. She is facing several assault and public indecency charges.
The police reported that the woman who was punched in the face by Jennifer suffered a broken nose.
Some of you will say that this was not a terrorist attack. Don’t tell that to the woman with the broken nose or to the other terrified Waffle House customers who had to duck a barrage of flying plates.
Finally, I am positive that Jennifer is not a radical Muslim, or any other kind of Muslim for that matter. A devout Muslim woman would never have stripped naked in public, Allah forbid! Instead she would have been wearing jilbabs, abayas, hijabs, khimars or other Islamic clothing. No devout Muslim woman, terrorist or not, would ever allow strangers to see any part of her body above the ankles, Allah be praised!
So, President Obama can rest at ease. He doesn’t have to struggle to avoid using the terms ‘radical Muslim’ or ‘Islamic terrorist’ in referring to Jennifer’s attack on the Waffle House.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
NFL TELLS RAMS FANS, ‘FUCK YOU’
The St. Louis Rams will be playing next season and from then on in Los Angeles
BarkGrowlBite | January 14, 2015
On Tuesday, 30 of 32 NFL team owners gave the green light for the St. Louis Rams to move to Los Angeles. In effect they told the Rans fans in St. Louis, “Fuck you.”
The NFL also told the San Diego and Oakland fans, “Fuck you too.” The owners of San Diego were given a one-year option to also move the Chargers to L.A. If San Diego opts to stay put, the Oakland ownership will then have the option of moving the Raiders to L.A.
The greedy, money grubbing NFL doesn’t give a shit about its fans. For an extra buck, whether by raising ticket prices or moving a team, the league will fuck the fans every time.
BarkGrowlBite | January 14, 2015
On Tuesday, 30 of 32 NFL team owners gave the green light for the St. Louis Rams to move to Los Angeles. In effect they told the Rans fans in St. Louis, “Fuck you.”
The NFL also told the San Diego and Oakland fans, “Fuck you too.” The owners of San Diego were given a one-year option to also move the Chargers to L.A. If San Diego opts to stay put, the Oakland ownership will then have the option of moving the Raiders to L.A.
The greedy, money grubbing NFL doesn’t give a shit about its fans. For an extra buck, whether by raising ticket prices or moving a team, the league will fuck the fans every time.
OBAMA PRAISES OWN STRENGTH, RESILIENCE IN FACE OF HARDSHIP DURING STATE OF THE UNION
The Onion | January 12, 2016
WASHINGTON—Recounting in detail the numerous struggles and tribulations of the past seven years, an impassioned President Obama loftily praised his own strength and resilience in the face of adversity Tuesday evening during his final State of the Union address.
“In my two terms in office, this country has faced unprecedented challenges both at home and abroad, but if there is one constant amid this turmoil, if there’s one truth we can all hold onto, it’s that through it all I have remained steadfast and resolute—my perseverance never ceases to amaze me,” said Obama, his voice swelling with pride and conviction as he noted how, time and again, he has withstood every attack or heartache that has befallen him. “From the BP oil spill, to gun violence, to ISIS—I have met every hardship with the deepest resolve. Consider how truly inspiring that is. It is a testament to my incredible determination. My fellow Americans, these are trying times, but knowing what I know about me, about the type of good person I am, there is no doubt in my mind that I will get through whatever I encounter and emerge stronger on the other side.”
Obama added that it was precisely this indomitable spirit that made America great.
WASHINGTON—Recounting in detail the numerous struggles and tribulations of the past seven years, an impassioned President Obama loftily praised his own strength and resilience in the face of adversity Tuesday evening during his final State of the Union address.
“In my two terms in office, this country has faced unprecedented challenges both at home and abroad, but if there is one constant amid this turmoil, if there’s one truth we can all hold onto, it’s that through it all I have remained steadfast and resolute—my perseverance never ceases to amaze me,” said Obama, his voice swelling with pride and conviction as he noted how, time and again, he has withstood every attack or heartache that has befallen him. “From the BP oil spill, to gun violence, to ISIS—I have met every hardship with the deepest resolve. Consider how truly inspiring that is. It is a testament to my incredible determination. My fellow Americans, these are trying times, but knowing what I know about me, about the type of good person I am, there is no doubt in my mind that I will get through whatever I encounter and emerge stronger on the other side.”
Obama added that it was precisely this indomitable spirit that made America great.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
NEW FREEZE-DRIED ‘POOP PILLS’ COULD BE THE ANSWER TO OBESITY
SCIENTISTS are set to test freeze-dried pills containing the faecal matter of healthy and lean donors in a bid to tackle the obesity crisis
By Alana Moorhead | The Sun | January 11, 2016
Twenty obese volunteers will be taking part in the research and each will be receiving capsules that include several grams of stool from slim donors.
The pills will be taken every week for six weeks without making any changes to their normal diet and exercise habits while researchers track any changes.
These health and weight recordings will be taken at three, six and 12 months, with the potential to continue further depending on the success of the trial.
Elaine Yu, a professor and clinical researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital is leading the unusual trial.
While speaking to technology website Ars Technica that she and colleagues are "cautiously optimistic" but admits "We have no idea what the result will be".
The faeces filled capsules are designed to replace a person's intestinal microbes with those from the healthy donor.
The method has been tested in a number of animal studies and some anecdotal data in humans and has proved effective.
Previously, researchers took the gut microbes from a set of twins, one slim, one obese, and transplanted them into two sets of microbe-free mice.
The mice were on the same diet but those who got the obese twin's microbes became plumper, while the mice who received the lean twin's microbes remained slim.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Thanks, but no thanks! I ain’t a eating no shit!
Elaine Yu? Aha, I knew it, this has to be a Chinese commie plot to export their huge surplus of human shit for Americans to eat. Since Americans eat Japanese sushi, they’ll surely also eat Chinese shit.
By Alana Moorhead | The Sun | January 11, 2016
Twenty obese volunteers will be taking part in the research and each will be receiving capsules that include several grams of stool from slim donors.
The pills will be taken every week for six weeks without making any changes to their normal diet and exercise habits while researchers track any changes.
These health and weight recordings will be taken at three, six and 12 months, with the potential to continue further depending on the success of the trial.
Elaine Yu, a professor and clinical researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital is leading the unusual trial.
While speaking to technology website Ars Technica that she and colleagues are "cautiously optimistic" but admits "We have no idea what the result will be".
The faeces filled capsules are designed to replace a person's intestinal microbes with those from the healthy donor.
The method has been tested in a number of animal studies and some anecdotal data in humans and has proved effective.
Previously, researchers took the gut microbes from a set of twins, one slim, one obese, and transplanted them into two sets of microbe-free mice.
The mice were on the same diet but those who got the obese twin's microbes became plumper, while the mice who received the lean twin's microbes remained slim.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Thanks, but no thanks! I ain’t a eating no shit!
Elaine Yu? Aha, I knew it, this has to be a Chinese commie plot to export their huge surplus of human shit for Americans to eat. Since Americans eat Japanese sushi, they’ll surely also eat Chinese shit.
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