A police officer was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, he kept feeling something pulling at his crotch hairs.
Worried that he might have had a second surgery that the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up so he could see what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and genitals were three very wide strips of heavy duty Gorilla Tape, the duct tape that doesn't come off easily... if at all.
Written on the Gorilla Tape in bold black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the red Ford Mustang you pulled over and cited last week."
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
WOMAN STOPS GRIZZLY BEAR ATTACK WITH .25 CALIBER PISTOL
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship. A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well-placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire pistol.
These are her own words.:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my husband in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
I love that pistol. I'll find another husband.
These are her own words.:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my husband in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
I love that pistol. I'll find another husband.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
DOUG BEQUEATHED EVERYTHING TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route.
TSA SPREAD ASHES TO KEEP US SAFE
A mother’s ashes destined to be spread in the Caribbean Sea, were spread instead by TSA agents throughout a suitcase
BarkGrowlBite | October 7, 2014
Shannon Thomas filed a $750,000 federal lawsuit Thursday against the Transportation Security Administration and unnamed TSA agents at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport for dumping his mother’s cremated remains throughout his suitcase.
Nearly two years ago, Thomas booked a flight from Cleveland, Ohio to Puerto Rico in order to fulfill his mother’s wish to have her ashes spread in the Caribbean Sea. He packed his suitcase with a "very heavy and sturdy" urn which had a tightly screwed on top to keep the ashes from getting spilled. He padded the urn with his clothing in order to protect it.
When he arrived in Puerto Rico he discovered that the ashes had been spread throughout the suitcase. The bag contained a TSA inspection notice. He found that the TSA agents did not screw the urn’s top back on properly.
In his lawsuit Thomas says that no one from the TSA or the U.S. government has ever issued an apology or explanation to him and the only notification he got was the inspection notice which was left inside the suitcase.
It appears as though Homeland Security is keeping us safe by hiring a bunch of dumbass TSA agents, many of them having been caught stealing valuables out of the luggage they were supposedly inspecting.
The boners pulled by the TSA are too numerous to list. They include making grandmothers in their 80s remove their shoes. TSA agents failed to recognize former Secretary of State Henri Kissinger - 89 at the time and in a wheelchair - and subjected him to a full pat-down. Children as young as four have also been given the full pat-down treatment along with those 80-smoething grannies.
Now, don’t you all feel safer knowing that Homeland Security has our backs? Oh by the way, Israeli airport security officials do not search children and the elderly unless prior intelligence requires it. For TSA to do so is a ridiculous and worthless practice designed to make the flying public feel safer.
BarkGrowlBite | October 7, 2014
Shannon Thomas filed a $750,000 federal lawsuit Thursday against the Transportation Security Administration and unnamed TSA agents at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport for dumping his mother’s cremated remains throughout his suitcase.
Nearly two years ago, Thomas booked a flight from Cleveland, Ohio to Puerto Rico in order to fulfill his mother’s wish to have her ashes spread in the Caribbean Sea. He packed his suitcase with a "very heavy and sturdy" urn which had a tightly screwed on top to keep the ashes from getting spilled. He padded the urn with his clothing in order to protect it.
When he arrived in Puerto Rico he discovered that the ashes had been spread throughout the suitcase. The bag contained a TSA inspection notice. He found that the TSA agents did not screw the urn’s top back on properly.
In his lawsuit Thomas says that no one from the TSA or the U.S. government has ever issued an apology or explanation to him and the only notification he got was the inspection notice which was left inside the suitcase.
It appears as though Homeland Security is keeping us safe by hiring a bunch of dumbass TSA agents, many of them having been caught stealing valuables out of the luggage they were supposedly inspecting.
The boners pulled by the TSA are too numerous to list. They include making grandmothers in their 80s remove their shoes. TSA agents failed to recognize former Secretary of State Henri Kissinger - 89 at the time and in a wheelchair - and subjected him to a full pat-down. Children as young as four have also been given the full pat-down treatment along with those 80-smoething grannies.
Now, don’t you all feel safer knowing that Homeland Security has our backs? Oh by the way, Israeli airport security officials do not search children and the elderly unless prior intelligence requires it. For TSA to do so is a ridiculous and worthless practice designed to make the flying public feel safer.
Monday, October 6, 2014
CIA WARNS OF DIABOLICAL ISIS EBOLA PLOT
President Obama announces that the CIA has uncovered an ISIS plot to spread Ebola throughout the U.S. and Britain
By Ura Schlemiel, White House correspondent
Newsflash: At a hastily called press conference, President Obama, flanked by the heads of the CIA, Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE, announced that the CIA has uncovered a plot by ISIS to spread Ebola throughout this country and Britain. The president said the purpose of this press conference is to warn all Americans of this potential threat and to assure them that their government is doing everything possible to thwart this plot. He said that because they only learned of this plot a few minutes ago, no questions would be allowed.
Obama said, “I am putting this country into a crisis mode and ordering Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE to immediately put in place procedures that will keep ISIS from carrying out this diabolical plot. CIA Director John Brennan will explain.”
Brennan: “Our agents have learned from very reliable sources in Syria that ISIS will recruit Africans in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia that have been in intimate contact with Ebola victims and exposed to their body fluids. They will pay each recruit $1,000 and give them airline tickets to fly to America and Britain with the goal of having them spread the deadly disease throughout the two countries. The Africans will be provided with fake passports and visas, and take surreptitious routes to disguise their points of origin. Since the incubation period usually takes around 21 days, they will be able to fly without showing any Ebola symptoms. Now I’ll turn this over to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.”
Johnson: “I have ordered FBI Director James Comey and acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas S. Winkowski to spare no expense in stopping ISIS operatives from infiltrating the homeland. I am confident that they will be successful in keeping our country Ebola free. Here is Director Comey.”
Comey: “At this moment we are establishing a special task force of 1,000 of our best FBI agents to find, arrest and isolate any of these Ebola-exposed Africans should they slip by ICE and succeed in entering the U.S. These agents will be ordered to shoot to kill any of these individuals should they attempt to avoid arrest. We believe those shooting will not violate and constitutional guarantees because these individuals present a serious and imminent threat to the public. Now I’ll turn this over to Director Winkowski.”
Winkowski: ”All our agents have been put on special alert to catch any African who might possibly have been exposed to Ebola from entering the United States. They are specially trained to detect any fake passports and to ascertain whether or not any Africans began their journey from Guinea, Sierra Leone or Liberia. I am confident that we will succeed, but in the rare event that one of these Ebola-exposed individuals should get by us, the FBI will be our backup. Mr. President, I’ll turn this back over to you.”
Obama: “As I said, we will take no questions. This ends our conference. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.”
TUG contacted civil rights leader Al Sharpton, the President’s go-to-guy on black issues, to get his thoughts on the ISIS plot.
Sharpton: “I don’t for half-a-second believe the CIA. That’s the same group that told us Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This is nothing more than a plot by whites to suppress and kill blacks. I am most upset with President Obama for going along with this farce. He’s supposed to consult with me on any black issues. I can’t believe he didn’t call me on this before he held that press conference. This will energize our Action Network members to stop the FBI and ICE from carrying out their racist measures.”
TUG will keep on top this breaking story for any new developments.
By Ura Schlemiel, White House correspondent
Newsflash: At a hastily called press conference, President Obama, flanked by the heads of the CIA, Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE, announced that the CIA has uncovered a plot by ISIS to spread Ebola throughout this country and Britain. The president said the purpose of this press conference is to warn all Americans of this potential threat and to assure them that their government is doing everything possible to thwart this plot. He said that because they only learned of this plot a few minutes ago, no questions would be allowed.
Obama said, “I am putting this country into a crisis mode and ordering Homeland Security, the FBI and ICE to immediately put in place procedures that will keep ISIS from carrying out this diabolical plot. CIA Director John Brennan will explain.”
Brennan: “Our agents have learned from very reliable sources in Syria that ISIS will recruit Africans in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia that have been in intimate contact with Ebola victims and exposed to their body fluids. They will pay each recruit $1,000 and give them airline tickets to fly to America and Britain with the goal of having them spread the deadly disease throughout the two countries. The Africans will be provided with fake passports and visas, and take surreptitious routes to disguise their points of origin. Since the incubation period usually takes around 21 days, they will be able to fly without showing any Ebola symptoms. Now I’ll turn this over to Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.”
Johnson: “I have ordered FBI Director James Comey and acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas S. Winkowski to spare no expense in stopping ISIS operatives from infiltrating the homeland. I am confident that they will be successful in keeping our country Ebola free. Here is Director Comey.”
Comey: “At this moment we are establishing a special task force of 1,000 of our best FBI agents to find, arrest and isolate any of these Ebola-exposed Africans should they slip by ICE and succeed in entering the U.S. These agents will be ordered to shoot to kill any of these individuals should they attempt to avoid arrest. We believe those shooting will not violate and constitutional guarantees because these individuals present a serious and imminent threat to the public. Now I’ll turn this over to Director Winkowski.”
Winkowski: ”All our agents have been put on special alert to catch any African who might possibly have been exposed to Ebola from entering the United States. They are specially trained to detect any fake passports and to ascertain whether or not any Africans began their journey from Guinea, Sierra Leone or Liberia. I am confident that we will succeed, but in the rare event that one of these Ebola-exposed individuals should get by us, the FBI will be our backup. Mr. President, I’ll turn this back over to you.”
Obama: “As I said, we will take no questions. This ends our conference. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.”
TUG contacted civil rights leader Al Sharpton, the President’s go-to-guy on black issues, to get his thoughts on the ISIS plot.
Sharpton: “I don’t for half-a-second believe the CIA. That’s the same group that told us Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This is nothing more than a plot by whites to suppress and kill blacks. I am most upset with President Obama for going along with this farce. He’s supposed to consult with me on any black issues. I can’t believe he didn’t call me on this before he held that press conference. This will energize our Action Network members to stop the FBI and ICE from carrying out their racist measures.”
TUG will keep on top this breaking story for any new developments.
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