NO SPERM SAMPLE

A 91-year-old was ordered by his doctor to bring in a sperm sample as part of a health check. He was given the jar and was told to bring the semen sample the next day.

The old man returned the next day, but he brought an empty jar and his doctor asked him why. This was his response:

“Well, doc, it’s like this – first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen – the lady next door – and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor looked shocked, he said to the old man “you asked your neighbor????!!!”

The old man responded with a massive smile, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open!”
__________

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS HELP 80-YEAR-OLD WOMAN SLEEP AT NIGHT

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night."