CHRISTIANS ARE A PACK OF THIEVES

By Bob Walsh

Yes, it is true. I do, however, mean it in more of a socio-religious sense than any personal disparagement. They steal holidays.

Good old Yeshua ben Yosef, the famous red-headed carpenter, almost certainly was NOT born on December 25.

The Winter Solstice is a very convenient and very symbolic time for the birth of Saviors in general. Osiris, Mithras and Hercules were among them, though there are many others. They were all born at or around the Winter Solstice, in a barn, cave or other very humble place. The exact details of their birth are murky and mysterious, their parentage is miraculous. They engage in a lifetime of toil for mankind in general and often make a real or symbolic trip to the underworld and then return. These are common characteristics of Saviors in general.

The Winter Solstice is the longest night and shortest day. It is symbolic of a turning, of the light now beginning to gradually but definitely overtaking the darkness.

The early Christians were not stupid men. They knew that ripping off the holidays from the peasants would piss them off so many Christian holidays occur on, and are strongly modeled after, early Pagan holidays. (Halloween and May Day being two of the chief ones.) During about the seventh century I believe (I am a little fuzzy on that) the church made a serious attempt to document the actual birthday of the historical Jesus. They were unsuccessful. So they went with what they had. Interestingly enough there is no undisputed actual historical record of Jesus. The census Joseph and Mary were heading to Bethlehem for has no actual historical record. On the other hand there is a ton of documentation on the life of Pontius Pilate.

Now before your Christian zealots go 5150 on me (yes, I know it is a contradiction in terms strictly speaking, the zealots were Jews) I would like to say that I am reasonably confident that the actual person of Yeshua ben Yosef did in fact exist. I believe that he was an exceptional human being and that the Christian church was built around belief in his divinity. Whether he was in fact divine is another question.

As a practicing Pagan I merely wanted to bring the subject up, and hope for a little appreciation for our side of the table. I don't really expect an apology for you guys ripping off our holiday, nor do I need one. Pagans are the most ecumenical people imaginable. I would simply like not to be dissed for it.

Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.

EDITOR’S NOTE: When Riverside Sheriff Ben Clark and I were pallbearers at the funeral of our friend Stan Everett’s father, the Baptist preacher shouted out: “If you don’t accept Jesus, you are going to hell!”

Ben poked me in the ribs and said, “I guess that means you are going to hell.”

See you in hell, Bob.