WHY OBAMA WON IN 2008 AND 2012

Football fans were instrumental in victories

by Pamela Putz

DURHAM, N.C. — Dr. Joachim Dummkopf, professor of political science at Duke University and author of the best selling book, Why America Needs a Viable Third Party, claims that political positions of the Democratic and Republican parties had little to do with Obama’s 2008 and 2012 election victories.

After an exhaustive study, Dr. Dummkopf has concluded that football fans were instrumental in Obama’s election and reelection. He found that most voters were not impressed by the political positions taken by either party.

While watching a pro-football game between the Cincinnati Bengals and the Cleveland Browns, Dr. Dummkopf took particular note of fan behavior. During the third quarter he experienced a ‘eureka moment.’ He decided to study the behavior of football fans, both college and pro, and NASCAR fans across the nation.

Dr. Dummkopf found that football fans generally made complete fools of themselves – painting their faces, wearing outlandish headgear, screaming obscenities, jumping up and down, men shirtless in freezing weather grunting like cavemen, etc., etc. Conversely, he found that NASCAR fans behaved in a very calm and civil manner. Drunks among the football and race car fans were discounted.

“I have found the reason for both of President Obama’s election victories,” Dr. Dummkopf told a Friday press conference at Duke University. “We all know that NASCAR fans tend to be conservative. But what about football fans? Well here’s the key to Obama’s wins. Among American adults, 64 percent are pro-football fans, 53 percent are college football fans, and only 31 percent are fans of auto racing. Because there are so many more football fans than NASCAR fans, the country has millions and millions of voters that are fools, and the fools voted for Obama.”