Americans are too fat, too medicated, and out of shape
The Onion | October 1, 2014
AR-RAQQAH, SYRIA—Frustrating the Islamic extremist group’s efforts to bolster its ranks and expand its influence overseas, representatives for ISIS told reporters Wednesday that they have so far encountered considerable difficulty in finding American recruits who are physically fit enough for jihad.
“We’ve been in communication with a number of U.S. citizens who are eager to join in our holy crusade, but unfortunately, not one of them is in decent enough shape to effectively wage war against the West,” said ISIS operative Bakir Hamdani, pointing to a general lack of athleticism among the hundreds of potential American recruits, as well as respiratory ailments and dependencies on a variety of diabetes, blood pressure, and allergy medications that preclude these would-be jihadists from assisting in the establishment of a worldwide Sunni caliphate. “Even though these people are enthusiastic about righteous martyrdom, I honestly don’t see most of them even fitting into a suicide vest, let alone lugging a 40-pound rocket launcher through the desert. The thing is, we can’t inflict terror into the hearts of the masses if our fighters are always doubled over red-faced and winded.”
Hamdani added that ISIS’ best course of action was to allow these overweight, sedentary American operatives to continue burdening the U.S. health care system in hopes of eventually bankrupting the nation.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
TOM AND JERRY SMACKED BY POLITICALLY CORRECT THOUGHT POLICE
Amazon Prime labels the cat-and-mouse cartoons as racist because the housemaid is black
BarkGrowlBite | October 5, 2014
When I was a little kid, if you went to the movie theater you were treated to a Movietone News newsreel and a cartoon short as you waited for the featured film to start. I loved those Tom and Jerry cartoon shorts whenever they were shown. And years later, I loved them on TV. Since some people consider me a racist, if I am, I must have been infected by those Tom and Jerry cartoons because the politically correct thought police have now labeled them as racist.
Amazon Prime has started labeling Tom and Jerry cartoons with the following warning:
"Tom and Jerry shorts may depict some ethnic and racial prejudices that were once commonplace in American society. Such depictions were wrong then and are wrong today."
No, this is not a joke. If this makes you wonder what in the hell is going on here you’re not alone. It seems as though the politically correct thought police have discovered a black housemaid in some of the shorts. They have determined that this is stereotypically demeaning to blacks. Actually the maid is never shown in the cartoons, only her legs as she sweeps a broom.
I cannot fathom any young kid thinking in racial terms whenever they see those black legs. What we have here is another example of political correctness run amok. Tom and Jerry won seven Academy Awards. It’s a wonder those who see racists behind every bush, in every closet and under every bed, haven’t demanded that those Academy Award Oscars be recalled.
BarkGrowlBite | October 5, 2014
When I was a little kid, if you went to the movie theater you were treated to a Movietone News newsreel and a cartoon short as you waited for the featured film to start. I loved those Tom and Jerry cartoon shorts whenever they were shown. And years later, I loved them on TV. Since some people consider me a racist, if I am, I must have been infected by those Tom and Jerry cartoons because the politically correct thought police have now labeled them as racist.
Amazon Prime has started labeling Tom and Jerry cartoons with the following warning:
"Tom and Jerry shorts may depict some ethnic and racial prejudices that were once commonplace in American society. Such depictions were wrong then and are wrong today."
No, this is not a joke. If this makes you wonder what in the hell is going on here you’re not alone. It seems as though the politically correct thought police have discovered a black housemaid in some of the shorts. They have determined that this is stereotypically demeaning to blacks. Actually the maid is never shown in the cartoons, only her legs as she sweeps a broom.
I cannot fathom any young kid thinking in racial terms whenever they see those black legs. What we have here is another example of political correctness run amok. Tom and Jerry won seven Academy Awards. It’s a wonder those who see racists behind every bush, in every closet and under every bed, haven’t demanded that those Academy Award Oscars be recalled.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
16-YEAR-OLD GETS LUCKY IN MENAGE A TROIS WITH TWO TEACHERS
Two Louisiana English teachers make whoopee together with 16-year-old student
BarkGrowlBite | October 4, 2014
Hardly a day goes by that one or more teachers get busted for having sex with one or more of their students. I’ve stopped posting about those trysts because they have become so common. But this is rather different because it involves a ménage à trois involving a student and two English teachers.
The now ex-educators got caught because the student bragged to his classmates about screwing the two teachers.
Shelley Dufrense, 32, and Rachel Respess, 24, two English teachers at Destrehan High School in Kenner, Louisiana were busted for having sex together with a 16-year old student.
Shelly, a married mother of three, was busted Tuesday and charged with carnal knowledge of a juvenile for a tryst that occurred at her home early in September. She was released on bond.
Both Shelley and Rachel were busted Wednesday for the ménage à trois. They were charged with carnal knowledge of a juvenile, indecent behavior and contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile. They were released on bail Thursday. If convicted, both women face up to 17-1/2 years in prison.
The ménage à trois took place September 12 at Rachel’s home after their school’s football game. The student told police that Shelley took him to Rachel’s apartment. After they got there all three got naked and he started screwing Rachel. While the two were fucking each other, Shelley was passionately kissing Rachel.
Former students told the cops that the trio had been having sex for some time.
Shelley is the daughter of St. Charles Parish Judge Emile St. Pierre. Since Kenner is in Jefferson Parish, there is no chance that her case will be tried before her father.
What we have here are two educated idiots who flushed their careers down the shitter for a fresh piece of ass. Obviously, they didn't have the brains to realize that the student would very likely brag about his sexual exploits.
BarkGrowlBite | October 4, 2014
Hardly a day goes by that one or more teachers get busted for having sex with one or more of their students. I’ve stopped posting about those trysts because they have become so common. But this is rather different because it involves a ménage à trois involving a student and two English teachers.
The now ex-educators got caught because the student bragged to his classmates about screwing the two teachers.
Shelley Dufrense, 32, and Rachel Respess, 24, two English teachers at Destrehan High School in Kenner, Louisiana were busted for having sex together with a 16-year old student.
Shelly, a married mother of three, was busted Tuesday and charged with carnal knowledge of a juvenile for a tryst that occurred at her home early in September. She was released on bond.
Both Shelley and Rachel were busted Wednesday for the ménage à trois. They were charged with carnal knowledge of a juvenile, indecent behavior and contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile. They were released on bail Thursday. If convicted, both women face up to 17-1/2 years in prison.
The ménage à trois took place September 12 at Rachel’s home after their school’s football game. The student told police that Shelley took him to Rachel’s apartment. After they got there all three got naked and he started screwing Rachel. While the two were fucking each other, Shelley was passionately kissing Rachel.
Former students told the cops that the trio had been having sex for some time.
Shelley is the daughter of St. Charles Parish Judge Emile St. Pierre. Since Kenner is in Jefferson Parish, there is no chance that her case will be tried before her father.
What we have here are two educated idiots who flushed their careers down the shitter for a fresh piece of ass. Obviously, they didn't have the brains to realize that the student would very likely brag about his sexual exploits.
EBOLA AND SECRET SERVICE CONSPIRACY THEORIES
Ebola is a bioweapon designed to target blacks and the Secret Service deliberately allowed an intruder to get deep inside the White House
BarkGrowlBite | October 4, 2014
Louis Farrakhan, that white-hating leader of the Nation of Islam, accuses whites of manufacturing AIDS and Ebola as bioweapons that will target only blacks. Here is Farrakhan’s conspiracy theory about AIDS and Ebola:
Another method [of depopulation] is disease infection through bio-weapons such as Ebola and AIDS, which are race targeting weapons. There is a weapon that can be put in a room where there are Black and White people, and it will kill only the Black and spare the White, because it is a genotype weapon that is designed for your genes, for your race, for your kind.
I think I saw something like that in one of Roger Corman’s horror flicks. Anyhow, I wish Farrakhan’s theory was true, so I would no longer have to worry about catching AIDS and - now that it has made an appearance in Dallas - Ebola too.
Now for the conspiracy theory about the Secret Service not being interested in protecting a black president.
Democratic Congressmen Elijah E. Cummings of Maryland and Emanuel Cleaver II of Missouri, members of the Congressional Black Caucus, both say that many of their constituents believe the Secret Service deliberately allowed Omar J. Gonzalez, who was armed with a knife, to jump over the fence, run across the White House lawn and get deep inside the White House because Secret Service agents are not interested in protecting a black president.
Wasn’t there something like that on the Fox TV series ‘24’ starring Kiefer Southerland? I don’t suppose it ever occurred to Cummings and Cleaver’s constituents that if their theory was true, Obama would have been killed not long after he took office.
BarkGrowlBite | October 4, 2014
Louis Farrakhan, that white-hating leader of the Nation of Islam, accuses whites of manufacturing AIDS and Ebola as bioweapons that will target only blacks. Here is Farrakhan’s conspiracy theory about AIDS and Ebola:
Another method [of depopulation] is disease infection through bio-weapons such as Ebola and AIDS, which are race targeting weapons. There is a weapon that can be put in a room where there are Black and White people, and it will kill only the Black and spare the White, because it is a genotype weapon that is designed for your genes, for your race, for your kind.
I think I saw something like that in one of Roger Corman’s horror flicks. Anyhow, I wish Farrakhan’s theory was true, so I would no longer have to worry about catching AIDS and - now that it has made an appearance in Dallas - Ebola too.
Now for the conspiracy theory about the Secret Service not being interested in protecting a black president.
Democratic Congressmen Elijah E. Cummings of Maryland and Emanuel Cleaver II of Missouri, members of the Congressional Black Caucus, both say that many of their constituents believe the Secret Service deliberately allowed Omar J. Gonzalez, who was armed with a knife, to jump over the fence, run across the White House lawn and get deep inside the White House because Secret Service agents are not interested in protecting a black president.
Wasn’t there something like that on the Fox TV series ‘24’ starring Kiefer Southerland? I don’t suppose it ever occurred to Cummings and Cleaver’s constituents that if their theory was true, Obama would have been killed not long after he took office.
Friday, October 3, 2014
PORTA-POTTY BUSTS NOT COVERED IN POLICE TRAINING
Four Memphis, Tenn. cops have been suspended for tipping over a porta-potty in which a suspect they had been chasing was hiding
BarkGrowlBite | October 3, 2014
On September 19, Joseph Hampton, 31, went to visit an elderly friend at a Memphis, Tenn. Apartment complex from which he had been banned. When cops tried to stop him, he took off on foot and ran to a construction site where he came upon a row of portable toilets. He stopped and hid in one of them.
Apparently the cops were not amused by having to chase Joe. So, to amuse themselves they tipped over the porta-potty, then set it back up. When Joe staggered out, they kicked him in the ass for good measure.
According to WMC, Hampton said "I could hear them when they pulled up, so I knew that they were behind the porta potty. I heard them say on three. Three. And it went over. Luckily didn't any of the blue water or septic water get on me. …I believe they tried to humiliate me, because they knew that water and feces and pee was in there. I believe they did that on purpose."
Hampton was jailed on charges of trespassing and evading arrest. He was released on a $250 bond. The four officers have been suspended pending an administrative investigation.
Hampton admits he should not have run from the cops. He says that being a cigarette smoker he had to stop to catch his breath and that is why he entered the porta-potty … that and he wanted to stop and call his girlfriend to tell her was going to be jailed. Hampton accuses the officers of using excessive force and claims his back has been hurting ever since he got dumped off the shitter. Looks like a lawsuit in the making.
The porta-potty bust came to light after a construction worker, who videotaped the tipping incident, posted his video on social media.
Apparently, the Memphis PD does not train its officers in the proper way to make porta-potty busts.
BarkGrowlBite | October 3, 2014
On September 19, Joseph Hampton, 31, went to visit an elderly friend at a Memphis, Tenn. Apartment complex from which he had been banned. When cops tried to stop him, he took off on foot and ran to a construction site where he came upon a row of portable toilets. He stopped and hid in one of them.
Apparently the cops were not amused by having to chase Joe. So, to amuse themselves they tipped over the porta-potty, then set it back up. When Joe staggered out, they kicked him in the ass for good measure.
According to WMC, Hampton said "I could hear them when they pulled up, so I knew that they were behind the porta potty. I heard them say on three. Three. And it went over. Luckily didn't any of the blue water or septic water get on me. …I believe they tried to humiliate me, because they knew that water and feces and pee was in there. I believe they did that on purpose."
Hampton was jailed on charges of trespassing and evading arrest. He was released on a $250 bond. The four officers have been suspended pending an administrative investigation.
Hampton admits he should not have run from the cops. He says that being a cigarette smoker he had to stop to catch his breath and that is why he entered the porta-potty … that and he wanted to stop and call his girlfriend to tell her was going to be jailed. Hampton accuses the officers of using excessive force and claims his back has been hurting ever since he got dumped off the shitter. Looks like a lawsuit in the making.
The porta-potty bust came to light after a construction worker, who videotaped the tipping incident, posted his video on social media.
Apparently, the Memphis PD does not train its officers in the proper way to make porta-potty busts.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
‘SAL THE SLICER’ HAS A SMART LAWYER
Salvatore ‘Sal the Slicer’ Gigante, a Mafia boss, finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.
When Sal goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. Sal tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells Sal, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
Sal pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll blow his fucking brains out!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll blow your fucking brains out if you don't tell him.”
"Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
Sal asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says fuck you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.
When Sal goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. Sal tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells Sal, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
Sal pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll blow his fucking brains out!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll blow your fucking brains out if you don't tell him.”
"Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
Sal asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says fuck you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
WHAT IS THE MOST OVERPRICED SUBSTANCE ON EARTH?
BarkGrowlBite | October 2, 2014
Stephan Pastis writes and illustrates Pearls Before Swine, my favorite comic strip which has animal characters like Rat, Pig, Goat, Zebra, a family of crocs, etc.
In Tuesdays strip, the question of what is the most overpriced substance on earth was answered by Goat.
Printer Cartridge Ink!!
Stephan Pastis writes and illustrates Pearls Before Swine, my favorite comic strip which has animal characters like Rat, Pig, Goat, Zebra, a family of crocs, etc.
In Tuesdays strip, the question of what is the most overpriced substance on earth was answered by Goat.
Printer Cartridge Ink!!
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