Having sex while driving could be safer than texting while driving, provided that the driver is not drunk. In any case, having sex is a lot more enjoyable than texting.
But hiding half-naked behind a cactus could turn into a painful experience.
POLICE: DRUNK DRIVER CRASHED DURING SEX, HID BEHIND CACTUS
Police say he was having sex with a woman while driving drunk and crashed, ejecting the woman from the vehicle
Associated Press
May 29, 2013
ALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico — A New Mexico man faces multiple charges after police say he was having sex with a woman while driving drunk and crashed, ejecting the woman from the vehicle.
The Albuquerque Journal reports 25-year-old Luis Briones was found with one shoe on and his shorts on inside-out Monday night after he wrecked his Ford Explorer in Albuquerque.
Police say Briones' female passenger was found naked outside the sport utility vehicle after being ejected. She had deep cuts to her face and head.
Authorities allege Briones tried to drive away after the crash and abandon his passenger, but a witness grabbed his keys from the ignition. He also allegedly tried to hide from responding officers behind a cactus.
Briones is charged with aggravated driving while intoxicated, reckless driving and evading police.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
REPORT: TEXTING WHILE DRIVING OKAY IF YOU LOOK UP EVERY COUPLE SECONDS
The Onion / May 27, 20013
WASHINGTON—A new report published Monday by the National Transportation Safety Board advises motorists that sending text messages while driving “is totally fine” and “not that big a deal” as long as you make sure to glance up from your phone every now and then.
“If you’re driving and have a really important text to send, that’s okay; just try to keep one eye on the road as best you can,” NTSB chairman Deborah Hersman said of the report, which advocates a new “50-50 rule” for texting drivers, suggesting they keep half their attention on the road and half on their handheld device. “After all, you can always steer with your knees or—if you really want to be extra careful—text with one hand and hold the wheel with the other. Better yet, just ask a passenger to give you a heads-up whenever there’s a red light or another car up ahead.”
Hersman added that the report’s findings apply not only to texting, but also to checking email, playing games, or watching movies while driving.
WASHINGTON—A new report published Monday by the National Transportation Safety Board advises motorists that sending text messages while driving “is totally fine” and “not that big a deal” as long as you make sure to glance up from your phone every now and then.
“If you’re driving and have a really important text to send, that’s okay; just try to keep one eye on the road as best you can,” NTSB chairman Deborah Hersman said of the report, which advocates a new “50-50 rule” for texting drivers, suggesting they keep half their attention on the road and half on their handheld device. “After all, you can always steer with your knees or—if you really want to be extra careful—text with one hand and hold the wheel with the other. Better yet, just ask a passenger to give you a heads-up whenever there’s a red light or another car up ahead.”
Hersman added that the report’s findings apply not only to texting, but also to checking email, playing games, or watching movies while driving.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
HOLDUP VICTIM SNEAKS OUT BACKDOOR, STEALS ROBBERS’ GETAWAY CAR
By Bob Walsh
PACOVILLA Corrections blog / May 25, 2013
Two bad guys with guns entered a business in south Stockton about 2140 hours on Thursday night and jumped the counter. They cleaned out the register and ordered the manager to open the safe.
Another employee saw what was going down, went out the back and got into their waiting getaway car and drove it away.
Responding cops found the bad guys and the cash in a field nearby. They arrested Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and Gabriel Gonzales, 19.
That maybe wasn't the safest thing in the world for the employee to do, but it was certainly creative and most effective.
PACOVILLA Corrections blog / May 25, 2013
Two bad guys with guns entered a business in south Stockton about 2140 hours on Thursday night and jumped the counter. They cleaned out the register and ordered the manager to open the safe.
Another employee saw what was going down, went out the back and got into their waiting getaway car and drove it away.
Responding cops found the bad guys and the cash in a field nearby. They arrested Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and Gabriel Gonzales, 19.
That maybe wasn't the safest thing in the world for the employee to do, but it was certainly creative and most effective.
Friday, May 24, 2013
WHEN THE GRIM REAPER IS NOT FAR AWAY
A touching message from a former Marine
By Bill Pfeifer / Not as lean; not as mean; but still a Marine
As I approach my twilight years, I am struck by the inevitability that the party must end. And one clear, cold morning after I'm gone, my spouse will awaken in the warmth of our bedroom and be struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore."
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, or say "I love you."
So while we have it, its best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage and old cars, children with bad report cards, dogs with bad hips, a aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a son-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know how you really feel?
The important thing is to let every one of your friends know your true feelings, even if you think they don't love you back.
So, just in case I'm gone tomorrow, please rest assured I voted against that incompetent, bleeding heart, socialist piece of shit Obama................
By Bill Pfeifer / Not as lean; not as mean; but still a Marine
As I approach my twilight years, I am struck by the inevitability that the party must end. And one clear, cold morning after I'm gone, my spouse will awaken in the warmth of our bedroom and be struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore."
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, or say "I love you."
So while we have it, its best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage and old cars, children with bad report cards, dogs with bad hips, a aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a son-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know how you really feel?
The important thing is to let every one of your friends know your true feelings, even if you think they don't love you back.
So, just in case I'm gone tomorrow, please rest assured I voted against that incompetent, bleeding heart, socialist piece of shit Obama................
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND
By Adolf der Schweinehund
The Unconventional Gazette / May 21, 2013
I’m reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who desperately needs some help but wishes to remain anonymous.
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he returned, he handed her a bottle containing a 90-day supply of diet pills. She blew up and threw him and all his belongings out of the house.
Now he’s looking for a place to live.
Can you help him? Come on guys, lend a hand here! You may find yourself in this same position someday.
The Unconventional Gazette / May 21, 2013
I’m reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who desperately needs some help but wishes to remain anonymous.
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he returned, he handed her a bottle containing a 90-day supply of diet pills. She blew up and threw him and all his belongings out of the house.
Now he’s looking for a place to live.
Can you help him? Come on guys, lend a hand here! You may find yourself in this same position someday.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
THE SECRET TO SUCCESS: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH INTELLIGENT PEOPLE
The Unconventional Gazette / May 19, 2013
When Barack Obama met with Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace, he asked her, "Yo … Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Harry in here, would you?"
Prince Harry walked into the room and said, "Yes, Grandmother?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Harry. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Harry answered, "That would be me, Grandmother."
"Yes Harry! Very good." said the Queen.
Obama returned to the White House and summoned Joe Biden to ask the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I haven’t the slightest idea," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Biden went to his advisers and asked everyone the same question, but none could give him an answer. Frustrated, Biden went to work out in the congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there. Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, you're a smart guy, see if you can answer this question."
"Shoot Joe."
“Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who the hell is it?"
Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!"
Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama. "Barry, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Paul Ryan!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Prince Harry!"
When Barack Obama met with Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace, he asked her, "Yo … Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Harry in here, would you?"
Prince Harry walked into the room and said, "Yes, Grandmother?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Harry. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Harry answered, "That would be me, Grandmother."
"Yes Harry! Very good." said the Queen.
Obama returned to the White House and summoned Joe Biden to ask the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I haven’t the slightest idea," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Biden went to his advisers and asked everyone the same question, but none could give him an answer. Frustrated, Biden went to work out in the congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there. Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, you're a smart guy, see if you can answer this question."
"Shoot Joe."
“Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who the hell is it?"
Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!"
Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama. "Barry, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Paul Ryan!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Prince Harry!"
SHE SCREAMED FOR OVER SIX HOURS
The Unconventional Gazette / May 19, 2013
The Italian man said, 'Last week my wife and I had great sex when I rubbed her body all over with olive oil and we made passionate love and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.'
The Frenchman boasted, 'Last week when my wife and had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter and made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes.'
The Jewish man said, , well last week my wife and I also had sex and I rubbed her body all over with Schmaltz (chicken fat) and we made love and she screamed for over six hours.
The other two were stunned and the amazed Frenchman asked, 'What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?'
The Jewish man said, 'I wiped my hands on the bedspread.'
The Italian man said, 'Last week my wife and I had great sex when I rubbed her body all over with olive oil and we made passionate love and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.'
The Frenchman boasted, 'Last week when my wife and had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter and made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes.'
The Jewish man said, , well last week my wife and I also had sex and I rubbed her body all over with Schmaltz (chicken fat) and we made love and she screamed for over six hours.
The other two were stunned and the amazed Frenchman asked, 'What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?'
The Jewish man said, 'I wiped my hands on the bedspread.'
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