One afternoon in early January, a Houston mounted police officer was on his horse waiting for a green light to cross the street when a little five-year-old girl on her shiny new bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $35 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a red reflector on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said: 'Next year tell Santa the prick goes underneath the horse, not on top!'
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
THE LOWDOWN ON DIAPERS FOR BABIES AND OLD PEOPLE
By Ima Schmuck
Rest Your Mind, I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while diapers for old people are called "Depends".
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'm, Hug'm and Pamper'm.
When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!
Rest Your Mind, I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while diapers for old people are called "Depends".
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'm, Hug'm and Pamper'm.
When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!
NO HAIRCUT BECAUSE EVEN JESUS HAD LONG HAIR
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut - then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
Dad replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
Dad replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
Saturday, April 12, 2014
EGYPTIAN COLUMNIST MUST HAVE SMOKED SOME POTENT HASHISH BEFORE DEMANDING THAT ISRAEL PAY RESTITUTION FOR THE BIBLICAL 10 PLAGUES
BarkGrowlBite | April 12, 2014
Egyptian columnist Ahmad Al-Gamal must have smoked a shitload of hash before making his absurd demand for Israel to compensate Egypt for the biblical 10 plagues.
EGYPT DEMANDS COMPENSATION FOR 10 PLAGUES
Israel Today | April 11, 2014
“We demand that the State of Israel pay compensation for the ten plagues that our forefathers in Egypt suffered thousands of years ago as a result of the curses of the Jewish forefathers.” So wrote prominent Egyptian columnist Ahmad Al-Gamal shortly before the Jewish Passover, causing a great stir.
“What is written in the Torah is that Pharaoh discriminated against the children of Israel. What have we to do with it? We therefore need not suffer!” exclaimed Al-Gamal, drawing a clear difference between the Egyptian kingdom of the Pharaohs and Islamic Egypt of today. Islam accepts the biblical narrative as historical evidence.
The columnist suggested that the government in Cairo press charges against Israel: “The Jews caused the land to be stricken with locusts and all agriculture destroyed, turned the Nile red with blood so that one could drink its waters, sent darkness, frogs and killed the firstborn.”
Al-Gamal continued: “During 40 years of wandering in the desert, the Children of Israel enjoyed our goods, which they stole before abandoning us.” He also recommended that Egypt bring charges against France, Great Britain and Turkey for those nations’ historical conquests of Egypt.
The Egyptian column was picked up by the Israeli press, especially religious news outlets, which readily acknowledged all that Al-Gamal wrote as historical fact. Some Israeli columnists retorted that Egypt need first compensate Israel for keeping the Jewish forefathers as slaves and for killing all male Jewish babies in the generation prior to the Exodus.
Egyptian columnist Ahmad Al-Gamal must have smoked a shitload of hash before making his absurd demand for Israel to compensate Egypt for the biblical 10 plagues.
EGYPT DEMANDS COMPENSATION FOR 10 PLAGUES
Israel Today | April 11, 2014
“We demand that the State of Israel pay compensation for the ten plagues that our forefathers in Egypt suffered thousands of years ago as a result of the curses of the Jewish forefathers.” So wrote prominent Egyptian columnist Ahmad Al-Gamal shortly before the Jewish Passover, causing a great stir.
“What is written in the Torah is that Pharaoh discriminated against the children of Israel. What have we to do with it? We therefore need not suffer!” exclaimed Al-Gamal, drawing a clear difference between the Egyptian kingdom of the Pharaohs and Islamic Egypt of today. Islam accepts the biblical narrative as historical evidence.
The columnist suggested that the government in Cairo press charges against Israel: “The Jews caused the land to be stricken with locusts and all agriculture destroyed, turned the Nile red with blood so that one could drink its waters, sent darkness, frogs and killed the firstborn.”
Al-Gamal continued: “During 40 years of wandering in the desert, the Children of Israel enjoyed our goods, which they stole before abandoning us.” He also recommended that Egypt bring charges against France, Great Britain and Turkey for those nations’ historical conquests of Egypt.
The Egyptian column was picked up by the Israeli press, especially religious news outlets, which readily acknowledged all that Al-Gamal wrote as historical fact. Some Israeli columnists retorted that Egypt need first compensate Israel for keeping the Jewish forefathers as slaves and for killing all male Jewish babies in the generation prior to the Exodus.
Friday, April 11, 2014
AND THE GIRL SLEPT THROUGH IT ALL
Fusillade of gunshots that wasted obstinate intruder failed to wake up sleeping beauty
by Bob Walsh | PACOVILLA Corrections blog | April 11, 2014
An interesting shooting went down four days ago in Winter Haven, Florida. It seems that Mitchell Large, 40, who has an extensive criminal history, attempted to break into the Pena house early Monday morning. He wasn’t real quiet about it and three of the residents, Luis F. Pena, his wife Bacenbina, and their son Luis, all went to see what was going on. They were all armed.
The family observed Large attempting to force entry through a patio door. They attempted to warn Large off and son Luis even fired a warning shot into the frame above the door. (Stupid, but understandable.) Large kept coming and all three of the residents opened fire. Large was very dead when the cops arrived. Too bad, so sad.
The daughter, Lilianna, slept through the whole ruckus.
by Bob Walsh | PACOVILLA Corrections blog | April 11, 2014
An interesting shooting went down four days ago in Winter Haven, Florida. It seems that Mitchell Large, 40, who has an extensive criminal history, attempted to break into the Pena house early Monday morning. He wasn’t real quiet about it and three of the residents, Luis F. Pena, his wife Bacenbina, and their son Luis, all went to see what was going on. They were all armed.
The family observed Large attempting to force entry through a patio door. They attempted to warn Large off and son Luis even fired a warning shot into the frame above the door. (Stupid, but understandable.) Large kept coming and all three of the residents opened fire. Large was very dead when the cops arrived. Too bad, so sad.
The daughter, Lilianna, slept through the whole ruckus.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
REVEREND FAT RAT FLIPPED BY FBI AFTER ATTEMPT TO BUY KILOS OF COCAINE
Al ‘Fat Rat’ Sharpton most likely turned mob snitch to avoid indictment on cocaine trafficking charges
BarkGrowlBite | April 10, 2014
Al Sharpton’s stint as an FBI informant in the mid-1980s shows what a four-flushing phony the charlatan is. He apparently turned snitch after being caught on camera trying to buy kilos of cocaine from an undercover FBI agent. And if, as former NYPD detective Bo Dietl claims, everyone knew that 'Fat Rat' – what the cops called Sharpton - was an FBI snitch, then the mob had to know it too, in which case the information he was able to furnish the bureau would seem to have been dubious at best.
BarkGrowlBite | April 10, 2014
Al Sharpton’s stint as an FBI informant in the mid-1980s shows what a four-flushing phony the charlatan is. He apparently turned snitch after being caught on camera trying to buy kilos of cocaine from an undercover FBI agent. And if, as former NYPD detective Bo Dietl claims, everyone knew that 'Fat Rat' – what the cops called Sharpton - was an FBI snitch, then the mob had to know it too, in which case the information he was able to furnish the bureau would seem to have been dubious at best.
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