Country singer, novelist, songwriter, politician and cigar aficionado Kinky Friedman, the Texas Jewboy, has been around forever
Kinky is either praised or condemned for many of his songs and quotes. Here is one of his latest quotes:
"The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount."
Kinky Friedman Here is one of Kinky's most popular songs ... Dedicated to the feminists
Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed
You uppity women I don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your maiden form for lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to adam, ¡°here's an apple you horse¡±
And delilah defoliated samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you can't love a male chauvinist
You'd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
And here is one of his songs that pissed off just about everyone:
They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore
Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin' Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear.
"They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City one
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God's only son."
I said, "Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that's not very nice,
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ."
"You know, you don't look Jewish," he said, "near as I could figger
I had you lamped for a slightly anemic, well-dressed country nigger."
No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
They don't turn the other cheek the way they done before.
He started in to shoutin' and a-spittin' on the floor,
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore."
He says, "I ain't a racist but Aristitle Onassis is one Greek we don't need
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus, all they ever do is breed.
And wops 'n micks 'n slopes 'n spics 'n spooks are on my list
And there's one little hebe from the heart of Texas — is there anyone I missed ? "
Well, I hits him with everything I had right square between the eyes.
I says, "I'm gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya, for spoutin' that pack of lies.
If there's one thing I can't abide, it's an ethnocentric racist;
Now you take back that thing you said 'bout Aristitle Onassis."
No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don't turn the other cheek the way we done before.
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
"Lord, they sho' ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"
All right!
No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before.
You hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore.
Everybody!
They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
They ain't makin' carpenters who know what nails are for.
Well, the whole damn place was singin' as I strolled right out the door
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"
No, we ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before.
Well, the whole damn place was singin' as I strolled right out the door
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"
Finally, here's a quote that pissed off many Texans, but it was true at the time he made it:
“We're
first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a
race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.”
The
quality of education in both Texas and Mississippi is piss poor, but
not to worry, all the other states are catching up to us real fast.
As for the Texas Jewboy, God, I love the guy. Long live Kinky!
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/komodo-dragon-1141468278-5f27073c0c96457e8638c5647cb6eec2.jpg)
