Saturday, April 30, 2016

11-YEAR-OLD ALABAMA BOY SHOOTS HOME INVADER

Chris Gaither said the burglar cried like a baby after he shot him in the leg

BarkGrowlBite | April 30, 2016

If you like stories with a happy ending here’s a really good one.

11-year-okd Chris Gaither was home alone in Talladega, Alabama on Wednesday morning when he heard a noise and discovered a burglar inside his home.

Chris grabbed his stepfather’s .9mm pistol and confronted the culprit who was taking off with a clothes hamper. The burglar threatened to kill him as he exited the house. Undaunted, Chris ran after the hamper thief and emptied the gun at him. With his 12th and final shot he hit the burglar in the leg as he was about to jump a fence. Chris said:

“I shot through the hamper he was carrying, it was a full-metal jacket bullet. It went straight through the back of his leg. He started crying like a little baby. When I pulled the gun out on him, I guess he didn't think it was a real gun, because he didn't worry about it he just kept on walking.”

Chris added, “I hope you learn your lesson coming to this house trying to steal stuff.”

The boy’s mother told the cops that the same man had burglarized their home before.

The Talladega police plan to file charges against the burglar when he is released from the hospital.

I am sure that the minute he gets out of jail, that dipshit will strike the Gaither home off of his ‘houses to be burglarized’ list.

STRICT CALIFORNIA GUN-CONTROL MEASURE CLOSE TO MAKING NOVEMBER BALLOT

One part of the initiative requires the confiscation of rifles with magazines that can carry more than 10 cartridges

By Bob Egelko | San Francisco Chronicle | April 28, 2016

Californians will vote in November on far-reaching new restrictions on firearms, including the nation’s first requirement of background checks for buyers of ammunition, Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom said Thursday.

Declaring a “historic opportunity to recapture our leadership nationwide on this issue,” Newsom said supporters will submit 600,000 signatures on petitions to qualify an initiative that would strengthen California’s gun-control laws, already some of the strictest in the nation. They need 365,880 signatures of registered voters to make the ballot.

Besides the checks for ammunition purchases — like those already in place for guns — the measure would ban possession of large-capacity rifle magazines, require gun owners to notify police when their weapons are lost or stolen, and enact rules for courts to confiscate guns from criminals who are prohibited from possessing them. Other provisions would reclassify possession of a stolen gun as a felony and require California to share its background check information with the FBI.

“We have a chance to vote on the most comprehensive and significant gun-safety measure in decades,” said Newsom, who is sponsoring the initiative while preparing to run for governor in 2018.

The last gun-control measure on the California ballot, a 1982 initiative that would have tightly limited the purchase of new handguns, was defeated by more than a 3-2 majority after an intense and well-funded opposition campaign by the National Rifle Association.

Asked about Newsom’s new initiative, NRA spokeswoman Amy Hunter said Thursday that none of the measure’s provisions would promote public safety.

“We will do everything in our power to put an end to this,” Hunter said. But she wouldn’t say whether the organization plans to spend large sums on the campaign.

“Newsom would like to see guns confiscated in California,” Hunter said.

Newsom called that assertion “fictional.”

One part of the initiative, however, would take away one type of firearm, rifles with magazines that can carry more than 10 cartridges, from people who now can legally possess them in most parts of the state. California bans the sale of such weapons but not their possession, though some cities, including San Francisco and Oakland, prohibit possession as well. Federal courts have upheld the local ordinances.

“I don’t know a legitimate hunter who needs a 15-round clip,” said Newsom, who noted that such weapons are often used in mass shootings.

He said the proposed background-check requirement for ammunition purchases was “potentially a game-changer in the gun-safety debate.”

Newsom said a convicted felon who had illegally obtained a gun now “could go down and purchase an unlimited amount of ammunition” from “anyone with a business license,” with no questions asked. He said the initiative would require dealers to be licensed, forbid sales of ammunition to those with histories of serious crimes or mental illness, and — as with guns — require all sales to be face-to-face.

The initiative has been endorsed by the California Democratic Party, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, and Mayors Ed Lee of San Francisco, Libby Schaaf of Oakland and Sam Liccardo of San Jose. Newsom said supporters had spent more than $3 million for signature-gathering and are prepared to raise whatever they need to win in November.

EDITOR’S NOTE: That’s why I call it Kookfornia. This measure will not keep criminals from possessing guns, it will not prevent mass murders and it will not make Kookfornians any safer. All it will do is make them feel good by giving them a false sense of security.

SHIPBOARD ROMANCE

James and Nancy met on a cruise ship.....

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart James was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, James had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. James became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, James took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, James said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "James, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," James replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Friday, April 29, 2016

PERILS OF USING A PORTA-POTTY

A spider bit an Australian man on his fucking cock while he was taking a crap

Dorina Lisson, my dear Aussie friend, sent me this report. Dorina noted in a previous BGB post that I could not remember my prom. She wrote, “I'm pretty sure you would remember very well if something bit you on your penis !!!”

For darling Dorina’s edification, I do seem to remember a few ladies nibbling my dick … or maybe that’s just a desperate attempt at memory recall. Shit, it’s a bitch to get old! The golden years can kiss my ass!!

As for that Aussie spider bite victim, redbacks must be a species of cocksucker spiders.

REDBACK BITES SYDNEY MAN’S PENIS IN PORTALOO

By Tyron Butson | The Daily Telegraph | April 27, 2016

SYDNEY, Australia -- A TRADIE has been taken to hospital after being bitten on the penis by a redback spider, while sitting on the toilet in Sydney’s south.

The man, known only as Jordan, was using a Portaloo on a building site on Civic Ave, Kogarah, when the spider bit him on his genitalia about 8.45am.

Paramedics were initially called to the scene, but a NSW Ambulance spokesman said the bitten man managed to make his own way to hospital for treatment.

“He’s somehow managed to get alternative transport to hospital,” he said.

St George Hospital confirmed a 21-year-old man arrived at the emergency department a short time later.

The injured man remains in a stable condition and is expected to be discharged later today.

EDITOR’S NOTE: In case you haven’t already figured it out, ‘tradie’ is Aussie slang for construction worker.

IT WASN’T THE TOOTH FAIRY, IT WAS THE CHEWING GUM

Jet Blue pilot blames high breathalyzer reading on gum he was chewing

A Jet Blue pilot is no longer a Jet Blue pilot because he flew a couple of flights while pickeled. When he blew two breathalyzer tests, he blamed the high reading on the gum he was chewing.

Nice try, but he might just as well have blamed it on the tooth fairy.

The former airline pilot checked himself into rehab and now works as a substitute school teacher earning $900 a month.

JET BLUE PILOT CHARGRD WITH DRUNKEN FLYING ON TRIP FROM FLORIDA TO JFK AIRPORT

By John Marzulli | New York Daily News | April 27, 2016

It was cocktails in the cockpit for a JetBlue pilot busted for flying under the influence of alcohol after taking a planeload of passengers from Florida to Kennedy Airport, authorities said Wednesday.

Dennis Murphy, Jr., was selected for a random alcohol test on April 21, 2015, after his flight No. 584 from Orlando touched down with 151 passengers on board.

Murphy blew a .11 for blood-alcohol content on a breath testing device, according to the criminal complaint filed in Brooklyn Federal Court.

The 44-year-old pilot from Ramsey, N.J., was administered a second test 15 minutes later and registered a .091 reading, which is not a crime. To face criminal charges under federal law, a commercial pilot has to have blood-alcohol content of 0.10% or higher.

A separate FAA regulation limits pilots’ blood alcohol content to .04.

“During the walk to the onsite testing office at JFK Airport, Murphy’s face was red and he was chewing gum rapidly,” according to the complaint.

After Murphy was informed of the damning test results, he claimed the reading was caused by the gum, the complaint states.

Oddly, he also asked the tester why he was being checked for alcohol and not drugs.

Earlier the same day, Murphy had piloted Flight 583 from JFK to Orlando with 119 passengers on board.

The co-pilot who flew with Murphy that day told the agent the he observed him “drinking an unknown beverage from a cup before and during” both flights, the complaint says.

Murphy, who has been flying for JetBlue since January 2015, was grounded from flying immediately after flunking the breath test. He resigned from JetBlue before he was scheduled to face a disciplinary meeting last May.

A spokeswoman for the Brooklyn U.S. attorney’s office declined to say why prosecutors waited one year to bust Murphy.

“These are very serious charges,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Matthew Haggans said in court, adding that Murphy faces a maximum of 15 years in prison if he’s convicted.

Murphy was released on a $50,000 bond.

Airline spokesman Morgan Johnston said in a statement: “JetBlue has a zero tolerance drug and alcohol policy.”

FAA regulations prohibit pilots from flying within eight hours of drinking alcohol or if they have a blood alcohol level of .04 to .09, but the feds do not require sanctions against the pilot. That decision is made by the airline, according to an FAA spokesman.

GIVE ME YOUR HEIGHT AND POSITION

A blonde was flying in a two-seater airplane with her boyfriend. Suddenly her boyfriend, the pilot, has a heart attack and dies. The blonde, frantic, grabs the mike and calls out a May Day.

“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!”

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: “This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.”

She then says, “I'm 5'4" and I support Hillary.”

“Huh? Hmm, now that changes everything,” says the voice on the radio. “Listen carefully and repeat after me: Our Father who art in heaven …..”

Thursday, April 28, 2016

DESPERATELY SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF THE CANDIDATE BARREL

Ted Cruz chooses Carly Fiorina as his running mate

BarkGrowlBite | April 28, 2016

Talk about scraping the bottom of the candidate barrel, Ted Cruz announced Wednesday that he has chosen Carly Fiorina to be his running mate.

After getting swamped by Trump in Tuesday’s primaries, the selection of Fiorina appears to be a last minute desperate move by Cruz to win over the crucial women’s vote.

Fiorina was a failed political candidate in California. She was a failed Republican candidate for President this primary go-around. Cruz has clearly scraped the bottom of the barrel. The only thing that can be said for Fiorina is that she is two or three times as smart as Sarah Palin, Senator McCain’s former running mate.

Palin didn’t work for John McCain and Fiorina won’t work for Ted Cruz, even though she is much smarter than Palin.

Now you can add ‘Desperate Ted’ to Lying Ted.

YOU KNOW THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS IN DEEP SHIT WHEN CHARLES KOCH OF THE KOCH BROTHERS SAYS HILLARY CLINTON COULD BE A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN DONALD TRUMP OR TED CRUZ

Charles Koch lambasts both Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, saying they’re both terrible role models and that he doesn’t know how he and his brother could support either one of them

BarkGrowlBite | April 28, 2016

The multibillionaire Koch Brothers, Charles and David, and their firm Koch Industries, have been longtime supporters of and donors to Republican political causes and candidates. Ah, but not in this election cycle. They are thoroughly disgusted with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. Charles Koch even went so far as to say that Hillary Clinton could be a better president than Trump or Cruz.

When ABC news correspondent Jonathan Karl asked Charles Koch whether Hillary would be a better president than another Republican this time around, he replied, “It’s possible.”

When Karl asked, “You couldn't see yourself supporting Hillary Clinton, could you?,” Koch replied, “Well, I -- that -- her -- we would have to believe her actions will be quite different than her rhetoric, let me put it that way.”

Here are some of the other things Koch said during the interview by Karl:

[On Trump’s proposal to put a temporary ban on all Muslims entering the United States] Well, obviously that's antithetical to our approach, but what was worse was this we'll have them all register. I mean, this isn't Nazi Germany. I mean, that's monstrous as I said at the time. So, obviously we totally oppose that.

[On Cruz’s proposal to defeat ISIS by making the sand glow and carpet bombing] Well, that's gotta be hyperbole, but I mean that a candidate, whether they believe it or not, would think that appeals to the American people. This is frightening.

[Why he probably won't back the GOP nominee] Well, I'll tell you why. We said here are the issues. You've got to be like Ronald Reagan and compete on making the country better rather than tearing down your opponents. And right off the bat, they didn't do it. More of these personal attacks and pitting one person against the other, that's the message you're sending the country. That's the way you should -- you're role models and you're terrible role models. So how -- I don't know how we could support him.

We read-- I read, oh, we've given millions to this one, millions to that one, and millions to oppose Trump. We've done none of that. We haven't put a penny in any of these campaigns, pro or con.


When Charles Koch says such things, you know the Republican Party is in deep shit. In my opinion, Trump and Cruz have destroyed the Republican Party and it will take years for the GOP to recover, that is if it ever does.

SEXUAL EMERGENCY GETS IRAQI ASYLUM SEEKER AT LEAST 10 YEARS IN AUSTRIAN PRISON

Married migrant who raped a ten-year-old boy at a swimming pool because he had not had sex for four months and it was 'a sexual emergency' pleads guilty in Austrian court

By Corey Charlton | Daily Mail | April 27, 2016

An Iraqi asylum seeker has admitted to raping a 10-year-old boy at a public swimming pool because he was having a 'sexual emergency' after being separated from his wife for four months.

The 20-year-old, who has a child of his own, reportedly grabbed the youngster and dragged him into a changing cabin before assaulting him at the pools in Vienna.

Afterwards, the man identified only by his first name and initial, Amir A, had carried on with his swim and was practising on the diving board as if nothing had happened when police arrived.

The badly injured youngster however had raised the alarm with a lifeguard, who had in turn called the police and the boy's mother.

After he was arrested, he initially claimed that the teenager who had been acting as a translator for him had encouraged him to have sex with the boy and had told him it was okay.

He also claimed not to know how old his victim really was, Kurier reported.

He reportedly faces 10 years in jail, but the court case was adjourned after it was revealed that the schoolboy was suffering serious psychological problems.

The psychiatric report is now being prepared, and if the serious psychological consequences are confirmed, then the possible jail sentence could be increased to 15 years on a charge of aggravated GBH.

During the court hearing the man said that he still wanted to bring his young wife and child to Austria, even though he was now facing jail and his asylum application had not been granted.

Asked why he had come to Vienna, he admitted it was because he wanted to improve his economic situation.

When the case reopens after the reports have been prepared, it will take place behind closed doors after a request from both the prosecution and the defence.

Prosecutors said they wanted to spare details being revealed that might embarrass the victim, while the defence said they wanted to avoid a public debate over their client’s sexual orientation.

Since his arrest, Amir A. has been held in solitary confinement and under tight security in Vienna’s Josefstadt jail, so as to protect him from other prisoners.

Local media have also reported police looked into his asylum claim and discovered he was the son of a wealthy businessman who had come to Europe because he had heard there was a better life in Sweden.

However, he was unable to get any further than Munich, and after deciding that the conditions in Austria were better, he returned and applied for asylum once he arrived in Vienna.

The court heard his father had booked him a flight from Baghdad to Istanbul, and he had then boarded a ship from Turkey to Greece.

Upon arriving, he had taken a taxi to a refugee centre and then followed the masses heading northwards into Europe.

He said that on the entire journey to Austria he had not been stopped or checked once, even on the Austrian Hungarian border.

He told the court: 'I wanted to build a future for my family. I decided for one week to the next that I would go.

EDITOR’S NOTE: He should have stuck to fucking goats.

SEX-STARVED OHIO MOM FACING UP TO 3.5 YEARS IN PRISON

Mother, 47, pleads guilty to sending nude photos and videos to her daughter's 14-year-old ex-boyfriend and asking him to have sex with her

By Ollie Gillman | Daily Mail | April 27, 2016

A mother has pleaded guilty to sending nude photos and videos of herself to her daughter's 14-year-old ex-boyfriend.

Dodi Wade, 47, admitted sending the lewd messages to the boy's cellphone and asking him to reply with naked pictures of himself.

She also asked the teenager to have sex with her several times during the explicit text message conversations.

Wade, from Akron, Ohio, sent the graphic videos to the boy between November 22 and December 25 last year.

The teenager's mother trawled through the boy's old phone on January 5 and found the sexually explicit messages and videos.

She reported the texts and footage to the police and gave the cell phone to investigators.

Wade was arrested in January and yesterday pleaded guilty to four counts of disseminating matter harmful to juveniles and one count of importuning, Cleveland.com reported.

She will be sentenced on May 31 and could face up to three-and-a-half years in prison.

Wade will have to register as Tier I sex offender, which means she will have to annually report her address to a county sheriff for the next 15 years.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I wonder if the little fart got to diddle Dodi’s daughter?

AMERICA IS SO FUCKED IT CAN’T EVEN NAME A SCHOOL WITHOUT AN ONLINE FIRESTORM

After the Austin, Texas school board wanted to rename the Robert E. Lee Elementary school, 45 people wanted to name the school after Donald Trump, 34 wanted to keep the original name, and eight wanted to call it the "Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance"

By Harry Cheadle | VICE News | April 26, 2016

I think about the ancient Romans sometimes. I wonder when they knew they were fucked. I picture some togaed stereotype waking up in his marbled villa, looking out at the Roman road, the Colosseum squatting in the distance, thinking about the evening's party, whether it will become a wine-lubricated orgy or just sort of peter out into a long political argument over roasted boar. Did our imaginary Roman feel, as he took his customary morning piss into a pot, that things were in decline, that time and fate would grind everything that he sees into dust, and did he think that maybe that was all right because all of it—the bread, the circuses, the intricately decorated vases that, come to think of it, seem rather derivative of last season's intricately decorated vases—was sort of crappy? That maybe Rome had had some good ideas back in the day (the aqueduct, for instance) but now most Romans just sort of lay around arguing about Greek plays or watching slaves from far-off locales getting devoured by lions, and what was the point of it all?

Maybe you feel like that Roman sometimes. Not the bit about the piss-pot, but the sense that things are wrong and can't be fixed, not really, without the aid of some barbarians at the gate. I know I felt like that when I read about Austin's Robert E. Lee Elementary school.

So here's the deal: A school board in Austin decided that it was not a great idea that a place where children gathered was named after a general who fought his own country's military to defend the right to own slaves. This sort of renaming is called "political correctness" and many people are against it, for whatever reason. Anyway, the school board asked for recommendations on a new name, at which point the whole thing just sort of went to hell. Forty-five people wanted to name the school after Donald Trump. Thirty-four wanted to keep the original name. Eight were in favor of calling it the "Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance," "Barack Hussein Obama Elementary School" got three votes, and single-vote suggestions included "Bee Movie," "Bleeding Heart Liberal," "Ayn Rand Elementary," "Boaty McBoatface Elementary," "Schoolie McSchoolface," "Schooly McSchoolerson," "Dwayne Johnson Elementary," "Flava-Flave Elementary," "IGNORANCE IS BLISS ELEMENTARY," "Politically Correct Elementary #1," "Adam Lanza's School of Fun," "Keep Austin Weird," and the list goes on.

The board is going to ignore all of this, of course—they can call it whatever they want, and they'll probably pick a good, middle-of-the-road name because naming a school is not all that difficult. Just call it Abraham Lincoln Elementary, or if there's already an Abraham Lincoln school in town, go with George Washington, Ben Franklin, Frederick Douglas, Dwight Eisenhower, Harriet Tubman, or some shit like that. Or just number the schools to strip them of all potential controversy. But it's 2016, so everything has to be a goddamn argument, complete with contentious community meetings and, according to the local NBC affiliate, increased security at the school. Because of course it's always possible that someone will be so incensed over a school name that they will harm children.

Then of course there's the internet, which turns every local happening of note into sharable content. The short news stories from Austin outlets spawned derivatives with optimized-but-also-wrong-in-some-way headlines ranging from "YUGE backfire? Effort to rename Robert E. Lee Elementary going awry" to "Texans vote to rename Robert E. Lee Elementary after Donald Trump, Hitler and Adam Lanza" to "After School Drops 'Robert E. Lee' Nickname, Voters Pick 'Donald J. Trump' Instead" to "Boaty McBoatface, meet Donald J. Trump, er, or Adolf Hitler Elementary School."

My question is, doesn't this sort of thing wear us all down after a while? The pointless online bickering, the aggregation, the noise that greets us every time we glance at our news feeds. Is there any empty text box that isn't taken as an invitation to spew hate and lame jokes? Is there any debate that is resolved quietly and privately, without the participation of literally every single person in the entire world? Can we just stop broadcasting our every thought about every subject and shut the fuck up for a single second? No?

EDITOR’S NOTE: When it comes to Austin, the Berkeley of Texas, the "Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance" works for me.

The school board in Houston has gone hog wild in erasing any vestige of the Confederacy. Board member Yolanda Jones says:

I stand with the majority of HISD Trustees who voted to re-name all schools in the district tied to the Confederate legacy. ….. As an African American, I’m just as offended by the people these schools are named after as the Confederate flag itself. Moving forward, I would stand up and vote to change the names of these schools again and again because it is the moral and just thing to do.

Jones also says that those who oppose the name changes “expose the ugly racial divide that exists in our country and our community.”

Thus a small minority – African-Americans – are revising American history and, according to Jones, any one opposed is an ugly racist.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

POLITICALLY CORRECT RUSH TO OBLIVION

President Andrew Jackson will disappear from our currency in 2020 rather than in 2030

BarkGrowlBite | April 27, 2016

When it was first announced that President Andrew Jackson would be replaced by a woman on the face of the $20 bill, it was revealed that the new bills would not go into circulation until 2030.

Now it turns out that the new $20 bill featuring Harriet Tubman on its face, the new $10 bill featuring Lucretia Mott, Sojourner Truth, Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Alice Paul on its back, and the new $5 bill featuring Marian Anderson, Eleanor Roosevelt and Martin Luther King Jr. on its back will go into circulation in 2020 rather than in 2030.

While the engraving for all three bills may not be completed four years from now, you can bet the new Twenty with Harriet Tubman will be ready by then in time for the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote. Never mind that slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman had absolutely nothing to do with the women's suffrage movement.

Andrew Jackson has long been the target of the political correct crowd because he ran the Indians off their lands and because he was a slave owner. If owning slaves is grounds for wiping presidents off of our currency then take a look at this: George Washington owned 317 slaves, while Thomas Jefferson and Andrew Jackson each owned 200 slaves.

If slave ownership is a reason to wipe presidents off of the face of our currency, then why leave Washington on the $1 bill and Jefferson on the $2 bill?

Initially, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew wanted to replace Alexander Hamilton with a woman on the $10 bill. Ironically, Hamilton never owned any slaves. He did however marry Elizabeth Schuyler, the member of a prominent New York slaveholding family. I suppose that made him guilty by association. But I think his real reason to get rid of Hamilton was that there are more $10 bills in circulation than Twenties.

In order to justify the changes to our currency, Lew said, “America’s currency makes a statement about who we are and what we stand for as a nation.”

Now I never knew that. I always thought our currency honored prominent Americans like our first president, our first Treasury Secretary (Hamilton) and a great scientist, inventor and statesman (Benjamin Franklin), and not a depiction of who we are and what we stand for as a nation.

It appears to me as though Lew is rushing Andrew Jackson to oblivion because by having the new Harriet Tubman $20 bill ready for circulation in four years instead of 14 years, it reduces the chances for Congress to reverse this politically correct nonsense.

MARINE INFAMOUS FOR URINATING ON TALIBAN CORPSES HELPS FOIL GIRLFRIEND’S ALLEGED HIT-MAN PLOT

By Travis M. Andrews | The Washington Post | April 25, 2016

In 2012, a Marine Corps staff sergeant was court-martialed for being among a group of snipers who urinated on the fresh corpses of Taliban soldiers. In 2016, police in Tennessee say he saved a three-year-old from being fatherless.

What might seem like the redemption plot from a Hollywood drama is the story of Joseph Chamblin, the former Marine who worked with the Tennessee police to foil an alleged attempted murder.

The story is complicated. It involves an attractive young woman trying to get custody of her son, her alleged search for a hit man and a staged death.

Chamblin's career had been going well in 2011, the Military Times reported. He was chosen by the leaders of 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marines to be the scout sniper platoon commander in Afghanistan. The next January, it seemed likely he would be promoted to gunnery sergeant. Then, a video surfaced. In it, he and three other scout snipers stand over corpses of Taliban soldiers, and they're urinating on the bodies.

The footage sparked outrage around the world. The Atlantic suggested that "The Afghan video is of particular concern because it has the possibility of becoming one of the dominant images of the war."

"This act by American soldiers is simply inhuman and condemnable in the strongest possible terms," former Afghan president Hamid Karzai told the New York Times.

In an interview with WSOC, Chamblin said he did it as a means of psychological warfare, implying that they defiled the carcasses so the soldiers wouldn't reap any rewards of the afterlife.

"Because of their cultural belief that if an infidel touches the bodies, they're not going to Mecca or going to paradise," Chamblin said. "So now these insurgents see what happens when they mess with us."

When asked if he would do it again, he didn't pause.

"Yep."

The Marine Corps said Chamblin pleaded guilty to wrongful desecration, failure to properly supervise junior Marines and posing for photos with battlefield casualties. Lt. Gen. Richard Mills, who oversaw the Chamblin case, agreed before the court-martial to limit his punishment to the loss of $500 in pay and reduction in rank by one grade.

Seven other Marines faced similar ramifications. According to the blog of Sharyl Attkisson, former CBS and CNN correspondent and author of the bestselling "Stonewalled," former Staff Sgt. Edward Deptola pleaded guilty of taking photos of the desecration and was reduced in rank. Former Sgt. Derek Mages pleaded guilty to urinating on human remains and received a less than honorable discharge. Capt. James Clement, who was manning the radio thus not present for the video recording, received an honorable discharge. Former Cpl. Matthew Bostrom was reduced in rank. Former Sgt. Jacob Pope pled guilty to urinating on human remains and received a letter of reprimand. Several days after the video was recorded, he lost his leg, which allowed him to medically retire.

One, former Sgt. Robert Richards, pleaded guilty and was demoted to corporal before being granted a medical retirement with an honorable discharge. In 2014, he was found dead in his house in Jacksonville, N.C., the New York Times reported. He was 28. The cause of death was an accidental overdose on Opana, which caused oxymorphone toxicity, the Marine Corps Times reported. After being court-martialed, Chamblin left the Marines and co-authored a book titled "Into Infamy: A Marine Sniper's War" with fellow former Marine Milo Afong about both his experience in the war and with the video.

Following the media firestorms over the video and his book, meeting Laura Buckingham must have felt like a fresh start, a breath of air. Buckingham was attractive, educated and ran her own bakery. Her customers and her town loved her. After all, she was something of a local celebrity in New Albany, Ind. -- just last fall, she was on the cover of Southern Indiana Living with her son. She was also a veteran who could understand Chamblin's experiences. The two fell for each other, and soon Buckingham was pregnant again.

Chamblin must have felt like a fresh start for Buckingham, too. In July 2013, she had finally opened bakery named Bread and Breakfast in downtown New Albany, after years of selling baked goods at farmers' markets and from roadside stands. Six hundred people attended the grand opening, and she wrote on the bakery's Facebook page, "The bread has been flying directly out of the oven, our gluten free crowd is expanding and the word is out about our bacon cinnamon rolls. We have a dream team here at the bakery."

But that same month, she ended her relationship with Bradley Sutherland, her son's father, the Military Times reported. It had been a rocky relationship, and a rocky time in Buckingham's life. She allegedly hit Sutherland, giving him a black eye. The two became engaged anyway.

Much like her bakery, Chamblin felt like a calm patch on a rough sea. Even Sutherland, then removed from the relationship, liked him.

"She told me, 'I've been dating this guy for a little while now and I want to introduce him to [our son],'" Sutherland told the Daily Beast. "From the get-go, I liked him . . . I trusted him."

So, with them together, she focused on her work and shared custody of her son.

After returning from her second tour in Iraq in 2008 -- earning a Good Conduct Medal and an Iraq Campaign Medal -- kneading dough became an outlet, a relief. She baked it for family members while working on her second degree, this one in anthropology, from the University of Louisville. When she became pregnant with her son, she baked even more.

"When I was pregnant with my son I had an insane nesting instinct," she told the Courier-Journal. "I was baking, cooking and cleaning every minute. It never went away. I have obsessively baked ever since."

Then, when preparing to move her bakery into a bigger space, she vanished. "When she closed the doors, she didn't tell her employees," Brittany Enoch, the owner of Classic Cuts barber shop, a neighboring business, told WLKY. "They just heard from a text message, and she was gone."

She had gone off to Tennessee with Chamblin, leaving everything at home, including her three-year-old son, the Daily Beast reported. While she still made weekly trips to see the boy, she was scared of losing custody. The trips, which took hours each way, were wearing on her anyhow, the Military Times reported.

While she wasn't baking fresh loaves of bread, she was busy -- busy allegedly trying to find someone to murder Sutherland.

The first person she allegedly turned to was Chamblin.

At first, when she allegedly asked him at the beginning of the year to make Sutherland "go away," Chamblin thought she was kidding. A dark joke, no doubt, but a joke nonetheless. Slowly, though, her requests allegedly grew more detailed as she wondered aloud about the specifics -- Where would it happen? How could Sutherland be killed? -- and he began secretly recording their conversations, the Military Times reported.

Asking Chamblin might have seemed sensible, given his background in the military. In fact, Roane County Deputy Sheriff Tim Phillips told the Daily Beast, "She knew he'd been in the military in the past, that he was a Marine Corps sniper, and she felt that maybe he had friends that he had served with and would make [Sutherland] disappear."

Chamblin brought those recordings to the Louisville police, who had a plan in mind.

Days later, Buckingham sat with a stranger and allegedly haggled over the price of murdering her ex-boyfriend.

"I want him gone," she said, according to the Daily Beast, quoting the tapes. "I want him out of the picture."

Was she sure? Yes. Did she want it look like an accident, because that's going to cost a little more? Yes. Was she sure she was sure? Yes, she allegedly said.

Her alleged mistake was a grave one -- the man she spoke with wasn't a hit man, but an undercover agent with the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. The police immediately contacted Sutherland.

"When they brought me down to the police station and told me about this, the first thing I said is, "I'm being punked,'" Sutherland told the Daily Beast.

Beyond the simple fact that his wife wanted to kill him, what she was willing to pay stuck a nerve. (Most outlets report that price at $3,000, though the Courier-Journal reports it as $30,000.)

"My life's only worth $3,000?" he told the Daily Beast in an interview. "It's like a (expletive) used car lot. Like bring us your tax check and we'll get you a car -- only this is more like bring us your tax check, and we'll assassinate your ex-fiancee."

But that isn't what hurt the most.

The police decided to stage Sutherland's death, fooling Buckingham into thinking the plan had gone off without a hitch, so she would pay the remainder of the fee.

"When the guy went to show the photos of my dead body -- my son's right there," Sutherland said. "The fact that she would let a hired killer into the house while my son is there hurts me more than taking an attempt on my life."

On Feb. 24, Buckingham was arrested and brought to jail in Roane County, Tenn., which is about 40 miles west of Knoxville. She was charged with criminal intent to commit first-degree murder, and her bail was set at $150,000, according to a press release from the sheriff's office and the local prosecutor.

Sutherland claims his ex-girlfriend and alleged would-be killer suffered from PTSD, from her time in the battlefield. He said one time he received a call from Buckingham's mother, Debra, who told him that Buckingham had destroyed the apartment, "and there was a shotgun and chairs everywhere," according to the Daily Beast. He also told Military Times that she was "dealing with some demons" after her time in the Marines.

Because of Chamblin's actions, his former girlfriend, Laura Buckingham, is due in court for a preliminary hearing on May 2.

Her son remains in New Albany with Sutherland.

"I would like her to be in jail for a while for my personal comfort," Sutherland said. "I haven't slept much."

EDITOR’S NOTE: Looks like Sutherland, the intended victim, is trying to get Buckingham off by claiming she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

As for pissing on the Taliban corpses, Chamblin’s biggest mistake was letting the incident be videotaped. During WW2, Japanese corpses were often defiled by pissed off GIs. Those incidents were just not recorded and no one was punished for it.

As for this story, it seems like a great plot for a Hollywood or TV movie.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

DAILY MAIL COMMENT: PRESIDENT OBAMA IS LAST MAN WE SHOULD HEED

Obama displayed contempt for British voters and left little doubt that he sees the special relationship with Britain as a one-way street

Daily Mail | April 23, 2016

The tone was patronising, the language menacing – and the message not only hypocritical but, frankly, insulting.

Certainly, Barack Obama has every right to say he thinks it’s in America’s best interests for Britain to remain in the EU, if that is what he believes.

But he has no business to come here and preach that submission to Brussels is good for the people of the UK.

By arguing that a Britain outside the EU would be at the ‘back of the queue’ for a trade deal, to Number 10’s delight, Mr Obama displayed contempt for voters and left little doubt that he sees the special relationship as a one-way street.

Has he forgotten he leads a nation founded to proclaim independence from overseas control, whose citizens died for the right to make their own laws?

Will he not admit that the US wouldn’t agree in a million years to join a body like the EU, putting the Supreme Court in Washington under the thumb of foreign judges? Or that freedom-loving America wouldn’t tolerate for a second the statist edicts spewing daily from Brussels?

Why, then, does he abuse the UK’s hospitality by urging Britons to remain in a relationship his own people would never countenance?

Mr Obama’s grasp of history is shaky, too, if he believes the EU can take credit for seven decades of relative peace.

Yes, a new spirit of friendship between European nations sprang up after 1945. But this had far more to do with memories of the horrors of two world wars than with any Brussels institution.

No, the true peacekeeper has surely been Nato, whose shield protected the continent from the Soviet Union’s might during the Cold War – while our intelligence-sharing arrangements, on which our security from terrorism depend, have nothing to do with the EU.

Which brings us to Mr Obama’s own sorry record as Commander-in-Chief and architect of America’s foreign policy.

This is the man who made way for the rise of IS by his reckless withdrawal from Iraq. He has failed even to honour his pledge to close Guantanamo Bay. And his chief foreign policy ‘success’ has been a deal with terrorist-sponsoring Iran.

In the spirit of ‘friends who have no fear of each other’, to borrow his words, aren’t we entitled to ask why Britain should take advice from this President on how to conduct our own affairs?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Just another Obama foreign policy blunder. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the leaders of nations allied with the U.S. talk about our president behind his back.

TOWN POLICE FORCE QUITS

By Bob Walsh

Ok, I grant you, the police force of the teeming metropolis of Green Mountain Falls, Colorado, consists of one appointed Marshall and three part-time volunteer officers, but still it is worthy of note.

They resigned immediately before the new mayor, Jane Newberry, was sworn in. The resignations allegedly were caused by policy differences with the incoming mayor. The mayor denies that allegation.

The town of 700 will, however, not be totally unprotected. Both the El Paso County and Teller County S O will provide police services until a new town Marshall can be appointed.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This tiny town reminds me of Cabazon, California which in the 1960’s consisted of a poker palace and several dozen residents. It had two cops, a chief and a sergeant.

On one occasion, the two were at the scene of a homicide in one of the homes. Not only were the chief and the sergeant standing over the corpse, but just about everyone who lived in Cabazon was there beside them. Suddenly the chief gets a call of a drunk at the poker palace. He and the sergeant rushed out of the house to answer the drunk call, leaving the town’s residents at the now contaminated crime scene gawking at the body.

On another occasion, I was passing through a ticket-taking entrance of the Los Angeles Coliseum. I had gone there for a championship boxing match. I noticed somewhat of a disturbance over by a nearby ticket-taker. It was the Cabazon police chief with his khaki uniform and four stars on each epaulette, trying to con his way in free. I watched for a while, laughing out loud, as were a bunch of other people. I don’t know whether he was finally able to mooch his way in or not, but I sort of doubt it because the ticket-taker was not the least bit impressed by the uniform, police badge and glittering stars.

So when a one or two-man police force quits, it's probably no consequential loss!

WOMAN STRIPS NAKED ON DOWNTOWN L.A. STREET AFTER MULTI-COUNTY POLICE PURSUIT

By Tracy Bloom and Erin Myers | KTLA 5 | April 23, 2016

A female driver accused of leading police and CHP officers on a wild pursuit through Los Angeles and Ventura counties Friday night was arrested after stripping off her clothes when the chase ended, authorities said.

The incident began about 10:30 p.m. in the 1300 block of Loma Vista Avenue in Pasadena when authorities received an assault with a deadly weapon call, according to Lt. Vasken Gourdikan of the Pasadena Police Department.

“She also vandalized some property at the residence,” he told reporters at a Saturday morning news conference. "Apparently, she perhaps rammed a few of the cars that were parked on the property and broke her parent's house window with a brick."

Officers arrived at the location and found that a woman in a verbal altercation with her parents had allegedly attempted to run over at least one of them, according to Gourdikan. She missed, and neither parent was injured.

The woman briefly fled the scene in the family's SUV before returning to the home. She was spotted by Pasadena police officers, who initiated the pursuit, according to Gourdikan.

The female driver entered the freeway on the westbound 134 Freeway at the 101 interchange, at which time police called off the pursuit, he said.

Gourdikan added they decided to stop the chase "due to the fact that we knew who we were pursing, we had a named suspect."

Her vehicle was later spotted on the 101 Freeway by a California Highway Patrol officer, who began pursuing her.

The chase went down the 101 and into Ventura County. After heading through Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley, she made her way back to L.A. County.

The driver eventually stopped her vehicle in downtown L.A. in the area of Third and Main streets, where she tried to get into a bar, according to Gourdikan.

The Los Angeles Police Department was called in to assist.

LAPD officers responded to the 100 block of Third Street and detained the driver. By that point, she had removed her clothing, according to LAPD Lt. Lozano.

Video from the scene showed the naked woman, with her clothes apparently on the sidewalk. She was barefoot.

The driver was then taken into custody by Pasadena police, Lozano said.

She was later identified by Gourdikan as 32-year-old Simone Gonzalez, a resident of Pasadena.

Gonzalez was arrested on a number of felony charges including assault with a deadly weapon, evading and reckless driving, he said. Police Lt. Jesse Carrillo later said the suspect was also
facing a vandalism charge.

Gonzalez was booked by Pasadena police just before 3:30 a.m. Saturday. Her bail was set at $75,000 bail, L.A. County inmate records.

No injuries were reported.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This reminds me of a call I received in the middle of the night of a naked woman in the esplanade on Broadway when I was a Galveston police officer around 1950. I never realized there were so many police in the Galveston area. Every Galveston police car showed up. Every sheriff’s unit showed up. Two DPS troopers and a county constable arrived. And a Texas City police unit showed up from about 20 miles away. Several units arrived with emergency lights on and siren blaring. A Galveston fire truck showed up with every firefighter on duty that night hanging on.

Someone joked that if we gave them enough time, a couple of Houston police units would probably arrive from some 50 miles away.

The best part was that we never found any naked woman.

Monday, April 25, 2016

RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA USE ADDLES THE BRAINS OF YOUNG ADULTS

A Harvard and Northwestern study showed that recreational pot use is harmful to young adults, contrary to what its defenders assert

As I was returning from the supermarket Sunday, I heard a Methodist Hospital commercial on the car radio which warned that the recreational use of marijuana was harmful to the brains of young adults. It mentioned a study by Harvard and Northwestern universities.

When I got home, I googled up a report on this study from a 2014 issue of Time which stated that 18 to 25-year-olds who smoke marijuana - even just recreationally - had marked abnormalities in areas of their brains that regulate emotion and motivation.

Before that study we heard only that heavy use of pot by young teens arrests the development of their brains. This study involved young adults, not teems, and showed that even light use of marijuana is harmful to their brains.

I’ve always maintained that marijuana addles the user’s brain. That Harvard and Northwestern study pretty well refutes the assertion by marijuana’s defenders that pot is a harmless substance. By considering that study alone, any reasonably minded person would have to agree that legalizing marijuana is a big mistake.

Here is that Time report:

RECREATIONAL POT USE HARMFUL TO YOUNG PEOPLE’S BRAINS
A new study from medical researchers at Harvard and Northwestern shows that 18- to 25-year-olds who smoke marijuana—even just recreationally!—had marked abnormalities in areas of their brains that regulate emotion and motivation


By Randye Hoder | Time | April 15, 2014

For those young people — and their parents — who think that smoking pot in moderation isn’t harmful, it’s time to think again.

A study released this week by researchers from Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and Harvard Medical School has found that 18- to 25-year-olds who smoke marijuana only recreationally showed significant abnormalities in the brain.

“There is this general perspective out there that using marijuana recreationally is not a problem — that it is a safe drug,” says Anne Blood, an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School and the co-senior author of the study, which is being published in the Journal of Neuroscience. “We are seeing that this is not the case.”

The scientists say theirs is the first study to examine the relationship between casual use of marijuana in young people and pot’s effects on two parts of the brain that regulate emotion and motivation. As such, it is sure to challenge many people’s assumptions that smoking a joint or two on the weekends is no big deal.

It has certainly challenged mine. In a piece earlier this year, based on other research from Northwestern on the effects of heavy marijuana use, I suggested that young people should hold off on smoking pot as long as possible because their brains are still developing and the earlier the drug is taken up, the worse the effects. That remains good advice. Yet the truth is, I’ve not only been telling my own 16-year-old son to hold off, I’ve also been counseling him that should he ever decide to use pot, he should do so with temperance.

This “everything in moderation” mantra has always struck me as more realistic than preaching total abstinence. Baked into my message, meanwhile, has been the implicit belief that smoking a little weed on the weekends is no worse than having a few beers — a notion that many Americans apparently share.

A nationwide NBC/Wall Street Journal poll conducted last month found that only 8% of adults think that marijuana is the most harmful substance to a person’s overall health when lined up against tobacco, alcohol and sugar. In contrast, 49% of those surveyed rated tobacco as the most harmful on the list, while 24% mentioned alcohol. Notably, even sugar — at 15% — was considered more harmful than pot.

The new Northwestern-Harvard study punches a hole in this conventional wisdom. Through three different methods of neuroimaging analysis, the scientists examined the brains of 40 young adult students from Boston-area colleges: 20 who smoked marijuana casually — four times a week on average — and 20 who didn’t use pot at all.

Each group consisted of nine males and 11 females. The pot users underwent a psychiatric interview to confirm that they were not heavy or dependent marijuana users.

“We looked specifically at people who have no adverse impacts from marijuana — no problems with work, school, the law, relationships, no addiction issues,” says Hans Breiter, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Feinberg School and co–senior author of the study.

The scientists examined two key parts of the brain — the nucleus accumbens and the amygdala, which together help control whether people judge things to be rewarding or aversive and, in turn, whether they experience pleasure or pain from them. It is the development of these regions of the brain, Breiter says, that allows young people to expand their horizons, helping them appreciate and enjoy new foods, music, books and relationships.

“This is a part of the brain that you absolutely never ever want to touch,” Breiter asserts. “I don’t want to say that these are magical parts of the brain — they are all important. But these are fundamental in terms of what people find pleasurable in the world and assessing that against the bad things.”

Breiter and his colleagues found that among all 20 casual marijuana smokers in their study — even the seven who smoked just one joint per week — the nucleus accumbens and amygdala showed changes in density, volume and shape. The scientists also discovered that the more pot the young people smoked, the greater the abnormalities.

The researchers acknowledge that their sample size was small and their study preliminary. More work, they say, needs to be done to understand the relationship between the changes to the brain they found and their impact on the day-to-day lives of young people who smoke marijuana casually.

“The next important step is to investigate how structural abnormalities relate to functional outcomes,” says Jodi Gilman, an instructor at Harvard Medical School who collaborated on the study.

This is especially important, she and her colleagues add, in light of the growing push to legalize recreational marijuana use across America. “People think a little marijuana shouldn’t cause a problem if someone is doing O.K. with work or school,” Breiter says. “Our data directly says this is not so.”

MILWAUKEE TEACHER’S AIDE CHARGED WITH PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD

Jasmine Pennix was filmed violently shoving a student and wrapping his hands around the 14-year-old's neck while calling him a 'nigger' and 'little motherfucker'

By Jessica Chia | Daily Mail | April 23, 2016

A teacher's aide in Milwaukee was charged with the physical abuse of a child after he was captured on camera attacking a high school student while calling him a 'nigger' and 'little motherfucker'.

Jasmine Pennix, 39, was fired from Bay View High School in Wisconsin, where several boys were 'ripping on each other' in biology class on Wednesday morning, according to a criminal complaint.

Pennix got into an argument with a 14-year-old boy, and now faces up to six years in jail along with a $10,000 fine if he is found guilty.

A number of students were 'ripping on each other' in biology class when one 14-year-old told the teachers aide to 'shut the fuck up', according to court documents cited by the Journal Sentinel.

Pennix pulled the back of the boy's chair, causing him to fall on the floor before he put him in a headlock, the documents stated.

They separated, but when the student egged Pennix on a second time, saying 'come on, do something', the teacher obliged.

In the unsettling 18-second video, Pennix can be seen violently shoving the high school student onto the desks in the classroom.

The boy eventually falls to the ground with Pennix's hands around his neck, as the teacher's aide can be heard calling the student a 'nigger' and asking: 'The fuck I tell you, little motherfucker?'

Tony Tagliavia, a spokesperson for Milwaukee Public Schools, said Pennix was fired after administrators found out about the 'deeply disturbing' incident.

The 39-year-old, who has had a clean record, was arrested the next day and held in Milwaukee County Jail on $2,5000 bail. His next hearing is on May 10.

The boy was treated at this hospital for minor injuries to his neck, hips and back, according to the criminal complaint.

One parent James Sinkey told CBS58: 'He should have just marched out right away. There's no need for actions like that, it's just too much.'

Democratic state senator Lena Taylor also issued a statement condemning Pennix's response. She said: 'I believe violence is a major educational barrier for our kids.

'We need to create schools and communities free of violence so that our kids can focus on learning, not looking over their shoulders.

'Until that day comes, we must ensure that our kids have access to school therapists who they can talk to about any trauma they experienced. Additionally, we must ensure workers have special training to address conflict.'

EDITOR’S NOTE: Shit, how times have changed. Back when I was in high school, this guy would have gotten a commendation instead of getting fired and charged with a crime. But with the first name of ‘Jasmine’ he probably would not have been hired in the first place.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

ANOTHER REMARKABLE EARLY PRISON RELEASE STORY

After serving 19 years of a 20-40 year sentence on a murder rap, Malcom Benson was paroled from a Michigan prison because of his ‘exceptionally good behavior’

BarkGrowlBite | April 24, 2016

In order to justify their jobs, prison and parole authorities like to boast about prison inmate rehabilitation successes. Well, here’s one convict they might not be in a rush to brag about.

In 1995, Malcom B. Benson, then 29, was arrested in Wayne County, Michigan and charged with first degree murder. He copped a plea to second degree murder so he wouldn’t have to serve the rest of his life in prison. He received a 20-40 year sentence.

Benson was paroled January 13, 2015 after serving 19 years of his sentence. He was released early from prison because of his exceptionally good behavior.

Benson’s exceptionally good behavior in prison apparently did not transfer to the outside world. On Thursday a Wayne County judge sentenced Benson to life in prison.

Benson was convicted of robbing and killing Army veteran Stanley Carter, 59, at a bus stop in Highland Park on September 23, 2015, just eight months after his early release.

Of course, this is not the first time a paroled murderer has murdered again. Here’s a case in which the murder occurred almost immediately after the convicted murderer’s release:

According to NBC Philadelphia, Steven Pratt was released in October 2014 after serving a 30-year murder sentence. Pratt was sentenced as an adult when he was 15 for the 1984 shooting death of his next door neighbor. After serving his full sentence, he was released and his family held a “welcome home” party for him. However, just two days after the release and celebration, Pratt murdered his own mother, beating her to death during an argument.

Well, at least Pratt did not get of prison on an early release.

PUBLIC ASSURED ESCAPED CONVICT HAS 24 YEARS OF REHABILITATION UNDER HIS BELT

The Onion | April 21, 2016

CREST HILL, IL—While alerting the public Thursday that inmate Leonard Sawyer had escaped from the facility during the night and was currently at large, officials from Stateville Correctional Center sought to assuage local residents’ concerns by emphasizing that the convict has 24 years of rehabilitation under his belt.

“Sawyer’s whereabouts are unknown at this time, but the public can rest assured that this is a man whose lengthy incarceration gave him ample time to reform his violent tendencies and remake himself into a productive member of society,” said Stateville spokesman Richard Mulberry, noting that Sawyer, who was convicted of double homicide and who physically overpowered two guards in his escape, has had every day since 1992 to reflect on his past decisions and commit to turning his life around. “While we dispatch teams to scour the area and set up roadblocks within a 20-mile perimeter, we want to make it clear to those living in the area that Sawyer held down a laundry room job for over a decade in the maximum-security cell block, providing him with the discipline and responsibility necessary to develop a more constructive outlook and approach to life. And on top of all that, he spent the last four years in solitary confinement, an environment free of distractions in which he could truly focus on his personal rehabilitation.”

At press time, the “completely changed man” was holed up with two hostages in a gas station and letting state troopers know his demands.

NATION TOO SAD TO FUCK EVEN THOUGH IT’S WHAT PRINCE WOULD HAVE WANTED

The Onion | April 21, 2016

CHANHASSEN, MN—After hearing the shocking news of the iconic pop star’s unexpected death, the U.S. populace reported Thursday that it was simply too sad to fuck, even though they knew it was what Prince would have wanted.

“If Prince is looking down on us right now, I know he’d want to see us all get down and fuck, but I’m still just so upset that he’s gone that I don’t think I could get in the mood,” said 37-year-old Arizona resident Carol Parnum, echoing the sentiment of tens of millions of Americans across the country, who acknowledged that, despite recognizing that nothing would have brought more joy to the seven-time Grammy-winning multi-instrumentalist than everyone getting freaky and fucking all night long, their emotions were still much too raw to do so. “Look, I understand that Prince wouldn’t want us to be moping around with our heads in our hands, crying about how he’s gone and never coming back—no, he would want us to fuck raw and to fuck nasty. But I...I just can’t. My heart just isn’t in it right now.”

After much personal anguish, the teary-eyed nation reportedly took a deep breath and solemnly mustered the resolve to get naked and start fucking, saying it was simply the right thing to do.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

THE HORRORS OF HIROSHIMA IN CONTEXT

During a planned visit next month, President Obama is rumored to be considering an apology to Japan for America's dropping of the A-bombs 71 years ago

By Victor Davis Hanson | Townhall | April 21, 2016

The dropping of two atomic bombs on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in August 1945 remains the only wartime use of nuclear weapons in history.

No one knows exactly how many Japanese citizens were killed by the two American bombs. A macabre guess is around 140,000. The atomic attacks finally shocked Emperor Hirohito and the Japanese militarists into surrendering.

John Kerry recently visited Hiroshima. He became the first Secretary of State to do so -- purportedly as a precursor to a planned visit next month by President Obama, who is rumored to be considering an apology to Japan for America's dropping of the bombs 71 years ago.

The horrific bombings are inexplicable without examining the context in which they occurred.

In 1943, President Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill insisted on the unconditional surrender of Axis aggressors. The bomb was originally envisioned as a way to force the Axis leader, Nazi Germany, to cease fighting. But the Third Reich had already collapsed by July 1945 when the bomb was ready for use, leaving Imperial Japan as the sole surviving Axis target.

Japan had just demonstrated with its nihilistic defense of Okinawa -- where more than 12,000 Americans died and more than 50,000 were wounded, along with perhaps 200,000 Japanese military and civilian casualties -- that it could make the Americans pay so high a price for victory that they might negotiate an armistice rather than demand surrender.

Tens of thousands of Americans had already died in taking the Pacific islands as a way to get close enough to bomb Japan. On March 9-10, 1945, B-29 bombers dropped an estimated 1,665 tons of napalm on Tokyo, causing at least as many deaths as later at Hiroshima.

Over the next three months, American attacks leveled huge swaths of urban Japan. U.S. planes dropped about 60 million leaflets on Japanese cities, telling citizens to evacuate and to call upon their leaders to cease the war.

Japan still refused to surrender and upped its resistance with thousands of Kamikaze airstrikes. By the time of the atomic bombings, the U.S. Air Force was planning to transfer from Europe much of the idle British and American bombing fleet to join the B-29s in the Pacific.

Perhaps 5,000 Allied bombers would have saturated Japan with napalm. The atomic bombings prevented such a nightmarish incendiary storm.

The bombs also cut short plans for an invasion of Japan -- an operation that might well have cost 1 million Allied lives, and at least three to four times that number of well-prepared, well-supplied Japanese defenders.

There were also some 2 million Japanese soldiers fighting throughout the Pacific, China and Burma -- and hundreds of thousands of Allied prisoners and Asian civilians being held in Japanese prisoner of war and slave labor camps. Thousands of civilians were dying every day at the hands of Japanese barbarism. The bombs stopped that carnage as well.

The Soviet Union, which signed a non-aggression pact with Japan in 1941, had opportunistically attacked Japan on the very day of the Nagasaki bombing.

By cutting short the Soviet invasion, the bombings saved not only millions more lives, but kept the Soviets out of postwar Japan, which otherwise might have experienced a catastrophe similar to the subsequent Korean War.

World War II was the most deadly event in human history. Some 60 million people perished in the six years between Germany's surprise invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939, and the official Japanese surrender on Sept. 2, 1945. No natural disaster -- neither the flu pandemic of 1918 nor even the 14th-century bubonic plague that killed nearly two-thirds of Europe's population -- came close to the death toll of World War II.

Perhaps 80 percent of the dead were civilians, mostly Russians and Chinese who died at the hands of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan. Both aggressors deliberately executed and starved to death millions of innocents.

World War II was also one of the few wars in history in which the losers, Japan and Germany, lost far fewer lives than did the winners. There were roughly five times as many deaths on the Allied side, both military and civilian, as on the Axis side.

It is fine for Secretary of State Kerry and President Obama to honor the Hiroshima and Nagasaki victims. But in a historical and moral sense, any such commemoration must be offered in the context of Japanese and German aggression.

Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan started the respective European and Pacific theaters of World War II with surprise attacks on neutral nations. Their uniquely barbaric war-making led to the deaths of some 50 million Allied soldiers, civilians and neutrals -- a toll more than 500 times as high as that of Hiroshima.

This spring we should also remember those 50 million -- and who was responsible for their deaths.

EDITOR’S NOTE: America most certainly does not owe Japan any sort of apology for dropping the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki! I, among countless other GIs, would very probably not have survived the war were it not for those two A-bombs.

Hail to and God bless Harry Truman for making the decision to drop the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki! Shame, shame on Obama if he does offer the Japanese that apology!

NUMBER OF 100-YEAR-OLDS WILL GROW EIGHTFOLD IN NEXT 35 YEARS

The centenarian population will hit about 3.7 million in 2050

By Catey Hill | MarketWatch | April 21, 2016

If you see your 100th birthday, you'll soon be in good company.

The number of centenarians will grow from about 451,000 in 2015 to about 3,676,000 in 2050, according to a report released Thursday by the Washington D.C.-based think tank Pew Research Center (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/04/21/worlds-centenarian-population-projected-to-grow-eightfold-by-2050/). This means that while last year there were just 7.4 centenarians per every 10,000 adults ages 65 and up, in 2050 there will be 23.6.

This continues a trend that's been going on for at least a decade. From 1990 to 2015, the population of people age 100 and up grew fourfold.

There are a number of reasons older people are living longer, including improvements in public health, nutrition and medicine. But despite that, it's unlikely that most of us will live until we're 100. The average life expectancy around the world is roughly 71 years old, according to the World Health Organization; in the U.S., it's nearly 80.

10 countries with the highest life expectancy

1. Monaco, 89.52
2. Japan, 84.74
3. Singapore, 84.68
4. Macau, 84.51
5. San Marino, 83.24
6. Iceland, 82.97
7. Hong Kong, 82.86
8. Andorra, 82.72
9. Switzerland, 82.50
10. Guernsey, 82.47

TURNS OUT A METEOR JUST FINISHED OFF THE DINOSAURS. THEY WERE ALREADY FUCKED

By Mike Pearl | VICE News | April 18, 2016

When Tim, the nine-year-old kid in Jurassic Park, listed a bunch of ways the dinosaurs might have died, a meteor was the most appealing—it's quick, and clean, and doesn't involve the coolest animals that ever lived suffering slowly from a horrible plague or something. And while we're now more-or-less positive a meteor collided with Earth near the Yucatán Peninsula and created the Chicxulub crater, triggering a mass die off of many of Earth's species, it turns out their deaths weren't exactly swift.

According to a new study just published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the dinosaurs had been in an an evolutionary tailspin for millions of years by the time of that mass extinction. Species had been dying off, and new species weren't showing up to replace them. Less dinosaur biodiversity would have made dinosaurs on the whole more susceptible to a disaster like, say, a giant meteor.

It's not an entirely new idea. A study in 2012 found that changes in "morphological disparity"—the amount of physical difference between dinosaurs—may have indicated a pre-meteor decline. However, the authors of this study, based at the University of Reading in England, say they took a "statistical approach," looking at a family tree–like diagram of dinosaur species over time, and creating a mathematical model for species changes, resulting in greater certainty that dinosaurs were dying en masse before that meteor came.

"There is no doubt that the Chicxulub impact was the final nail in the dinosaurs' coffin—with the exception of birds," one of the authors, Manabu Sakamoto, told the Los Angeles Times. However, Sakamoto explained, even if the Earth had whiffed past that meteor like a drunk batter missing a curveball, the dinosaurs may well have gone extinct on their own.

The paper speculates about the possible culprits causing long-term dino decline. The Cretaceous period was a generally shitty time to be a dinosaur: Continental drift was separating the continents, and other massive geological changes were contributing to a rise in volcanic eruptions. Plus, Earth was cooling off.

But Sakamoto would hate for you to get the wrong idea about the hazards of a cooling Earth as opposed to a warmer one. "We are putting a lot of pressure on modern species, and extinctions are happening at an unprecedented rate," he told Ed Yong at the Atlantic. "If some kind of catastrophe occurs, it might be even more damaging than what we're observing right now."

Friday, April 22, 2016

THE NEW MERCEDES AA CLASS

NOT EVERYONE LIKES SAN FRANSICKO’S ‘PISSOIR’

The City Attorney defends the Pissoir, an open-view urinal, because it’s in the 16-acre Dolores Park which is well-known for its “counter culture, immodest sunbathers, pot brownie vendors, spectacular city views, and famously irreverent 'Hunky Jesus' contest.”

BarkGrowlBite | April 22, 2016

I have long refereed to San Francisco as San Fransicko because just about everything that is considered immoral in the rest of the country seems to have the stamp of approval there. The latest sicko example is the placement in the city’s Dolores Park of an open-view pisser shielded only by some plants.

The Chinese Christian Union of San Francisco filed a lawsuit against the open-view urinal, known as a “pissoir.” The City Attorney defends the pissoir because it’s in the 16-acre Dolores Park which is well-known for its “counter culture, immodest sunbathers, pot brownie vendors, spectacular city views, and famously irreverent 'Hunky Jesus' contest.”

Dolores Park is known for more than just that. When the City Attorney talks about the “spectacular city views,” he must be referring to the frequent sightings on the park’s lawn of Gay men sticking their dicks up each other’s assholes and Lesbians sucking each other’s cunts. The haze of marijuana smoke usually permeates the park. And to make it crystal clear, when the City Attorney refers to “immodest sunbathers” in Dolores Park, he is talking about naked people.

An open-view pisser? Actually I sort of like that. You know, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

RELIGIOUS GROUP SUES SAN FRANCISCO OVER OPEN-AIR URINAL

CBS/AP | April 19, 2016

SAN FRANCISCO -- A religious organization has filed a lawsuit against the city of San Francisco to remove an open-air urinal it calls unsanitary and indecent from a popular park.

The Chinese Christian Union of San Francisco filed a civil complaint last week demanding the city remove the concrete circular urinal from the iconic Dolores Park.

The group says the urinal, which is out in the open and screened only with plants for privacy, "emanates offensive odors," ''has no hand-washing facilities" and "it's offensive to manners and morals."

The lawsuit further alleges that the facility installed in February discriminates against women and the disabled and exposes those who use it to "shame and embarrassment."

"The open-air urination hole violates the privacy of those who need to use the restroom but would be required to expose their bodies and suffer shame and degradation of urinating in public view," it says.

The City Attorney's office said in a statement that it will defend against the litigation and pointed out the 16-acre park is well-known for its "counter culture, immodest sunbathers, pot brownie vendors, spectacular city views, and famously irreverent 'Hunky Jesus' contest."

The office said residents advocated for the facility, called a "pissoir," to stop people from urinating on walls, bushes and sidewalks.

"If I had to predict the top 100 things in Dolores Park likely to offend these plaintiffs, I wouldn't have guessed that this would make the cut," City Attorney spokesman Matt Dorsey said in the statement.There have been several formal complaints against the urinal, reports CBS San Francisco. Last month, the Pacific Justice Institute, a conservative legal defense nonprofit, sent a cease-and-desist letter to the city about the urinal project, saying it violates the privacy rights of both users and those forced to watch them.

The urinal is part of a $20 million renovation plan that now has put more than two dozen toilets in Dolores Park along with other upgrades.

San Francisco has a long, sometimes creative, history of dealing with public urination. Last summer, the city painted nearly 30 walls with a repellant paint that makes urine spray back on the offender. In 2002, the city increased the possible fine for the crime up to $500, but that did little to deter the practice.

SUPER GONORRHEA IS COMING TO DESTROY YOUR JUNK

Antibiotic-resistant diseases could be the biggest killer in the world in 30 years

By Carlton Férment | VICE News | April 18, 2016

Bad news, rubber-less shaggers: There's a new strain of super gonorrhea afoot in Britain, and it's heading your way.

As it's evolved, this strain of the sexually transmitted disease informally known as "the clap" has become resistant to the drugs previously used to combat it. Following an outbreak of this super gonorrhea in the north of England at the end of last year, there are now fears it's spreading across the country, with cases popping up in the West Midlands and the South East, according to Public Health England (PHE).

While the term "super gonorrhea" might, at surface level, sound quite funny, there's a much darker side to this story. The drug-resistant STD is indicative of other bacterias becoming resistant to treatment—a problem that Chief Medical Officer Dame Sally Davies says is as bad as the threat of terrorism. George Osborne also warns that antibiotic-resistant diseases could be the biggest killer in the world in 30 years. Gonorrhea can also damage the womb to the point of infertility, which is obviously very worrying when it comes to these increasingly untreatable strains.

The drugs used to treat the disease, a jab of ceftriaxone and a pill of azithromycin, are losing ground to the STD, with the former now the only one that still works.

Away from the whole super-strain news, the number of people in the UK diagnosed with gonorrhea has more than doubled in the past few years, making it second only to chlamydia as the top sex disease of choice. And it's not only the clap that's on the rise; reported cases of syphilis rose by 63 percent between 2010 and 2014, according to PHE.

This spike is supposedly down to the number of unprotected sexual encounters between heathens. So, moral of the story: If you don't want diseased genitalia—and you presumably don't—then wrap it up before you use it.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Holy shit! First it’s global warming, now this. Mankind is doomed!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON WIPED OUT BY SLAVERY ABOLITIONIST HARRIET TUBMAN

The Treasury Department announced today that slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman will replace President Andrew Jackson on the face of the $20 bill and that other women will appear on the back of the $10 bill

BarkGrowlBite | April 21, 2016

Well it looks as though the feminists and their liberal supporters finally got their way. Political correctness rules the day. A woman, in this case slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman, will appear on the face of the $20 bill. Her appearance will come at the expense of President Andrew Jackson who has been wiped off the bill by the politically correct stroke of Treasury Secretary Jack Lew’s pen.

The choice of Harriet Tubman, which the Treasury Department announced today, will not only bring some satisfaction to the feminists, but it will also bring great joy to the Democratic Party’s black constituency.

Political correctness demands a revision of American history and the trashing of long-held traditions. The wiping out of Andrew Jackson, a great American historical figure, is the latest example. Actually, Andy will not be wiped off altogether … he will be depicted in some fashion on the back of the bill.

But Lew didn’t stop with the $20 bill. According to the New York Times:

While Hamilton would remain on the $10, and Abraham Lincoln on the $5s, images of women would be added to the back of both — in keeping with Mr. Lew’s intent “to bring to life” the national monuments depicted there.

The picture of the Treasury building on the back of the $10 bill would be replaced with a depiction of a 1913 march in support of women’s right to vote that ended at the building, along with portraits of five suffrage leaders: Lucretia Mott, Sojourner Truth, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Alice Paul and Susan B. Anthony.

On the flip side of the $5 bill, the Lincoln Memorial would remain, but as the backdrop for the 1939 performance there of Marian Anderson, the African-American opera star, after she was barred from singing at the segregated Constitution Hall nearby. Sharing space on the rear would be images of Eleanor Roosevelt, the first lady who arranged Anderson’s Lincoln Memorial performance, and the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1963 delivered his “I have a dream” speech from its steps.


There was really no reason to make any changes to any of these bills other than to answer the clarion call of political correctness.

Let the post office issue all the commemorative postage stamps of women they want, but don’t fuck with our currency.

As I said before, since the new $20 bill will not be issued before 2030, hopefully Congress will act before then to stop all this ridiculous nonsense.

But that will not happen if Hillary becomes our next President because she would veto any such congressional action. Shit, it wouldn’t surprise me at all to see Hillary - before she leaves office - replace George Washington with first black first lady Michelle Obama’s mug on the one dollar bill. Sounds farfetched? Think about it. Why would they want to keep the owner of black slaves on the face of our most used currency?

Hey, I just thought of something. How about Al Sharpton on the face of the $100 bill?

FORMER NYPD OFFICER PETER LIANG WILL DO NO JAIL TIME FOR ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTING UNARMED BLACK MAN

Outside the courthouse an angry crowd of protesters chanted "The whole damn system is guilty as hell!"

BarkGrowlBite | April 21, 2016

Former NYPD officer Peter Liang was convicted in federal court February 11 for manslaughter in the accidental stairwell shooting of an unarmed black man during a vertical patrol of a Brooklyn public housing building. The 2014 shooting occurred when Liang was startled by a noise in the stairwell and accidentally discharged his weapon, fatally wounding Akai Gurley. The prosecution maintained that Liang had recklessly drawn his gun, that he shouldn't have had his finger on the trigger, and that he did nothing to help Gurley as he lay dying on the floor.

Liang appeared in a Brooklyn court Tuesday for his sentencing. He could have received up to 15 years on the manslaughter conviction. Instead, Brooklyn Supreme Court Justice Danny Chun reduced the charge to criminally negligent homicide and sentenced Liang to five years’ probation and 800 hours of community service. Liang will not have to do any jail time.

That infuriated Gurley’s family and a crowd of their supporters. The angry group of about 100 mostly black protesters gathered outside the courthouse and chanted "The whole damn system is guilty as hell!"

I believe very strongly that Judge Chun made the right decision. Judge Chun reasoned that:

"There's no evidence Peter Liang was aware of Akai Gurley's presence," Chun said.

"I looked at the video of Peter Liang entering the Pink Houses that night and he entered with a good frame of mind. Shooting and killing someone was the last thing on his mind. Incarceration is not necessary."


In a letter to Judge Chun last month, Brooklyn District Attorney Kenneth Thompson recommended that Liang receive no jail time. He wrote:

"Because the incarceration of the defendant is not necessary to protect the public, and because of the unique circumstances of this case, the People do not believe that a prison sentence is warranted,"

Thompson had recommended that Liang receive a sentence of six months house arrest, 500 hours of community service and five years' probation. He was upset with Judge Chun’s reduction of the charge to criminally negligent homicide and announced his office would appeal that part of the ruling.

According to the New York Daily News, the judge said he reduced the charge because prosecutors hadn't shown Liang "consciously disregarded" a substantial risk of death.

I seriously doubt Officer Liang would have been charged and tried for anything were it not for the ‘Ferguson effect.’ Before Michael brown was shot dead by Officer Darren Wilson in Ferguson, Missouri in 2014, the Liang case would have been considered a tragic accident. I think that’s what it really was.

While Liang deserved to be disciplined for screwing up, he should not have been fired. Again, this was a tragic accident, not a crime. Under no circumstances should Liang have had to face criminal charges for going gun in hand up the darkened stairs of a building in a housing project where shootings are almost a daily occurrence.

I hope that the reduction of manslaughter to criminally negligent homicide will be upheld upon appeal.

Peter Liang got fucked by the ‘Ferguson Effect.’

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

UNACCEPTABLE TO THE IRS

The IRS has returned a tax return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions on his 1040 incorrectly.

In response to the question, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?"

The man wrote in, "9.5 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 3.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and a deadbeat family in the Whitehouse."

The IRS respnded that the answer he gave was unacceptable!

The man responded back, "Who did I leave out?"

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

THE CARS KEEP PILING UP ON THE MANZIEL TRAIN WRECK

Johnny Manziel trashes a Hollywood home and heads to Coachella

By Sean Pendergast | Houston Press | April 18, 2016

It's Monday morning, and at this point, it comes down to choosing which train wreck to write about — the Houston Rockets or Johnny Manziel. Honestly, there's very little compelling to say at this point about the Rockets. They're the Washington Generals to Steph Curry's Globetrotters, and they will only become interesting a) if they somehow manage to win a game in this series, b) if Patrick Beverley decides to haul off and break Steph Curry's jaw, or b) when free agency and the draft roll back around.

Until then, Johnny it is!

When we last left Johnny Manziel, he was getting fired by his second agent in the last three months and wrapping his Mercedes SUV around a light pole in Hollywood. Actually, according to the story, Manziel's good time buddy, OVO Ryan, was the one driving the vehicle before the two of them reportedly sprinted away from the accident scene like frightened squirrels.

So we pick up the story now somewhere in between a mangled light pole and a serene Hollywood neighborhood, a pleasant enclave where Manziel and his buddy OVO Ryan decided to rent a $4.5 million home for a couple days last week. And you know the old saying — if you have a $4.5 million home at your disposal, you gotta party your ass off in there! (That may not be a saying, but it should be!)

And it appears that's exactly what happened. As first reported by Page Six of the New York Post, Manziel had some crazy parties there in the two days he was using the property:

Rich-kid quarterback Johnny Manziel’s facing more questions about alcohol and drug use after he threw a wild party at a rented LA house, where he and his friends allegedly caused $32,000 in damage.

Manziel, who comes from a Texas oil family and whose NFL future is in peril, rented a house in West Hollywood for two days last week with a pal. The pair’s said to have thrown two all-night ragers that prompted neighbors, including comic Kathy Griffin, to call police.


The house was apparently rented to Manziel by real estate broker Nicholas Goodwin, whose company LA Exotic Life rents vacation properties in the Los Angeles area. A letter written by Goodwin's attorney, Niki Ghazian, to Manziel's attorney details the damages:

“Despite Mr. Manziel's assurances to my client that the rental was to be used strictly for his own personal and private use, surveillance footage shows that Mr. Manziel threw large parties on both nights, causing extensive damage to the subject property,” Ghazian wrote in the letter, according to USA Today.

Manziel rented the home from LA Exotic Life from April 4-6 and agreed to pay an extra $5,000 a night if more than 15 people stayed there. That fee is included in the amount demanded in the letter, as well as $8,500 for wine stains in the master bedroom, $8,000 for burn marks on the carpet, $2,400 for a broken glass table, $650 for a broken bathroom door and $30 for broken glasses.

Company owner Nicholas Goodwin told the New York Post he arrived two hours after checkout time to find the house in disarray.

“Manziel was passed out," Goodwin said. "There was cocaine all over the kitchen table, and mushrooms were still out on the table in front of him. There was booze everywhere ... broken glasses over the floor and a Champagne glass in a tree.”


You can see a slideshow on Page Six with pictures of the mushrooms and the not all that mysterious white powder. In the meantime, the most intriguing parts of this story:

1. Presumably, at some point in the midst of or just before these parties took place, Manziel lectured a TMZ audience in that video shot outside The Nice Guy that "there's a difference between partying and being out of control." I'm wondering where magic mushrooms and cocaine fit on that spectrum.

2. Go ahead and chalk up Kathy Griffin as the most random celebrity to get oddly entangled in the Johnny Manziel Web of Debauchery.

3. I guess we can now retroactively confirm why Johnny was rolling up a $20 bill in that bathroom in Vegas before his rookie season back in 2014.

4. I need to know how a champagne glass wound up in a tree. Was it just dangling like a Christmas ornament? Was it in a plant style tree, like a rubber tree, or was it like hanging in a legit outdoor oak or palm tree? Now I've got to ask my girlfriend if we can we get a miniature Christmas tree this year with all mini champagne glasses as ornaments and call it a Johnny Tree... so many questions....

So if you now have a $32,000 lawsuit hanging over your head to go along with a grand jury investigation into domestic assault back in Fort Worth, your agent has fired you, and your football career is essentially over, what do you do?

You go to Coachella, of course....

MAN TURNS HIMSELF IN ON CHARGE OF STEALING TV IN 1989

The man was arrested and charged with third-degree larceny

Associated Press | April 16, 2016

NORWALK, Conn. -- Police say a man charged with stealing a television in Connecticut 27 years ago flew from his Florida home and voluntarily turned himself in last weekend after recently learning there was a warrant out for this arrest.

Police in Norwalk, Connecticut, tell The Hour newspaper that 60-year-old Randy Iannacone, of Port St. Lucie, Florida, arrived at headquarters Sunday with the letter notifying him of the warrant.

Iannacone was arrested and charged with third-degree larceny. He was released with a promise to appear in court next week.

The charge stemmed from the 1989 theft of a television from the Norwalk Jewish Center, where Iannacone worked as a custodian.

Lieutenant Paul Resnick says it was "pretty cool" that Iannacone turned himself in.

Iannacone didn't immediately respond to the paper's requests for comment.

MAN STINKS UP GEORGIA BAR WITH POOP-SMELLING SPRAY

The man slurred his words as he told police he never sprayed anything inside the bar

Associated Press | April 16, 2016

ATHENS, Ga. -- A Georgia man has been arrested after police say he unleashed a bottle of flatulence spray inside an Athens bar.

The Athens Banner-Herald reports that a woman told officers 20-year-old Blake Leland Zengo sprayed her in the face with a product designed to smell like flatulence.

An Athens-Clarke County police report says several people left the bar Saturday, citing the foul smell inside.

Officers say Zengo slurred his words as he told police he never sprayed anything inside the bar.

Zengo was charged with disorderly conduct, public intoxication and underage consumption of alcohol. The woman declined to press charges.

It's unclear whether Zengo has an attorney.

NASHVILLE LAWYER THINKS HE CAN REVERSE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE BY FILING TEXAS LAWSUIT TO LET HIM MARRY HIS LAPTOP

By Meagan Flynn | Houston Press | April 18, 2016

It would be all too easy to think that the man fighting to marry his Mac laptop in Harris County is some type of lonely introverted tech nerd who accidentally fell in love with an intelligent machine. On the surface, it kind of sounds like he just walked out of the futuristic, Oscar-winning film Her and is trying to launch a civil rights movement for computers or something. Perhaps for Siri.

Unfortunately, though, that's not what's happening here.

Chris Sevier has filed a lawsuit against the Harris County district clerk, Gov. Greg Abbott and Attorney General Ken Paxton for denying him the right to marry his Mac because he is trying to make a pretty cruel argument. He is trying to prove that, essentially, marriage between a same-sex couple can be equated to marriage between a man and a machine. He is trying to prove that, under Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage, people are now allowed to do morally disgusting things like marry whomever they are attracted to, whether that be inanimate objects or the same gender. Essentially, he is trying to give courts an ultimatum: Agree that this is what they have done and allow him to make vows to a piece of expensive chrome, or, realize that this is morally wrong and undo Obergefell.

In short, Sevier isn't trying to marry his laptop. He is trying to destroy marriages and families across the country. We asked him if he was okay with that, and he said yes.

"The question is, should we have policies that encourage that kind of lifestyle?" Sevier said. "The state is not doing anyone any favors by encouraging people to live that lifestyle. We have to define marriage."

For others, however, it pretty much goes without saying that Sevier's arguments are wildly offensive. Matt Wolff is marrying his partner this November, and Wolff said that, by now, they've stopped listening or responding to nonsensical arguments against gay marriage. Not even Paxton, who was among the country's ringleaders in resistance to gay marriage last year, has any interest in Sevier's plan to overturn Obergefell. He filed a motion to dismiss the case; a judge even asked Sevier to please limit his legal filings to 20 pages.

“Any argument against marriage equality that compares an adult in a consenting same-sex relationship to anything other than two normal loving humans is just wrong,” Wolff said. “It is based in that person's fear, and at this point in history, I would say willful ignorance.”

Texas is one of three states in which Sevier, a lawyer and an EDM producer who is "hardcore involved in the music industry," has filed this lawsuit. He plans to hit up 12 more states soon.

"[This lawsuit] is not a matter of who's on the right side of history,” Sevier said. “This is about who is on the right side of reality. Are we just delusional?”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Sevier, a Nashville, Tennessee lawyer, has filed similar lawsuits in Florida and Utah. He told a Florida court that “Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women.”

He must be dicking his laptop’s USB port.

Monday, April 18, 2016

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS WIPES ANDREW JACKSON OFF OF $20 BILL

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew will replace Andrew Jackson with a woman on the face of the $20 bill

BarkGrowlBite | April 18, 2016

The shrill voices of feminists and far-lefties have long bitched about the fact that all the faces depicted on U.S. currency were those of men. The Obama administration has heard their complaints and decided that the lack of women on our currency is not politically correct.

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew will announce that Andrew Jackson will be wiped off of the $20 bill and replaced by a woman from American history.

A year ago an online petition called for Jackson to be replaced by a woman but reports say Lew opted to replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill instead. The Daily Mail reports that he changed his mind due to the popularity of the Broadway musical “Hamilton”. But he still intends to mess with the $10 bill by putting a mural-style depiction of the women's suffrage movement, including images of leaders such as Susan B. Anthony, on the back of the bill.

I suspect Lew wanted to fuck with the $10 bill because there would be more Tens in circulation than Twenties.

Civil rights icon Rosa Parks and slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman were finalists in an unofficial poll to replace Jackson. Either Parks or Tubman would not only be politically correct, but they would be certain to please the Democrats’ African-American constituency.

It’s a dirty shame the Obama administration is fucking with our currency by wiping out a great American historical figure. Why couldn’t Obama and Lew leave things well enough alone? I am sure that the self-esteem of women will not suffer one bit if they are not represented with their mugs on our currency.

The new $20 bill will not be issued before 2030. Hopefully Congress will act before then to stop this nonsense. But that will not happen if Hillary becomes our next President and the Republicans lose their majority in the Senate.

Oh, by the way, what ever happened to those Susan B. Anthony dollars?