Saturday, October 31, 2015



Dr. Kay Van Kirk, a Los Angeles sex therapist, says that beer is full of phytoestrogens which are scientifically proven to delay orgasms in men

BarkGrowlBite | October 31, 2015

Hey guys, worried about your performance in bed? Not to worry, here is some good news. Dr. Kay Van Kirk, a Los Angeles certified sex therapist, says that downing a couple pints of beer helps sex last longer.

Van Kirk says that beer is full of phytoestrogens which are scientifically proven to delay orgasms in men. She says dark beers like stouts are best of all because they boost libido and, due to their high Iron content, increase the amount of red blood cells that circulate to the penis, resulting in longer, more intense erections.

Let’s give three cheers to Guinness Stout.

Not to be outdone by Guinness Stout, the Scottish Innis & Guinn brewery has now come up with a beer substitute for Viagra which it calls ‘50 Shades of Green.’

However, all this is not good news for hardshell Baptists and devout Muslims who consider the consumption of alcohol a serious sin. To that my Russian friends would say, “Tough shitzky!”


Responding police officers reportedly found the House chamber torn apart, smeared with viscera and feces, and partially on fire

The Onion | October 30, 2015

WASHINGTON—According to law enforcement personnel and dozens of distraught eyewitnesses, packs of savage, ferocious House Republicans are currently running loose through the nation’s capital, causing mayhem and bloodshed on a mass scale following the departure of their longtime caretaker, John Boehner.

The crazed and vicious GOP representatives, who are said to be howling wildly and wearing the tattered remains of business attire, reportedly worked themselves into a frenzy after Boehner failed to attend to them earlier today and subsequently broke free from the House chamber. Sources confirmed that the elected officials have since carved a trail of chaos and destruction through the city, attacking civilians along the National Mall, running amok through Metro tunnels, overturning cars, and storming numerous federal office buildings.

Hundreds are believed dead.

“At this time, we can confirm that we have captured Representatives Steve King, Mark Meadows, and Don Young, but the other 243 escaped congressmen remain at large and should be considered extremely dangerous,” said D.C. police chief Cathy Lanier amid piles of wreckage and large pools of blood in the Capitol rotunda, explaining that the carnage began on the House floor when an agitated member of the Freedom Caucus picked up an American flag stand and drove it through the heart of Rep. Dave Reichert (R-WA), who had voted earlier this week in favor of a compromise budget deal. “We understand the pandemonium erupted immediately after the caretaker’s resignation became effective, causing the horde of frenzied representatives to rip the House chamber’s door off its hinges and pour down the Capitol steps and out into the city.”

“I cannot emphasize enough that without vigilant caretaking, these representatives can become unstable and violent at a moment’s notice,” she continued. “Until authorities are able to safely tranquilize and net them, we recommend all residents seek shelter indoors.”

Because Boehner was reportedly all that maintained order among the wild bands of House Republicans, Beltway insiders said his absence all but ensured that anarchy, derangement, and fervent bloodlust would reign over the legislative body’s majority caucus. Indeed, shortly after the lawmakers convened this morning, a visibly raving Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy allegedly began jumping up and down on the rostrum, riling up his GOP colleagues, while House Sergeant at Arms Paul D. Irving, unable to gain a handle on the situation, was said to have been trampled to death when members decided to bolt for the exits.

Onlookers confirmed traffic has been completely stalled on K Street by an ongoing confrontation between a potentially rabid Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-SC) and a blood-spattered Rep. Bill Flores (R-TX), both of whom have spent the past several hours bearing their teeth, snarling, and wildly charging at each other in a brutal attempt to establish dominance.

Additionally, widespread blackouts in the D.C. area were reported after a manic Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) gnawed through a power line and electrocuted herself.

“It’s absolutely terrifying; I saw Representative Jeb Hensarling wandering down the middle of Constitution Avenue dragging a lifeless congressional page behind him,” said D.C. resident Harold Peters, who added that he nearly took pity on a bruised, visibly shell-shocked, and completely naked Rep. Justin Amash (R-MI) he had seen muttering to himself and rocking back and forth in the fetal position beside a bonfire of historical documents outside the National Archives. “And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to erase from my mind the horrible screams that [Treasury Secretary] Jacob Lew made when he got cornered by the Oversight and Government Reform Committee behind the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. By the time [Rep.] Jason Chaffetz started throwing him around like a rag doll, there was nothing we could do.”

“Those poor moderates in their pack didn’t stand a chance, either,” he added, noting the recent discovery of various severed body parts belonging to Reps. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL), Peter King (R-NY), and Charlie Dent (R-PA) floating in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Many D.C. residents said they are too frightened to leave their homes, citing in particular a delirious Rep. Greg Walden (R-OR), who was said to have hissed at passersby as he shredded pages of gun control legislation in Dupont Circle, and the failed attempts by local police to use a signed authorization for the Keystone XL pipeline to coax a torch-wielding Policy Committee Chairman Luke Messer (R-IN) down from the roof of the Energy Department building, where he continues to hold several hostages, his hair matted in dirt and excrement.

Furthermore, eyewitness accounts indicate a berserk Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) has spent the past 20 minutes repeatedly running at full speed into the locked entrance of Planned Parenthood’s D.C. headquarters, apparently attempting to break down its doors.

“Our law enforcement professionals will restore order to our streets and neighborhoods as soon as possible, but, clearly, our city needs to have a plan in place to ensure this never happens again,” Washington mayor Muriel Bowser told reporters at a hastily convened press conference at her executive office, the sounds of civilians shrieking, National Guard helicopters, and occasional gunfire audible behind her. “As much as I’d like to believe the next caretaker of the House will be able to hold things together, it’s entirely possible they’ll rip him to shreds within just a few months’ time and we’ll be right back where we are now.”

She added: “Let’s be honest. That guy has no chance.”

Thursday, October 29, 2015


Should cops be forced to release ALPR records?

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Southern California, having lost in the lower courts, filed their opening brief with the California Supreme Court late Monday, forcefully arguing that the millions of automated license plate reader records gathered automatically by police throughout the Golden State are not records of investigation. If they succed, California law enforcement agencies wii be forced to release all ALPR records.

Here is the reaction of a retired Texas state police official:

They are not records of an investigation until a hit comes up during an investigation.

License plates are public record used to identify vehicles. If civil liberties are being violated by reading license plates, maybe they should not be issued to vehicles.

Are they suing the toll roads too?

That would save a lot of money for the drivers and take a lot of money from the state.

Then we should make sure that no smart phones can be tracked by GPS. If you have a smart phone, I can locate you.

Let's also take all the GPS units and OnStar devices from vehicles. They can also be tracked by police and private companies.

While we're at it, we better unplug all smart televisions. We don't want to be observed sitting around the living room in our underwear.

The fact of the matter is, you can be tracked anytime unless you live off the grid and that's almost impossible to do.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015


Desley Brooks wants Oakland PD to lower the passing score to 42 for its written applicant exam so that more blacks will qualify to become cops

BarkGrowlBite | October 28, 2015

Police Magazine reports that Oakland city councilwoman Desley Brooks wants the city to hire more blacks as police officers. She is upset that only 20 percent of Oakland’s police force is black when blacks make up 28 percent of the city’s population. Brooks is asking Oakland PD to lower the passing score to 42 for its written applicant exam so that more blacks will qualify to become cops.

A passing score of 42? Why even have a written exam at all? Oakland PD had already lowered the passing score to 45 so that more blacks would pass the exam.

Brooks would like to see the exam eliminated from the officer selection process because she found out that even with a passing score as low as 45, blacks “fail the written exam more often than they fail the physical abilities test.” She wants Oakland Pd to “allow applicants to take a course in its place.”

Take a course in place of the written exam? What kind of a course? How about a course in how to kick ass and take names? What Brooks wants Oakland PD to do is hire dumbass blacks as cops.

State law enforcement commission consultant Alex Blaylock warned that “the Oakland PD will risk hiring officers who cannot fill out an incident report or understand the very laws they are supposed to enforce if they lower standards further.”

With a passing score of only 45, I don’t see how those dumbasses can do that now.

I’ve taken two police applicant exams and passed them easily. In each case, the minimum passing score was 70. Did I pass those exams because I am so smart? No, no! I passed them because anyone with a decent high school education should have passed those exams. The only part I found hard was the memory retention part where after being shown several mug shots with a description of the subject, you were given those descriptions later in the exam and asked to match them up with the correct mug shot.

Ask any cop what he dislikes most about his job and he’ll likely tell you it’s writing those damn police reports. And yet, those reports are crucial to good police work and to the successful prosecution of criminals.

During the probationary field training phase it is not uncommon for a police agency to discover that it has recruited an applicant who cannot write acceptable police reports. Because of all the expense and time expended in the police academy, the recruit who cannot write intelligibly is usually retained rather than dismissed.

Police agencies can do something about those poor writing skills. The Riverside County (California) Sheriff's Department, had a unique way of weeding out applicants who were unable to express themselves well enough to write acceptable police reports.

After submitting an application and before being administered any tests - written, physical, psychological, polygraph - applicants were required to come into the recruitment office to write two one-page essays. In one essay the applicant had to write why they wanted to become a police officer and in the other essay the applicant had to describe the duties of a police officer.

The two essays would then be evaluated by a committee of officers to see if the applicant expressed himself well enough to write acceptable police reports. (Punctuation and spelling were not considered in the evaluation.) If the essays indicated that the applicant would not be able to write intelligible police reports, he/she was informed that his/her application had been rejected. He/she would be encouraged to take remedial writing courses at a local community college and upon completion of the courses, resubmit an application.

A significant number of applicants were rejected in this way. That allowed RCSD to save the time consuming and expensive tests and background checks of applicants who would be unable to write those all-important police reports intelligibly. And while the Al Sharpton types will scream that the writing tests discriminate against minorities, those essays are entirely race and gender neutral.

Retired Riverside County Sheriff Cois Byrd says, “It's a very simple, but honest test.” And he corrected me by adding, “’terribull spellink’ does count, but minor errors are not a cut factor.”

In my experience and my research I have yet to come across a program that beats Riverside's for weeding out unqualified applicants without depending on the usual testing, background checks, etc.

Oakland PD would be wise to adopt Riverside’s method of weeding out dumbass applicants, both whites and minorities, but councilwoman Desley Brooks would throw a fit and never stand for that.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015


Laila Bint Abdul Muttalib Basim, a Burmese woman, was executed in Makkah, in western Saudi Arabia, after she was found guilty of torturing her seven-year-old stepdaughter to death. Here is the video of her execution:

The Saudi interior ministry said that the murderer killed the daughter of her husband, Kalthoum Bin Abdul Rahman Bin Ghulam Qadir, by beating her severely and inserting the stick of a broom into her genitals “without any mercy or compassion”, causing her death.

The execution took place in January of this year. The condemned woman can be heard screaming "I did not kill" over and over again until the white-robed executioner lobbed off her head with his scimitar.

The police officer who videoed the execution has been arrested.


In the heart of Bolivia lies a prison like no other, where children roam the corridors, drugs are made and sold and an inmate council hands out corporal punishment

Sunday Night | October 25, 2015

Welcome to San Pedro.

Sunday Night's Denham Hitchcock went inside the prison city in the centre of La Paz with Australian author Rusty Young, the man who made this place famous.

Young's book about the prison, Marching Powder, is still a bestseller after 12 years — and the closest look anyone from the outside world has had of San Pedro.

Filmed on hidden cameras, Young returned with Sunday Night for the first time since releasing his book 12 years ago.

He in infamous to the residents of San Pedro after spending four months there — some call him a friend, many do not.

"I am a little bit nervous that someone might want to take some kind of revenge but I am also excited because its been a while since I have been inside there and it will be interesting to see how it has changed"

I was in there alone I would be very, very scared."

There are guards around the outside walls and at the gates but once you go inside the inmates run the prison, it is a cheap model that the Bolivian government supports.

"They found when they put these guys in prison their families on the outside were in terrible trouble — so the families were brought into the prison," Young said.

The argument is that it is safer for them to be inside the prison than on the street.

"They’re safer in here, much safer here, than on the streets, fending for themselves, So it’s a big debate, they should really have hostels but they don’t have them yet," Young said.

"The children are sometimes in actual physical danger. There are a number of cases of young girls, one girl who was six was raped and killed inside the prison when the mother was off partying.

"Only two years ago a 12 year old girl was found to be pregnant."

But these offences don’t go unpunished, rapists and child molesters are treated with a zero-tolerance policy by the inmates 'council'.

"If you have a pedophile or a rapist that comes in they drag them down to this small pool, they water-board them in front of everyone and they say, 'We know who you are — this happens again and you're done."

The death penalty here is a beating, drowning and sometimes electrocution at 'The Well".

"They fill it with water and they just throw them in there and they beat them and drown them, electrocute them, stab them and then just kick them until they’re dead," You said.

But rusty Young says the children have a good effect on the prisoners.

"I definitely think the prisoners themselves receive a big benefit from it. It has a very humanizing and pacifying effect on them, they tend not to fight as much."

Children aren’t the only unusual things you'll find in San Pedro, there is also a rampant cocaine industry, and a star-based housing scale.

If you have no money, you sleep in concrete corridors and alcoves but those who can afford it can buy two-storey apartments to live in with their families.

"There are eight different sections inside the prison and everyone has to buy their own prison cell," Young said.

"The inmates have invented a rating system so you have anything from zero stars up to five and a half stars where really rich drug traffickers and politicians live."

Amid the crime corruption, drugs and violence there is a surprising level of organization. Each section of the jail is represented by a small council to make decisions.

Prisoners must feed and house themselves within the prison and so will sell whatever product or service they can to survive, which has resulted in a thriving town-like environment complete with barbers, restaurants and tradesmen.

"The Government does provide watery soup but basically often the money goes missing, so the actual quality of the food and the amount of nutrition is so poor the inmates decide to feed themselves."

While San Pedro was build to house only 250 people it currently has a population of more than 3000. Wives and children leave during the day to work and attend school and inmates do what they can to earn a living inside until their release.

Hundreds of children live with their parents in the San Pedro Prison in Bolivia’s capital, La Paz.

The Bolivian Government claims this is better for the kids. More than two thousand children live in 17 prisons across the poverty-stricken country. Over the years there have been many claims by the Government that it would phase out the practice.

There have been attacks on the children inside, even deaths. But supporters claim it is better for the children’s parents, giving them hope and a reason to work towards their freedom.

Outside, without their parents, children can be very exposed in poor communities where violence is common.

The charity, Prison Fellowship International, runs a program for children in San Pedro Prison, providing education and food.

Monday, October 26, 2015


“If people have tattoos of those they love on their chests, I wondered where they might put a tattoo of someone they hate”

By Kyaw Phyo Tha

The Irrawaddy
October 21, 2015

RANGOON — A young poet in the former capital has become the third known Burmese citizen to be sued over a controversial Facebook post, after sharing a graphic rhyme suggesting he had a tattoo of the president on his penis.

Maung Saungkha, a writer and activist who lives in Rangoon’s Shwepyithar Township, told The Irrawaddy by phone on Wednesday that he has been in hiding since Oct. 8, the day he shared a poem titled “Image,” part of which reads:

I have the president’s portrait tattooed on my penis / How disgusted my wife is

The 23-year-old director of the Poetry Lover Organization, which aims to promote peace through lyrical literature, said he was shortly after informed that the post had come to the attention of President’s Office Director Zaw Htay, also known as Hmuu Zaw.

Sharing the content to his own Facebook page, the official commented atop the post that Maung Saungkha “should be prepared to take responsibility for what he did.”

That very evening, the fugitive said, police arrived at his home in Rangoon’s northern district.

“Luckily, I wasn’t there at the time,” he said, explaining that he had not returned since, nearly two full weeks later.

The Irrawaddy contacted Zaw Htay on Oct. 8, before the case had been filed, who said at the time that authorities “will proceed according to the law.”

Police in Shwepyithar confirmed that a case was filed against Maung Saungkha by Police Chief Thein Win under Article 66(d) of the Telecommunications Law, the same provision levied last week against Kachin aid worker Patrick Khum Jaa Lee—who is also the husband of esteemed peace activist May Sabe Phyu.

The controversial law was wielded again on Saturday against an official for the ruling Union Solidarity and Development Party (USDP), after he allegedly shared a digitally altered photo on Facebook transposing the face of opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi onto the body of a naked woman.

Both cases followed the arrest early last week of a young woman who shared a satirical photo collage, also on Facebook, likening the Burma Army’s new uniforms to Suu Kyi’s htamein, or female traditional longyi.

Chaw Sandi Tun faces up to five years in prison for a charge under the Electronic Transactions Law, while the Telecommunications Law carries penalties of up to three years. All three cases are charges of criminal defamation.

Maung Saungkha said he had no intent to defame Burma’s President, Thein Sein, claiming the verse was meant to be ambiguously about oppressive authority and not directed at any one individual.

“It could be about Saddam Hussein, or Assad,” the bard implored. “Why do they think it’s U Thein Sein? There is not a single mention of Myanmar in my poem.”

“The government doesn’t understand poetry. They are afraid of poets as poetry carries public voices.”

Inspired by images shared widely on social media of political party loyalists boasting tattoos of Suu Kyi and her father, the late Gen. Aung San, on their chests, Maung Saungkha said the pictures set his mind in motion.

“If people have tattoos of those they love on their chests, I wondered where they might put a tattoo of someone they hate,” he said. “Then I wrote that poem.”

Maung Saungkha is known among a strain of Rangoon’s creative youth as a talented emerging writer who has been published in several print and online magazines. He was also active in a “white arm band” campaign earlier this year, a grassroots movement protesting a violent police crackdown on peaceful student protesters in Letpadan, Pegu Division, on March 10.

The young writer and activist suspects his participation in the campaign may have put him on the radar of local authorities, posing that, “I think I have been on their list since then.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: I once thought about getting the head of a snake tattooed on the end of my dick, but then I sobered up.

Saturday, October 24, 2015


Tomi Lahren, a South Dakota news anchor,blasts President Obama over his inaction in fighting Islamists here at home

It isn’t often that you get a news anchor, especially a young lady, to blast the President of the United States. It’s refreshing to see Tomi Lahren tell it like it is about Obama’s failure to fight Islamists here at home.

For you conservatives, enjoy the video. You liberals, go ahead, weep and wail.



Florida inmate wants to be executed immediately and by Ol’ Sparky at that

BarkGrowlBite | October 24, 2015

In 1996, Wayne Doty killed a Plant City manufacturing plant watchman during a robbery for methamphetamines. He received a life sentence for that murder. Then in 2011 at Florida State Prison in Raiford, Doty and another inmate strangled and stabbed inmate Xavier Rodriguez to death. For that murder Doty received the death penalty.

Now Doty, 42, wants to be executed immediately and he wants it to be done in Ol’ Sparky, Florida’s three-legged electric chair. Here is what Doty said on August 12 in a handwritten affidavit:

"I'm invoking my right of free will to choose execution by electrocution due to confliction surrounding executions through lethal injection. My decision on method of execution is a self-driven motive allowing the state of Florida to exercise their duly sworn duties to deliver my sentence in an expeditious manner, thus bringing peace to the victim's family as well as my spiritual freedom."

Doty made out his affidavit shortly after the Florida Supreme Court upheld his punishment in the review required of all death sentences.

Florida is one of eight states that has kept capital punishment by electrocution as an option. Tennessee reinstated electrocution last year in the face of challenges to lethal injection.

Florida executions have been on hold for the past year because of challenges to its method of death by lethal injection. However, the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the state’s lethal injection protocol and Jerry Correll, who killed four people in Orlando, is scheduled to be executed next Thursday.

Florida’s Ol’ Sparky was last used in 1999 for the execution of triple murderer Allen Lee "Tiny" Davis. During his electrocution, blood appeared on his face and shirt. During a previous execution in 1997, the mask covering Pedro Medina’s face caught fire and filled the death chamber with smoke.

Doty has waived his rights to any further appeals. The Florida Department of Corrections is reviewing Doty’s request. By all means, give him what he wants!


Patrick Quin, a former Texas school cop, pulled a woman over on a traffic stop and told her she would go to jail unless she let him sniff her feet and her underwear

BarkGrowlBite | October 24, 2015

Patrick Quinn used to be a cop with the Houston area Cy-Fair Independent School District. Now Quinn is a jailbird for doing a dirty deed.

Here is how the Houston Press described that dirty deed:

Patrick Quinn was sentenced to a year in Harris County Jail for the bizarre incident, which began with a suspicious traffic stop at 3 a.m. on August 11, 2014. According to the criminal complaint, a woman was driving home from a friend's place when Quinn, who was traveling in the opposite direction, whipped around and flashed his lights. He then told the woman he pulled her over because her insurance was expired.

Quinn then told the woman he smelled marijuana. The woman denied having any pot and consented to a search. She waited in the back of Quinn's car while the officer inspected her vehicle. He let her return to her car, and then told her he found a marijuana grinder. She said it wasn't hers.

Quinn said "he would let her go if she would let him smell her feet," the complaint states. "If she refused, he would have to take her to jail." The woman took off her boots, and then "asked him if she needed to take off her socks as well. He said of course she would have to take off her socks." Duh.

Quinn then told the woman he'd let her go if she gave him her underwear; the foot-sniffing was still an option, but "if she still wanted to let him smell her feet that he was probably going to lick them too." The woman gave him her underwear, but he said "never mind" and let her go.

The woman reported what happened to the Houston police. They dusted her insurance card – which had not expired – for fingerprints. The cops got a good print and that’s how Quinn became an ex-cop and now a jailbird.

Quinn pled guilty Wednesday to one count of official oppression and was sentenced to serve one year in the Harris County jail. Hmm, I wonder if he’ll try to sniff his cellie’s feet and underwear?


By Matt Bai

Yahoo News
October 21, 2015

An open letter from Donald Trump

Dear Republican voters:

I’m pretty tired of these losers in the media saying I don’t really want to be president and I’m just here to star in another reality show. Like anyone would shoot a TV show in Iowa. Give me a break.

It’s true that I am undeniably magnetic. I mean, seriously, I could slurp Lucky Charms in front of a camera for an hour every week, and the ratings would be phenomenal. If you knew how much money NBC had already offered me to turn my campaign into a show, you just wouldn’t believe it. Like I need to save primetime from “The Mysteries of Laura.” Right.

No, I’m serious about making America great again. But you know, I watched Paul Ryan talking on the news a few nights ago about the “requests” he’s made from House Republicans before he’ll accept the job as speaker, and a couple of things popped into my mind, which is not unusual, because I have a phenomenal mind, I really do, and things are always popping into it like you wouldn’t believe.

First, what happened to his lips? It’s very strange. I mean, I haven’t made fun of his appearance, because he’s not dumb enough to run against me, but seriously, no wonder he and Romney got smoked. America’s not voting for a lipless Eddie Munster with eyes from “The Exorcist,” even for a worthless job like vice president. I’m just telling it like it is.

And second, if Paul can just go around making demands — that’s what they are, trust me, I know demands when I see them — then why can’t I? Let’s be real: If I’m not the Republican nominee, this whole party is disappearing faster than Jay Z’s streaming thing. You think Marco Rubio’s going to beat Hillary? The boy in the plastic water bottle? Get real.

So maybe I’d like to second Paul’s list of requests in order for me to accept the nomination, with a few small tweaks. Here’s my list:

1. The next president should be a visionary, not a day-to-day guy.

You know who cares about bill signings and Cabinet meetings? Losers, that’s who. If I had to spend seven seconds in an actual conversation with the secretary of transportation, I swear to God, I’d grab a Glock from the nearest Secret Service agent and shoot myself.

The president ought to spend his time thinking big, not screwing around with details. Like dealing with aliens. I’m not talking about Mexicans here. I’m talking about this thing I saw on CNN about the distant star that’s got this weird blinking, and the NASA people think it could be intelligent life.

So now you’re going to have all these “extraterrestrial Americans” demanding special protections and work visas. You think Uber’s hurting the taxi drivers? Wait till you see a driver who can levitate the car. Try competing for a factory job with some guy who regenerates limbs on his lunch hour.

Look, someone’s got to be thinking ahead about an intergalactic wall. I can’t be running to the Situation Room every time some Malaysian plane goes missing. I wouldn’t do anything else.

2. I’m open to some rule changes, as long as they’re good for me.

This whole nomination process is just a joke. Clearly I’ve won. But not only is the party going to make me do more debates, but now they tell me Jeb is still around. It’s just ghoulish, standing next to a dead man like that. It’s very awkward for me, honestly.

And I don’t see why the party had to do away with all those “winner take all” primaries, which is going to drag this thing out forever. This is America. We celebrate winners. We don’t give you three-sevenths of the World Series trophy when you blow Game 7. You don’t get 10 percent of a lottery ticket for being one number off. It’s not like I have to take some sizable chunk of my income from a brilliant land deal and just hand it over to the government.

Not that I don’t pay taxes. I do. I pay so many taxes, it would make you feel ashamed if I showed you. So I won’t.

Anyway, I’m proposing we cancel the primaries and hold a single, national vote next week. But like my buddy Paul says, whatever we do, we do as a team.

If you’re not on my team, just be warned, I’ll probably sue you.

3. There will be no motions at the party convention. In fact, no convention.

The whole convention routine is ridiculous. We need a roll call of the states? Like anyone cares what Rhode Island thinks about anything? I got more viewers for an “Apprentice” rerun than they have in the entire state. It’s like a rest stop between Atlantic City and Nova Scotia. Pathetic.

And who carries placards anymore? You put “Trump” on a placard and carry it over your head, you know what people are going to see? A picket line at the Taj. Is that the visual you want?

Look, instead of actually airing all those speeches, we should just have me berating the pathetic vice presidential wannabes, and then let people vote at home. The ratings for that would be off the charts. We put that out to bid in Hollywood, and the haul we get will make the Koch Brothers look like a couple of Buddhist monks.

But either way, I can’t be in Cleveland. I looked at my calendar the other day, and I’ve got a Miss Universe board meeting that week. There’s only so much real work I can miss.

4. Family comes first.

Ivanka is almost 34, and that’s a very formative age. She’s unbelievable. Like I said publicly, if she weren’t my daughter, I’d definitely ask her out. I know that creeped some people out, but let me tell you, if I were gay, I’d hit on myself. It’s unbelievable, the pheromones in this family.

But look, I just can’t be traveling all the time. These places we stay in Iowa and New Hampshire — I’d be embarrassed to call them hotels. The pillows are filled with foam. There’s no Brazilian marble anywhere. You know what the live entertainment is? Watching fat people elbow each other at the breakfast bar.

Plus I detest shaking hands. For years I refused. You get so many germs that way, you can’t imagine. Chris Christie comes out of the men’s room before the last debate and shakes my hand. Did he wash first? I don’t know. The whole debate, I’m feeling like a giant, sweaty, orange paramecium.

So if you want me to be the nominee, you’ll have to be all right with me staying home just like Paul, OK? Someone told me Abraham Lincoln did that, and I’m way huger than he was.

5. Every single Republican must vote for me.

I don’t mean every delegate. I mean every voter.

Actually, the only Republican out there who might not vote for me is Carly. She’s still mad because I made fun of her face. She’s lucky I didn’t talk about her printers. I mean, have you ever tried unjamming an HP? No wonder she ran the company into the ground. I keep expecting Carly to stop talking in the middle of a sentence and then just start beeping until someone turns her upside down and shakes.

But I need Carly’s vote, too. You can’t make America great again if we’re not 100 percent united. “Make America Middling Again” is not a hat I would wear, and neither would you.

In closing, let me repeat that I would happily serve as your nominee for president, so don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just that I don’t especially want the job, because it seems kind of horrible. That’s all Paul Ryan is saying, too.

Maybe Paul and I can even help each other out. I know so many Botox doctors, you wouldn’t believe. But that’s entirely up to you, and I await your answer by the end of the week.

Your future president,

Friday, October 23, 2015


The leg was donated by the Coroner to OneLegacy for transplant purposes and it was stolen from the nonprofit’s van Monday while its crew was eating breakfast at a restaurant

By John Gregory

October 22, 2015

DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES -- A human leg was stolen Monday from a vehicle belonging to One Legacy, a nonprofit organ and tissue organization that works with the Los Angeles County Medical Examiner-Coroner's Office.

The theft occurred at about 3 a.m. outside an eatery in downtown Los Angeles after staff members picked up the leg and stopped to grab a bite to eat, according to Mark Fajardo, the county's chief medical examiner-coroner.

When the employees returned to their vehicle parked near the Original Pantry Cafe, they noticed the window of their unmarked vehicle had been smashed. The thieves allegedly stole an ice chest, which was chilling the leg, and at least two bags.

It was unclear if the thieves knew they had stolen a human body part.

In a statement, One Legacy said it has notified the donor's family and instituted a corrective action plan in the wake of the theft, requiring employees to never leave organs and tissues unattended in a vehicle.

One Legacy and the coroner's office said they have obtained a DNA sample from the donor to aid in the investigation in the possibility that a leg is recovered.

The coroner's office released the following statement on Wednesday: The Office of Medical Examiner-Coroner is aware of-and distressed by-the theft of a body part after its transfer from the County to One Legacy, our organ and tissue procurement organization. This harvesting was done with the permission of the next of kin. At this time, as we continue to gather details, the department will have no additional comment."

Meanwhile, the coroner's office suspects a member of their staff leaked details regarding the stolen leg to the media.

"As it stands today, we do not know who 'leaked' the information, but it appears at face value to be one of my employees," Fajardo said in an incident report to the L.A. County Board of Supervisors.

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Dennis Hof operates seven classy whorehouses across Nevada, employing about 500 whores

BarkGrowlBite | October 22, 2015

There’s no other way to describe Dennis Hof than as King of Whores since he employs 500 working girls at his seven whorehouses in Nevada.

Here is how The Daily Mail describes the Love Ranch, one of his whorehouses and the one where Lamar Odom spent $79,000 partying for four days before overdosing on cocaine and herbal Viagra:


Lamar Odom was found unconscious on Tuesday afternoon by two prostitutes named Ryder Cherry and Monica Monroe at Dennis Hof's Love Ranch, the legal brothel where he was partying for days.

The establishment in Crystal, Nevada, is just one of several sex-for-cash businesses owned by the star of the HBO series Cathouse.

The Love Ranch, which is located about 80 miles north of Las Vegas, offers a number of services including 4-Play for Two, Oil Wrestling, Viagra and Vibrators, and the Girlfriend Experience (GFE).

Hof, a 68-year-old Arizona native, bought the Love Ranch in 2010, Las Vegas Weekly reported. He owns nine brothels and a strip club in Nevada, according to CNBC, including the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Carson City.

The newly renovated Love Ranch features a VIP section as well as a bar and massage rooms. The Love Ranch and Hof's other brothels also have Jacuzzi rooms, hot tubs, and water rooms.

There are sometimes as many as 50 women working on-site at the 24-hour brothels, which are open 365 days a year in order to provide services with no appointment required.

Patrons are allowed to attempt to 'line up' one of the ladies online beforehand, but they can also just go to the bar and drink to try and find a 'date'.

The ranch accepts credit and debit cards and it shows up on bills as 'Cash Advance, Lake Tahoe'. Cash is also accepted and although tipping is not required, it is somewhat encouraged.

Between all of the ranches, including the Love Ranch, there are more than 500 licensed female prostitutes. Each one of the brothels typically services between 50 and 100 clients per day.

Among the options for customers at the Love Ranch is the GFE, which is described on the brothel's website: 'Imagine a girl you can truly be yourself around. A lady you can share your erotic desires and intimate moments with.

'Someone who is always happy to see you, accepts you for who you are, as you are and is waiting to fulfill your every need - physical, emotional, sexual... with no strings attached.'

The women who work at the ranch are independent contractors, so there are no set prices in place, but customers at the brothel reportedly have to shell out hundreds of dollars to get tended to.

500 whores … wow! When I was a cop in Galveston back in the late ’40s and early ’50s, there were 27 whorehouses mostly for whites, but also a number of black establishments, all located on the island’s Post Office Street. They were all operated by different Madams, with one being a ‘male Madam’ a la Dennis Hof. Most of the white houses were owned by Walter Johnson, a crooked lawyer and from time-to-time police commissioner. Johnson leased the houses to the Madams who operated them as whorehouses.

Originally the white whorehouses were the homes of Italian immigrants who could not read or write English and barely spoke the language. Johnson persuaded them to let him draw up their wills and … surprise, surprise … the crook ended up inheriting their homes.

I frequently checked out the whorehouses … no smart ass remarks, please … and while they were nicely furnished they did not compare to Hof’s Nevada establishments. The white whorehouses all had a large downstairs parlor where customers would pick out a girl. The parlors also contained a bar where you could buy watered-down drinks at premium prices. The bed rooms were all upstairs. I would estimate that none of the houses employed more than 8-10 girls. And when taking inflation into account, none of those girls made anywhere near what Hof’s whores are making.

The problem for the girls was that many of them, whether to pay for heroin ir to pay for rent on apartments and taking care of their kids, were borrowing money from the madams and owed more money than they earned. That made them virtual slaves to the madams.

If anyone in Galveston could have been described as King of Whores, it would have been Police Commissioner Walter Johnson.

Monday, October 19, 2015



A pastor in Detroit shot dead a man who came at him with a brick during Sunday’s church service

BarkGrowlBite | October 19. 2015

Fifteen minutes after Sunday’s afternoon service began at the City of God church in Detroit, the pastor took time out to shoot a 25-year-old man who walked into the church and threatened him with a brick.

The church is a small storefront place of worship that serves a black congregation and is located on Detroit’s west side.

Here is what Assistant Detroit Police Chief Steve Dolunt told reporters:

"The pastor had had issues with the man before," Dolunt said. "He had been threatening him to do bodily harm. He walked into the service and went after the pastor with a brick. The pastor pulled out his Glock and fired several shots. I think he hit him 4 or 5 times, and the man died."

The pistol packing preacher was taken into police custody and the gun was seized. It will be up to the prosecutor’s office to determine whether or not the shooting was justified.

You don’t suppose the preacher was diddling the brick wielder’s wife or girlfriend? Nah, a pastor would never do anything like that.


The Onion | October 15, 2015

KUNDUZ, AFGHANISTAN—Claiming that the recent extension of U.S. military presence in Afghanistan was only a minor setback, Taliban leader Mullah Akhtar Mansoor confirmed Thursday that the Islamic fundamentalists already know which Westernized schools will go first once American forces withdraw.

“We already have a shortlist of the most modern, progressive schools to be burned to the ground on day one, so we have to sit tight just a little longer,” said Mullah Mansoor, adding that the Taliban has for years been monitoring Afghan schools for Western texts, girls in the classroom, and any other blasphemous feature that suggests an educational approach outside the strictest form of fundamentalist Islam. “Obviously, all the Westernized schools are going to be shut down and destroyed eventually, but there are some obvious starting points.”

Mullah Mansoor went on to say that if he was lucky, an errant U.S. drone strike might even take care of one or two schools for him.

Sunday, October 18, 2015


The First Lady’s school lunch program was so popular that droves of students left school at lunchtime to eat elsewhere

BaekGrowlBite | October 18, 2015

Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch menu apparently tastes like dreck. At least that’s what students all over the country think. Where permitted, they have been leaving school in droves at lunchtime to eat elsewhere, with some school cafeterias left nearly empty.

To combat the cafeteria exodus, Montana’s Bozeman High School dropped the National School Lunch Program. Now students can eat good tasting high caloric and fat foods again. Since Michelle’s dreck tasting program has been dropped, 1,000 students have returned to the cafeteria to eat lunch there.

Ah, but dropping the First Lady’s lunch program has come at a price. It cost Bozeman High School nearly $120,000 in federal funding. But you know what … nobody in Bozeman seems to give a shit. Not when their kids are happy again ….. and getting fat.


So far this year, there have been 43 incidents in which toddlers have shot themselves or someone else

BarkGrowlBite | October 18, 2015

The Washington Post has gathered data showing that children under four have been shooting someone once a week so far this year. There have been 43 shooting cases. In 31 of those cases, the toddlers shot themselves, with13 dying from their wounds. 12 of the young marksmen shot someone else, leaving two victims dead.

Last February in an Albuquerque motel room, a 3-year-old boy wounded both his mother and father with a single shot. The little shit pulled a gun out of her purse and shot his father Justin Reynolds in the ass and his eight-months pregnant mother Monique Villescas in the arm.

I don’t know how many of those shootings were in Texas, but most of us have guns that are too heavy for the average toddler to pick up. Even our Texas womenfolk don’t cotton to them lady guns.

While 39 of the shootings were committed by boys, only four of them were committed by girls. That just goes to show it’s still a man’s world. Perhaps feminists should demand that more girls under four be allowed to shoot someone.

With 31 out of 43 shooting themselves, those toddlers are in need of some serious firearms training. So if parents are going to leave their guns where toddlers can get their grimy little hands on them, the least they can do is to teach their tiny rugrats how not to shoot themselves.

Make no mistake about it, the Washington Post report is nothing more than a part of the liberal gun control campaign. This post, with its sarcastic tombstone humor, is definitely not politically correct.

Saturday, October 17, 2015


Lamar Odom spent $37,500 each on two whores and $3,000 on one that was a Kardashian-lookalike

BarkGrowlBite | October 17, 2015

Lamar Odom sure knows how to live the good life. Dennis Hof, owner of the Love Ranch South, released an itemized statement of Odom’s expenditures during his four-day stay at his whorehouse.

Here are Lamar’s whorehouse expenditures:

Ryder Cherry $37,500

Monica Monroe $37,500

Simone Sinclair $3,000

Bar tab $1,036

Limo from Las Vegas to the Love Ranch $100

That’s a whopping $79,136 Odom spent on three whores, bar drinks and limo service. Ryder and Monica must have been some really hot looking babes. Those working ladies came with a plush bedroom suite. Poor Simone, she was worth only $3,000, but then she was a Kardashian lookalike.

Ah, but all good things must come to an end. Lamar was seen doing cocaine. He was also popping 8 to 10 herbal Viagras at a time to get his big dick upright. That must have been when he couldn’t get it up with the Kardashian lookalike Simone. When he finally got his dick to stand erect, it must have done so for more than four hours, and he did not call his doctor. Anyway, the 6”-10” giant crapped out Tuesday and did not come out of a coma until Friday.

Ex-wife Khloe Kardashian (their divorce has not been finalized yet) is reportedly ecstatic that Lamar regained consciousness. Or is she really? Lamar has not made out a will and if he had croaked, under California law, Khloe would have received one-third of his net worth, which is believed to be around $56 million, less $$79,136.

Friday, October 16, 2015


Longing to touch its pearly coat, the president is said to have stumbled over dozens of tree roots and stooped under countless low-hanging boughs in pursuit of the magnificent horse

The Onion | October 15, 2015

WASHINGTON—After waking to a faint rustle of hooves upon fallen leaves and peering out his window to glimpse a silvery mane in the distant mist, President Barack Obama reportedly followed a white stallion through the White House Rose Garden in the early moonlit hours of Thursday morning.

The commander-in-chief, who had dozed off at his desk while working late to prepare for summit talks with South Korean president Park Geun-hye, was said to be transfixed by the noble creature’s elegant bearing. Wandering out the Oval Office’s east door toward where it stood grazing in the dew-covered grass, he found himself frozen in place as the wild horse lifted its head and briefly returned his gaze.

“Oh my,” whispered a breathless Obama, who stepped forward into the night just in time to see the flash of a brilliant white tail disappearing into the swirling fog. “Wait—come back!”

According to reports, the 44th president of the United States gazed longingly into the distance before heading off in pursuit of the stallion, stumbling barefoot through a maze of magnolia trees and into an overgrown oak grove, guided only by the full moon and an occasional ghostly whinnying up ahead. Every time he caught sight of the pale figure, it would reportedly disappear further into the shadow-drenched recesses of the garden, eventually cantering off through a thicket of brambles and onto the South Lawn.

Reports indicate that Obama had completely lost track of just where on the White House grounds he was or how long he had been following the animal when he pulled back a thick curtain of vines to find the stallion standing in a small clearing, drinking from a spring.

“What is this place?” he asked in a low voice as he took in the lush, unfamiliar greenery that surrounded him, the horse having led him far deeper into the Rose Garden than he had ever ventured before. “Why did you bring me here?”

“My goodness, you really are beautiful,” the nation’s president added as the fog that had enveloped his journey began to clear.

Taking in the entirety of the creature for the first time, Obama is said to have slowly approached the animal and paused to appreciate its gentle strength and impressive size, completely mesmerized by the horse’s grace and poise. The president then slowly lifted his hand to stroke the stallion’s shimmering mane, running his fingers through its silky strands.

“Shhh,” said Obama, who was reportedly taken aback by the animal’s eyes, dark orbs that seemed to look directly into the president’s soul. “It’s almost as if I know you from somewhere.”

“Perhaps I saw you in a dream—could it be I’m dreaming now?” he continued, staring into the creature’s calm, gleaming eyes. “But you feel so real!”

At that moment, sources said, the stallion simply turned and trotted back toward the woods, leaving the president alone with his thoughts as the first lights of dawn appeared in the sky.

Its full majestic form silhouetted by the setting moon as it reared back onto its hind legs, reports confirmed that the horse let out a whinny of farewell, mere seconds before it was shot down in a hail of gunfire by Secret Service snipers.

Thursday, October 15, 2015


Lamar Odom, former LA Lakers star and ex-husband of Khloé Kardashian, partied for four days in a Nevada whorehouse before overdosing on herbal Viagra

BarkGrowlBite | October 15, 2015

Lamar Odom knows how to party. Well not exactly. Odom, 35, partied for four days at the Love Ranch South, a whorehouse in Pahrump, Nevada, during which time he reportedly blew $75,000. While there he was seen popping 8 to 10 herbal Viagras at a time. A couple of the establishment’s working girls found him unconscious and unresponsive Tuesday. He was rushed to Desert View Hospital in Pahrump. Odom was then taken 80 miles by ambulance to Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas because his 6’-10” frame was too big for a medivac helicopter.

The former LA Lakers and LA Clippers star, and ex-husband of Khloe Kardashian, remains in a coma on a ventilator. The prognosis is not good. Odom reportedly suffered some brain damage and his organs are failing. Doctors also found cocaine and opiates in his system.

Khloe and several of the other trashy Kardashians rushed to Odom’s bedside. So did Lakers super star Kobe Bryant.

Odom has a history of drug abuse and that is why Khloe reportedly dumped him after four years of marriage.

As for the brain damage, Odom must have already been suffering therefrom when he fell into the trash heap that is the Kardashian-Jenner clan.

Being 6’-10” tall means Odom probably has an enormous dick. It would probably take a much higher than usual dose of Viagra to erect his appendage.

Hmmm, I wonder if when he finally got it up, he had an erection lasting more than four hours, and he didn’t call his doctor.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015


New York’s police chief caught a college student smoking pot on Wall Street, discarded her joint, but let her off with a lecture

BarkGrowlBite | October 14, 2015

New York Police Commissioner Bill Bratton was taking a stroll down Wall Street with his security detail Thursday morning when he got a whiff of some funny tobacco. Then he spotted a young woman of college age puffing away on a joint. Together with one of his officers, Bratton stopped the woman and politely removed the marijuana cigarette from her lips. Then he tossed the joint down a sewer. Although he could have arrested the woman, he let her off with a lecture.

Bratton said he let the woman off because he wanted to set an example for the officers of the NYPD.

NYPD has a policy of not arresting people who are caught with 25 grams or less of marijuana, but that policy does not apply to people caught smoking pot in public.

Here is how Bratton described the encounter during a New York Law School breakfast on Friday:

“Directly in front of us is this young woman, happily puffing away, on her way – with her earphones in and [with] her school bag — to one of the local schools. All of a sudden, there it is, that smell,” he said. I thought, “What the hell —8:30 on Wall Street? So my security officer came up on one side, I came up on the other and tapped her on the shoulder. I wish I had a photograph of that face. She instantly recognized me.”

Bratton then told the breakfast group that he suggested to the young lady that she might do better in school if she were not under the influence of pot.

Bratton also told the law students what he expected of his cops:

“If you’re smoking it in public we will potentially arrest you, but we encourage officers to use the scale they are authorized to use — warning, admonitions, summons, arrest if necessary.”

I can see several things wrong with this picture. First of all, New York City is not (yet) San Francisco where you can smoke pot in public and copulate in public parks with little fear of getting busted by the cops. As for the lecture, does anyone really believe that this pothead will actually follow Bratton’s suggestion? I’ll bet the commissioner himself doesn’t even believe she'll do that.

Bratton’s example sure as hell won’t deter any potheads from using marijuana, whereas an arrest and the resulting publicity might have served as a valuable lesson on the consequences of flaunting the law. And some of those young marijuana users who are not deterred because of Bratton’s lousy example will eventually come to the attention of his cops for using more potent mind-altering substances like meth, coke and heroin.

Then there is the example Bratton set for his cops. I think it was a piss poor example if there ever was one! This woman brazenly walked down the street smoking a joint for everyone to see, including children. Bratton should have thrown her pothead ass in jail for all bystanders to see what will happen if they smoke a joint in public. And that would have set a good example for his cops.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


Jacob Wessel learned to his dismay that he broke into the wrong Indianapolis house Thursday night

BarkGrowlBite | October 13, 2015

43-year-old, 5-foot-6 Karen Dolley woke up in her Indianapolis home around midnight Thursday when she heard the sound of someone in her living room. Karen hopped out of bed, switched on the lights, and came face to face with 30-year-old Jacob Wessel who had forced his way into her house through the back door..

Karen immediately went into attack mode. She punched him about 10 times before poor old Jake knew what hit him. They ended up in her bedroom. She reached for her gun in a nearby drawer, but in the heat of battle, she opened the wrong drawer. Oh shit, no gun! Not to worry. Karen quickly grabbed the ninjato, a Japanese sword, which she always kept by her bed. She dialed 9-1-1 and held the thunderstruck Jake at bay until the cops showed up.

The cops hauled Jake’s thankful ass off to the slammer and charged him with residential entry, a Level 6 felony.

Karen told the Indy Star: “I didn’t think I was getting good blows in but my knuckles are bruised today. Hitting someone like that, it isn’t like the movies. You’re expecting it to be louder and see people jerk around, but that’s not how it happens in real life.”

It turns out Karen had some experience in medieval combat fighting. As an 18-year-old, much to the regret of Jake, she was a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a group which re-creates arts and skills from Europe prior to the 17th Century. Her medieval combat training stood her in good Thursday night.

I suspect that Jake is happy to be safely locked up and may be contemplating a new line of work.


By Jeff Balke

Houston Press
October 12, 2015

At times, driving in Houston is taking your life in your hands. This is particularly true if you are one of those rare birds who follows every driving law regardless of what others around you are doing. And this doesn't mean sensible things like speed limits (most of the time), staying in your lane, texting while driving and just plain recklessness. People often ignore these laws too, even though most of us realize those laws make actual sense.

Then there are the laws that seem almost antiquated simply because very few people pay attention to them, and sometimes even protest if you abide by them.

Less Than Obvious School Zones

School zones are really, really important. And this is not to advocate against them in the slightest. However, it might be time to require they be upgraded. Maybe a giant sign or police and crossing guards at all of them. Get out the little orange cones or, at the very least, make sure they all have flashing lights. Frankly, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if they put a giant scary clown in the middle of the road demanding you stop. Of course, the kids would be scarred for life. But they wouldn't be dead.

No Right on Red

People, without a doubt, see these signs. It is assumed they chuckle to themselves before turning right on red anyway. Truthfully, it is hard to tell exactly why and where these signs exist. At times, they appear almost arbitrary. As a result, no one takes them seriously and they go largely ignored.

Signal When Changing Lanes

The only time anyone does this is when they are trying to squeeze into traffic and provide some passive aggressive proof of what they are doing to other drivers. It is also the universal sign for, "If you don't let me in, I am free to flip you off when you pass by." Turn signals are great when used properly, but when was the last time you saw someone driving at a normal rate of speed down a relatively quiet street signal before moving over to the adjacent lane? Here's when: never.

Left Lane, Fast Lane

Perhaps the bane of every fast driver's existence is the slow driver in the left lane. In Europe, they flash their lights and honk their horns at you if you don't move. We are apparently too polite, so we pass on the right side, which is apparently also illegal in many situations. When the freeway often feels like that scene Matrix: Revolutions and all you want is Neo to fly out of the sky and rescue you from an exploding semi trailer, the lane becomes inconsequential. At that point, it is survival of the fittest.


Not only does no one even understand the concept of yielding, the word sounds like something you'd hear a dude in a fake British accent say to you outside the jousting arena at the Renaissance Festival. The very idea of pausing politely is counter intuitive to most drivers anyway, particularly when driving along a freeway access road. The next time you see someone slow down on the feeder to allow traffic to exit the freeway safely, you let us know. We guess most people see that upside down triangle and think it is either an ad for a really lame superhero movie or the symbol of the illuminati.

EDITOR’S NOTE: What Jeff forgot to mention was that if in Houston you give these traffic violators a dirty look or honk at them, you’re liable to get shot.

I might also mention that on many occasions I have observed school bus drivers ignoring the school zone speed limits. And when I called the school district to notify them of this, together with the bus ID numbers, I always got a ho hum reaction.

Sunday, October 11, 2015


After the skipper announced it would be another week before they would return to their base in Miami, 17 Coast Guard cutter crew members were seriously injured scrambling to help these Cubans aboard their vessel.

Friday, October 9, 2015


With every bribe, with every illegal act, we all become accomplices

By Luis Elizalde

Mexico News Daily
August 28, 2015

I helped El Chapo escape. And you, who is reading this, and you, and you. Yes, this is going to be a radical post, but what do you want? That’s me.

The first time I helped El Chapo was, perhaps, in February 1986 when I finally got my first fake ID and used it to get into the News, a popular disco in El Pedregal, and get blissfully drunk.

The second time was in ’87 when I got my “no-test” driver’s license by paying 300 pesos more, for which, obviously, I received no receipt.

The third was the first time I ran a light and fell back on the proverbial “How can we fix this, officer?” The fourth, when Messrs. Johnnie and Walker helped me pass a remedial geography course with a gift for my dipsomaniac teacher.

And I could continue with countless episodes in which a bribe took place.

The last time I helped him was with his tunnel two weeks ago when a cop pulled me over because my car’s emissions test had expired. I preferred to resolve the matter in a pleasant and friendly manner with two Sor Juanas (200-peso notes), instead of paying the ticket, allowing my car to be towed away and dealing with all the fucking hassle.

You have helped, too, when you double-park “very quickly because you’re only just going close by,” or when you buy pirated movies, or when you bribe the alcohol inspectors because your restaurant’s license has expired and renewing it is a fuss, or you who voted for the PRI, or you who didn’t vote.

It’s a radical point of view, as I said, but I consider it as real as El Chapo’s escape.

My father-in-law used to say that “nobody can get through the three honests:”

You ask someone, “Are you honest?”

And they answer, “Yes.”

You ask again: “Honest, honest?”

And they answer again: “Yes, yes.”

You ask once again: ““Honest, honest, honest?”

And then the person being asked will always say, “Weeelll, I mean, define honest, because, you see . . . .”

And, yeah. Nobody can endure the three honests. It sounds like a joke, but it isn’t. We live in a country in which we are told from childhood that “if you don’t cheat, you don’t get ahead.”

That seems to be the motto. That’s how “the system” works. Alas, it is sometimes cheaper to bribe someone and get things done than become “misterthreehonests,” because in many cases if you want to resolve a bureaucratic procedure, you must bribe someone.

Is it Mexican genetics?

Not at all, and you simply have to cross from Tijuana to Chula Vista to find out. The Mexicans who run lights and leave litter in Baja California are the same as those in California who stop at stop signs, and for whom the idea of spitting chewing gum on the sidewalk never even crosses their minds.

Why? Because they know that if they do that in the United States they’re in deep shit.

And it’s not like our northern neighbors aren’t corrupt, it’s that their corruption doesn’t affect ordinary citizens so directly.

I lived for two years in Texas, and at first I felt like a hot shot and insulted everyone because of the oppressivedamngringos, they call it the land of the free but won’t let you do anything, etc.

I quickly realized that everything there works like clockwork. It’s im-pres-sive. As an example, if you run a light and get pulled over by a cop, don’t even think about asking “What’s up, officer, is there a way to fix this problem outside the court?” because you’ll probably end up in jail instead of court.

Tax collection there does have an impact on public health and schools, on colleges, roads, streetlights and many more services.

So no, we aren’t born like this nor is it ingrained in our DNA. We just know that here in our home, for better or worse, we can do whatever the hell we want, and we can solve anything with threats, influence, a little (or large) bribe, or just by playing the fool.

Because the institutions don’t work.

There’s too many people who don’t pay taxes. Can we blame them? Have you had something taken care of at the Seguro Social? You’ll bleed to death before someone even admits you.

Do your kids attend a public school? God-for-bid. Are the roads and streetlights in your cities terrific? Are you fucking kidding me?

No, no and no. The list could go on with thousands of no’s.

Even if you want to be well-behaved and do stuff without cheating, you’ll realize sooner rather than later that “the system” works better if you take the easier road. As in: the illegal one.

Sad. Very sad.

So if you are one of those who paid off your ex’s lawyer to get a better deal out of the divorce, or don’t pay taxes, or got an innocent joint from someone at the office to have a good time, or benefited from your government’s contractors and built yourself an eight-million-dollar mansion with public funds, you too helped El Chapo build that tunnel.

A tunnel that we know nobody used to escape. We all know that El Chapo left by walking out through the front door, whistling Raphael’s “today is a special day for me, cause I’ll go out at night.”

He managed to do this while unloading cartloads of cash left and right. And nobody was surprised he escaped. It was logical. It’s Mexico.

A Mexico built by you and me.

This, of course, doesn’t make me proud. This is simply a very brief chronicle of this sick country in which we live.

Luis Elizalde is executive vice-president and chief creative officer at the communications and advertising agency, Saatchi & Saatchi México.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015


Tennessee Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey calls on all Christians to carry handguns

BarkGrowlBite | October 6, 2015

When I posted ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’ on BarkGrowlBite, txlt44 responded by saying that Texans are already well armed and he ventured that 90 percent of Texas concealed carry license holders are Christians.

txlt44 made the following points:

Most of these folks already have the pistols. They just leave them at home. The gun market may rise a little, but Tennessee, like Texas, is already well armed.

I'd venture to say 90% of the concealed carry folks in Texas are Christians. In fact, in Texas you can keep a firearm in your vehicle and not even hold a concealed carry permit if you are not a convicted felon.

I'll wager that the majority of Christian homes contain multiple firearms. Let's not dismiss that bunch of Texas good old boys and girls who are hunters and who probably own several rifles, shotguns and pistols.

I did not believe that a majority of Texas Christians were armed. But then I looked at some stats. Texas has a population of about 27 million. There are almost 23 million guns owned in Texas. That proves txlt44 to be right and me wrong. However, while txlt44 believes that 90 percent of concealed carry license holders in Texas are Christians, I think the number is more like 99 percent.

Florida, with a population of 20 million, had nearly 1.4 million concealed carry permit holders as of March 2015, while Texas had 825,957 as of December 2014. I could not find the number of guns owned by Floridians, but since the number of concealed carry license holders does not account for the total number of guns owned in Florida, one would have to conclude that like Texans, most Floridians are armed. And the vast majority of those Florida gun owners are Christians.

Txlt44 was wrong though when he said Texas was well armed. Texas is not well armed – like Florida, Texas is armed to the teeth.

Don’t mess with Texas Christians or its soldiers will shoot you dead.

Sunday, October 4, 2015


Tennessee Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey calls on all Christians to carry handguns

BarkGrowlBite | October 4, 2015

The community college massacre in Oregon has led President Obama to call for stricter gun control, but the Lt. Governor of Tennessee took an entirely different approach. Because the shooter asked his victims if they were Christians, Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey called on all Christians to carry handguns.

Here is what Ramsey, a Republican, posted on Facebook:

As I scroll through the news this morning I am saddened to read the details of the horrible tragedy in Oregon. My heart goes out to the citizens of Roseburg — especially the families and loved ones of those murdered.

The recent spike in mass shootings across the nation is truly troubling. Whether the perpetrators are motivated by aggressive secularism, jihadist extremism or racial supremacy, their targets remain the same: Christians and defenders of the West.

While this is not the time for widespread panic, it is a time to prepare. I would encourage my fellow Christians who are serious about their faith to think about getting a handgun carry permit. I have always believed that it is better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Our enemies are armed. We must do likewise.

State Rep. John Ray Clemmons accused Ramsey of choosing “the road most traveled by the radical right” and said the Lt. Governor’s remarks “reek of fear-mongering and religious crusading.” Clemmons, a Democrat from Nashville, recently introduced legislation to ban guns from concerts.

So what’s it going to be – onward Christian soldiers or more gun control? If all Christians plan to answer Ramsey’s call to carry handguns, the firearms manufacturers will be hard pressed to meet the demand for guns, the prices for which will skyrocket.

Saturday, October 3, 2015


The Onion | October 3, 2015

WASHINGTON—Researchers at the Urban Institute published a study Friday confirming that a sharp increase in gun sales nationwide would be the most concrete result of the impassioned pro-gun-control speech that President Obama delivered following yesterday’s mass shooting in Oregon.

“According to our analysis, by far the most tangible impact of the president emotionally urging the nation to consider how their votes can prevent mass shootings like this will be a 17 percent spike in revenue for firearm vendors across the U.S.,” said report co-author Kyle Bieler, who found a direct link between the estimated $58 million uptick in gun sales over the next month and Obama’s use of the phrases “common-sense legislation,” “only advanced country,” and “not enough.”

“The portion of the president’s remarks in which he asked for support from state legislatures and governors will, based on our projections, nearly double the number of sidearm purchases this year. Beyond that, the only other material change that is likely to result from Obama calling on elected officials and everyday citizens to work together to reduce gun violence will be the purchase of roughly 100 million rounds of ammunition.”

Bieler noted that the president’s support for responsible gun ownership will likely have no impact on sales, as Americans would have likely already walked out of their front door, started their car, and driven to their nearest gun store long before that point in the speech.


Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.

"Mr Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The old man tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all the pricks" - and he calmly returned to his seat.

Friday, October 2, 2015


In an August social media post, Chris Harper-Mercer wrote about how much he admired shooters who were unknown loners, but became ‘known by everyone’

BarkGrowlBite | October 2, 2015

Everyone is wondering what Chris Harper-Mercer’s motive was for his shooting spree on the Umpaqua Community College campus in Roseburg, Oregon. Well here’s a good clue:

“On an interesting note, I have noticed that so many people like him [Vester Flanagan who killed a newscaster and her cameraman] are all alone and unknown, yet when they spill a little blood, the whole world knows who they are. A man who was known by no one, is now known by everyone. His face splashed across every screen, his name across the lips of every person on the planet, all in the course of one day. Seems the more people you kill, the more you're in the limelight.”

That’s what the nutjob posted on social media last August. Apparently, like other unknown loners, he wanted to be in the public limelight and be known by everyone. Harper-Mercer got his wish and is now known throughout the world, albeit posthumously.


Kevin McCarthy, John Boehner’s apparent heir as Speaker of the House, brags about setting up the Select Committee on Benghazi in order to damage Hillary Clinton

BarkGrowlBite | October 2, 2015

“Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she’s untrustable. But no one would’ve known any of that had happened had we not fought and made that happen.”

Thus bragged Kevin McCarthy on Tuesday night during an appearance on Fox News with Sean Hannity. In one fell swoop McCarthy managed to destroy the credibility of the Benghazi committee while handing Hillary the perfect means with which to jackhammer her critics.

McCarthy, R-Kookfornia, is the current House Majority Leader and is expected to succeed John Boehner as Speaker of the House, that is before he pulled this boner. If he represents the leadership of the Republicans, the GOP is in serious trouble.

McCarthy’s bragging confirmed what many voters suspected and what Hillary and Bill have claimed – that the Benghazi hearings and the attendant uproar over her cellphone were much to do about nothing and their only purpose is to damage Hillary’s presidential ambitions.

Stupid Republican leader is as stupid Republican leader does. McCarthy just elected Hillary as our next president.

Thursday, October 1, 2015


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'