Tuesday, June 30, 2015

MURPHY’S LAW WORKED OVERTIME

About to give birth, a woman takes a back road, gets lost, runs out of gas, gives birth, is attacked by bees and after being stranded for three days, is rescued when she set mountain on fire

By Gamaliel Ortiz

KCRA.com
June 29, 2015

OROVILLE, Calif. —An Oroville woman going into labor decided to take the back roads to her parents' home for help, but soon found herself in more trouble than expected.

It began with her gas and cell service running out in the Plumas County National Forest.

"I was told about this back road and people had showed it to me a few times, but I had never driven it by myself," Amber Pangborn told an NBC affiliate in Oroville.

As she traveled down French Creek Road -- not long before running out of gas and cell service -- Pangborn gave birth to her daughter, Marissa. She did it alone on Thursday.

Pangborn, 35, was stranded for the next three days. In that time, she encountered a swarm of bees and mosquitoes.

"I was trying to get them not to sting her, but I got stung," Pangborn said.

She survived only off a few apples and modest amounts of water.

On Saturday, three days into her ordeal, she decided to start a signal fire, hoping to attract some attention -- but that didn't go as planned.

"I think mommy just started a forest fire," Pangborn recalled telling her daughter shortly after starting the fire.

Within hours, the fire was tracked by a U.S. Forest Service worker, and Pangborn and her daughter were found safe.

"I was just crying, and I was just so happy," Pangborn, said. "I thought we were going to die."

They were admitted to Oroville Hospital, and the baby was taken to UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento on Sunday for further evaluation.

The two are expected to be reunited soon.

Monday, June 29, 2015

CONVIICT LIVES MATTER

Prison inmates start protest movement in wake of David Sweat shooting with white, black and Hispanic inmates united

By Ima Schmuck

The shooting of unarmed New York prison escapee David Sweat by a state trooper has riled up prison inmates across the U.S. White, black and Hispanic prison inmates have set aside their fierce rivalry to unite and form a ‘Convict Lives Matter’ protest movement.

Terry “Big Terry” Blake, a general in the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas (ABT) prison gang, was incensed over the Sweat shooting. Big Terry, who is in custody on federal racketeering charges, told reporters that correctional officers and cops are always shooting unarmed prison inmates who are only trying to get out of the “hell holes” they’ve been confined in.

“If them niggers can protest and riot when cops shoot one of them spooks,” Big Terry said, “then us convicts ought to be able to protest and riot too when one of our unarmed brothers gets shot by the bulls or the cops. I hate to join up with them niggers and wetbacks, but when it comes to us cons getting shot, we all gotta stick together.”

Donna Lieberman , executive director of the New York Civil Liberties Union, said the ACLU is supporting the rights of convicts to demonstrate, but she stopped short of supporting their right to riot. “We always support the right of any group to demonstrate peacefully,” she said, emphasizing the word ‘peacefully.’

Lieberman is also concerned that an unarmed Sweat was shot in the back by a New York state trooper while running away. She compared the Sweat shooting to that of 50-year-old Walter Scott, an unarmed black man who was shot in the back last April by Michael Slager, a North Charleston, South Carolina cop. As a result, Slager has been indicted for murder.

Prison officials are bracing for the possibility of rioting and are considering lockdowns in those prisons where the “Convict Lives Matter’ movement appears to gaining some traction.

Marshall L. Fisher, Commissioner of the Mississippi Department of Corrections, said “We ain’t about to let a bunch of criminals demonstrate for any reason or cause, Our correctional officers have been instructed to deal harshly with the leaders of the ‘Convict Lives Matter’ movement in our state prison system.”

Burl Cain, warden of Louisiana’s Angola state penitentiary, said he was not worried about any demonstrations at his prison. “Here at Angola,” he said, “our inmates are well behaved because they know how we deal with troublemakers. I ain’t worried about no ‘Convict Lives Matter’ demonstrations. They ain’t about to happen here at Angola.”

As for the Sweat shooting, Amnesty International general secretary Salil Shetty summed it up in his London office by saying, “The shooting of Mr. Sweat is just one more example of cowboy cops in America.”

Sunday, June 28, 2015

DIVORCE LAWYERS LEAPING UP AND DOWN WITH JOY

Supreme Court ruling has lawyers salivating over an expected divorce bonanza

BarkGrowlBite | June 28, 2015

So you think that homosexuals were overjoyed at the Supreme Court’s ruling on Gay marriage. Of course they were overjoyed, but divorce lawyers were even more ecstatic.

Divorce lawyer are leaping – rather than jumping – up and down with joy over the ruling by the Supreme Court that made Gay marriages legal across the land.

Nationwide the divorce rate among heterosexual couples still hovers around 50 percent. There is no reason to think that the divorce rate among Gays will be any less.

Lawyers are salivating over an expected divorce bonanza. Since many homosexuals are successful professionals and business owners, their divorce proceedings are likely to be protracted and thus very costly. Their lawyers will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

STOP CUTTING DOWN TREES!

*Look what happens when we cut down too many trees.*

*Global warming is one thing, but see below and look at what is happening if we continue to clear our wooded lands!*

*We have to stop cutting down trees!*

*This is getting really serious!*



SUPREME COURT RULES IN FAVOR OF MOST BUCK-WILD PRIDE PARADE NATION’S EVER SEEN

5-4 ruling upholds raunchy gay pride parades

The Onion | June 26, 2015

WASHINGTON—Following decades of debate over the constitutional right to same-sex marriage, the U.S. Supreme Court today handed down a 5-4 ruling in favor of the most buck-wild, balls-to-the-wall gay pride parade this country has ever seen.

“After reviewing the constitutional underpinnings of this case, the court finds that it is discriminatory for states to deny the right to the most out-of-control, bonkers gay pride parade that anyone could possibly imagine,” Justice Anthony M. Kennedy wrote in his majority opinion, which outlined at length the elaborate floats, billowing rainbow flags, and phalanxes of outlandishly dressed participants, barely scratching the surface of how completely bananas things are about to get. “This decision confirms what should be obvious: The government cannot prevent a nonstop bacchanal surging through the streets of every American city. We’re talking half-naked lesbians covered in body paint, rollerblading homosexuals in brightly colored Native American headdresses and sparkling gold briefs, as well as hundreds of thousands of supporters losing their fucking minds while ‘I Will Survive’ blares at 150 decibels. This is going to be an absolute shit show.”

The Supreme Court’s landmark decision was reportedly appended by a concurring opinion authored by Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor in which she agreed that the right to “an uninterrupted three-day batshit insane rager” was mandated by the U.S. Constitution.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

MEDICAL MARIJUANA MYTHS DEBUNKED

A Bristol University study conducted with 6,500 volunteers showed that cannabis does not ease pain, nausea and vomiting in chemotherapy patients, MS muscle contractions, sleep disorders or Tourette’s symptoms

BarkGrowlBite | June 24, 2015

Along comes yet another study by a reputable scientific team which debunks the medical marijuana myths. A study by Dr. Penny Whiting and her team at England’s University of Bristol found that cannabis does not ease pain, nausea and vomiting in chemotherapy patients, MS muscle contractions, sleep disorders or Tourette’s symptoms.

The proponents of pot claim that marijuana is a medical miracle. They are either ignorant of the true facts or deliberately lying.

In the Bristol University study, Dr. Whiting’s team used 6,500 volunteers and conducted 79 random trials. That seems to meet the standard of scientific inquiry.

The Whiting Study found weak evidence that cannabis eases pain and even weaker evidence that it provides relief for chemotherapy, MS and Tourette patients.

The study further indicates that marijuana contributes to psychosis and does little to ease anxiety.

The researchers also debunked studies which purported to show the beneficial aspects of medical marijuana by pointing out that they did not reach statistical significance.

Twenty three states have legalized the use of pot for medical purposes. The medical marijuana industry has enriched the growers, distributors and dealers of pot and the doctors who prescribe it.

California’s medical marijuana law is a farce and has become a de facto legalization of pot for recreational use. Pot heads can go to almost any doctor licensed to dispense marijuana and get a pot prescription for any number of imaginable faked symptoms. At the end of the day, the doctor can go laughing all the way to the bank.

The Whiting study comes on the heels of a study showing that medical marijuana does not provide any relief to glaucoma patients. The American Glaucoma Society has written: "There is no scientific basis for marijuana's use in treatment," and there is evidence that it could actually do damage.

The American Epilepsy Society says: "Marijuana itself has major shortcomings as an epilepsy treatment ... evidence for efficacy in treating seizures does not meet the necessary standard to recommend it to patients." Worse, researchers state that "marijuana use or withdrawal could potentially trigger seizures in susceptible [epilepsy] patients."

Drs. Deepak Cyril and Mohini Ranganathan of Yale University caution against the rush to legalize medical marijuana and suggest that “perhaps it is time to place the horse back in front of the cart.”

So, smoking pot ain’t the cure-all claimed by its advocates. Medical marijuana is a fraud that has been perpetrated on the pubic and on the legislators in the 23 states that have legalized it.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

FIRST THEY SHOOT UNARMED BLACKS …

… now, on the way to jail, they stop and treat a racist killer to a Burger King meal

BarkGrowlBite | June 23, 2015

Do you want more proof that cops are racists? Well here it is. After Dylan Roof shot nine African-Americans to death at the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina, he fled to North Carolina where he was arrested in Shelby, some 200 miles from the scene of the shootings.

And what dastardly deed did the Shelby cops do to prove they are racists? Shelby Police Chief Jeff Ledford revealed that when they arrested Roof, he told the cops he was hungry. Instead of taking him directly to jail, they stopped off at a Burger King and treated the white racist killer to a burger, fries and soda.

Had Roof been black and killed nine white churchgoers, the Shelby cops, or any other white cops, would have shot the black man dead, preferably in the back, of course.

People are now outraged that the Shelby cops had the audacity to take Roof for a treat at a Burger King.

First the cops shoot unarmed blacks in the back and now they treat a white racist killer to a Burger King meal. What more proof do you need that cops are racists?

KEEPING THE KID OCCUPIED FOR THAT AFTERNOON QUICKIE

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out onto the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

He began his commentary as his parents got naked and jumped into bed:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having sex!"


Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Saturday, June 20, 2015

TEXAS IS THE ‘PRISON RAPE CAPITAL OF THE U.S.’

Nationwide, prison staff are the accused perpetrators in half of all reports of sexual abuse in prisons and jails

BarkGrowlBite | June 29, 2015

From “Preying on Texas Prisoners: When Guards Demand Sex” by Alysia Santo, The Marshall Project, June 17, 2015:

In Texas, sexual contact between staff and inmates is a state jail felony, punishable by up to two years in prison, but it is rare for prison staff there to be imprisoned for sexually abusing the people in their charge. Since 2000, the state prison system’s inspector general has referred nearly 400 cases of staff sex crimes against inmates to prosecutors. An analysis by The Marshall Project found that prosecutors refused to pursue almost half of those cases. Of 126 prison workers, mostly correctional officers, convicted of sexual misconduct or assault, just nine were sentenced to serve time in state jail. The majority of the rest received fines ranging from $200 to $4,000 and a few years on a type of probation called deferred adjudication, which results in a clean criminal record if conditions are met.

Texas leads the nation in prison sex abuse. In federal surveys of inmates, Texas has had more facilities deemed “high rate” for sexual abuse than any other state, leading the Dallas Observer to declare Texas the “prison rape capital of the U.S.”

Nationwide, prison staff are the accused perpetrators in half of all reports of sexual abuse in prisons and jails, according to the latest justice department survey, which broadly defines any sexual contact, from unwanted touching to romantic relationships to rape, as “staff sexual misconduct.” Most of these allegations are not substantiated by prison investigators. But even when there is enough evidence to prove a staff member had sexual contact with an inmate, criminal sanctions are rare. Fewer than half are referred for prosecution.

Accountability dwindles further from there. Proving sex abuse in prisons is difficult. An inmate’s word may hold little credibility, and prosecutors often refuse to prosecute. The most common punishment for corrections staffers caught sexually abusing inmates is the loss of their jobs.
__________

Texas, the capital of capital punishment - Texas proud! The prison rape capital – not so proud!

THERE IS NOTHING POLITICALLY CORRECT IN A GUNFIGHT

Polk County, Florida Sheriff Grady Judd says that if you point a gun at us, we are going to shoot you

BarkGrowlBite | June 20, 2015

Last January, Polk County Florida deputies engaged four armed robbers in a gunfight. The foursome had held up a pawn shop and viciously killed a mother and her daughter. Unfortunately, the robbers were taken alive. Afterwards, Sheriff Grady Judd made a remark that his officers were prepared for a gunfight with the murderous robbers. The Sheriff’s remarks apparently set off some alarm bells in the liberal mindset of a reporter.

Here, during a press conference, is the exchange between Sheriff Judd and that reporter:

REPORTER: “I think everybody understands the gravity of what happened and the urgency and the response that you took. Some of the comments you made last night about shooting the suspects, possibly, and the comments today about ‘ready for a gunfight’ — was that in the heat of the moment? Do you have any regret about that?”

SHERIFF JUDD: “I not only have no regret, I’m pretty excited about telling you that — that’s exactly what would’ve happened. Make no mistake about it, there’s nothing about politically correct in a gunfight. There’s nothing about politically correct when you are keeping people alive and well and safe. And the people of this community and these law enforcement officers come first.”

“I meant every word of it then, and I mean every word of it now. If you surrender peacefully, that’s the way we prefer it. You start pointing guns at us, you can not only plan on, but you can guarantee that we are going to shoot you.”

Friday, June 19, 2015

BRIAN WILLIANS AT THE FRONT LINES

The anchor of NBC Nightly News for 10 years has been dumped into MSNBC after telling a bunch of whoppers about himself while broadcasting the news

By Pamela Putz

Brian Williams was the anchor and managing editor of NBC Nightly News for 10 years until he got caught lying about being in a helicopter over Iran which nearly got shot down. He was suspended for six month and has been dumped into the uber left-wing MSNBC where he will join such luminaries as ultra-leftie Rachel Maddow and fellow phony Al Sharpton.

Here are some of the whoppers Williams told on the NBC Nightly News:

I witnessed the resurrection of Jesus.

I was no more than 10 feet from Julius caesar as the Roman senators stabbed him to death.

I accompanied Columbus on his voyage to the new world.

I was shot at during the Battle of Waterloo.

I accompanied Pickett during his charge at Gettysburg.

I helped write Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

I accompanied Gen. Robert E. Lee to Appomattox for the surrender to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant.

I nearly got shot when I accompanied Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders during the Battle of San Juan Hill.

I was in the trenches with the French during the Battle of Verdun.

I helped deliver the Dionne Quintuplets.

I landed at Omaha Brach with the 1st Infantry Division.

I was standing next to Joe Rosenthal when he took his famous picture of the flag raising on top of Iwo Jima’s Mt. Suribachi.

I was on the Enola Gay when it dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

I was on the U.S.S. Missouri when the Japanese surrendered to MacArthur.

I accompanied the US Eighth Army during its long retreat from the Yahoo River.

I was with the U.S. Marines during the Battle of Huế.

I got hit by a brick during the Rodney King riot.

I rode with the Hells Angels.

I escorted Monica Lewinsky to and from the White House so she could service President Clinton in the Oval Office.

I was with SEAL Team 6 when it got Osama bin Laden.

Etc., etc., etc.

Please feel free to add any other whoppers you heard Williams tell.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

WANT A PEN PAL?

Jennifer Hyatte, #394869, is a lonely and bored woman doing life in the Tennessee Prison For Women

By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA Corrections blog | June 17, 2015

Jennifer Hyatte wants a pen pal to help her pass the hours-days-years.

She had been a nurse in the prison system in Tennessee when she became involved with and eventually married her husband-prisoner in 2005.

She murdered Officer Wayne Morgan in August 2005 while he and another correctional officer were transporting her inmate-husband George Hyatte from a court date where he had just pleaded guilty to robbery. They managed to evade capture for one day.

She is now divorced and lonely.

Any bites?

CAN’T KEEP THIS TRUE HORSE LOVER FROM HORSING AROUND

Cirilo Castillo Jr. is arraigned yet again for having sex with a horse, or rather for attempting to, because when the mare said no, she meant no!

BarkGrowlBite | June 18, 2015

Back in January 2012, I posted “A True Horse Lover,” a story about Cirilo Castillo Jr. having been arrested for having sex with a horse. At the time it was reported that Cirilo of Alamo, Texas had sex with a number of horses on previous occasions. Well, apparently they can’t keep a true horse lover from horsing around.

Cirilo, 45, was at it again. He was busted for yet another horsing around incident which occurred February 17 when he was found injured in an Edinburg rancher’s barn. Evidently when a mare says no, she means no! The horse Cirilo chose to have sex with was not in the mood. She kicked the supreme shit out of our horse lover, breaking poor ole Cirilo’s leg.

Castillo was charged with criminal trespassing, a Class B misdemeanor punishable by up to 180 days in jail. He was arraigned June 3 before Hidalgo County Justice of the Peace Charlie Espinoza, who set his bond at $1,000.

I wonder which mares Cirilo favored - white, black or brown?

It’s a mystery to me how a man would want to have sex with a horse. Sheep yes, horses no. Pigs yes, horses no. Eureka, I’ve solved it. Cirilo Castillo Jr. and Bruce Jenner are much alike. Jenner thinks he’s a woman and Cirilo thinks he’s a horse. Both need to undergo some serious head shrinking.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

HEADS KEEP ROLLING IN SAUDIA ARABIA

Two beheadings on Monday bring the total executions by the Saudis so far this year to 100

BarkGrowlBite | June 16, 2015

According to the Saudi Press Agency, Ismael al-Tawm, a Syrian, was beheaded Monday in the northern region of Jawf for smuggling "a large amount of banned amphetamine pills into the kingdom."

Also on Monday, Rami al-Khaldi, a Saudi national, was beheaded in the western province of Taef for stabbing another Saudi to death.

The two beheadings bring the total Saudi executions so far this year to 100. According to AFP, in all of last year there were ‘only’ 87 beheadings in Saudi Arabia.

According to Amnesty International, the record year for executions in the Saudi kingdom was 1995 when a total of 192 heads were sent rolling.

It was just last month that Saudi Arabia advertised for eight new executioners to carry out public beheadings. Since no experience was required, I suspect all of those positions have been filled by now.

100 heads rolled so far this year? Texas, eat your heart out!

And California? With 750 condemned inmates roosting endlessly on its death row, California voters who favor the death penalty should elect King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud as their next governor.

YOU’VE GOT TO CUT OUT UNMARRIED SEX IF YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

“Not bad,” said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking, but when I bent over to look in the freezer, my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, pushed up my skirt, pulled my panties down to my knees and had sex with me right then and there."

"They don't like that in heaven," said God.

The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Costco either!"

Saturday, June 13, 2015

BARE TITTIES AND DICKS BLAMED FOR DEADLY MALAYSIAN EARTHQUAKE

An earthquake on Borneo island that killed 18 people is blamed on ten Western tourists for stripping naked on top of sacred Mount Kinabalu

BarkGrowlBite | June 13, 2015

Mount Kinabalu is a 13,435-foot high peak on the Malaysian part of Borneo island. The mountain is located in the state of Sabah and is considered sacred by the locals. It is also a popular tourist mountain climbing attraction.

On May 30, ten Western tourists stripped naked on the mountain’s summit and took pictures of each other, some of which popped up all over the internet. Four of the tourists, Eleanor Hawkins of Britain, 24, Dutchman Dylan Snel, 23, and Canadian brother and sister Lindsey, 23, and Danielle Petersen, 22, were busted by Malaysian authorities on obscenity charges. The two women had bared their breasts, but the men got completely naked. The cops are seeking the other six miscreants, but they are believed to have left the island.

On June 5, there was a 6.0-magnitude earthquake around the mountain. The quake killed 18 people, including seven schoolchildren from Singapore, along with two of their teachers and another adult who were on a field trip to the mountain.

Earthquakes are rare in that area of Borneo island. The locals blame the earthquake on the ten tourists for defiling the sacred mountain by stripping naked on its summit. They believe the nudity angered tribal spirits believed to dwell on the mountain. Even some government officials agree with the local tribes.

According to AFP:

Last Saturday, Sabah's deputy chief minister Joseph Pairin Kitingan and other officials also suggested a link to the quake.

"This is very offensive behaviour and showed disrespect to the sacred mountain... This will certainly bring misfortune," he had told reporters.


On Friday, the four appeared in a court and pled guilty. They were each sentenced to three days in jail, fined the Malaysian equivalent of $1,332, given credit for time already served, and ordered deported.

I don’t know whether it was the sight of the titties or the dicks which so angered the tribal spirit dwellers on Mount Kinabalu that they made the earth quake, but in either case they must have been some whoppers.

CLIMATE CHANGE IS FOR REAL

Life on earth is doomed despite what Rush Limbaugh says about global warming

BarkGrowlBite | June 13, 2015

There have been a lot of arguments about climate change and global warming. Scientists generally agree that we are experiencing a period of global warming which will melt the earth's ice caps. That will raise the sea levels and submerge coast lines worldwide. The left-wing blames it all on man-made emissions. The right-wing claims global warming is one gigantic left-wing hoax. Hardly a week goes by without Rush Limbaugh informing his ditto heads that there is absolutely no truth to global warming.

Here is the real truth as I see it. We are undergoing climate change, like it or not. Dr. Richard Krupp, a former California correctional administrator, points out that “The climate has been changing since before there were people to keep track of it.”

Climate change is cyclical. I do believe that to some extent man-made carbon emissions are contributing to the cycle we are now experiencing, but no amount of government mandated emission controls are going to stop the current period of global warming.

If you don’t believe that global warming is for real, I suggest you look at the before-and-current satellite photos of the Arctic ice shelf. It is disappearing right before our eyes.

Unfortunately the global warming issue has become a political football. In his State of the Union address to Congress, President Obama said, “The Pentagon says that climate change poses immediate risks to our national security.” Say what? Never mind ISIS, Russia and China because, according to Obama and the Pentagon, right now it’s global warming that poses the most serious threat to our national security.

The Pentagon Is going to have to find a way to fire a nuclear missile at the sun and hope that will reverse global warning. But then again that might bring about the Ice Age. Either way, life on earth is doomed.

Bob Walsh says, “I am unwilling to impoverish our country and destroy our lifestyle to appease some radical leftist asshole who wants me to feel guilty about having a decent car and air conditioning.”

I too am unwilling to impoverish our country and destroy our lifestyle, but not for the reason Bob gives. I’m unwilling to do so because man-made emissions only play a small part in the global warming cycle and all the emission controls we can come up with are not going to reverse global warming - they will only delay the inevitable disappearance of life on earth.

Monday, June 8, 2015

HORSE DUNG MAY REVERSE SOME NEUROLOGICAL DISORDERS

German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced that Herr Professor Hans Fleischer, Dean of Neurological Studies at Albert Ludwigs University, has discovered an amazing breakthrough in neurological disorders

By Adolf der Schweinehund

Krün, Germany – German Chancellor Angela Merkel, while hosting the G7 meeting at the Schloss Elmau hotel in Krün, announced Monday that a team led by Herr Professor Hans Fleischer at Albert Ludwigs University had made an amazing discovery that appears to reverse some neurological disorders.

According to Merkel, the discovery started quite by accident when an Alzheimer’s patient was on an outing from a nursing home two years ago.. The patient found a dried pile of horse dung and thinking it was tobacco, took it back to the nursing home. He obtained some cigarette paper and rolled up a dozen or so horse dung cigarettes. The nursing home workers thought it was funny and did not try to stop him from smoking the horse dung. A few days later they were amazed when his short-term memory appeared to return. Upon seeing that they contacted Professor Fleischer.

Professor Fleischer and his team of neurological scientists immediately ran a battery of tests on the Alzheimer’s patient. They decided to go to some horse pastures in Freiburg im Breisgau, Baden-Württemberg, where the university is located, to gather up all the dried horse dung they could find. The dung was rolled up into cigarettes. Permission was granted by the families of 20 Alzheimer’s patients and 10 epilepsy patients to begin a two-year study with their loved ones smoking horse dung.

Half the Alzheimer’s patients and half the epilepsy patients were given regular tobacco cigarettes to smoke. Each patient was given three cigarettes to smoke each day for approximately two years. The patients smoking regular cigarettes were observed getting worse, but those smoking horse dung showed marked improvement. The epilepsy patients had fewer seizures and the Alzheimer’s patients reverted to near-normalcy. Except for occasional bouts of diarrhea, those smoking horse dung showed no side effects.

Professor Fleischer believes fecalnabinol, the active ingredient in horse dung, is responsible for the neurological changes. He said his team of researchers will have to conduct further studies. Professor Fleischer also believes that fecalnabinol may very well reverse additional neurological disorders. His team is trying to find a way to extract the fecalnabinol from the dung so that it can be injected into patients or taken orally by tablet or capsule.

You could see that Chancellor Merkel was very proud in announcing Germany’s latest scientific discovery. She was congratulated by all the G7 participants, including President Obama.

The American president then praised Germany for its scientific and technological achievements and announced that he will order the Centers for Disease Control to gather up a ton of dried horse dung in order to carry on and further develop Herr Professor Fleischer’s work.

Vladimir Putin, who was kicked out of the G8 - hence the G7 - because of Russia’s military incursions into the Ukraine, was asked in Moscow what he thought of Merkel’s announcement. Putin replied, “Sounds like a bunch of horseshit to me.” When asked what he thought of Obama’s announcement, Putin said “More horseshit!"

CLASSY COUPLE

Instead of taking a private jet or flying first class, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt piled themselves and their six children into the coach section of a commercial flight to Paris

BarkGrowlBite | June 8, 2015

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt can easily pay for a private jet to take them wherever they choose to go. Or they can easily afford to fly first class. But on Saturday Angelina and Brad piled themselves and their six children into the coach section of an Air France plane on a flight from Los Angeles to Paris.

By choosing the economy section, I think Angelina and Brad were trying to show that they do not consider themselves better than ordinary people. Now that’s one classy couple!

Saturday, June 6, 2015

CASANOVA A CHILD MOLESTER

BarkGrowlBite | June 6, 2015

If you think I’ve been studying history and dug up a little known fact about Giacomo Casanova, the 18th Century famous Italian lover, you are wrong. I am referring to Salvador Casanova, 50, of Houston.

Salvador is known to his neighbors as ‘Candyman’ because he sold candy from his apartment. But that’s not the only thing he was doing there.

On Tuesday, a seven-year-old girl went to Casanova’s apartment to purchase some candy. Police say that instead of selling her candy, Salvador sexually assaulted the little girl.

Afterwards, the child ran home and told her mother what happened. Mom called the cops.

When the cops arrived, Casanova was no longer at his apartment. However, the police found him hiding behind a commercial trash dumpster at the apartment complex.

Salvador is roosting in the Harris County jail, charged wit aggravated sexual assault of a child under the age of 14. Bond is set at $30,000.

Now his neighbors worry that Casanova may have molested other children.

As for the famous Giacomo Casanova, for all we know, he might have been a child molester too.

JERK LAW CLERK NOW UNEMPLOYED

Middlesex County Superior Court law clerk, Leslie Anderson mourned the death of a deer while belittling the death of New Jersey state trooper Anthony Raspa

By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA Corrections blog
June 5, 2015

New Jersey State Trooper Anthony Raspa died on the job on May 30, killed after his patrol vehicle hit a deer and then veered into a tree.

A Middlesex County Superior Court law clerk, Leslie Anderson, posted the following on face book about the incident:

“…that it is sad and heart wrenching for the family members left to suffer the consequences of the Trooper’s recklessness–especially for the deer family who lost a mommy or daddy or baby deer.” She further said that the trooper’s death was “…not that sad and certainly not tragic..” and “…there are people in this country and around the world dying for much less. There is nothing tragic about this. Get over yourself and your sense of entitlement, people.”

Ms. Anderson was suspended for two weeks with pay. She then resigned.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Leslie Anderson got her warped sense of mourning well before she entered law school. Anderson is one of many undergraduate students who have been unduly influenced by the Marxist and other far-left professors that have infested our colleges and universities.

Anderson’s two-week suspension with pay was no punishment. It was more like a two-week paid vacation.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

HE NOW SHE?

BarkGrowlBite | June 4, 2015

If you look at Jenner’s photo shots in Vanity Fair, what you see is a glamorous woman. I'm sure that without a ton of make-up and considerable air -brushing, those glamor shots would have shown an ugly ‘woman.’

I see Jenner chose the first name of Caitlyn. I thought Brucella was more appropriate. Aah well.

Bruce Jenner was married three times and had two children with each of his three wives. I don’t see where he had a gender identification problem until he got mixed up with the Kardashians.

I’ll believe Caitlyn is a woman when Jenner can get pregnant.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

DRESSING DOWN FOR A WINE AND WHIPPED CREAM DATE CAN BE DANGEROUS

By Bob Walsh

PACOVILLA Corrections blog | June 2, 2015

Dressing down on date night can be downright dangerous to your health. You could ask Samantha Shrestha about it but that would be hard as she is dead.

Jessica Michelle Ewing, 24, was just sentenced to 45 years for the 2014 murder of Ms. Shrestha, who was at the time 21 and a biology student at Virginia Tech. Ewing and Shrestha were having a sexual relationship with Ewing was serious about but it seems that Shrestha was not so much. Ewing invited Shrestha over for a wine and whipped cream date and Shrestha showed up in sweats and a t-shirt, angering Ewing who was wearing a dress.

Shrestha eventually borrowed a dress from Ewing and the two engaged in a friendly whipped cream fight after downing a bottle of vino. As the evening progressed however it was obvious that Shrestha was just an experimental lesbian, while Ewing was the real deal and wanted a solid relationship with Shrestha. So Ewing beat Shrestha, strangled her to death, stuffed her body in a sleeping bag, put her in the back seat of her Mercedes and abandoned the car and body.

The actual sentence is 80 years plus five years for transporting a body illegally, but 40 years will be suspended more-or-less automatically at the half-way point.

AMERICA’S SMARTEST PRESIDENT EVER

There were five passengers on an airplane about to crash. The problem was that there were only four parachutes.

Kim Kardashian, the first passenger, said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and most beautiful woman on TV, so Americans don’t want me to die.” She took a pack and jumped out of the plane.

Then the Rev. Al Sharpton stood up and said, “I am the leader of all the disadvantaged people of color and President Obama always calls on me for advice on matters of race.” He grabbed another pack and jumped out.

Barack Obama then said, I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest president ever in the history of our country. Some even refer to me as the ‘Anointed One.’” So he snatched the pack lying next to him and jumped out.

That left the Rev. Billy Graham and a 10-year-old schoolgirl on the doomed plane.

Billy Graham turned to the girl and said, “I am old and in poor health. You are young and have a long life ahead of you. I have served my God to the best of my ability. I will gladly sacrifice my life by letting you have the last parachute.”

The little girl then grinned and said, “That’s okay Mr. Graham, there’s another parachute left for you. America’s smartest president ever put on my school backpack.”

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

67 OUT OF 70

The results have been tabulated on a TSA airport screening test and the score is 95 percent

BarkGrowlBite | June 2, 2015

Now if you take a test of 70 questions and get 67 right, you made a score of 95 percent, which is damned good. On the other hand, if you take that test and get 67 answers wrong, you've failed miserably. And that is exactly what has happened with the TSA.

An inspector general's report reveals that undercover agents at airports throughout the country were able to get through TSA checkpoints undetected while carrying mock weapons and explosives 67 out of 70 times. That's a failure rate of 95 percent.

Past tests of the TSA airport screenings have also failed miserably. Billions of dollars have been spent on these screenings, the purpose of which is to protect us from terrorists.

Perhaps our tax dollars would work better if the TSA would adopt Israel's airport security measures. The Jewish state is under constant threat from Palestinian terrorists and their sympathizers, yet their screening system has prevented any hijackers or suicide bombers from boarding planes in Israel. Between 1968 and 1977, Palestinians attempted or carried out 29 plane hijackings, but all the boardings occurred at European or other airports outside Israel.

Monday, June 1, 2015

FIGHT OVER LAST BBQ’D RIB RACK LEAVES WOMAN WITH FORK IN EYE

When two women at a Muncie, Indiana barbeque got into a fight over the last rack of ribs, one stabbed the other one in the eye with a fork

BarkGrowlBite | June 1, 2015

The Associated Press reports that a Muncie, Indiana barbeque turned into a ruckus Sunday, May 24. It seems as though guest Sabrina Davis, 45, went into the kitchen and grabbed the last rack of ribs. That pissed off the host’s daughter. She and Sabrina got into a fight during which Sabrina stabbed her in the eye with a fork.

Sabrina told the cops that the victim accused her of "taking all the food" and came after her with a knife. She claimed she stabbed the victim in self-defense. Apparently the cops didn’t buy Sabrina’s story because she was arrested on a preliminary charge of criminal recklessness.

Here I’ve always thought us Texans took our barbequing more seriously than anyone else. And that piss-poor excuse of a Muncie BBQ wasn’t even cooked the way real barbeque is supposed to be cooked – slow cooked outdoors in a special BBQ pit with smoke from indirect heat.